Toya.
I wake up and Rei is throwing up again. This was supposed to be fun, but for some reason everyone is upset we're here. My sister has been particularly bitter towards Rei, I think maybe she's jealous.
I open the bathroom door and she turns around, every time she looks at me, she starts crying, she's not pushing me away like she did before, it's just, we can't have a conversation without her running into the bathroom mid-way.
I sit on the floor beside her and give her a hug. I look into the toilet, she's barely got anything else to throw up, it's mostly water.
I flush the toilet, it smells like milk, "Want to talk about it?" I ask wiping her tears away.
"I don't want to cry, I just get so many emotions every time I think about how you weren't there the first time. I feel like a part of me hates you for that, resents you in fact." She cries again and I hug her tighter.
"There's nothing I can do to take that back, I'm so sorry Rei, I didn't mean for this to happen, I didn't mean to brush it of like it wasn't serious. I had no idea just how much being there was important, it's not like I contribute anything towards caring for the child, so I thought I get a get out of jail free card for that."
She cries even more and I peck her cheeks, dammit, way to screw up Toya.
We shower together and eventually sit outside, Rei has been avoiding the kitchen like it's a plague. So we're camping out here for a good while.
Dad brings her breakfast. She eats the meal and I notice him sighing in relief when she doesn't run for the bathroom the second the food is in her mouth.
My sister is glaring at us from the hall way while packing up about to leave.
I follow her and get in her car with her, "Hey, Rei only came because she heard you'd be home for a while, what's wrong? You've been a bit angry? Are jealous she's pregnant?" I ask and she scowls at me.
"Get out of my car." She crosses her arms angry with me. She's actually expecting me to get out. You have a lot to learn about me big sis, you really do.
I get more comfortable, she is not acting like my sister, my sensitive, caring, ever smiling, and genuinely smiling sister, that's why she is doing such a crappy job at hiding her bitter emotions.
"I know about the miscarriage, so drop the act and talk to me." Now it's my turn to cross my arms and wait for an explanation.
"I've been trying and trying, and when I heard you were coming home, I did not think it was because you wanted to tell me you were having another baby, or it could another three, I just had a second miscarriage Toya, your timing is just awful."
"I wasn't going to say anything, but then she threw up at our door step. I tried avoiding the conversation, and if I lied you would have been hurt even more, so I'm sorry sis, but there was no way this news was not going to hurt you, even if I mentioned it a week, or a month later.
"We came home because our relationship was hanging by a thread and we finally are good again, I didn't want to break that momentum.
"I'm sorry about what you're going through, but you just need to deal with it, Rei can have kids easier than you do. She's a healer, her body is always functioning at peak performance, or so I thought, but this baby, I don't know, something about them is affecting her.
"She needs to have someone she can talk to right now, she needs you more than me. You know if you tell her you're having problems conceiving she'll do something about it, you're only childless because of your pride. Guess you're not as desperate as you want everyone to believe."
I open the door and get back inside. Rei is feeling better enough to at least watch the kids play. Kaiya is still sulking, she won't talk to Rei and I, weirdly Rei isn't hovering as much, or maybe she's just too tired to do that.
Peak performance Rei is straight out of a novel, when it comes to motherhood everything just comes easy for her, except for that one time with the school, but she would make anyone feel self conscious.
Truth is though. Most of the time she is obsessively thinking about the kids, she puts alot of thought into it. She never misses a moment to be super mom, they occupy her mind all day every day. It's kinda creepy
She falls asleep on the floor and I don't know if moving her is okay, what if she throws up again.
Kaiya comes back with a blanket and I thank her for it. She sits next to Rei and looks at me worried, "Will she be, okay?"
I nod, "Yeah, don't worry so much, we're going to the doctor later, want to come along?"
Dad insisted on it, so we didn't really have much of a say.
Kaiya nods and heads into the kitchen making lunch for the triplets. She comes back with a tray of food for them.
They sit down and eat together.
"Must be nice having two best friends for life." Kaiya comments and I remember the time Rei said it.
"Your mom said those exact words once. I didn't get it, but now I do. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time making friends Kaiya, but I want you to know that doesn't mean you're the problem."
She shrugs her shoulders, "Then why does no one want to be friends with me, everybody hates me."
I give her a hug, "I don't, they don't, and Rei doesn't either. I'm so sorry she isn't there for you right now, she'd probably take you out and hangout with you, I wish you knew that she was your best friend. I guess wanting a friend your own age isn't something a girl your age should be going through."
"You're never going to leave me, right?"
"Kaiya the only way Rei and I, or even the triplets are ever going to leave you, is by death, either than that, forget it."
She hugs me tighter, I feel her power flow through me, "You will never die." I peck the top of her head. I sure don't want to die.
AGAIN.