Mathilda
The ride back to the Nolan's Mansion is uncomfortable because I can't help thinking about Brandon and what happened at the astronomy lab.
Cahill hasn't spoken any word to me, although I appreciate what he did back on campus, I cannot help wondering how Brandon is feeling right now. It hurts to be forcefully separated from him, but I have no choice.
At least he's alive because I pleaded I won't go meet with him anymore, and is willing to reject him at the Blackwood council hall.
Biting down on my bottom lip, I stare out the window because my heart feels sick from the several unsettling emotions tugging inside of me.
"Whose clothes are you wearing?" The hoarse voice of Cahill immediately pulls me out of my thoughts, and for a split second, I wonder if he hadn't noticed it all those while at the astronomy lab.
Taking my gaze off the window, I gulp before raising my head to meet his penetrating blue gaze of Cahill.
His eyes are so eerily blue and searching, that for a moment I think I got lost in them because it feels like they can see right through me, knowing my darkest desires.
"I won't repeat myself," he adds, with his voice hard and his eyes not even looking anywhere but me.
"I…uh...I stole one of the guards' clothes because I came here just in Genova's wedding dress." Giving him this reply, I suddenly wish I hadn't because I notice how his body tenses on hearing the name of my sister.
Mentally hitting on my head and calling myself stupid, I let out a low shaky breath, "I…I meant my wedding dress," I correct myself, trying to calm down my raging heart because my second response doesn't help.
Cahill's jaw is clenched so hard because he's upset at my choice of words, then he finally looks away from me and blinks. It's apparent he just had a thought of my older sister and is having that pain in his heart like a constant toothache.
"I'm sorry,"
"Your wardrobe will be sent in when we get home, we're leaving by 1 pm," he brushes off my apology with these words, then crosses his leg on top of his thigh before slipping out a tab and focusing his attention on it.
"Have you heard any word from your mother and brothers?" He suddenly makes this inquiry when I was beginning to think he'd completely ignore me for the rest of the ride.
"No. They're probably too scared to call in and check up on me, after forcing me into what I never bargained for," I awkwardly say with a slight shoulder shrug then rub on the side of my arm.
No response is made after that and when the car stops at the Nolans mansion, I wait for Cahill to hop out before I do because I can feel it within me that it would be respectful if I make my way out of the car before him.
Right now, Cahill is making his way in along with Beta, Simone, and the two men who had accompanied them to school.
He is walking with confident strides, more like he's unaware of everything or bothering to throw a backward glance at me, or maybe he doesn't really care.
He does own this mansion, the men and servants in it, with me inclusive. And there's this powerful aura he has, no one needs to be told that he was born to govern the thousands of people of the Blackwood Pack. No doubt he was raised with the thought of being an Alpha in mind.
And for a moment I pause and wonder if I am really married to this man, or if it's just a dream that I need to wake up from. Because it feels so fearful and good to be true, even if I do not in any way love him. I can feel my heart skipping like I am having heart palpitations even though I am not a human and completely immune to that.
"Alpha Cahill said you have less than an hour to get done with your breakfast and washing up. Your wardrobe has already arrived and the other servants are bringing it in," says my maid, Sally, who makes her way into my chamber after knocking and getting permission from me to come forth.
"Do you have any idea where we are going?" I ask, and my maidservant shakes her head.
"No, my Luna,"
I don't say anything but remain seated on the bed.
Immediately something sharp slams through my senses, reminding me that I've never had any experience of the Luna ritual because the former Blackwood Alpha had no Luna when I was born. It must be my elder siblings who have a knowledge of this. But somehow, I cannot help feeling frightened. Brandon told me their pack's Luna had to eat the poop of their Alpha without throwing up, and letting my mind go down this memory lane makes me feel nauseous.
"Are you alright, Luna?" Sally keeps the tray down with a thud and rushes to my side, staring at me with fear-filled wide eyes.
"I'm fine," I lie, managing to keep my composure normal, but the girl doesn't buy any of it.
"You don't seem fine, Luna. You were gagging a few seconds ago," she's touching my shoulder gently, and I can sense the fear from her wolf from the contact, "I need to inform Alpha Cahill right away," she's about to run out when I stop her.
"Sally, don't,"
"Why, you don't seem fine. It is my duty to make this known to Alpha Cahill," she begins to protest but gets interrupted by me.
"I am fine…" Letting out a low puff of breath, I raise my head to meet her searching eyes, "what do you know about the Luna's Ritual?"
"Oh," she blinks, her demeanor changing totally.
"Speak," I order, making sure my voice is hard and authoritative even though inside of me is still shaken from the fear of what she might say.
"You see, I was born after the previous Luna died so I never witnessed it. But I've heard rumors about Luna having to get pregnant before the ritual is being performed." She provides and it seems like there's still more she has to say, but she's trying not to. Something which makes me even more curious and scared shitless at the same time.
"Finish it," I press on, squeezing the sides of the bed.
Sally exhales deeply then looks away from me. It's obvious she doesn't want to meet my eyes as she has the intention of spilling something that might be a bombshell to me.
"She has to stay in her human form to eat the heart and testicles of a wild animal. Lion mostly. And if she cannot, she's no fit for a Luna. Even if she pukes a little. The Alpha will have no choice but to exile her from the pack after she gives birth to his child," Sally concludes, stunning the shit out of my senses.
I can feel my eyes as big as saucers in their sockets because it's no different from a barbaric act. Creepy as hell.
Maybe that's one of the reasons Genova ran away.
Imagining myself doing this makes vomit travel up to my throat even though I haven't had anything to eat in the past twenty-four hours. But I try to stay as normal as possible because I don't want Sally going to tell Cahill that I am not alright.
And what's more cringy is being pregnant with a child for him. Having his seed in my womb.
"Only a true Luna, a woman destined by the Moon goddess to be a Luna, passes this test," Sally says.
And I blink, trying to wrap my head around this whole thing because it's too hard for me to comprehend.
I am not fit for a Luna, will not pass the test, and would definitely get kicked out, after giving birth. Cahill even promised not to touch me, so I doubt any of this will happen.
Having thought about this makes me relax a bit, and I dismiss Sally.
After hurriedly eating, I walk into the bathroom to take a shower, I stare at my reflection in the mirror and gape at my appearance.
My hair is like a bird's nest, and there are dark circles surrounding my eyes. I look more like a ghost than Mathilda Brewer.
My lips are cracked, and my cheeks are completely inside like I am sucking on a smoothie through a straw.
I am petite, skinny, and not tall, but I've lost weight overnight because of my anxiety.
"Genova Brewer, look what you put me through," I speak to the mirror, seeing Genova's face instead of mine.
She's with Jack Snyder and has no idea the Brewer family is in chaos. Well, not entirely. It's just me. Everyone has to go on with their normal life except me.
Having flashbacks about the way Cahill wanted to kill Brandon, makes me heave out ragged breaths.
I wonder how he feels right now, and it makes my heart sick again.
Fighting against the urge to continue thinking about Brandon because it's not helping, but rather making my mood even sour, I move away from the mirror and take a quick shower, towel dry my hair, and then pull it into a damp, messy bun because there's not much time left. I do not want to use a blow drier because I have no intention of keeping Cahill waiting. The whole time I dressed up in a tank top and baggy denim jeans, I didn't bother to pick up my phone to check on the missed calls and text messages.
But suddenly my phone starts ringing and vibrating. I don't want to pick it because I have a feeling it's Brandon, and I am not in the mood to talk to him right now.
The phone keeps ringing, and it seems the caller isn't close to stopping until I pick up.
When I finally stare at the screen, I immediately turn ice cold because it's my mother.
"Tilda, I am so sorry," these are her first words when I pick up and slam the phone to my ear.
"Why did you call?" I ask, coldly. Because she's partially the reason why I am in this position. If she had come up with something different, rather than begging Cahill to take me as a wife, none of this would've happened. And then the gross Luna ritual. If Cahill decides to impregnate me, that would completely be the end of me.
"To check up on you because I do feel worried. You're my child. My last, and I know the turmoil this is taking on you. I can't help feeling like a terrible mother, like you'd never forgive me," there's so much honesty and pain contained in her voice, but I still will roll my eyes at her words.
My mother has always been too hard on herself and upright, Genova is more of her favorite than me, although she still loves me in her own way.
"How are you feeling? Do you eat on time? Sleep well at night?"
"How do you expect me to do all these when my whole life is in a complete mess?" My tone is so harsh when I ask her this.
She pauses for a second, processing my words and as she attempts to speak, I hear ruffling sounds in the background.
"Hello, Tilda?" It's Damon, my eldest brother. The knot in my chest loosens because I don't really hold a grudge towards him. He cares more about my feelings than mom and was completely against this marriage.
Suddenly there's a knock on the door.
"Alpha Cahill and his men are already waiting for you, my Luna. They're about to leave for the airport," Sally's voice rings out, at the same time Damon is talking so I barely catch his words.
"I have to go, talk to you later," I say into the phone then immediately hang up before any word is spoken.
My shoulders rise and fall when I heave deeply, because I am to face Cahill again.