"What the Fuck?!!" I said, staring at the livid face of a woman in her twenties, covered head to toe in fancy silks and sparkling jewels. "Where the fuck am I? I was just in my house, watching some videos on how to finish a lego set I got for my 18th birthday! Although I might be too old for that, now that I think about it a little more." Rubbing the little patch of stubble on my chin, pondering my life choices, I noticed that my hands did not feel as fat and oily as they usually did.
"Hey, don't you fucking ignore me! I said, what took you so long?! I was stuck in this pig stye for the past four days straight. Just a couple more hours and I would have died! This place does not even have good beds! And another thing! Do you know how much this place stinks of commoners? I have to wake up to the smell of rotten food, loud noises, and all sorts of other things. Jeez, of all the people my father could have sent, why you?" The woman in front of me said. I would have gone up to her and tried to slap some manners into her, but I was still frozen by the fact that there are gigantic monster corpses surrounding me.
Letting out a scream unbecoming of a man, I rushed to the only open door in this baseball stadium of a room, where only a single throne and a sacrificial altar lay, blood dripping off of the latter. This was not the thing that scared me the most, believe it or not. What frightened me was the new memories that consistently churned through my brain, showing me a past I never lived. There are images of a man who looked similar to me, just taller, slimmer, and about 1000x more handsome than I did. He was surrounded by women, laughing and drinking what looked like a bear.
Before I could reminisce on how I will never be able to drink the alcohol I promised my friends I would upon my birthday, another set of memories started playing, showing me a medieval sort of society, where gold, silver, and copper were used as currency, horse-drawn wagons where transport, and markets where in place instead of stores.
Hiding behind a mountain of flesh that, conveniently, blocked the exit of the doorway, I watched both the memories and the Princess, who I found out I was supposed to be rescuing, run across my vision, in my haste to find safety, I neglected to notice that the princess was tied to the altar, which I do not know how I could have missed. Maybe it was from the shock. No, it had to be. Anyways, with the memories of the hero slowly fading away, I got out of my hiding place, and went over to the princess, wanting to free her, take her back to the palace, collect my wealth, and be done with this already.
"Finally! Commoner filth like you should have never been assigned to rescue someone like me. A warrior of royalty could have rescued me in half the time it took you and your party, who, surprise surprise, are all dead. Ugh, anyway, time to get out of here before 'She' shows up." The princess sight, in the vilest, disgustingly arrogant tones I have ever heard in my 18, well 14 years of living, as most could not remember their lives before the age of at least 4.
Not saying a word, worried that my reward could be deducted should I say or do anything rash to the princess, whose name is Angelica, I pulled her up from below the altar and gestured for her to follow me, as both she and I could not stand to touch each other. However, looking back at the princess, whose footsteps ceased, I saw her face go pale, eyes as wide as saucers.
Turning around as fast as I could, which is so fast I nearly tripped over my own feet, I pulled my sword out of habit, which I certainly did not have when I was back on earth.
"So, the brave hero decided to finally come to interrupt my plans. Although you may have destroyed my demon army, my power is incomparable to the combined might they have. Prepare to die!" An echoing voice said, coming from everywhere, and yet nowhere. Looking up at the domed ceiling, I could see a pale figure, also a woman, gliding down from the ceiling, dressed in a very revealing outfit.
"You must be that Demon Lord the Hero is trying to defeat," I said out loud, accidentally of course. Before I could remedy my mistake the Demon Lord took that as a provocation from me to initiate the fight scene, which she started with a lunge. Thinking I was going to die as a red stain across the floor, my body automatically jumped aside, launching me into the air at incredible speeds. Trying to regain my balance mid-air, which was slightly successful, I saw the angry face of the Demon Lord, who, now that she was in the dim candlelight, could be seen as one of the most beautiful people in the world, at least in mine.
With silver hair glittering, and crimson eyes that seemed to reflect the light perfectly, her body only accented her porcelain face, with curves wavier than the ocean, and a stomach as flat as a chalkboard, she could easily be the best 'material' I could have ever had back on Earth. Anyways, I narrowly missed a fireball aimed straight at my lust-filled face, which I regret very much, as my singed eyebrows agree with one hundred percent.
"Hey, can we just talk this out!" I shouted, apparently angering her for some reason. Maybe it is because the Hero and his team of busty women, almost comparable to the Demon Lord, killed millions of her subjects, as she must think of them just by the glare she is giving me. "Well, I am fucked." I said as a pair of claws appeared inches from carving my face into swiss cheese.