I didn't think that a person so strange, with different thoughts and values, would become a person I want to understand... -- Anata Ni Koishite (In Love With You), Fujita Maiko
xxxxxx
[Rinako]
I went straight to the rooftop since I was sure that it would be quiet up there and besides, I wanted to watch the sea from there while listening to whatever message was on the iPod. I easily spotted a corner where I could place myself to do just that.
As soon as I reached the place and faced the ocean, I knew I was ready to listen to that. I took a deep breath just to calm myself down and my fast-beating heart, as well. But as I said to myself a long time ago, it was for the best that I got used to having my heart react like this.
It was always like this, anyway.
I placed the purple box on my lap. Soon after, I started listening to the only MP3 file on that iPod.
~"I don't know if I should do this. But I need to tell you this. I just want to get rid of the burden inside me, especially here in my heart. I hope you'll listen to this, Riko-chan..."~
I could only close my eyes as I shook my head. This guy was so unpredictable. Did he just create a nickname out of the first and last syllables of my name?
But as if I could berate him for that at the moment. Maybe next time.
A song soon played right after that message. I frowned because I felt that the song was familiar.
And I wasn't mistaken, especially when I heard Setsuji start to sing.
~"I can see it in your eyes,
there's a certain sadness.
Was it me who made you cry?
Oh, please won't you tell me why..."~
I wasn't sure what was I supposed to feel. Was this Setsuji's version of asking for forgiveness? Using an iPod to convey that?
I would've laughed but I didn't. I couldn't because I felt something in his voice— in his tone— as he sang the song.
~"Was it something that I've said
or maybe how I reacted?
Please don't make it hard for me
'coz I'm willing to say I'm sorry..."~
It was sincere... and also heart-wrenching. It was as if I could cry at any moment because of that. Setsuji was apologizing to me. I could feel through the song that it was true.
~"I'm not going to sing the chorus. I had a feeling that you'll end up punching me if I sing that part. I'll only focus on singing the stanzas so don't be confused. Okay? I just didn't know how to tell this to you personally. It's hard..."~
The music continued but the message was stopped. It looked like Setsuji was about to sing the next stanza. Maybe I'd pay attention to whatever I was feeling at the moment later. Maybe after the song and the next message.
~"I can tell it when you smile,
I know you're hurting inside.
Will you ever forgive me
If I tell you that I am sorry?"~
Would I?
Honestly, I don't know. And besides, what was he apologizing for? The time he hit me?
Seriously... He was apologizing for something like that? It was my fault, as well. My recklessness got the better of me. Not to mention, my hardheadedness.
But... it looked like he was in pain for what he did to me. The song and the way he spoke of those messages proved it.
~"Riko-chan... I know you think of me as a monster now. At least, I think of myself that way now that you've seen me doing all that. There wasn't a day that went by that I thought of you staying away from me for good because of what you've witnessed and what I did to you. It's torture to me, you know that? It hurts so much. But if you'll truly decide to stay away from me, I hope you'd still give me a chance to talk to you even if it's for the last time. Let's meet today, February 21, at 3 PM on the Promise Tree. There's a shortcut near the cove where you usually go. Take that path so the guard won't see you. I hope... I hope you'd give my request a chance, Riko-chan. For my peace of mind."~
The message ended there. But as for my heart, here it was, still unable to calm itself from beating fast. It wasn't enough to say that I went speechless about what I heard. I wasn't sure what to feel.
Mixed feelings. I was happy because that jerk truly made an effort to convey his feelings about what happened. I pity him because I could feel in his voice and the way he sang the song that he was indeed hurt for what he did to me. It was a one-off event, but the pain was too much that he was beating himself up because of it. And I was about to cry because... I could feel that he was sincere in apologizing to me. his message to me.
Now I asked myself.
Wasn't it enough for me to forgive him? Though I had to say, the only thing he did to me that I considered a sin was about him still holding on to his grudge. He already hurt and tortured a lot of people. It was about time for this to stop.
I just took a deep breath to ease the tightening feeling in my chest due to conflicting emotions emerging after all that. This was crazy! It was a good thing that Mayu was the only person who knew how emotional I could become.
After that, I focused my attention on the rectangular box on my lap. I smiled when I saw the color. Purple. Could it be the same color as the flower that was surely inside that box?
For me not to guess around anymore, I decided to open the box. But I felt as if my heart skipped a few beats upon finally seeing the content of the box I was holding.
It was late for me to realize that the tears that I'd been holding for a while had fallen. This guy truly knew how to play with my emotions, huh? He was seriously turning this into a roller coaster, in case he didn't know that. But then I guessed he would never know.
Setsuji gave me another flower. This time, it was a purple hyacinth.
One that held the meanings "I'm sorry"... and "Please forgive me".
Not only the song and the message, but this flower also made me realize how sincere Brent was in apologizing. Maybe then, this was enough for me to give him the forgiveness he wanted to hear from me.
I stood from where I was sitting and stared at the sea. The morning breeze coming from the sea felt refreshing. And as I closed my eyes for me to feel the sea breeze, only one face appeared in my closed vision.
With the decision I chose, I could only hope that it was the right one and I won't ever regret it in the next days that would come in my life.