Maybe you can understand me, so I'm sending my trapped self to you... ― This Is My Path, Na Yoon Kwon
xxxxxx
[Rinako]
"Do you think I'd do that? I'm here now, right?" Seriously, does this guy think I was that scared of him, or at least I hated him that much for me not to come?
Well, I wasn't like that.
"Why are you letting yourself get drenched by the rain, huh? Are you trying to kill yourself right now? I know that your mother is a doctor but that doesn't mean you're going to let the rain get to you and allow yourself to be even sicker than you were days ago. Seriously!" Yeah, I know. I looked like a strict mother lecturing this guy right here in front of me. But I could care less.
But it seemed that Setsuji wasn't even listening to anything I had been saying. He looked in pain for some reason. I wanted to approach him, to at least ease that pain he was surely feeling at the moment.
"I'm sorry, Riko-chan. I'm sorry for hurting you like that." Now his voice was cracking.
I could feel my tears starting to form on the brim of my eyes. I closed my eyes, hoping that it would stop it somehow. I failed. "Mitsuta..."
"Damn it!"
Those words startled me. But I could at least tell that it wasn't meant for me.
"Will you stop berating yourself, at the very least? It would be bad for you, in case you're not aware of that." Great! I couldn't believe that I still had the guts to joke around like that. The situation between us was already tense as it was.
Well, I guessed it wasn't considered a joke, to begin with. Geez! What in the world was I thinking?
"How can you still talk to me like this after all that I did that hurt you?" Setsuji was looking at me incredulously, despite the hurt in his eyes.
"From what I can remember, the only terrible thing that you did to me was when you hit me with that metal tube. But I know you were in a trance when you did that. And not enough for me not to talk to you or even approach you like this."
I guessed this guy wasn't even expecting that I'd say something like that. It was obvious in the surprise that registered on his face.
"You still don't believe the words I'm saying right now? What do you think of me? Someone cruel for me to stay away from you? I guess you're the shallow-minded between the two of us. You had a reason why you did that, but not enough to make me hate you or loath you, at the most," I added.
But why did I have a feeling that everything I was saying to him at the moment looked a lot like information overload? Setsuji didn't say anything at all. He was just looking at me as if he was weighing everything I said to him.
I just gave him a look that I hoped would tell him that everything I had said was the truth. But I wasn't sure if he was still in his right mind to even notice that.
He sighed. Only this time, a ragged one. I frowned as I noticed that. His breathing also started to become heavy as if—
My eyes widened when a realization dawned on me as to why he was like that. Oh, my goodness! I could hit this guy for this.
I immediately felt his forehead and neck. I noticed that he flinched, especially when I felt his temperature. I was right. He had a fever again.
"You have the habit of making other people worry about you, you know that? Who told you to go to this place without even bringing an umbrella with you even though you're still recovering and the weather is unpredictable?" Yes, I know. My worry mode for this jerk was striking again.
But then again, this guy could kill me for worrying too much about him.
"I just want to talk to you... and I also want to apologize for what I did to you," he responded weakly as his eyes started to become droopy.
Oh, no! Don't tell me he was about to collapse right in front of me? Don't let it happen just yet.
The rain continuously fell from the still gloomy sky. Both Setsuji and I were drenched because of it since the leaves of the Promise Tree were not enough to shield the both of us. But then I don't give a damn care. I was more worried about Setsuji.
I couldn't deny the fact that this guy had such a weak immune system.
"How many times do you have to apologize just for you to stop, huh?" I shook my head after that. "Think about that later. You have to go home now since it's certain that you'll end up sicker if you stay here in the rain any longer. You have to take a good rest, okay?"
This time, he was the one who shook his head. "Until you hear me out, okay? Please..."
"Mitsuta, seriously... Are you going to kill me for worrying too much about you?" Oh, great! My mouth just ended up saying something unnecessary because of this guy.
"You're worried... for me?" He was looking at me with wide eyes.
Oh, great! "Did your mind slow down for some reason and you're unable to process everything that's going on around you right now? It seems that everything I'm telling you right now is information overload."
Setsuji smiled bitterly. One smile that was truly enough to make my heart ache. "Maybe it is... Since day one, I haven't heard those words from you."
"You are crazy. Do you think I'd show myself in front of you right now if I'm not worried about you? As I said, you're the one who thinks less about all this for you to conclude something like that."
I was supposed to talk to this guy to convince him to go home and take a rest. But here I was, arguing with him again. But I only said those things matter-of-factly. There was no other reason.
I could see his eyes getting droopier than how it was a while back. I touched his forehead and his neck once more.
"You're burning up, Mitsuta. Come on. Let me take you to your house. Please, don't make me worry even more for you," I pleaded and took his one hand.
I planned to drag this jerk who was so stubborn and hardheaded. That was why I took his hand. I never planned on getting caught in his arms that wrapped around me as he pulled me into a tight embrace.
I froze as I felt him place his head on the crook of my neck. Seconds later, I could feel the unusual heat coming from his body touching my skin. This was bad!
"Mitsuta—"
"I'm truly sorry, Riko-chan... To be honest, I have a lot of things to tell you but I could only say sorry." And his breathing started to become heavy. Even the breath coming out of his mouth was hot. The worrying kind of hot, that is.
Even though I wanted to cry as he continued to apologize, I tried my best not to. Was it that painful and torturous for him to keep apologizing to me?
"What do you want me to do just for you to stop saying 'sorry' to me, huh?" It was all that I could ask him, even if I was like a statue here since I haven't returned his embrace.
"To be honest... I have no idea," Setsuji uttered as his embrace tightened around me. His voice was cracking again.
I could only let out a ragged sigh. I just found myself lifting my hand and finally returned his embrace. I felt him stiffen but I could care less.
"Are you even aware of the fact that Seiho is going to kill me because of what you're doing right now? You weren't even fully healed and yet you're such a hardheaded guy for you to decide to go out of your house with no care about the weather. Now you're starting to get sick again," I scolded gently which, unknown to him, was something I did with a gentle smile.
"I don't mind even if I end up getting sick over and over again. Though I know you'd never think about taking care of me, what's important to me is to know how you truly feel about all this, especially about what I did to you that hurt you."
Seriously... I could hit this jerk, to be honest. Was it even right for him to get ahead of the way my mind thinks?
And he even said that he knew I'd never think about taking care of him. Then what does he think about everything I've been doing at the moment? Seriously, I needed to drill some sense into this jerk's head.
Until I thought of something.
"Then you want to know my thoughts about that?" I asked not long after that.
He nodded, even with his head still placed between my neck and shoulder.
"Then make yourself feel better first before I talk to you." It was something I could only think of.
Setsuji stiffened for a while before distancing himself from me, but he didn't let me go. He was looking at me in confusion.
"If you're truly decided to talk to me and for you to know what's really in my mind because of you hurting me, then get better first. Take a good rest and when you wake up without me beside you or if you didn't see me near you as soon as you opened your eyes, then it's over. It only means that I haven't forgiven you and I'd truly disappear from your life for good."
I could see the surprise registering in Setsuji's eyes after I said that. But it was only for a short while. The next thing I knew, his gaze became hazy and I found myself catching him to prevent his inevitable fall.