After I met you, each day is so different... -- For The First Time, Gilgi Bonggu
xxxxxx
[Rinako]
AS days passed, I found out that Setsuji was truly serious about what he said to me in the classroom. He didn't leave me. He was always beside me even though I wasn't giving him any attention or talking to him. And just like what he said, I couldn't do anything to push him away even if I wanted to. Now I couldn't be so sure if I should be scared of that or what. But the flowers he was continuously given to me were told otherwise.
Whenever I was tired after doing my assignments and projects, he would always give me a snack or something to drink. More often than not, a Sweet William goes with it that I knew was freshly picked somewhere—wherever it was. But I only did what the flower wanted to say in secret. I would only smile at that jerk next time-- when he finally fixed the loose screws in his brain and won't do anything to irritate me anymore. But then again, I knew that it won't happen anytime soon.
Whenever I ended up startled or frozen because of seeing sweet couples that crossed my path-- and I didn't even know why I was like that, I would suddenly find him standing in front of me and give me a bouquet of yellow tulips. He would just smile at me-- as if saying that there was nothing for me to be jealous or sad about-- and leave me without looking back. He wanted me to keep smiling even though I wasn't feeling bitter or anything. It was as if he had an idea about how I felt whenever I'd see couples being happy and truly in love with each other.
Yushiro and I would have been that happy. But I don't blame the guy now. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. And then Setsuji would appear at times and sit by my side to give me a china aster. I wasn't oblivious to the flower's meaning.
I don't know if I should laugh or just smile because of realizing that. Why would that guy even think of me--as the china aster has several meanings, one of them was "I will think of you"?
But whenever I would think that maybe that was what he wanted to say to me with the help of the flowers, I only found myself smiling. Yes, for the first time, Setsuji's simple gestures made me smile on more than one occasion. And to think he was communicating to me through the flowers. I could feel the sincerity in them. That was why I couldn't throw them all away.
But he wasn't vocal about it to anyone at all. Yes, there were times that he would tease me or irritate me, especially when we were having a class. But I had a feeling that he was only doing it to show everyone that nothing had changed with the way he treated me. That there was nothing wrong at all and all his gestures had no meaning. That we just returned to doing the usual thing-- much to my classmates' disappointment and at the same time, amusement.
But I was sure that something was slowly and steadily changing about what I felt for him. I had a feeling that his cute gestures were starting to affect me. Yes, I knew I was attracted to him from the start. But I couldn't conclude anything more than that because it frightened me. His simple gestures—even though I found them weird in a way—made me feel fuzzy and warm and... loved. Weird of me to think that way but I couldn't help it.
And that was what made me feel scared to risk my heart again. Despite all that, I knew one thing that I wouldn't be able to ignore any longer.
Setsuji was already special to me... and I could only admit that here in my heart.
A silent confession.