I opened my eyes in a hurry just to find myself standing in a familiar place. Too familiar if I had to say.
"Well, here I go again."
A pure white place, resembling nothingness itself. That was the only thing that could be described after seeing this place. There was no scent, no sound, nothing. Everything was just eerily white.
For a sane person, this place would be a nightmare since they could not even hear their own breath. But for me, who had come to this place so many times, it was a cakewalk.
After waiting for around 10 seconds if counted in the real world timer, an old man with two faces appeared in front of me, one in the front and another one in the back. Legends said each face resembled the beginning and the end of the cycle of life.
"Welcome to the Afterlife, a young lost soul. We offer y… Ugh, it's you bastard again.", the man jeered at me.
"Hey, hey, hey! Is that how a God is supposed to behave? Are you getting senile, bastard old man?", I felt offended by his words so I returned his words right back at him.
"You little… Ugh, okay little boy. You won. Let me continue what I have to do. I have more work after this.", the old man scratched his cheek.. "What have you come for?", he added.
"I want to meet Goddess Bona Dea.", I replied shortly.
The old man did not reply immediately like how he always did. It seemed like he was trying to contact someone through telepathy. This has never happened before and tickled my curiosity a little.
"Oh, yes. Certainly.", he whispered softly as if he was talking to himself.
Not long after, he made a grim expression, as if he was looking at a disgusting bug.
"Kid, you'd better get prepared.", the old man sighed heavily.
My instinct told me that something must have happened, and it was not a good thing.
"Goddess Bona Dea is waiting for you.", he added.
Right after saying that, the old man moved his right hand a little and a big door appeared.
"Hey old man Janus, does the door always look like this?", I questioned him.
I had never seen this door before. Usually, the door would look like it was made from white porcelain, resembling Goddess Bona Dea's purity, contrary to her appearance. But this door looked like it was made from oak wood with engravings here and there. The thing that made me even more curious was that there was no door-knob to be seen. How should I open the door?
"You can't open it.", he paused for a moment. "You will be dragged into it, kid.", the old man closed his eyes right after.
"Huh…?"
The next thing I knew was that I got sucked by the door, slowly. It was like countless invisible hands grabbing and pulling my body to get inside the door.
"W-Wait! What is this?! Old man Janus, help me!", I extended my hand in hope that the old man would catch me.
"...", he did not even look at me. "I pray for your well being, kid.", the old man added.
"Urgh… Screw you two faced old maaaaan!!!"
I got sucked completely, and everything went dark right after.
***
"Ugh… Where is this place?"
I asked myself and my voice was echoing throughout the room. That place was unbelievably dark and chilly, and that alone made me shudder.
"Welcome, my dear Apostle."
Suddenly, a young woman's voice could be heard. I recognized the voice immediately. But it was somehow different from what I had used to hear before. It was like, disappointed? Angry? At that time, I still did not know that everything from there would change even the smallest bit of my life.
"I have been expecting you. Oh, let me make it easier for you to see…"
With just a single snap of her fingers, the room lightened up. And all the things that were inside the room I could not see before became clear.
"What in the actual frick is this?! Who are you?! Where is Goddess Bona Dea?!"
What I saw was a young woman sitting on a throne made of bones. Her pupils and hair that should be pure white were crimson red, while her dress that had usually been white was now colored in jet black. Her aura was also different. It was like facing an empress who had a cruel and sadistic character.
"Oh, I am Bona Dea. Have you forgotten your own benefactor?"
She smiled menacingly, while crossing her legs and showing an arrogance that was not appropriate for a Goddess to have. The aura she emitted while sitting on her throne was enough to make anyone tremble in fear. It was so cold, yet I could not take my eyes off her.
"What? Is this the first time you ever see this very form of mine? Then rejoice, my dear Apostle. You are the very first human who has been given the chance.", she kept on smiling, asserting dominance. "Let's talk, oh mongrel of mine."
"M-Mongrel…?", I stuttered while sweating profusely. I never expected to be called a mongrel by someone who I admired so much, and it was definitely too overbearing for a Goddess who was known for her kindness and purity.
"What should I call you then? For a human who no longer has dignity and purpose in his life to question my decision, calling you a mongrel has a nice ring to it, does it not? Now kneel, you imbecile."
"Yes, Milady."
Without being able to resist her command, my body moved on its own to kneel with my face facing the ground. I tried my best to stand back up, but it was futile.
"Good. Now, do you have any idea why I became like this, mongrel?"
I shook my head quickly. No, I was not lying. I did not know a single thing as to why she became like that.
"What an ignorant fool you are. Do you still remember the last time you came here? What did the other me say to you?", she questioned me.
Did she just say 'the other me'? So the one who has been sitting in front of me was not her?
"Don't think of needless things. Just answer my question."
Damn she knew.
"Of course. Now speak!"
I tried to recall all the things that happened during the last regression, looking for the answer to the question she gave me.
"What took you so long, mongrel? Have you lost the ability to think as well?"
After racking my brain to the point where it was almost burning, not literally, I ended up without finding anything. Have I been this reckless the whole time? No, right?
"You seriously have no idea about any of it? I know you stopped caring since you regressed too many times, but are you seriously forgetting what I said to you? Is that just how little my words amount to you?"
A glimpse of sadness was reflected through her words, even though her expression did not change. I could not help but feel a little bit sorry for that.
"I see, so you still cannot recall it.", she looked down a little bit, but a moment later she returned to her sadistic tone. "So be it, then! Let's continue!"
She snapped her fingers again and it made the ground shake a little bit.
"You are allowed to get up, mongrel.", she ordered. "Now tell me what you see."
I raised my body to sit in a 'dogeza' position. The next thing I saw was probably the reason why she became like this.
A lot of holographic screens were there. Each screen was showing something like a cutscene of a movie. Somehow, I recognized each one of them.
"Yes, this is your life. To be exact, your whole regression life.", she smirked. "Let's start the lesson, shall we?"
"Uh-oh…"
Starting from that moment, I slowly lost my sanity.