(First two chapters are a little weird as it is my first time ever writing something for fun and the only thing my language class taught me for all four years of High School and now Collage was to "get good".)
"Life...sucks at the moment" said a random soul that may or may not have just accidentally gotten himself stuck in the previous times of all reality.
This was a dark part of the multiverse that none have traveled to for quite some time, but coincidentally on the way to the afterlife the soul got bored and decided to take a detour.
"No s***!" it says to itself in rage
"Not rage, disappointment" it said as it corrected the disembodied voice.
The disembodied voice decided to make a very polite gesture to show its gratitude for being corrected by a mere mortal soul. "That's Nick to you Ya c***!" It yells trying desperately to be something other than the garbage his soul was meant to be.
Nick: "TRASH? Bro I just drove 500mph off the side of a cliff in a car that I STOLE from the PRESIDENT of the US of A into a rocket AFTER stealing half a billion in pure gold! AND I'M TRA——-. Never mind yeah you right I probably just broke the economy…
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oh well!"
Voice: see you are garbage :3
Nick: Ok. That's it! I'm goanna beat you like my *** **** **!!!!
Voice: wait! Wait!! WAIT!!! LET'S TALK!!!!! TRUCE!!!!!!!!!TRUCE!!!!!! AAAAHHHH HHHH HHHHHHGHHn G HHAa~ *death noise*
Nick: I have achieved VICTORY!
Voice: You do realize that I am God deciding whom my successor will be and you have just Kicked Me in THE D-*Wam*!
Nick: *DingDingDing* K and O!!
God: …
Nick: …
God: Will we sit and discuss this like men or spiders?
As a cold breeze passes through the pair, clarity is formed in some understanding of the aspect of culture. A round table is formed with the engravings of every species to ever exist past present and future. Two chairs, one wooden with legs resembling a god formed into the very depths of its creation, and the other an amalgamation of scrap metal with every kind of element working together in perfect harmony. As if it was by instinct the scrap metal chair is harnessed by the mortal who used the creation of man to fight against God just to prove his worth. This is all while God takes his seat on the grand throne that upon closer inspection has a back of an executioner's table.
God: "As you most likely have guessed you have just been iseka i'd just like so many before you. You on the other hand not only chose the self isekai option but also went out in a glorious fashion which I can appreciate."
Nick: "Glad you liked it but honestly burning to death was a very unpleasant experience."
God: "But you would do it again in a heartbeat?"
Nick: "Yeah from what I can remember I did some irredeemable things so if burning myself to rectify those mistakes was an option I would do it again in a heartbeat."
God: "Who would have thought the greatest serial killer would himself to stop the apocalypse *chuckles*"
Nick: "The people I killed had it coming :)."
God: "True but the funny thing is that even before you saved everyone your karma was so good that you would have been reincarnated with a system."
Nick: "How!? I don't deserve that in the slightest! I mean if you will give it to me I'll take it don't change that but why?"
God: "Have you even looked at your life?"
Nick: "Yeah, I lived it, what's so special?"
God: … "Do you not remember it?"
Nick: … "I guess not all of it, the only things I can recall are that I was a triple orphan and that my luck was so poor it was praiseworthy."
God: "Since you can't remember much, I will give you a rundown of your life events"
The God waved his hand as crystal pearls appeared from behind him. Each one of the pearls shone showing inside of them the same person, Nick.
Nick: "Glad to know I have a stalker"
Nick went from pearl to pearl, orb to orb until he stopped in front of one particular orb. Inside it showed a train that looked increasingly strange. Upon closer inspection he could see that the train was clearly using blue glowing saucers to keep the train hovering above the ground.
Nick: 'How is this train floating?'
God: "Glad you asked, that is because it is using air runes that have the command to release enough air that it will keep the train stable by consuming mana."
Nick: "First, woah, cool! Second, could you tell me before you read my mind without my permission! Last, I know my memory is hazy, but I can guarantee that I had no magic in my world! So how is it that I can clearly see myself getting on a floating train without freaking out?"
God: "I agree that it is cool, but I refuse to not read your mind"
Nick: 'Bruh'
God: "Don't bruh me! And for you last question that was one of your previous reincarnations."
Nick: "If that was a previous reincarnation then…"
God: "Yes all 420,690,420,069 of these orbs are different reincarnations."
As Nick looked at all of his recantations, he began to sweat buckets of sweat. You see the thing that one must realize is that if you have gone through that many reincarnations your soul is at least 420,690,420,069 years old! And that is just the living portion not even including the time spent out of reincarnation floating around the void! (Which was usually 1,000 times the time spent living)
Nick: "And I remember NONE of this!"
God: "Correct and honestly it is kind of amazing for your soul to be this old, even my soul is younger than yours!"
Nick: "But if my soul is this old then there must be a catch, correct?"
God: "Bingo! You see, during your first recantation you made a deal with the first God to live out 420,690,420,069 reincarnations, all with which you lived in extreme misfortune. This is because the first God promised to make you the first and only void born to exist."
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After the bomb shell of a reveal even Nick needed a little bit of time to process what kind of bull Shmit he just learned. Seriously! Imagine that when you die a God finds your wandering soul, tells you that your soul is almost as old as the beginning of reality, AND that you made a deal with a god to acquire 420,690,420,069 recantations of awful luck to compile it into becoming the first and only international void entity. Like WTF Dude!!!!!
Nick: Well, if I made the deal with the first God where is he? If I'm not miss-remembering I just lived the last of my 420,690,420,069 lives, right?
God: That would be correct which is why you are not going through another life now. As for why he is not here it is a long story that we don't have enough time for.
Nick: What do you mean not enough time we are in the void aren't we?
God: *Sigh* like I said you are a void born now because of the contract and unfortunately the only one too. You can't feel it because you are void, but for the normal folks like me your home slowly tears apart souls to feed you and the void. Because of this trait you and this dimension are never visited but constantly worshiped by those that can't understand what you are.
God: The void constantly will act like a wormhole from a carbon planet to space. It will suck in anything and everything that it can until the inability collapses the portal. However, the collapse of the portal releases a massive number of majuscules (essence of magic) providing 'miracles' such as revival of limbs, resurrection, and unlocking of one's magic sensitivity in a world without magic.
Nick: So, if people treat me like a god, which one am I?
God: Cthulhu
Nick: You mean the world ending entity that craves nothing more than death and destruction?
God: Sounds like you.
Nick: Oh?! How bad was I in my last life for you to say that?
God: *looks traumatized*
Nick: Back on track if you have your soul being constantly pulled apart just for being here then why are you here?
God: Sorry, like I said you became a void born but clearly can't control shit so to fill up the God's side of the bargen that forgot you existed I will give to the ability to create systems.
As the god says this, he throws a book at Nick which is completely black and darker than the void that surrounds them. Nick opens the book leading to words with negative light values to surround him.
As soon as the book was opened Nick appeared to pass out with an orb of negative light to surround him. The God seeing this smirked and took all of his divinity to surround Nick. The god in this moment was trying to capture Nick's soul and the divinity he was using to surround him was actually a divine enslaving magic forbidden to all existences. What he didn't know was that Nick was not just Nick he was also Nick, Nick, and Nick for he had something cool called multiple personality disorder. When he tried using enslaving magic it was canceled out because it was only meant to enslave one mind.
Meanwhile in Nick's head
Nick 1: *passes out from trying to process the system info *
Nick 3: NICK NOOOOOOO
Nick 2: bro shut it he is probably fine.
Nick 3: PROBABLY I would like to remind you that we are in his head!!! He is Nick 1 for a reason dumba**.
Nick 2: True, True.
As Nick 2 walks to Nick 1 with the intent to slap him awake a hole appears in the mental space.
Chains fly down from above chasing after Nick 1. Both other Nicks notice but only Nick 2 has the reaction time to push Nick 1 out of the way getting taken himself.
Nick 3 looks at Nick 2 getting the message and taking Nick 1 to the side of the mental space. He quickly replaces the spot Nick 1 was in with himself as more chains come down and take him too.
Outside the mental space God or better known as Beelzebub laughs in his own self-praise. His plan after so long, so many billions of years, finally had someone (The only one) with the soul of void that he could take for himself. And all he had to do was exchange the weakest system in existence for it! What a smart plan he thought to himself in complete bliss.
Beelzebub: I'm such a genius now I have the most powerful system with the most powerful soul in existence! MUAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I mean imagine if I accidentally switched out the weakest system with the strongest system! They are so similar that I will only be able to tell if I messed up after I activate the system HAHAHAHA!
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Beelzebub:... Maybe I should check to see if I switched them…
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Beelzebub: Nah.
"" talking
'' thinking
(A/N: We all know where this is going)