Even though I'd never be able to see you again, our days together would never fade... ~ Megumi No Ame (Rain of Blessing), Alan Dawa Dolma
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It was nighttime where Kourin was. But as often happened, it was no longer so easy for drowsiness to visit her. With so many things that have happened, maybe the chance for her to sleep well would never come to her just like that.
As soon as she reached the room she was using in that estate, Kourin immediately went to the window and looked outside without opening it. With sad eyes, she looked up to the sky and gazed at the moon. It was almost a full moon that night -- or at least it looked that way to her.
Even so, Kourin seemed to see nothing but memories running through her mind. It was as if everything beautiful around her had disappeared because of the number of things that had happened. But she could tell that it wasn't just her who felt that way. She wasn't the only one who had lost a lot that night.
But the moon held more than just a trigger for more memories to rush into Kourin's mind. The moon was also accompanied by a promise she once made to an important person in her life. But that was not her brother.
It was a different person -- someone unrelated to the Shrouded Flowers at all. The person she mentioned to Miyako earlier.
Recalling that person, Kourin's right hand spontaneously moved into the pocket of her jacket. She took a green ribbon that was also two inches thick from there. But what made that cloth-like ribbon so unique to her was the embroidered purple tulips on the entire length of it. She thought that Seiichi had customized that just to give it to her.
"Seems like he wanted something that would symbolize me and would make me stand out..." she couldn't help muttering to herself as she ran her fingers on one of the embroidered tulips on that ribbon.
But those words had only brought out unshed tears to Kourin that she finally allowed to fall. Her decision days ago would make her unable to do such a thing. And yet her heart would not consent to let it go. She couldn't do that, especially since that was all she had right at the moment that she could hold about Seiichi. No matter how hard, no matter how painful, she could do it. The young man was just one of the people who served as a way for her to tell herself that she was a normal person. With a normal life like everyone else.
Kourin let out a sigh after thinking about it. As much as she wanted to tie it to her long hair (which was one of the Shinomiya traits, aside from the fact that it was jet black), she couldn't. The flower embroidery itself would give away the fact of who she was -- to strangers and to her enemies. And it was the last thing she wanted to happen. Shinomiya Kourin was dead. It was what she wanted everyone to think, no matter how much it would hurt her.
"But it doesn't mean I'm letting you go, right?" Again, Kourin whispered to herself.
They couldn't see each other anymore. That was what she needed to remember. But for the last time, she wanted something to hold about him. Even in memory, she wanted this important person to remain with her.
And then she recalled the wound she sustained during the attack while Tetsuya, her shadow guardian, was helping her escape Vulcan -- one of the surviving members of the Dark Rose. She unconsciously held a part of her left arm where the said wound was. It still hurt, but she didn't care.
Kourin took off the jacket she was wearing and the only top left on her was a shirt. She had a bandage on that wound. Before she could stop herself, she wrapped the ribbon she was holding around that wound. Moments later, she was able to tie it there.
Kourin just smiled sadly after doing that. But somehow it was able to alleviate some of the loneliness she felt.
"There you are... At least this way, you're still close to me. You'll be close to my heart, even though I won't be able to see you anymore..."
Maybe it was all Kourin could do for herself so far. Even so, she was willing to accept that. She had a different life to face in the next few days. And that other life was what she should focus more on.
With or without her family, with or without Seiichi, the life that she had at the moment was something that she must preserve. She must do what she could to live up to the code of the Sky of the Earth. She had to live, even if she had to discard the old her that the world had formerly known.
It would hurt, and she was more than aware of that fact. But in the world that she lived now, she had no other choice.
Then again, it wasn't like he would disappear from her heart. He would always remain there. In her young heart, Seiichi and the family members that she lost would stay with her. The thought alone was enough to give her the strength to continue living.
Even if it means living in a different persona.