Some days went by as if they never once were, and then there were days like this one. Cynthia never realized what she was missing out on until she lived through today.
It was literally the first time she understood what the term 'family gathering' meant.
apart from gathering, the Robinsons were reuniting for the first time this year. Cynthia observed how they reconnected. How they were each other's loved ones…They were catching up on each other's lives and well-being but not in a fake or forced way like most social gatherings dictated. And though she was an outsider, they took every opportunity to include her in the conversation or make her the center of the anecdote.
The food that always tasted good in her mansion tasted a little better when they had lunch, there was laughter amongst all and there were secret meaningful glances thrown around between George's father and mother – not so much hidden under the table though- and then there was the way both of them fussed over their fully grown son. He wouldn't take any of it lightly, and he had a witty comeback for everything they said.
But the cycle was endless that way. More resistance caused more fussing. And Cynthia couldn't wait to fuss over her son. It was very endearing.
Right around teatime, the men excused themselves and borrowed Cynthia's office. They stayed there until dinner while Cynthia enjoyed the light feel good one-on-one coded chats with her mother figure.
Soon-to-be mother-in-law.
For early dinner, Cynthia asked her nanny for a feast fit for kings for her contract in-laws. And so the table had endless varieties. But the most popular dishes were lobster, steak tartare, fried chicken – because the baby craved those – and cornbread with crispy Brussels on the side.
And after all that, Robert and Gloria wanted to get some time for themselves which automatically meant that it was quality time for the young, engaged couple as well.
"Walk with me?" George suggested, secretly convinced that Cynthia was not walking enough to prepare herself for childbirth but unable to say that out loud.
George was reading a lot about pregnancy and babies, he wanted to be reliable. He wanted to be knowledgeable. And he wanted to be there for his future wife.
They walked around the garden, and George followed Cynthia's lead. She unconsciously chose to walk by the lanterns that looked like full moons hanging on the tree. Any thoughts around full moons would've been unbearable for Cynthia had it not been for the company of the Robinsons this evening.
She looked up until she met George's eyes, they were two blue crystals under the lights of the lanterns, and uninvited thoughts started coming Cynthia's way.
"Seeing your parents like that… it makes me think…" her voice was soft, matching the softness of the evening breeze.
George's heart skipped, then it started beating fast… filled with silly hopes that had zero foundations, but the thing about hope is that it did not require a foundation... And so George was hopeful.
George looked at his parents, together, they looked like the very incarnation of the concept that was called love.
"What does seeing them like that make you think?" He asked with a confident voice, he couldn't wait to hear a positive answer from his Cynthia.
She sighed and then smiled softly at George, "It makes me think…no… it makes me believe that marriage kills love,"
George's hopes came crumbling down on him so hard, that he visibly winced as they continued walking.
Cynthia registered his reaction, and then she laughed it off. The disappointment on his face reminded her of a much younger George, one she enjoyed teasing sometimes when her attachment to him felt too much, it was nostalgic.
But those days were far behind both of them now, the baby kicked his mommy in approval.
George was silent for three long moments then he stopped walking, she had to stop too. She looked up at his face again.
"Cynthia, for you... What is marriage?"
George was a smart man, a lawyer, but he was never married before, and the woman he loved was just recovering – or not quite recovering yet – from a marriage that broke her spirits. So what about the concept as a whole?
Cynthia thought about that question for a long moment. Her features became melancholic. Then she smiled but it didn't touch her eye.
"A marriage is a lot like a mental health institution, I guess," she said sarcastically.
"Can you elaborate?" he asked.
She was surprised that George took her answer seriously. Then she thought about the answer she blurted out, and how it was not so far from the truth.
"You role-play a lot. Sometimes you're the patient with the baggage, you seek comfort… you seek to change…you seek a cure for your pain and loneliness. And sometimes you're the doctor, you have to carry your partner's load on your back, you have to listen and pull them up when they fall, you have to provide their medicine, or be one for them…"
George listened to every word she said, and he reached a conclusion, she was not describing marriage as a concept, she was talking about her own marriage. It was a breakthrough between them, he doubted she ever talked to anyone about how it was and how it ended.
'People need to talk about what failed to have closure,' George thought to himself.
"I answered your question, now answer me this… why are your parents divorced!" Cynthia said playfully, a 180 change in her mood.
George rolled his eyes. "Would you like to hear his version or hers?"
It was something that Cynthia could never ask the woman she loved so much. But then Robert was also interesting.
"Both?" she answered.
George smiled.
"She'd tell you that when she got married to him, she didn't know that he was already married to the job,"
Cynthia smiled, it was so like her to say things like that. But that wasn't the reason. Could it be?
"And your dad?"
"He'd tell you that he did it for her. She wasn't happy. And in a marriage when a woman isn't happy then... What's really left to it?"
"Just misery," Cynthia said.
But Cynthia could not relate to that. Her marriage was in no way a short one, and for the longest time she truly did love her husband. She thought he loved her too.
But were they happy?
"I was... I was happy," Cynthia murmured to herself.
George's heart stung; he didn't want to hear that she was happy with another man. Even if that was over now.
"Pregnancy aside… I was happy with him..." the realization was new to Cynthia. She wondered if it meant anything…She was so focused on revenge – both the plan and the baby – that she never stopped and thought about what kind of marriage she had with her ex. Only how it ended.
George held her hand and tugged on her gently, bringing her to the now.
"Our marriage will be different," he promised.
He wanted to show her how marriage should be.
"Of course, it will!" She said matter of factly.
Cynthia will never seek happiness in marriage again since it proved irrelevant, and her marriage with George was not even a real one.
All of this didn't really matter...
Cynthia did not believe in marriage anymore.