I was sitting on the shore of the Grand Lake, trying to calm my thoughts and my heart as they were both too loud and moving too fast for my liking.
The lake was a large piece of now nearly black water with the two twin rivers flowing out of it on the western end. From where I sat, I was only able to see the smaller pond (as we called it) and not the lake itself which earned the name it had.
My territory was vast. Not as big as the Dawn pack and certainly not as built out as theirs with universities and cities all around, but we still made it work. I loved how grounded and natural the entire pack and the neighbouring communities were and how, even though we progressed with the times, we still haven't forgotten who we were at our core and who made us and put us on this earth.
The moon came out of its full phase tonight and I admired the way it made the water on the lake shimmer.
What is her name even? She looked so gentle and so warm, she must have a name that fits her. Something simple, sweet, endearing. Something that would sound like a nickname but it isn't. Where did she come from? How did she end up running from the rouges?
I thought about her skin and the way it shone. That hair and those hazelnut eyes.
I knew I could turn around, go back to Emma's home and try to explain myself. Maybe even talk to her a bit. Ask her out or ask her to stay for a couple of days. But I also knew that it would all be in vain as I couldn't allow her to stay. I couldn't take her as my luna nor live with her and love her.
Nor have copper-haired pups with her...
I laughed out loud, knowing no one was near me to hear. Copper-haired pups were the last thing I needed in this life. She was the last thing I needed.
In the pack I grew up in, males were encouraged to not take their time with finding their mate. Some of them are ushered out of their home just after they turn 18 in order to travel the world and try to find their mate. I have lost plenty of good warriors that way.
They would travel, find their mate and stay with her in their pack for a while in order to get to know her. Eventually, they would settle there and only return to pick up their belongings. I knew how important mates were and that is why I was never the one to stop a wolf from leaving since this custom did also bring a lot of great people here, one of them being my beta.
I never looked for her. I never wanted to nor thought I needed to do such a thing. She was just another thing I was never to have and I was okay with that being my reality. For the rest of my life.
Where the heck are you? Steph's voice echoed in my head and I jerked back. I sometimes hated the mind link, especially when it came to him and Klaus and them jumping at me, from inside of my head.
Is she still there? I sent it back to him and Emma, knowing that she was listening in as well.
She is and I'm afraid to tell you that she seems kinda comfy here. Wearing my mate's clothes. Emma sent back calmly, but I knew that she didn't like her mate's scent mixed with anyone else. No mate would. I didn't like it either.
But my girl was bigger than the rest of them, more filled out, made with more things to love and do other stuff with, so she couldn't possibly fit into Emma's tiny tank tops and jeans. I smiled to myself thinking of it all, even though deep down I knew I will never get the chance to explore all of that.
I am coming back. I'll be there in less than five minutes. I sent the thought back and then tried to shut it down.
Not before Emma sent a picture down the bond. Picture of my mate curled on their couch in the living room. Her hair braided and slung over her shoulder, her hands holding what could only be a homemade cherry saft. She was smiling at the person who was sitting next to her on the couch and it was none other but my gamma - Klaus, the most annoying and charming prick of our pack.
Something tugged inside of me and I felt like raging around just because she was sitting so close to him and was smiling at something he said.
I should've kicked him out when I had the chance.
As I turned around and shifted with pain slicing my every bone, I carried my clothes in my teeth and started the run home. I couldn't help but wonder what would it be like if things were different. If I went to look for her and made her my luna. If we could have the life every other mated couple has. If we could travel some, learn some, fight some, build things in here, improve the lives of our people, have pups and raise them together while making sure that our pack is happy and united.
I sped up for those remaining couple of kilometres and tried to clear the thoughts from my head.
But again, the primal part of me went to her, my wolf was stirring and sending images of everything I glanced at her. Her body was curvy, it was full and filled out in a way I liked. The goddess did make sure to get our tastes aligned. And even though I tried to clear any thought of her, the one about her snuggling near me while we sleep couldn't seem to leave my mind.
Instead of turning right to go home, I turned left and shifted just behind Emma's childhood home. Her smell was overpowering here and I could feel her presence having an impact on me. I opened the door and as I turned to enter the living room they were all in, I saw and heard her laugh at something Klaus said.
I felt my heart stop completely.
I stared at her as her pearly white teeth with prolonged canines were exposed and the melody she released took over everyone in the room. Her eyes were sparkling and she was holding her hand to her belly, shaking with laughter.
Everything stopped once again and I took a moment to just soak everything up.
Beautiful, gorgeous, heart-stopping.
She was amazing, so amazing. Just perfect and mine. Made for me.
Just me.
Goddess, why would you do something like this to me?
I took a step into the room as the laughter died down while everyone turned to look at me. Including her, whose dimples were still showing as remnants of the laughter that happened just a second ago.
"Hello." I said to her, simply ignoring everyone else in the room.
"Hello, Bjorn." She smiled cheerfully and then stood up. My name coming from her lips sounded like a song, but I could see she was nervous about this as well.
I was too distracted to notice that Klaus, who somehow managed to get a sniff on what was happening tonight and showed up immediately, stood up and tried to clear her way to come to me. His hand nonchalantly touched her waist in the process which resulted in a deep growl from my end.
"Easy there bud," Klaus said while winking at my mate, which made my blood boil even more. "Just trying to make way." He said.
One moment, I was looking at him touching her, the next, my hand was on his throat and his back was glued to the wall of the living room. I was usually way better at controlling my emotions and with that my actions. I found that tonight, I was a grasp on all of it, bit by bit.
"Don't you dare touch her!" I growled into his ear while he tried to get a hold of my arms to get me to release him.
At the same time, I was able to feel Steph's hands on my shoulders and hear a rather loud snort that came from the other side of the room. I turned to her, never releasing my hold on Klaus. Her eyebrows were raised and her mouth was in an angry line.
Her fists were balled at her sides and I wondered what she thought she could do to defend him. She was so vulnerable, compared to everyone else in the room, she seemed like the weakest one there.
"Just put him down Bjorn so that you can talk." Steph said and I released my hold on the boy.
"Everyone, but you," I pointed at my red-haired she-wolf that stood next to Emma. "out." The atmosphere in the room shifted and from a smiling, the bright conversation turned into dull thumps of feet on the floor and door opening and closing.
This is what I do. To atmosphere, to people, to everything.
As people cleared the room I made sure to never lose eye contact with her. Her eyes were still narrowed and her lips in a straight line and she was still standing in the same spot she was when I removed Klaus away from her.
"That was really polite. Not to mention subtle and controlled." She sat down on the couch she was earlier on.
"My pack, my rules. I wasn't even trying to be subtle. Are you okay?" I asked, making sure I got out everything I needed in one line and I never sounded more strange to myself than then.
"I am sorry alpha." She said mockingly and narrowed her eyes at me, which made my eyebrows scrunch. "Is this situation too uncomfortable for you as well? If you want, you can run away again and then let me wait for a couple of more hours for you to decide to dignify m-" her sentence was cut short as I took two long strides to get to her and invaded her personal space.
This wasn't something that I usually did. It wasn't in my nature to be that impulsive or not have any control over how I feel or how I react when it comes to my emotions.
I was controlled, and composed and I knew what I was doing 99% of the time.
She is not good for me. I am not good for her.
"What is your name?" I asked slowly, I couldn't help myself not taking a strand of her hair and simply playing with it.
"What is it to you?" She mumbled, not taking her eyes off of my face, she herself cringed at the question for only a second, which allowed me to see that she was trying to be tough about it all. She swallowed for the third time in 10 seconds and I couldn't help but smirk slightly at her reaction to me.
Anybody could say that I am overly confident when it comes to this but I've always known what I looked like, I've always also known what an impact it had on women. I'm not gonna say I didn't use this to my advantage here and there, and that there wasn't a time where I thought myself the king of the world because of that.
It just didn't matter as much, until tonight.
"What is your name my little mate?" I asked once again. I bent down and started sniffing her hair before I got to her neck and started rubbing my nose on the marking spot. Her scent reached me and I tried to ignore the scent of Steph's clothes on her as I basked in hers. She released a small whimper that made everything in me stir and start to awaken.
My moves were less and less controllable. I felt like I was losing the touch with who I was and simply turned into an animal that didn't know what manners were.
Goddess, why this woman? How am I to live without this woman?
And while I was enjoying myself, basking in her scent, my little mate found the opportunity to push me away from her body. Or push herself away from me rather, as she stumbled back a couple of steps.
"Klara." She exclaimed as it was a surprise to herself as it was to me. "My name is Klara Vityevna."
"Klara, Klara, Klara." I let the name roll off my tongue a couple of times. "As clear and bright as the sun." I added, remembering from somewhere what the meaning of the word was.
"Yes," she breathed out and then after composing herself continued. "I am pleased to meet you, Bjorn." She smiled in a very polite and rather fake-looking manner. She was nervous and possibly a tad agitated with my behaviour, trying to cover it up with a smile.
"It is Asbjorn actually. However, people do call me Bjorn." I nodded, having no idea why I felt the need to explain this to her.
"Well, happy to meet you Asbjorn." She released a breath and her smile seemed a bit more genuine now.
I turned my eyes to the floor once an awkward silence fell onto the room.
I was trying to think of something to say when she decided to speak up "So, Asbjorn. What are we going to do now?" Letting out a laugh she leaned onto the arm of the couch she sat on just minutes earlier.
Once again, she seemed nervous. The kind of nervous who learned how to control it during her life, seeing it as a weakness. The kind of nervous one learns to cover up with some charm.
"Do what?" I blinked at her a couple of times, realizing where this is going to go, but allowing her to go on.
"About this situation. About us and this whole mate thing." She explained and I released a sigh.
"Look, Klara... I am really glad to have met you and had the chance to talk to you, but I-"
"Okay." I heard her say before I even completed her sentence.
"Okay, what?"
"Okay, as in do you wanna reject me now or wait until the morning comes and do it once I have to leave?" She stood her ground once more and looked at me angrily. How could she switch her emotions so fast, I will never understand.
I opened my mouth to speak only to have her interrupt me once again. "Look, let's spare each other the potential suffering. Or at least, let's spare me the suffering since you seem to enjoy living in it." She bit out sternly looking at me and I felt a bit offended by it, not going to lie. "I want this life, I want a mate and a simple day-to-day life and love and pups and going to work and everything." Her arms were now crossed at her chest, which made them pop even more, and that made my brain go to a place it shouldn't go to in such a situation.
"So, if you are not willing to give me that life nor live it with me, I would like for you to reject me right away and I can be on my merry way in the morning." She huffed out and the second her mask of resilience and anger slipped down I could see how disappointed she was in me, in being paired with me, in this whole situation.
Out of a whole damned world, getting me as a mate, out of all the wolves out there.
I felt sorry for her at the moment, but at the thought of me rejecting her or being permanently parted with her, something angry woke up inside me and I, once again, like the jerk I apparently was that night, directed it at her.
"First of all," I bit out. "You know nothing about me or about my life and you give yourself the right to assume what I want-"
"First of all," She interrupted me once again which made me stand a bit taller and growl at her in turn.
I could kiss you right now Klara. I could kiss you just to have you silent.
"Oh no, don't even try the alpha growl with me." She raised a finger up, along with her shields, and scolded me which made me even angrier.
I made one step towards her and invaded her personal space yet again and then I continued moving in sync with her moving backwards until she was pressed against the wall and my body was slightly pressed into hers.
The softness of her was almost my undoing, but I composed myself and spoke slowly "Now listen carefully Klara," I say, raising my voice barely above a whisper. "this is how all of this is going to go."
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Saft - A concentrated syrup made from fruit and sugar that's diluted with plain water or soda water before drinking. It's simply a diluted syrup juice. It is stated as a traditional Swedish drink, but it is often found in other cultures as well. You can even make it from some herbs such as mint or elderberry flowers.