You've really done it now Klara. You've really done it now.
I was sitting in Emma's parents' house and waiting for Bjorn to finish his meeting with Steph and Klaus so that he could take me home. So that Steph, not my mate, could take me home. And while I was aware of the mess I created in his life, I couldn't help myself but smile a bit at everything that did happen throughout last night and this morning.
Well, mostly my first night within the pack.
I was having a fallout with my mate when he suddenly decided that lecturing me on how and why he couldn't have me as a mate was a very good idea.
He also decided to do this while being insanely close to me, with his hands pressed on the wall behind me to cage me in. Additionally, he decided to do it in a low, growling voice that made my knees buckle and made certain places soaking wet.
He can lie to himself and you that this wasn't done on purpose all he wants.
"While I admire your courage and what you pulled tonight..." His mouth came closer to my ear and I could easily hear the fading growl in his breath. "It doesn't change the fact that a luna is not what this pack will have." He said, trying to pull back. "It is simply something that isn't in the cards for me. Now, what I will ask you to do calmly is to pack your things and let Steph take you home." His green eyes lowered to my lips and my breaths became shallow.
What surprised me was the way he reacted to it. I knew I wasn't indifferent to him, even though I knew him for 20 minutes, but I also thought that I was the problem in this. That he somehow didn't want me, for my looks or whatever other reason.
You want me, big buy. No matter what your lying mouth says, you want me bad.
I knew I just said this guy should reject me seconds ago, but I started shifting towards a possibility of a future with him. Our future. The one I felt we could have, despite his protests.
How sick is that? You can't force someone to love you, Klara.
Waking up next to him, having meals with him, taking walks, or running with him. I wandered off to his hands handling my body and I knew there would be gentle, no matter how big they were, and I also looked forward to the rough very much as well. Having pups with him one day, raising those pups, and making sure that everyone in this pack is happy and healthy.
I could see it at that moment, I felt like I could show it to him. I could teach him. Make things right.
Fix him? Klara, you are not a therapist, which is clearly what this guy needs.
I shushed the voice inside my head and stared right back at him once he looked up. The smell of my arousal started reaching both of our noses and while I wanted to shy away and run elsewhere, his deep inhale and his eyes widening made me stay right where I was. When the realization hit me and the entire situation that we were in became much clearer in my mind, I suddenly decided to stop thinking straight and kissed him.
I pulled down on his neck with my right hand and pressed my lips gently to his. I could feel him kissing me back gently for just a couple of seconds. His lips were soft, mine were probably chapped from all the wind and running and everything, but I didn't care as I brushed them against his and felt the light push he offered in turn.
What happened after that was anything but gentle.
I felt a growl he released from his throat vibrate through me. Suddenly, his hands found their way to my waist while his lips danced with mine. I felt his lips move with mine at the same time one of his hands found the way to my but and he brushed it before picking me up.
I was breathless and I felt the heat rising all over my body. Our bond somehow snapped between us and I felt like I was aware once again. Aware that I existed and that I was there. It was as if every touch made me warmer and warmer, but also made my head clearer with every passing second. I just wanted more and more even if it made me burn. My legs wrapped around his torso and I was pressed to the wall. His hands started exploring everywhere and I released a moan when he decided to bite my lower lip and nibble on it. His tongue was in my mouth the next second and I wanted more and more and just a little bit more.
This was it. I felt my wolf side coming over me and I felt the most primal part of me shouting out in all of its joy.
Mate! Mate! Mate!
It was the feeling of wanting to be impossibly close, to become one skin and one body. It made me burn hotter and kiss him harder.
"You are..." He whispered, not even finishing his thought and moving towards my neck with his kisses. It just made me moan once again and try to press into him so that I could release at least a bit of tension that was gathering down south.
One of his hands was holding me firmly under my bum and the other went from gentle caresses on my ribs to my hair, grabbing it and pulling my head back in order to give him better access to my neck. I liked the slight pain with this feeling even better.
"Amazing." He kissed behind my ear, then his lips were on my collarbone. "Mine." He nibbled the spot where my neck met my shoulder. The very same spot where his canines were supposed to mark me and I moaned so loudly I was certain everyone outside was able to hear us.
"Mine." He growled out scraping that same spot with his teeth.
When I felt him pressing into me and being so god damned hard I almost lost my mind then and there. I tried to rub off him, but he was glued to me and it was impossible to move.
"Goddess." I let out. I knew we should stop, I knew that kissing him was not entirely me, but rather my wolf pushing me forward. I knew it was wrong, but at that moment everything felt oh, so, so right.
When he moved to claim my lips once again I pecked him on the cheek and it was as if that simple peck stopped him and brought him back to reality. The reality in which, apparently, this was a big mistake.
Moon, Goddess, and every other divine creature do help me, please.
He released me to the ground and still standing impossibly close to me, gently combed my hair with his fingers a bit, in order to make it look just a bit better while we were both trying to catch our breaths. As the shock of what just happened left my body I felt a blush coming onto my cheeks.
The atmosphere in the room was now calmer and I felt as if I was able to speak properly now, instead of snapping at him and mumbling nonsense as I did seconds ago.
"I am sorry," I said, looking at him in those dark green eyes. They looked like a forest on a rather rainy day. "I shouldn't have done that."
"You weren't alone in it, so there is no need to apologize." He said curtly and finished combing through my hair, making it a bit less messy. "However, this doesn't change a thing." Stepping away, he cleared his throat and released me. "While you are indeed someone to-"
"Admire? Respect? Be amazed by?" I raised my eyebrows and winked at him, trying to make this situation easier for both of us.
He smirked at me lightly and I wished I could just stand there frozen, with that half-smile on his lips in front of me. "Indeed. The fact remains that a luna is not something that this pack will ever have."
"What about you Bjorn? Will you condemn yourself to live alone for the rest of your life?" I stepped even closer to him and it made me look at him. "Once again, what about your pack? What about me?"
I didn't even want to think about the pain that I might feel if he rejected me. Pack members usually described it as something unbearable, something that breaks you for good.
Not finding your mate did happen. Sometimes wolves died young and other wolves would spend their lives in search of a mate that just wasn't there anymore. However, when talking about it, being rejected by your mate once the bond snapped into existence felt the same way as you would when they would die once you've met them. Broken, empty, without any cause or reason for existence. Some claim that the pain you feel the moment the words are said and blood is spilt feels like your soul is being sucked out of your body. It just feels empty.
Bjorn was rambling on and on about how great I am, or something similar, however, the only thing I knew at that instance was that I couldn't allow him to do that. I couldn't let him do that to himself, to me, to us.
I am not going anywhere big guy. Anywhere. Not now, not even if I have it my way.
Think of me as a lunatic if you will, the condemning voice of my conscience already does reprimand me for it every second of every day.
"Okay," I stopped him mid-sentence again and it made his eyebrows scrunch up once again. "How about a deal?"
"A deal?"
"Yes, a deal." I pouted my lips. "I stay here, go to college in the Dawn pack territory. I can help you with the pack matters. I could help you run everything, be the luna your pack needs." He opened his mouth to say something and I knew I needed to beat him to it. "But! But, hear me out." I made another step toward him, which made him step back. "I stay out of your way emotionally, we can be friends or acquaintances or whatever the word is, but I will not be pushing you into anything."
I knew the plan was doomed. I knew that there was no way I wasn't gonna throw myself at him once again. But it seemed like all the Slavic pride my momma always said I have, just seeped out of me at the sight of him.
Sure, let's push down our own pride and who we are, just to get a chance to hump onto some muscular male. When did you allow yourself the right to, Klara?
Maybe it happened the moment I allowed his tongue inside my mouth, a girl can never know.
"No." It was short and bitter and decisive and it hurt me a bit.
The guy doesn't want you, Klara. Sure, it was hot and he was aroused, but you are mates and it could've simply been his wolf side that took over him. Sometimes, you gotta know a stupid decision when you make one.
"Is there another female you would rather mate with?" I asked with a blank face, knowing very well that I wouldn't want to know any other response but a resounding no.
His response came fast, which was a small relief for me. "No. Things are different with me. I do not need a mate and my pack was doing very well without a luna so far. While I respect your eagerness to help, I am afraid that I will have to decline."
Don't say it, don't say it. Klara, please. Don't. Do. This.
"Well too bad," I said. "because I am staying." I snapped. "I am staying and I now not only am I gonna fight for my place here. I am gonna fight for you and your heart as well." I raised my chin.
Fuck. Good to see the Slavic stubbornness and vanity are still there.
I am, after all, Klara Vityevna and you are gonna see just how stubborn I can be once I make a decision. Let's just forget the fact that I asked him to reject me right away not more than 5 minutes ago. I swear I do have some character left in me.
At least I hope I do...
"You are leaving and that is my final word on this matter. If you wish, I could reject you, but we both know how bad that could be."
"Too bad big guy. I am staying and there is nothing that you can do about it." I said and pushed my way through him and to the door. Everyone was waiting for us outside in the yellow light of the porch.
I could see the small smile forming on Emma's face when she saw me. Of course, they heard us. Everything that happened and was said. I could feel a blush creeping up on my cheeks, but it wasn't as if I was going to allow it to stop me.
"Steph, would it be possible for someone to take me to the Dawn pack and back to my pack to get my stuff?" I asked, pretending they didn't hear me call out to the Goddess just a couple of minutes ago.
"There will be no need for stuff. Steph will take you to the Dawn pack territory tomorrow." Bjorn stepped out behind me. "And leave you there."
"No, he won't. Steph?" I didn't even look at him but at the best and the Klaus who looked like he was going to burst out laughing any moment. Steph looked at his alpha and then at me and then back at his alpha.
They are talking about you through the mind link. They could also discuss how weird you are while they're at it.
"Of course luna," Steph said and at that moment I could see Emma cringe at something that was said. "we will check and I will let you know in the morning." He added.
It was decided that I will stay with Emma, Steph, and her parents for the night since there was still room in their house. At the mention of me staying with Klaus, Bjorn growled a lot louder than necessary.
So as Steph was doomed to take me home the next day, mentioning something about Klaus and his charm as a reason why he cannot be the one to take me, I accepted it and spent a pleasant night talking to Neyva, Emma's mother, while trying not to think about those green eyes, or lips, or other parts of his anatomy.
I had to call my parents and explain the situation. Of course, leaving out the part where my mate didn't want anything to do with me. They were ecstatic which made me feel a bit better about the situation I was in.
Even though it wasn't easy or a joyful one, not at all.