"You know those aren't the problems. None of it was your fault, yet you still feel that way?" The therapist asked and Lili looked around, not able to look her in the eye.
"Weird, right?" she chuckled, brushing it off. But the therapist on the screen shook her head.
"It's okay to feel that way. Our brain is weird in this. Even though we know something doesn't mean we really get it. I will try to help you fully comprehend it, okay?" Lili was really comfortable with this woman. She felt as if she really understood her, so Lili decided to say what was on her mind.
"I have, had, have… I have a fiancée and I'm scared of him. I know he would never hurt me, but he is a man. Capable of hurting me. But I want to know if I will ever stop being scared of him?" Lili asked, sighing. The therapist smiled at her warmly.
"We will work on it together. I will give you some homework. You said you get flashbacks, and you like playing games with that team. What about if you get a flashback again, you go and play the game? You believe those people, right? They can't hurt you over the internet and you said they never would… Should we start with that?" Lili nodded, agreeing with that suggestion. Their time was already past the hour, so they said goodbyes and Lili turned off the laptop.
She looked around, put the laptop aside, and then leaned backwards on the seat. The water was swaying her lightly, calming her down. She could hear only the splashing of water against the boat she was sitting on and the stones on the shore. The wind in the trees was whispering soft words as the sun warmed Lili's skin.
A sound of male laughter pierced the silence, and Lili jerked herself. It was just too similar to Adam's laughing. Images started appearing before her eyes, so Lili tried to do as her psychologist said.
Zhulong wasn't in the game, but someone else was. Someone that wasn't rude to her either. It was The Norway team. And they had invited her to join their party as soon as she went online.
"Yo, Lili, How are you? I thought you changed completely to Chinese time," Einar said. She knew his real name was Daniel, but Einar just sounded a lot cooler, so she called him by his in-game name.
"Yo, Einar. Yeah, I have a holiday so I want to enjoy some sunlight," she said, not really telling a lie, but it wasn't true either.
"Hey you know that Leif was pretty sad you joined a different team and not us? And you even sold them weapons. You always rejected us." Lili chuckled.
"Leif is like eight years younger than me. I think he will soon find someone to vow instead of me." Lili laughed. She actually laughed. After a week of being free, she laughed.
"That means nothing to him. You are his role model. And he is pissed you had taught someone else your secrets," he said, and Lili bit her lip, chuckling.
"You saw the match? Was it that obvious? It was me?" Lili asked, but the answer was obvious.
"You mean there is more than one healer in the game that attacks instead of hiding behind others? And he shows up accidentally just after you were forum headlines saying you went to the Chinese team?" Lili laughed once more. It was true. There weren't many healers like her.
"They prefer to be a Hong Kong team. And give me a second," she suggested gently, hearing chuckling from Einar.
Lili adjusted her seating, the way the laptop was on the seat and she was sitting on the bottom of the boat, so she could use the mouse that she brought with her in the backpack, on the side of the laptop on the seat.
"You ready? We just need backup," Einar asked as others were calm, silent. Lili agreed, and they were all running towards the woods they had been transported in front of.
"What is even this instance?" Lili asked, running forward, behind all the teammates.
"Dragon King," someone answered calmly. Lili wasn't familiar with his voice and didn't have time to look whose name lit up. As she stopped running.
"And you are saying this, this late?" she yelled out and quickly went to her inventory, shifting gears. And even put in her pouch more elixirs.
"What you had on before?" someone else asked. They were all watching her change and sometimes killed the respawning monsters.
"Forging and streaming with Zhu long," she said and started running again once she was set.
"And what did you think we were going to do?" Einar laughed, and Lili had to agree with him. She was usually helping him with instances that weren't that easy.
"Nevermind me, I'm not myself today," she said and healed someone called BlueDeath, because his health was declining. But others were still okay as they used some potions. Lili just managed to evade a respawned monster and laughed.
"You really are not yourself today. Hey, if they don't behave properly towards you, screw them and join me and Leif. We would never hurt you," he said while battling the dragon in the castle they just blew the door of.
"Haha, I just slept badly. They would never hurt me. Heck, Lei will kiss the ground I walk on," she said. Somehow, when she was telling it to someone else, that little irrational part of her was starting to believe it.
"Thank you, I need to go now," Lili said and said goodbye to Einar's party. She put her laptop, headset, and mouse back into her backpack, sat on the seat, and rowed back to the shore.
Once the tip of her boat hit the sandy shore, Lili was suddenly happy. And had no idea why. Jumping on the shore, Lili pulled out the boat, so it wouldn't float away. She tied the chain around the tree and locked it. Her brain suddenly realized she wasn't afraid of chains.
Why was she then afraid of Lei? Who even wasn't there, who wasn't the one tying her down. Confused, Lili took her backpack, and frowning, she turned around, heading up the small uphill.
"What are you doing here?!" she exclaimed at the male figure standing by her cottage and made a step back.