After her morning workout session, Adonis lay in bed. She couldn't move her legs and planned to stay in bed all day. A few hours earlier, Deo had pushed her to her breaking point. Adonis had thrown up once, and they had switched from cardio to kickboxing. Her ribs ached as she remembered the memory; Deo had enjoyed kicking her. He had smiled a lot. That bastard.
God, Adonis hoped the guy would fall off the cliff after giving her a loan.
On the bright side, she wouldn't have to repay him if he died. Did she?
The trouble was that she knew her father would be here any day to tell her he would no longer support her and her mother. He would announce that he was cutting ties with his gay son. His possible abandonment was why she wanted to join Relar and why she had gone to Deo for a loan.
She fell asleep, all her worries turning into nightmares. She ran away from some hideous man. He was naked; he had a mouth but lacked eyes and a nose. His skin was blue, like his body was in the process of decomposition. He smelled horrid. She tried not to gag as he chased her through the forest, laughing. Somehow, the grass turned into a treadmill, forcing her back towards the guy with his rows of sharp pointed teeth. She felt like he would devour her whole. He screamed, a high-pitched sound that shook the trees and made the ground tremble. She tripped over a log and crashed onto the ground.
She fell on her ass and crawled to get away from him, but he was closing in. She screamed. It was one of those screams where you screamed in the dream, but also in real life. She woke up drenched in sweat, her heart racing. Someone knocked on the door, and she swallowed her unease. On the other side, Cal asked, "Are you alright? I heard you scream; what time are you planning to eat? I was wondering if I should make you breakfast. Do you want anything in particular?"
She pinched her eyes shut. Her head throbbed, and she pressed her hand against her forehead; it was hot, feverish. Sometimes she felt stressed. Like she was seconds away from going mad and placed in a psych ward. It was like she was always fighting an uphill battle, and no matter what she did, she would never win. Maybe she should go mad. Perhaps she should pretend to be insane so no one would expect anything from her, and she could lock herself in her room and do nothing at all. Cal knocked on the door, paused, then his footsteps receded.
Her head sunk into the pillow, and she closed her eyes.
***
When Adonis woke up, it was two in the afternoon. Her forehead felt warm but no longer feverish. She made a mental promise to take better care of herself. She picked up her phone. It glowed pink, and she said, "Call 'Asshole'."
The phone rang, and Deo picked it up within a few seconds. "Hey."
"Hey. When should we meet to discuss the contract?"
"I need to see you dressed as a girl in person. I need to know you are worth the money."
"I'll pay you back; I just need time. By the way, my fake girlfriend services will cost you two hundred dollars an hour."
Deo snorted. "You are worth fifty at most."
"Two-hundred or find some other sucker to put up with your bull crap."
"As I said, I need to see you dressed as a girl before I make a decision."
"Where will we meet?"
"I'll text you the address. Come in women's clothing."
"Yeah, whatever."
Deo hung up, and she noticed she had a text from Gregory. It was from two in the morning. She called him back. It had been a while since they had talked. They had both been busy, and Jonas had forbidden them from seeing each other, saying that nothing good would come from it. She knew he was right, but Gregory definitely knew what to say and do to affect her. Gregory said, "Hey, did you sleep early?"
"Yeah." She didn't want him to know the truth. She didn't want him to know that she was strapped for cash and planning to participate in Relar. She didn't want her friends to bail her out. If they did, they would no longer be on equal footing, and their friendship would deteriorate. She refused to be the friend that took money and never had anything to give.
"Okay. How are you?" Gregory asked.
"Good."
There was a long, unnatural silence. Their conversation had lost some of its spark; she felt a bit guilty. She knew if she appeared cold, she would hurt him. But there was nothing good in her life; she had no funny stories to share. If he knew the things she was doing behind his back, he would be pissed and rightly so. She trusted herself to pay back the two-hundred dollars loan within four years. And she hoped to gain enough money from Relar to start a company and use whatever fame she got from the competition to attract clients.
He said, "I got a weird picture the other day."
She felt her heart halt and gripped the sheet.
He continued, "You don't wear female clothing, do you? I mean I have never seen you do it."
"No. It wasn't me." Tears pricked her eyes, but she held them back and kept the emotion out of her voice.
"So, you've seen the photo too? The guy is telling everyone you're the girl in the photo."
"He's a liar."
"You sound off. Is something wrong?"
"I'm kind of distracted."
"Too distracted to talk to me?" He sounded hurt.
"Yes." She hung up. The photo was making its rounds; she had to hurry. Gregory sent her a text: 'I need to see you. Where do you want to meet up?'
She didn't respond and sent Deo a text: 'I'll be at the Cove at three o'clock if you are interested in seeing what I look like as a girl'.
***
The Cove was a nickname for Carran country club. It was frequented by old people and LGBTQ+ members. Sometimes Adonis performed there. They didn't seem to mind that she was young or gay, or liked to dress like a girl sometimes. She could be herself as an anonymous performer that no one knew. A year ago, she had told them her name was 'Dran,' and they had never asked for I.D or anything else. As long as she didn't give any trouble, they gave her a small cheque after every performance.
It was the only place she could be free. She walked down the marble hallway; the walls held paintings of natural landscape. A waterfall. Snow-covered mountains. A forest with slanted gold rays breaching the gaps in the canopy of leaves and illuminating the dirt floor.
She passed a trophy case with five gold cups and pictures of smiling men holding up trophies. She ran her finger along the golden wallpaper until she came to the men's locker room.
She slipped inside and found an empty stall to change in. Crossdressers sometimes wore fake boobs, so she decided release her real ones. She put on a shimmering black dress with a high neck. It clung to her hips and stomach, showing off the figure that she tried to hide. She started to second guess this whole plan. It wasn't too late to run and dismiss the entire thing as a bad idea. But no bank would give a fourteen-year-old with no assets a loan. Unfortunately, Deo was her best course of action. She put on the silver necklace with its rows of glittering string that covered her chest like a miniature curtain.
She put on a black wig, used a hand mirror to fix the edges, and put it into a high ponytail. She applied her makeup, accentuating her cheekbones so she would look like a fierce yet sexy amazon warrior. As she put on the finishing touches, she started to doubt the idea again. It was a terrible idea. She paced the cubicle in her heels. Maybe she should run. No, she needed the money.
She clenched her fingers into a tight fist. 'Remember you are dressing as a girl, but you're not a girl. Play it cool. You're still a dude, and he's not gay; you're selling yourself, but not exactly, you are not having sex with him, so it's not prostitution. You are still you. Sort of.' Opening the door, she checked the hallway to make sure no one was wandering around outside. She didn't want any old perv to touch her, mistaking her for a girl who wanted to exchange sex for money. It was empty. She exited her stall, taking her bag with her.
***