Adonis heard the heavy steps of a rhinoceros approaching and braced herself. What was it this time? She had stayed in her room. Kept her hands to herself; she never spoke out of turn. She had been polite. Respectful. What more did her mother want? The door flew open. Adonis' mother held a key to the room. She stepped inside in a pink see-through robe. Adonis groaned inwardly. Why on earth would a woman of her age and size wear that? Adonis was about to protest when her mother picked up a belt that was hanging on a hook behind the door.
She approached Adonis quickly, lashing the air with the belt. Adonis got off the bed. She retreated towards the wall, her hands held out in front of her, patting the air in a desperate attempt to calm her mother down. "Mom," she said in a slow and steady voice, "let's talk this out."
"You went out with a boy, and someone saw you?" Madame Cruz shrieked.
Adonis thought of the one person who had seen her with a boy. Cal. That traitor. She would not talk to him for a long time after this. Madame Cruz attacked Adonis quickly despite her size. She brought the belt down on her daughter's head. Adonis blocked the blow with her arms. The buckle struck her skin. It scratched her flesh. Her mother lifted the belt and whipped her till her arms were bruised and bloody, but Adonis had successfully managed to protect her face.
She had a faded crescent scar under her eye from the time her mother had peeled the skin with her nail when she was younger. She didn't fancy getting any more scars. Her mother panted. After the attack, Madame Cruz's anger cooled, and she became somewhat reasonable.
Madame Cruz said, "Your father said that if you did anymore of that gay shit, he would cut you off once you turn sixteen. Without his help, where are we going to get the money to pay our employees, huh? How will we pay the bills, huh? What about groceries? How are you going to afford that?" Her mother shook her head, then said, "I ask so little of you. I tell you don't fool around with men. Don't wear girl's clothing. What is your problem, Adonis? Why can't you do these things?"
"I made a mistake." Adonis' arms stung but her voice was cool, even.
"Your mistake is going to cost us our house." Her mother stormed out of the room. Adonis knew her mother would lock herself inside the master bedroom and cry.
Adonis didn't chase her. Her entire life—all she had done was try and please her mom. She was so sick of it. She wanted her own identity. She wanted to be able to breathe and enjoy life. Adonis wasn't repentant but angry. She sought out the traitor.
When she opened his door, Cal was stuffing his things into a duffel bag. He had cleaned up the room. The walls were mint green and stripped of the ugly wallpaper. The crib had been thrown out; everything had been dusted and wiped till they were spotless. She had planned to yell at him, but now that she saw him packing, she grew worried. "What are you doing?"
"Leaving."
"Why?"
"I'm not staying in this fucked up house. It's not my job to look after a gay kid and his mother who wants to molest me."
His words deeply wounded Adonis. She had seen him as a potential friend. She said, "So you're the same as the rest of them? You see a gay, and that's all he is that 'gay' over there. Something gross. Something you want to beat and ridicule." Tears pooled in her eyes and flooded her cheeks. She thought she had found someone who understood her. Someone who cared about her as a fellow human being. Someone who knew that she was flawed but liked her anyway.
Her hands trembled, and she stuffed them into her pants' pockets. "Fuck you," she said in a soft voice. "You had nothing. I gave you somewhere to sleep; free food, money for your labour. I didn't even—" Her voice broke off; she could no longer breathe, and her heart started to race. She had to get out of the house.
She couldn't speak anymore; her words died in her throat. She needed to get out of there. She ran downstairs, took her bicycle out of the garage and rode down the street. As she pedalled, she forced herself to breathe. 'Calm down, you'll be alright. Calm the fuck down and breathe. You're okay, now, I promise'. Her trembling hands gripped the handlebars as she inhaled the cool afternoon air.
***
Adonis had a feeling she would find him there. He usually hunted on Sundays. She walked her bicycle alongside the river. It was too cold to swim. The wind blew against her shirt, dried her tears; the sky was slate grey with dark, rolling clouds. She didn't pay attention to the trees she passed or the length of time she walked. The rush of the current became a dull roar against her eardrums. The birds were quiet. Aside from the rustling leaves, there was a stillness to everything. Like the life had been drained out of it similarly to how it had been drained out of her.
When the cold rain started, she didn't feel it. She didn't feel anything but fatigue. The cold water made her clothes stick her skin, but it didn't bother her. She would no longer feel. She would shut herself away from the rest of the world. Her body was no longer hers. As numb as she was, she looked out for him. When she got to the place he was supposed to be, he wasn't there, so she sat on a rock and waited.
Half an hour later, there where footsteps behind her. Deo broke free of the line of trees. He wore a black poncho; the hood drawn over his head. His crossbow hung from his shoulder. "You look like death," he said.
She didn't say anything; she was numb to everything around her. He handed her his poncho. "Here. You need this more than I do; you are fucking drenched."
She put it on, more out of reflex than anything else. She wasn't thinking at the moment. He paused next to her and said, "You are weird. Sometimes you come here to argue. Other times, you come here, and you are mute." He sighed. Deo was the same age as her, 6-foot-3 and well-built, the kind of guy her mother and father wanted her to be like. He leaned against the tree, listening to the rain, but he didn't leave.
They had done this sort of thing often in the last few years. They weren't friends, but they weren't strangers either.
Deo came from money. His father designed and produced weapons. When Deo had turned twelve, he had invented a messaging app that had become popular in the last year. He was now the young CEO of a company called Little World, which sold children's toys. At fourteen, he was everything she wasn't. Strong. Accomplished. Handsome. He had a square face with a chiseled jaw. Smooth skin. Gentle features. His dark eyes watched her.
Without his poncho, the rain soaked his clothes, but he didn't complain.
After a moment, Adonis said, "I want you to teach me how to fight. I'm good with a crossbow. My endurance isn't bad, but my strength needs some work."
Deo said, "Why?"
"I'm thinking about entering Relar."
"Don't."
"Why not?"
"You'll die within the first week."
His cold attitude revived Adonis. Her anger warmed her veins. She stood and wrapped her arms around his neck, putting him into a chokehold. He laughed and leaned back against her shoulder. "Is this supposed to hurt?"
She squeezed.
He grunted and fell forward. He spun, throwing her beneath him. He landed on top of her and slammed his elbow into her belly. Her head struck the soil, and she let go of him, momentarily disorientated. Her belly throbbed. He placed his knee atop her chest, pinning her down. He put most of his body weight on it. She found it hard to breathe properly. "These games aren't a joke. People kill each other for fun. They'll kill you," he said.
"I don't have a choice." Her father would cut her off, and she would need money to start her own company. She needed to take care of herself. As a woman, she wasn't allowed to own property. But as a man, she could own property. Deo said, "We always have a choice." He removed his knee and offered her his hand. She ignored it, and got to her feet without his help. Her back was covered in mud, but that didn't matter.
Deo studied her; rain settled in his cropped black hair. He said, "Fine I'll donate some of my time to help you. Meet me every morning here at three a.m. If you're even a second late, it's over, and you find someone else to teach you. My time isn't cheap."
"I know."
He said, "Go home and clean up. You look like shit."
"It's not like you threw me to the ground."
"You looked like shit before I threw you." Deo held up a finger. "One more thing. If you want me to train you. No more smart retorts or the deal is off, understood? Oh, and call me King Deo or your royal highness."
He was playing with her, seeing how far she would deface herself. She bit her lip then said, "Yes, my king." Adonis bowed. She meant it mockingly, but the pleased smile on his face pissed her off. She would have asked Gregory, but things were weird between them after the night they had slept together. Jonas said that the two of them should stay apart while Gregory recovered from his brother's death. With Gregory off-limits, Deo was the second-best fighter in their graduating class. He was at the top of the charts in academics and physical education. In other words, he was a good replacement.
Adonis could take testosterone to boost her performance and enhance her muscles, but she didn't want to alter her body via medical injections. She had to become strong without them. Once she took testosterone, she would become something she didn't identify as. She had always felt like a woman, and she would like to continue to be one as long as she could. She would push her body to its very limits to prove her worth alongside men.
***