I know he has feelings for me, I just didn't expect that he actually has it this bad.
"What if love is not as special as everyone believes it to be? What if it's just a fleeting moment of emotion that happens between lust and attraction? That state where you became attracted to someone and decided to pursue your affection into a more physical connection and when you reach that state, what then? Maybe that's why love always ends up hurting us, because when the attraction and physical connection has been pursued, we end up trying to escape from each other." I asserted.
I can't believe how quickly this day has turned from a seemingly disastrous scene into this love confession. Should I just give in? No matter how sudden the confession had been, the thought of it being spontaneous makes it more romantic.
"Love is not just a feeling, or affection, or attraction, it is a commitment. It is a constant phase of working for it to grow, to blossom and to keep alive." He counters.
"It would have been nice if you could give me the same benefit as your lover, as that stranger you have met 5 years ago at a bar. Because back then, you are so transparent, so true to your emotions and so honest. I wanted to have that honor again."
I took several deep breathe. There's no turning back now.
"A lover? There's a nice ring to that…" I started.
"I may no longer be your first love, may not even be your great love, but I will give my all to at least deserve that title, your lover now and until you no longer needed me to be…but even then, I would work hard in order for you to keep needing me…" he is still confessing. I have never felt this overwhelmed with feelings before. This is the first time I have heard of such confession. It's too good to be true.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. But as I said from the start, I'm willing to try this with you. You make me feel excited and safe. I'm sorry but I'm too overwhelmed to even evaluate my emotions. All I know is, my life with you is much better than my life without you." I admitted. That was enough for him to hear, to pull me towards him for a tight embrace. It was comfortable. It was liberating and it was a hug that sealed what we have.
"I know you hated how I'm keeping you in the dark about all the news. But do you really have to bring someone else for this?" He finally confronted the issue that he'd been wanting to discuss.
"If I could have your laptop or computer, whichever is more secure, I'll show you something…" I am ready. I am now finally opening my life to this man.
If he wanted a future with me, he should at least know what he's getting into. It would be much easier for both of us if we just lay everything on the table from here on out. He stood up and reach his laptop and handed it to me.
"Don't worry about security…" he offered. Of course, isn't he working in one of Asia's biggest emerging security firm? I went into RTR's website and used my password to open up the private information of the company. I type my name on the now secure private server.
"Chris doesn't know about me as the author because his firm does not represent my Publishing. His company is working for my family's company…" I stated and handed him back his laptop. He nervously took it and read on what's on the monitor.
"Why would you want to be anonymous if you have this kind of background?" He finally reacted.
"It's not humble bragging, if that what you're thinking. I just don't want how complicated it will be to find real relationship with people and to be objectified like as if I owed all of this to anyone…" I explained.
"I envy you to have that kind of choice. But to have achieve all this in a short span of time, by yourself, that's something to be proud of." He is trying to convince me.
"Thanks, but I am focus on just finishing my dissertation now."
"What's your obsession with finishing a PhD? Most people stop going to school when they finish high school with enough knowledge to work and earn a living. Why do you need to trouble yourself with all of these…?"
"I'm here now because I'm crazy enough to trouble myself with it… Must be fate…" I teased.
"You have to introduce me to whoever made your company's secure private server. It has a unique signature…" he's in admiration.
"Hah, he would be proud to hear that coming from you…"
"Do you have your own security team?" he is interested. So, from a very romantic confession, he is now too interested with the security server of RTR, that's sweet.
"It's just my brother. He is not a team nor is he working for any IT firm…" I declared.
"Interesting…" he is still checking on his laptop. I snatched it away, closed it and tossed it by the footrest.
"The conversation of security server is so important right now because…." He laughed so hard.
"It's not funny…we should have a resolution and a definite consensus as to how we'll proceed with this relationship…" I demanded. He smirked.
"Is this going to be enough…" he pulled me closer for a kiss.
"You and me, from now on, will go through this together no matter what…" he took a moment to get my reply through my gaze, I pulled him back and I sealed it with a kiss.
"It's not late, right? Are there still reporters out?" I asked.
"I think your lawyer took care of them…"
"Let's go for a walk…" I requested.
It's beginning to feel like spring at the end of February. The breeze is still chilly, but there's a calmness and familiarity with it. We walked by the park holding hands, finally taking it all in. I'm no longer single; I came to Seoul a month ago without any expectations with my love life. I am going back to Copenhagen tomorrow with someone who loves me. It would be a long 8 days without him, but the thought that he is always here makes me so happy.