When will I start living as my own person, to be really living with how I want to live? I thought before that if I will be rich that I will finally live my life as I like. But at the end of the day, I'm still alone. I was at the study preparing for my weekly lesson update when I heard the doorbell ring. I didn't realize that it's already almost 7 in the evening. It's him. I smiled. As always, he looks dashing. He reached out for a kiss and I throw myself into a tight hug.
"I missed you." I greeted. I know we have a lot to talk about. But I wanted to savor this moment. I missed him. Amidst all the ruckus and the week of not seeing him, it made me realize one thing. He is the only constant in my life right now.
"I missed you…" he replied. He removed his coat, and I can finally see how handsome he is. He's mine. I thought to myself. He is wearing a denim pant, and a grey sweatshirt. I can smell the scent of aftershave when I steal a kiss. He removed his white sneakers and we finally headed inside. I missed him. So, I casually pull his hands not letting it go.
"Are you ok?" He seems uneasy with my sudden sweetness. He knew I'm not as affectionate as him, so I don't blame him if he finds my actions weird right now.
"I'm just happy to finally see you…"
"Have you eaten dinner?" he asked. I can feel that tonight will be long night.
"I'm not really hungry."
"But we still need to eat…" he insisted. He went in the kitchen. He is already familiar in here, he is already a part of this place, a part of me. I followed him.
"Can we have sushi?" I suggested.
"Hmmm… I can reserve a seat." He notified.
"Nah-ah… we can just order…" I replied.
"I'll call…" he brought out his phone. I gestured that I will be going to the study, I have to make sure to finish what I am doing before we will discuss whatever it is that's making him look gloomy.
I received an email from Prof Kim from the update of the paper I sent to Claus, my supervisor at KU. It's only now that I realize that I have bitten more than I can chew. The last semester of PhD doing this dissertation is really not as easy as I initially thought. With everything that's going on, I might burn out soon. I let out a deep sigh. Put on my glasses and focused on the updated paper on my screen. I was so focused on my computer that I didn't notice him standing by the door.
"The food arrived…." He announced.
"Already?" I am shocked.
"You have been here for almost an hour…" he casually notified. An hour? So, what has he been doing?
"An hour? So, where have you been?" I inquired.
"Here, looking at you…" he smiled. I crinkle my nose, to make him know that I don't believed him. I stood up from my seat and reach out to him. He pulled me towards him and removed my glasses.
"There. Much better…" he took down my glasses and set it by the table. We headed by the dining table and I saw his open laptop. So, he is also working.
"Something wrong?" I finally asked.
"Let's eat first…"
"If you say that, then I will be more curious, so how can I eat…"
"We will talk, I promise." He assured.
Now, that I looked at him closely, I can see how tired he looked. He seems to have been exhausted. I feel like he is carrying a very heavy burden right now, which made me more and more curious and at the same time anxious. I sighed. He looked at me intently. Then, he put down his chopsticks. He stood up and he came towards me and hug my back while I was sitting.
"I just really miss you…" he exclaimed; his voice too soft that I can barely catch his words. He reaches for the chair beside me turned my chair to face him.
"You're scaring me…" I stated.
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to do that…"
"What's wrong?"
"There's a problem at Namshin…."
"I heard…"
"There will be a board meeting in 2 weeks. My uncle is using my situation to oust Jae-yin from the chairmanship. My parents think that agreeing to Congressman Park's condition will established his support in favor for Jae-yin…" he started,
"And the condition is…"
"An engagement with Nari…"
I was flabbergasted. So, this is what's keeping him exhausted. I can't believe there's still this kind of concept in this modern world. I heard about their company being traditional, I didn't expect to be this backward. He observed my reaction, looking like he wanted a permission to continue, I nod my head. He started to share more about their company's tradition. Until he finally opened up about the almost dissolution of Namshin during the 1995 incident.
His aunt caused a large controversy when she runaway with a Filipino worker. They had 2 kids; his grandparent tracked her down, but the company faced a much larger controversy when it was being investigated by the government because of conspiracies in corruption charges. His uncle who is married to a politician's daughter used his position as the CEO to influence the votes and outcome of the election back then. Because of this, his uncle needed a fall guy, and he managed to track down my aunt's Filipino lover, he was deported because of baseless accusation and my aunt hated his family ever since. The worst has yet to unfold, when one of this Filipino worker's friend formed a union to expose Namshin's corruption. The situation became too heated that they have cause his grandparents car accident.
"When the accident happened, they caught his friend. But he maintained his innocence. It was a suspicious case, with a mild sentence of deportation. My aunt believed him, but she cut her ties with us from then on. We have not seen her since. My dad respected her decision. I am not sure if he really has no more contact with her. There is a deep underlying unfinished business about the accident that my father no longer wanted to relive", he is still sharing the story.
"But whoever is behind this news, they are using your background as being a Filipino to revive the past…" he finally confessed the main point of the situation. That's too much information to take in.
If it will come to it, am I willing to relive my past and to for this type of stress for him? Has he been this stress because of thinking how I would react?
"So, are you going to be engaged?" of the many things that is going on in my brain. That was the first thing that comes out of my mouth.
"That's never my option…" he held my hands.