"Oi, did you say something? Peasant boy." The man pushed ahead and stood in front of the bed. How typical.
"Tch." I stepped over the food that burned my foot and walked right through the door and straight towards them. Even so, because of the size of the room, they were still metres away.
Blood was rushing through my head with every step. I was incapable of stopping myself from what I was about to do. My mind had left all control of my body. I could only watch and observe.
'What am I supposed to do with these emotions inside in the first place? What do I do with this anger?'
As I continued to walk forward the person next to the bed started to show movement.
"I- it was for us Elyan! I did this for us!" The person guarded putting her hand up in defence.
Hah, defence from what? Why was she like this? Did I ever hit her- no… Did I ever even hurt her with words before?! NO! Not in the entirety of the life we spent together did I ever harm her emotionally or physically.
Sure we had our spats once a couple of years, but that was all they were spats. There was no violence, just a small verbal disagreement over some of our habits. SO WHY WAS SHIT ACTING LIKE I WAS AN ABUSER?!
More so now, it didn't make any sense.
Hell! I was a civilian. I couldn't hurt a saintess even if I wanted to.
All I did was love her unconditionally. And this was where it got me. This was just what I had coming. And doing this for me? Making it so that I was the reason she had to cheat on me? Who the fuck was she trying to fool?!
"Stop lying Luno, it wasn't for this chump. You know we had our thing." The man snickered proudly while spitting the pipe from his mouth. The lit end of the pipe bounced off my chest and hit the ground as I heard the sizzle of it getting extinguished.
'We had our thing.' Words kept ringing in my head like there was an echo chamber inside. This wasn't a one-time thing. Which alone was unforgivable.
The situation got more and more messed up.
"Fuck off." I pushed the man aside when he tried to guard her. I don't know from what. Was he convinced that I abused her or something? I didn't in the past, but the way I was now, I wasn't sure about the present. Nothing would be able to stop me, not until I alleviated this boulder weighing me down. Not even my own will.
I grabbed Luno's arms up and pinned them in with the wall after kicking the nightstand away. Those two were doing it on that cursed thing. Her face was right in front of mine getting lit up by the large window behind her.
White face, burning red, getting redder as the light from behind her diffused through her skin. Her pear coloured eyes watering and still trying to run away from mine.
They did it out for the world to see too, huh?
I saw my reflection. Only at this distance did I realise that my anger wasn't directed towards her but myself. Only after looking at my own pitiful state did I realise the depths of my rage.
'Why did I even bother trusting this bitch?'
She wasn't like this. How could I have known? She was nice before, we shared out memories too and helped each other. I tried to come up with excuses. But nothing.
I was a failure for having trusted someone like her.
But still- she wasn't free of guilt either. My eyes met her hands, and with the glowing jewel in sight, my body involuntarily took action.
"Eeek!" I ripped the ring off her finger and threw it.
Even now. Looking at the face I wanted to see for so long only made my mind tear apart it only made me question what I was hoping to do in the first place.
Hell, I wanted to know what I could even do after being driven to a corner like this!
"Why?" Was the only measly word that left my mouth.
"I-It just no- I can explain..."
"THEN EXPLAIN LUNO!" Don't remind me of our time together.
"Please calm down, El."
"DON'T CALL ME THAT YOU PIECE OF-! Just tell me!"
"Not like this- Just a minute... Just wait I can't explain in this position. This is too sudden. Give me some room to breathe! Stop suffocating me. I said that I'll tell you everything!" She shouted defensively.
'Was I the villain now?'
"I knew it... I shouldn't have taken care of that cunt's daughter. It would've been better if the town ate you up back then."
"No, EL! Don't say tha- PLEASE!"
"I think she told you to give her some space. It was your fault for letting your woman go away like that." The man came back and grabbed my shoulder. I shook him off again.
"No, I didn't do anything wrong." I mumbled. I was drained of all energy, the reflection in my eyes looked dead.
How convenient! Putting her unfaithfulness on me?! I mean, what was I supposed to do?! Tell her to fuck off and stop dreaming about being a saint?! The world could screw itself over if we stay together? Go on the crusade as a farmer?
Her cloth was supposed to protect her. She was a woman of God. Let alone being faithful to me, she shouldn't have done it with anyone in the first place!
I didn't do a single fucking thing wrong.
Of course, I didn't. It really was her dream. It was all she wanted since she was three. I had no right to stop her... Not if that brought her happiness. Her happiness was supposed to be my happiness.
Our happiness was only 2 years away.
'BUT MAKING HER HAPPY DIDN'T MEAN THAT I HAD TO TEAR MYSELF APART!'
I felt so much rage, but I still didn't resort to any violence. That was the kind of man I was at the end of the day. But because of my nature, I simply couldn't tell head from tail.
'What else was I supposed to do? How do I get rid of this?'
The man in front of me patted his collar.
"Pushing me just because he's a little big. You should have just stayed at your farm and let things continue." The man pulled my shoulder back. "You would have gotten the chick back in two years after I had my turn with her."
'He really knows how to get on someone's nerves. I mean, how fucking dare he?' After doing this to me. I left her wrists and stepped back. Luno fell to her knees.
"Just shut u-!" Before I could finish telling him to stop, a punch dug right into my gut. "Hoo." My eyes started to burn. I was suddenly short of breath and my ears started to go silent.
It took a second before I started panting again- "HHHHAAAAA!"
"Elyan!" Luno cried.
My eyes remained stuck to that man as my hand grabbed his wrist. His hand was still digging in my gut. As my fingers ran across his hand, I realised how unnaturally hard they were.
He wasn't normal at the very least. What even was he?
"You s-shitty twig." I spat the blood piling in my mouth on his forehead.
"No- Stop! Elyan, don't provoke him! It was only a couple of times okay? I still like you. Just end this here. We can go back home, okay? We'll talk it out there." It was only a couple of times? Still like me? Could go home and talk it out? How could she say that so lightly? Does she know how many times she pushed me away for this? And yet here she was breaking my life apart.
Honestly, I didn't mind not doing it with her back then when she asked me not to. I was supportive through all of that. She needed to remain pure to become a saintess. It was obvious and I was understanding.
And then this was where it got me.
The man wiped off the blood from his forehead as his brows started to furrow.
"Even though I held back. It's true, peasants really don't know their place." His wrist snapped out of my hand.
"No, Rok stop. You have your hero's reputation!" She came in front of me. Her intentions became clear. She cared more about his reputation than she did about my life.
"No, he has to go..."
"Your name-"
"The others will cover it up."
"But." Luno's hand touched my chest as she formed a wall between us.
How fickle. Just how many times was she willing to break me today? I was about to shove her hand off but then abruptly Rok pushed her aside and grabbed my shoulder again. I tried to break out but it was of no use.
Suddenly in a singly foul strike, that asshole kneed my face.
"Here ya go!" A crack straight at my nose. My teeth broke.
"Guuuh..." I tried to guard my face but it was of no use, he hit me again and a couple of other teeth broke. And then his hands loosened momentarily. But it was enough to escape... I tried to stand up but my legs gave in against his grip. I couldn't get up at all. Begrudgingly, he did have the Hero's strength. I was kneeling in front of the two I abhorred most.
And there was nothing I could do about it.
How pathetic.
A hero? Fuck him. Using his strength to ridicule the people he was supposed to save. A saint who failed to remain pure to the Deity. What a vile party.
I only thought of religion when it was convenient. And now was convenient. At this moment I was sure that they did not deserve to go on The Crusade.
But I didn't have the power to stop them.
My eyes met his and got filled with anger. I didn't have the ability to fight him, and my word held no weight. These people were the ones the world was riding on.
I spat my tooth out on his foot as his face kept on getting more contorted. He had the face of a villain.
"Let's take this outside. I have other plans for later in this room." He grabbed my collar and brutally threw me through the window. The shattered pieces of glass dug through me. And ripped my shirt.
My skin got dug through and blood started oozing out as I fell and rolled only my backpack, my spine twisted fully in an arc.
Amidst the colourful poppies. Concussed from the blow to my face. Things kept getting worse and worse. I mean, did this even count as a fight. Did I not care for my life?
By all means, by now I should have run away. But I think I just didn't give a fuck anymore.
"Rok, stop now." Luno got up and stood in front of the window, or at least I think it was her silhouette.
Why can't that bitch just make up her mind? What was even going on in her head?
I didn't want to know, but I felt like I had to. I turned to my side. I guess you're never enough. I guess I was never enough.
I'd temporarily lost my will to live. Dying over a woman would only cause grief to my family. But now, more than any other time, I couldn't see any future ahead of me. I couldn't see myself smiling ever again.
I'm sorry.
Not to Luno, but to the two people back home who believed in me and my happiness. I seriously can't see myself walking out of this. And even if he didn't kill me, I think that I would kill myself.
I wasn't enough. Even after doing everything. I wasn't enough.
"Get lost." He pushed her aside and jumped through the window. His feet crushing the prettiest of the bunch of poppies. His eyes red from anger. "How did that skill go again?"
Light started to wrap around his foot. I tried to get up as he slowly walked toward me. "Tch too much mana."
He flicked his food but the light only got brighter.
And then he stood in front of me looking down at me. "Yep, this should do."
Without second consideration, with a vile smile on his face, Rok pulled his foot back and hit me.
Or at least he thought it did.
I instinctively put my palms in front of my torso to stop him.
My muscles were built for days of tilling away. I was stronger than an average man. My body was huge, I could handle myself in a fight against hoodlums.
I COULD-
But my palm shattered instantly. All the bones in both of my arms broke simultaneously.
His boot dug into my chest. My ribs shattered. Bones dug into my lungs.
It felt like I got hit by the highest class of magic. In that one instance, I felt like my eyes would pop out of my socket. In that one instance, I coughed up all the blood that was inside my torso. In that one instance, I felt all the bones in my body break!
'So, this was how the Hero used his strength.'
Finally, as I felt every bit of that pain inflicted on me, my body got launched backwards.
"NOOO!" Luno yelled from inside.
I tumbled through the woods, broke through trees upon trees… My back got knocked off as my shoulder dislocated. Branches impaled me.
Everything hurt so bad, that it felt like nothing hurt anymore. My blood was flying around with me.
I dug my hand into the mud to stop myself… But gave up as my nails got ripped off.
'How did such a small guy have so much power? What did he have over me? Sure he looked slightly better… He was a hero… And had strength befitting that title.
But was he not also a murderer? He hit me without any hesitation. Was I just that weak? It's unfair.'
I couldn't care anymore. I didn't have a life to care about anymore either.
'Just let this pain end.'
My head collided with the ground one more time as I felt my neck break, the next second I flew over the cliff.
It was the end. Surely. It was the end as soon as I gave up. I was weak, admittedly. Not just physically, my mind was weak too. I couldn't do what I should have done at that moment. I wasn't prepared for the action or the consequence.
My mind travelled back to the words I lived by. I guess that's what happens when you're about to die.
'Just blame the people around me. That always worked, right?
Some people are gifted with strength.
Some have the strength to protect those dear, some have the strength to earn recognition, some have the strength to climb higher in the world, and a few have the strength to change the world itself.
I just wasn't one of them evidently.
But I never put myself down because of that. In fact, I often found myself asking if strength really was all that important.
Without risking your life, just betting on strength, could you put food on the table?
With just strength could see the true colours of people?
With just strength, could you heal a shattered heart?
'I don't think so…'
Strength was just a flag the strong paraded to boost their egos. After just living through this, it became so obvious. Strong people were egomaniacs.
If everyone was weak, if everyone didn't pride their power blatantly, there would be no conflict. If everyone was a coward, not a single war would be waged- Hell! If everyone was a coward, there would never be a coward.
Everyone would just be normal.
Like me. Cowardice is the label you give to people who aren't willing to risk their lives pointlessly. People who value what they have built through the years.
We would all turn into people who thought everything through and had the slightest bit of respect for each other.
Just because strength existed, and just because humans deemed it to be something to flaunt, our world lost the ability to turn into a peaceful land.
Strength was a fluke.'
Or so I naively thought before my world- my love got snatched away from me.
Or so I believed before I saw the last moments of my life.
This was it. I didn't know anything anymore.
But you know what? If I had that strength, I might have just torn the entire world to shred.