The sound of my rapid heart beep, echoed, pounding against my chest. I shouldn't have said that what I said should have never even left my mind. The thoughts of my mind should never be for others, only myself.
What happened was nothing more than a stupid argument, why did I let it escalate to that point? If only I was smarter, If I would have thought everything through, If I did everything would have been for the best.
But no...and for that I'm absolutely stupid and it's all my fault. Because now I can't change anything.
But what I can do Is hold back all unwanted emotions. I abandoned them long ago, but I guess I need to re-teach myself, for I am getting rusty and even more useless. It's my duty to be this way, it feels as though this is what people expect of me in a way. With how much I feel out of place and jugged if I act the way I so desperately wanted to years ago. It's how I protect myself from the world that lives only to make me suffer. I must stand on guard, for this is my Hell. A Hell I can't escape.
.... I must stay emotionless...
I could barely take this anymore. I have to calm myself down. My palms are sweaty, and my throat is dry and ruff, like sandpaper. I feel like I'm slowly dying, every part of my body is giving up at different times kind of like they take turns. My legs are trembling, I know I need rest. But running to somewhere safe Is more important. It's what I need. So, I must hold on, and run a little longer even if my body is crying for help particularly on its knees begging me to stop. But I'm almost there.
When I got to the only room, I could feel safe in this haunted school. I looked to make sure I couldn't spot anyone else, when all was good, I locked the door to the bathroom.
The agonizing pain that ran though my body like electricity felt as though my flesh was being ripped apart, and or
the way my lungs gruel for oxygen. I sat there paralyzed. Waiting so desperately for the pain to go away, I couldn't tell what was going on with me, or why I in so much pain to begin with. But all I did know was that there was no stopping it.
"LILLY, I KNOW YOUR IN THERE, OPEN UP!" Chloe cried out, her hands knocking on the door furiously.
My mind was in a battle, I couldn't decide whether to open the door or to keep it shut.
But then I remembered, 'keep your emotions in check'. So, I gently placed my porcelain fingers onto the handle, opening it ever so slightly. Only enough for my deep green eyes to shine through. "Lilly, please come out, I know what you said earlier was just a misunderstanding." She pleaded.
My eyes went numb in vexation. 'I was right' will there ever be a time when I can meet someone who understands?
"Okay, then bye" I remarked, my voice having a numbness to it. "W-What do you mean?" She stuttered, eyes widening in disbelief. "I said bye, if it's all just a misunderstanding then there's nothing to talk about." I put forth, opening the door waiting on her to leave or at least move so I could shut it back. "You're kidding right? Stop acting so childish Lilly" She responded, voice annoyed as she rolled her eyes and squinted her eyebrows' together.
Not a single muscle in my body moved when I looked deep within her light brown eyes. But hers did, I could see her body flinch in fear, and or tensed beneath my gaze.
The air was frightening, cold and bitter. I was hoping she would leave without me having to repeat myself, but my hope just sadly started to fade when time passed by. I stood there waiting with my hands still on the handle. But she still hasn't moved, and I was starting to get annoyed. It was like she was debating on talking or leaving. I truly hope it's the last one, but who knows, today has been odd, full of unwanted surprises.
Finally, she broke the silents. After what felt like decades. "Why are you so stubborn? Just tell me what's wrong so I can help." I couldn't take this anymore. Why are people so blind. "I don't need help; don't you see that?! I just want the pain to stop. There's nothing you can do to help can't you see that? If I could wake up and genuinely be happy, not having to worry about anything or anyone don't you think I would choose that for myself? I hate waking up every night in cold sweat, flashbacks of things I don't even want to remember. How do you not realize your 'friend' Is just seconds away from ending it all?!" I yelled, tears hanging by a tread. I wasn't at all a tearful person but dang did my eyes feel like creating a waterfall for me. Like I said a day with surprises.
"And here you are again saying stuff like this, can you stop with that?! You don't even look broken, I see you smile and laugh, I'm not stupid, every time you say stuff like that It just makes you look like an attention seeker." She muttered the last sentence beneath her breath, But I could still hear her loud and clear. "Okay, I see I guess everything you told me before was all just lies. But I understand, Its just who you are. But goodbye, it was nice knowing you while it lasted." I told her with a light chuckle, her expression changing as I moved, walking out the door with a hard slam. "Wait, Lilly! I didn't mean it, please come back!" She yelled, trying to catch up with me but before she knew it, I was already gone.
As I was running, every fiber of my body was telling me to go the other way, but when I didn't obey, I immediately regretted my choice. My body slammed agented a heard chest, as tough as wood. making me tumble casing me to fall to the floor. When I looked up eyes filled with frustration and rage. I saw the person who started it all, Alex. When he looked down at me his natural bad boy expression changed ever so slightly. His rose-colored lips curved upwards into a smirk.
"Excuse me" I whispered, getting up off the floor. Not wanting anything to do with him. I didn't even want to look at him, his fluffy caramel hair and dark almond eyes make me think back on that night I tried so hard to forget. But when I tried walking away, he stepped in front of me. His tall strong figure stopping me from moving. "Wait where are you going?" He asked, grabbing onto my paper-thin wrists. "Let go!" I snaped, glaring at him trying to move my hand away. But he wouldn't budge, he only made his grip on me even tighter. "Stop struggling" His voice was deep and controlling, making all the hair on my body stand in fear. I didn't want to but my body forced me to obey. "Good Girl, now what brings you here my love?" He whispered into my ear, his hot breath brushing agents my skin. His smile never leaving, oh how I hate that smile. I wish I could just smack it off, but he seems like the type of guy to hit a girl if he wanted to. "Oh, let me guess, is it what I told everyone?" He chuckled sounding so full of himself, it was honestly giving me a headache. "So, it was you! But why?" I fearfully asked, my hands trembling. I was scared, but I still needed to know. "you're the one who made my life miserable just being in it for a couple of days" I expressed, my voice small and thin. I wanted to be louder, to yell for goodness' sake! But I couldn't, and he knew that. "I was just messing around, your so cute when your mad! But if I'm being honest, you were really hot the other day" he said so carefree, but i knew there was more to his words then he led on. "You're sick" I whispered, slowly backing up in disgust. His smile fell, face turning cold and lifeless sending shivers up my spine. He stepped closer and closer as I tried to desperately to get away from him. He raised his hand in pure anger before lowering it quickly, slamming his large hand agent my cheek. Causing me to fall over, eyes wide and full of tears. I did not expect that. His mood changed so quickly. It startled me. "I don't like seeing you in pain but if it's me who does it then It's not that bad."