Iris woke up to the daunting sound of an Iphone's caller tune. Seriously it's the worst sound ever, not because it's bad or anything, the thing is this sound means more work for her.
And it's Sunday for god sake !!
Iris pealed her face skin from the dining table because it was glued on it with the adhesive force of her sweat and saliva. "Comming, Coming, Shutup please!" Iris was having a bad hungover and she could feel the beat of the ringtone pulsate in her brain nerves.
"Oh comeoneeee noooooooooooo," She saw the caller Id; Tyler XO. She didn't wanna pick up the phone because Tyler calling on a Sunday means two things: either they have been called in for work or there is a problem and they have been called in for work.
The phone went silent before her eyes and she took a sigh of relief and immediately started thinking about what she would say. "I slept late cause I drank too much or... or I was cleaning the house and couldn't hear the sound of the phone ringing over the deafening sound of the vacuum cleaner."
Perfect.
She sat down on the bed and thought to herself, "I can send them photos of my house to let them know I really cleaned it". Now the reality was really sinking in Yes her Neighbor came into her apartment and cleaned it. No one would believe it and voila this is the excuse that I am gonna use. "I cleaned my whole apartment" Hmmph.
Her phone rang again.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhh NOOOoooooo PlEasEee,"
With enough courage buildup, she picked up the phone. This day couldn't get any worse. "Oh hi, You alive? I thought you were dead for sure," Tyler said.
"What is this regarding?" Iris hoped he wouldn't call her in for work just please god I am sick My head hurts and I have VOMITT! on my shirt.
"Do you have any recollection from last night? Tyler asked, he sounded like he was doing something. Maybe walking cause he sounded out of breath.
"Not really, we got drunk and all… what did something happen?" Iris didn't give any thought about last night but now when Tyler asked, she had no idea how she got home.
Did I take a cab or…. I don't know."Bitch you were out cold like dead as hell!" Tyler laughed hysterically. "Oh really," She didn't like the sound of that. Iris hoped she didn't do anything like let any secret slip out or anything. " Police caught us-"
"WHATTTTT! POLice what!"
"Don't fucking shout I am wearing my bose earphones, Jesus Christ,"
"What Police! did we get in trouble," Iris's heart turned hamster mode and her mouth went dry. Oh my god please tell me everything is okay, please tell me I didn't kill someone.
"Will you hear me out first?" Tyler said as he turned down his headset's volume a few notches.
Iris was on the ledge of her bed clenching her bedsheet and she could feel the adrenaline. She was not ready to hear a felony. Even before Tyler said anything she was imagining herself behind the bars and how people will mistreat her and everything else she saw in Law & Order.
"As you know you drank like a champ last night, right?"
Right!
"SO then you f'kin blacked out and Jaimie and I had to carry you,"
What!
"We were kinda having fun so I was holding your arms and Jaimie was holding your feet and we were kinda dangling you like a rug as we took you to My car," It looked like Tyler was having fun reminiscing the moment.
"What about the police!" Iris didn't want to hear this slow-burn stupid story she needed to know, What police, Why police-Why her?
"SHUTadfadsfUP, I am telling you. Soooo as we were taking you to the car. There was a policeman on his fancy bike,"
"What did he do!"
Iris's heart was about to pop out. "Nothing really he was concerned about you, I guess he thought we drugged you or something and probably we're gonna sell you in the black market," Tyler sounded too amused and this was pissing Iris really bad.
"That's all he was just concerned, Nothing else?" Iris's heart slowed down a bit. "Weeellllllllllll," Tyler sang a high pitch symphony.
Oh My God, there is more. "He didn't really believe us so he first asked the bar and after our barmaid told him, what kind of alcohol whore you are he came with us to drop you home," Tyler said in a matter of fact tone. "OH Oh… oh is see, IS there anything else?" Iris asked even though she thought this was the end.
"I couldn't find your keys... So we left you at your neighbor's apartment," Tyler said casually but Iris's lil-lil heart skipped few beats.
" You left me WHERE. I DON'T KNOW HIM! How can you be so stupid to leave me at A Stranger's house," Now things were starting to make sense. Why her neighbor was in her apartment and…. Well, it still doesn't explain why he cleaned her whole freking thing, anyway.
"Aren't you friends with your neighbor? Your doors are right beside each other's."
"NOOOoooooo, ARe you, Friends, with your Neighbour?" Iris wanted to murder Tyler; she was soo furious that her whole face turned red.
"Yes I am, He is my best friend," Tyler said drily.
"You're neighbor is your best FRIEND?" Iris couldn't understand this phenomenon. You can make friends… with your neighbor? seemed like such a foreign concept to her because she was raised on a farm for most of her life so no neighbors nearby. And when she moved to an urban area to attend high school she lived outskirt of the city and the closest human house was at least 3 miles away. Don't know even if you can call that a neighbor at this point.
"Yeah, Jaimie and I have been friends for like 4 years now?"
"Jaimie is your neighbor,"
"Why else do you think we always go home together," Tyler was surprised that She didn't know this.
"I thought he was broke or something, so you gave him a ride to his home," Iris really sounded innocent.
"Jaimie makes 10 grand a night,"
"WHAT!! But he is a DJ," Iris couldn't wrap around the fact that Jaimie who wears cheap ass clothes and blasts music for a living could earn that much.
"Exactly, Makes me feel like I am in the wrong profession," She couldn't see Tyler but she knew he just shook his head.
"Hmmmmmm, So you are not friends with your neighbor?"
Iris almost forgot the underlying issue after hearing a DJ making 10 grand a night. "Yeah, I am not, I mean how could you do that to me," Iris was really pissed at Tyler and thought of 101 ways of making his life miserable. "Did he say anything to you, I mean we left you there and that Police Chap wasn't really believing us on anything. Also, you didn't have a key. And The register said they gave you the spare key already because you lost yours,"
"That still doesn't give you the right to leave me at a stranger's doorstep,"
"Technically we left you on his couch-"
"ON His Couch!"
"WHAT Else was I supposed to do, The reception said it will take about 1 to 2 hours to get the new key made and registered for your room so I don't know… he seemed like he knew you well," Tyler was now speaking in his defense because he realized how big of a fuck-up he had done. So now he was trying to make it sound ol normal and stuff so he won't have to face any consequences.
"But Still….. I really expected more from you."
"I'm sorry, It's okay everything is gonna be fine,"
It is fine.
"He… he didn't do anything funny did he… you know like hmmmm?"
Iris's pupil dilated. This was an angle that never crossed her mind. What if he took advantage of her Unconcious state what if he had. Oh shit, she looked at clothes and nothing felt weird but it can't be said for sure. Iris's whole life started flashing in front of her eyes. She only heard about these scenarios in papers and news but something like this could happen to her.
It was devastating to even imagine it. She felt herself falling into darkness, pure darkness, the blackest shade of black surrounded her. A feeling that she will never be able to feel happiness. Her pace of breath changed and Then she had an epiphany.
"NOOOOOO!!", "I would never do such a thing in a dumpster pit like this," These were the exact words of him when Iris asked him if the got it on last night. The amount of disgust he had after listening to her thought was uncanny but reassuring.
"I doubt he did anything," It's impossible to think of that sophisticated munch to be interested sexually in a lowly creature like herself. The thought was far more refreshing than it was self-deprecating.
"Then I guess everything is fine, I told you it was okay" Tyler took a sigh of relief. His heart was also stuck in the same place about the things that could have gone wrong but didn't. A deadly bullet dodged successfully.
"He even like helped in cleaning my apartment a bit," Iris didn't want to tell This to him but it was on her tongue since he called and she couldn't help but let it slip.
"What! He helped you clean like vacuum and shit?" Tyler was like I got worried for nothing.
"Yeah vacuum and dishes…"
What the, HUH"He helped you clean your dishes!? Oh my god, his pity for you must be through the roof. And we painted him as a molester. What a saint."
"Yeah I am sure he didn't take advantage of the situation," Iris was quite certain now from recalling her earlier encounter with him.
"There wasn't much to take advantage of but still"
"EXCUSE ME!!"
"Okay BYE!" Tyler disconnected the call. He was well aware of what he was about to say but he blurted it out anyway.
Iris couldn't believe her ears. How can he make a joke like that and after making such a blunder and even that Police officer how can he assume I am good friends with my neighbor. She Gasped and then Gasped some more.
Well in Officer's defense her Neighbor seemed better than two drunk men dragging Iris's body like a wet rag.
_____
"That's so lol,"
"That's your reaction a LOL," Iris was soo offended. She just told Bridget that her neighbor broke into her house and swept the whole thing clean.
"I would love to have a neighbor Like that," Bridget was really enjoying herself. "Was he cute though?" Bridget asked with squinted eyes.
"Umm… some might find him attractive."
"Was he tall and handsome?" Bridget seemed more curious than she should be, after all, she is already taken. It's not a good look for her.
Iris didn't give much thought to his appearance but he wasn't very tall. Iris is 5 foot 3 and he couldn't have been more than 5 foot 7 for sure, "He was okay looking and not that tall 5'8 maybe," Iris felt the gaze of her coworker because she is gossiping while everyone else is working.
"Oh so definitely not in the league of 6 feet sex gods," Bridget banged on top of Iris's monitor making a snare sound that made the monitor tilt off-axis. "What is wrong…"
"Anyway I gotta go I have soo much marketing to do, byee," Bridget said and left Iris mid convo.
Iris was in the store for sympathy, apathy, and some love but all she got was more questions bout her neighbor. Maybe if she told her the whole story that Tyler and Jaimie were caught by the police while securing her unconscious body. And Tyler was stupid enough to leave her at a stranger's house. And "Aaaargh, I got work to dooo," Iris went back to work which was interrupted by Bridget because that's what she does. Interrupt others in the middle of work to gossip.
Bridget was a free soul who genuinely didn't care about what others thought of her and even though her salary was half of what Iris's department paid their employees. She made more than any individual employee because of the percentage cut she'd get from PR work.
Tech people always despise Marketing teams and their members because from far enough they don't seem like doing much more than making ppts and quoting Garry Vee. Yet still making more than them.
Iris was more aware of their efforts because she herself was a digital marketer in her college days and made enough bucks to get by.
"Iris, can you see what's wrong with this part of the code, " one of her coworkers who was sitting opposite her cubical called her for help, again, it's the 3rd time since morning.
"Let me see..."
"It's not saving the instance, can you fix it?"
Iris scrolled a bit, saw the documentation found out the problem, and fixed it. "It was just the syntax of this part you see—in the documentation: you have to use
save.object()
not save(object)"
"Okay? You should read the manual carefully" Iris explained in a very calm and collected manner. What she really wanted to say was 'why don't you fucking read the manual doc you retard.'
It only took Iris 5 mins because she knows how to read the manual and most software developers coming out of the college don't know how to do shit and are too prideful to read the manual.
It's not a headphone or a phone or a computer unboxing, that you don't need the manual and you can just toss them away. It's real industry baby. You swear by the manual, you live by it. And all these new teach engineers want high salaries and good positions, but can't even invert a binary tree, It's all theory and no skills.