I might be playing with fire; a game that I don't think I will win. But this is not a game at all. I have been talking with Chase even after he resumed his mini- tour. We have been texting and promised each other that we will be seeing each other real soon.
Our relationship has progressed to say the least. Every time I see his text I smile but I minimize it since Trevor has been home more frequently.
I am cheating on my boyfriend. That is one sentence I never thought I will ever be saying. I haven't told anyone, not even Gigi and I don't think I will tell anyone. You might be thinking why would I be doing this and yet I seem to be connecting so much with Trevor.
There is just something; I can't help but feel pulled towards chase. I gravitate towards him. He knows that I have been trying to work things out with my boyfriend and when I did tell him that, we didn't talk for two days. He wasn't thrilled about it. But then when he reached out the third day, saying that not talking to me for those two days has been the longest he has ever felt two days to be, and therefore I had to do everything not to lose him, for him to never ever not talk to me.
So I lied.
Truth is I'm dishonest. Because I want this so much it scares me how much. I can't tell what I really want to say, what is deep in my heart because you may not like what you hear. I choose to tell you what I want you to hear instead. This way, we can stay in this bubble we have created. I fear that one day I am going to slip and Chase will see right through me. I dread that day but for now, I choose to tell him the truth he wants to hear. This way we both are safe.
So I told him that things weren't going as we had hoped between my boyfriend and that seemed good enough for him that we went right back where we had left off.
Don't judge me, I know Trevor is opening up and being the very best male I fell for but then there is Chase, who makes my heart skip a little whenever I hear his voice or whenever he looks at me. Trevor makes me feel like the only woman in the whole universe. When I see his smile and when he calls my name, I forget how to breathe.
If you are looking for stable, someone to be all that what the society wants and judges, someone who only loves one person at a time, that will never be me.
I am faithful, only to my heart. I never give up and leave for what my heart desires nor do I not listen to it. I know I am walking on a thin line, playing with fire. But then again, I don't want to learn the hard way by not following my heart. And therefore, I lie.
I decide to Google chase and just glimpse his life outside of what he has told me. Something that I am dreading because we said we want to live I this bubble but then again, I don't really believe in ignorance. It would be one thing to completely ignore, and live in a delusion and I do neither; so I take the laptop and sit on the bed. I type his first name chase, which weirdly enough is the only name I know.
I see his images first when I key in and I dread opening the tab that is reading more. There is no going back, time to burst the bubble. I click on it and start reading.
Turns out, Chase is a famous singer in a rock band that is really popular. The Sinners. Oh my god! That I didn't expect. I knew he said he was a lead singer in a band I didn't think it was that big of a band that would potentially be known all around the world.
I know little about them personally but from what I can read is that they are the notorious five who are making every girl in the continent lose sleep. I go further, now intrigued because that seems to be just the tip of the ice. I note that he seems to only go with one name too, the stage name which is his name, Chase.
The pictures of the group shows the whole group and I was wrong to think that chase could be anything but huge. They are all the fine male specimen that I can only describe with one word. Sexy. As I look at the pictures and analyse them closely I see that they seem to be so different but then again so similar. I watch a video of them being interviewed in the national TV and they talk about themselves but there is never enough about chase.
Every question he is asked about his personal life and family, he seems to find a way to divert it back to his rock family and that seems to be enough for the interviewer, especially when he adds his magical charm on the way.
I don't blame the interviewer, I too would be blushing if I met him on the TV for the first time. Hell, I blush too even when we are just the two of us. The group is pretty close from what I can see and the video I am watching is recent because he talks about the break the band is taking from the tours they have been for the past three years.
My journalist's skills don't let me just call it a day. So far the only thing I have found is knowing his occupation and friends. I decide to delve deeper and then I do finally see it. It's like someone intentionally scrubbed off any information about his personal life from the internet; the real personal life anyway because along the way I saw the many models and celebs he has dated but they don't seem to be going further than just cameras or anything else.
I click on the tab that comes up from what I key in and I freeze for a moment. It's right there, the second name. Chase Kincaid, but then; what are the chances of it being a coincidence?
"Hey love, what are you working on?"
Trevor.