I was not fully able to open my puffy eyes in the morning to my sister's voice, gray haze got through narrow slit openings, and I could barely make out her general shape. She was kind enough to bring me breakfast in bed and a cold compress for my eyes. I took a small sip of tea and laid back down to rest my eyes under the compress hoping it would help. The miraculous concoction was almost magical in its effect, since within twenty minutes puffiness went down from 'bawling my eyes out' to 'I pulled an all-nighter'. I wasn't hungry or thirsty, instead of feeling anything I was numb all over. And for that I was kind of grateful, it was better than pain. Despite this I made myself finish breakfast since I needed to survive the day. Briefly considered taking a sick day, but that would raise questions and unwanted attention.
Did my best to dress neatly, clean pants, shirt and a jacked; grabbed my bag and headed to school. I was surprised to see Lana and Ira hanging out outside the school building before going in. These awesome girls wanted to make sure I was ok, which was heartwarming.
And thankfully I did not enter the classroom alone. Vera was leaning on our shared desk, chatting with her best friend Vira, Veronica probably picked her nickname to match her friends real name Vira, looking at those two just irked me extra hard today.
I groaned internally as I sat in my seat, the two did not try to hush their conversation out of modesty. Actually, they were purposefully raising voices and accentuating Vera's new found boyfriend story.
"Ohh! I just realized! Even your nicknames match! Vera and Vova! It must have been fate!" Vira exclaimed.
"We were just close growing up, it happened organically..." Veronica was acting bashful.
"It's SO romantic how he looked for you right after coming from the army!" Vira exclaimed.
"Yeah, I am blessed to have someone who didn't want to play around after getting out." Veronica beamed.
My eyes met Ira's at that statement and she rolled her eyes. My friends looked like they wanted to say something, but after seeing me shake my head inconspicuously they settled back down. I did not want to make a stir. My insecurities would not be able to handle mocking; all I could think of was that everyone would just laugh at me for assuming he would be interested in having anything to do with me. My insides were churning whenever I was reminded about the situation, sadly it was all the time.
Thankfully, soon my favorite teacher arrived promptly ending the theater act when everyone rushed to their seats. Even though the performance was over, my little torture was not. The following day Veronica happily chirped to me about how they met for a date last night, how thoughtful and caring he was. She was shining too brightly for my tired eyes, although I no longer cried, the world was too blinding for me. The week just began and I was SO ready for it to be over, she was just rubbing it in too mercilessly. I was kind of surprised that she thought I was rooting for her since I called her out back then. Or was she pretending not to realize I liked him? Maybe a little bit of both, hoping to get approval and support, I sort of understood her desire to brag about her perfect love story, but it still hurt regardless.
After the third day of classes Ira, Lana, and I took the long way home, to enjoy some sun before going home to do homework.
"Wanna hangout with me this weekend?" Ira asked.
"What about Victor?" I asked, they just have begun going out regularly.
"Him and the guys who just returned from the army organized a group outing, all are going to the lake for the weekend with tents and everything, my mom wouldn't let me go since that would definitely lead to sex in her mind." Ira was indignant, neither of us has lost our virginity yet.
"I wonder if Veronica will go, she didn't say anything about getting invited…" I wondered out loud.
"Even if she goes nothing will happen, she just borrowed a pad form me earlier, so even if she goes Victor won't get any." Lana answered, I wasn't thinking that far, but the loyalty was appreciated.
"Yeah, he obviously downgraded from you because you didn't give it up to him, you'll see he'll dump her after this weekend if she doesn't put out." Lana was brutal in her assessment. I didn't really think I was better then Vera, but a tangible reason for being coldly rejected was an appreciated replacement to all my insecurities. I latched on to that string of thought and tightly held on to it since it could be used to patch the hole in my soul and make it at least a little bit smaller, and a bit less colder.
The following morning, I was blinded again by super chipper Veronica, twittering about how she was asked on a date to the lake. Those not in the know would assume it was not a group outing, but a real romantic trip for two; I marveled at the extra low blow to me it would be. But the fact that he asked her parents for permission and they let her go with him since the families knew and trusted each other was annoying. Thankfully there was only one more day of classes, and by then I was pretty good at tuning things out after initial shock wore off.
Finally, the blessed Saturday arrived brining me peace with it. I spent most of the day curled up with a good book until Seta and Ira showed up. I did not really want to go out, but they insisted it will be good for me. So halfheartedly I put on comfy dress and shoes for dancing and we barely managed to get to the club by eleven. We saw Ira's neighbor Vova who introduced us to his friend Anton. Anton was a handsome tall brunette with dark eyes, who was a fantastic dancer. As we partnered up and spun around through every Waltz and Polka, I begun having a great time as exercise endorphins pushed dumpy thoughts out of my mind.
As we were taking one of our many breaks, he warned me:
"You know, many girls get too attached to me. Some begin dogging me for marriage so I tend to avoid them right after since I like my freedom…" He cautiously brought up his concerns. I could se why they all fell at his feet, pleasantly mild personality, great job and looks, I might have been one of the victims of his allure if it wasn't for my too recent fiasco.
"Sure, no worries. I'm only interested in dancing." I answered with a sincere smile. He looked a bit taken a back, but I honestly wasn't even close to thinking about marriage. We had a ten-year difference in age as well, sixteen and twenty-six year olds had way different priorities and concerns I concluded.
We ended up dancing in until closing time, and I was sincerely grateful to my friends for dragging me out of my slump.
Anton walked me home. After quick hug, he kissed me! It was almost as good as with Victor... Or maybe it was even better? But I was just still feeling too raw and couldn't really get into it. Whatever the case may have been, I thanked him for jolly great time and dashed inside my home.
As I dived under the fluffy comforter, sank my head into the sweet pillow, I dozed off and had first blissful dream after what felt like a long time.