Emerald's POV
As soon as I made sure that Helen was okay and sleeping I sunk down into the recliner and brought me legs up to my chest and held them tightly. I felt so guilty for being in there basically making a fool out of myself while she has been in here slowly waisting away.
I know I told him I had come to terms with what was happening, but every once in a while it hits me again that she was really dying. I was really going to lose her. Even though she wasn't my blood she was the next best thing and without her I would have nobody else to call family.
Where would I even go when she dies? Would I stay here ? Obviously not in this house with working at the diner. I knew Keith would be more then willing to let me stay with him, but as much as I like being with him he's already trying to confess his love for me. Moving in with him would only make things more serious between us and I liked how things were now.
I had learned a long time ago that I didn't like change. Sure I could adapt easily. I've done it before even in the worst environments. But when things are good like they are now I resent change. This had been my home for years and now I felt like I was just waiting on the eviction notice.
I wanted to stay here and sit with her all night like I had done so many times, but August was still in the living room. I didn't want him to think I ran away from him again and I slowly dropped my feet down to the hardwood floors and looked back down on the only mother I've ever known.
"I love you." I said to her sleeping body.
It felt weird saying it. Probably because I had never said it before, but I felt like I meant it. Even though I still wasn't sure what love meant or why people say it. I turned away from her bed and walked back out to the hallway before pulling the door closed behind me. I let out a breath and then forced my feet to go towards the living room.
August was still sitting in the same spot I had left him in. He had his hands together and was leaning his elbows on his knees and looked like he was thinking hard about something. He looked up at me and that warm smile came back to his face and it unwillingly made me smile back.
"She okay?" He asked and leaned off his knees and put his back to the grey couch.
I nodded my head and sat back down on the other end keeping distance between us. Neither of us said anything for a few minutes. I was too busy lost in thought about what my next move was going to be after this was all over. I wasn't sure what August was thinking about, but I could feel him staring at me.
"What?"
"I know it doesn't matter now, but I just want you to know that I never wanted to send you away."
It was like a match was just lit inside my chest. It was a small warm feeling at first, but when I looked up to see those savage eyes staring hard at me it grew hotter and I thought I was going to burst any minute.
"I know." I said back, but I could barley hear my own voice from the drumming in my ears.
"How was it growing up here?"
I can't think straight with him staring at me like he does. Not that I didn't like it. I wouldn't say that I was very confident in myself as far as looks go, but I was secure enough to be able to talk to guys easily. Guys in school were always.. well kinda dumb. They were easy to flirt with because I always had full control of the situation. I could easily steer a conversation in anyway I wanted and it wasn't very hard to get some hormonal boy to follow me around like a lost puppy if I wanted.
Before I got with Keith? Well let's just say I didn't have many girlfriends back then. I had went a little boy crazy at fifteen and honestly my eyes were what usually drew them in. One look and it was an immediate conversation starter. It was like a free icebreaker giving easy access for any male to use to talk to me.
This wasn't like that.
It was like that weird saying people say about their shoe being on someone else's foot?
I felt so out of my element sitting next to this man who was looking at me like I was woman and not a little girl. I was nervous, my hands were sweaty, I wanted to keep staring at him like a freak, but at the same time felt shy and wanted to look away. I was feeling so much at once between Helen in the next room and this person who I had always pictured in my head one way, but was now seeing him completely different.
"I'm sorry, what did you ask me?"
"I asked how it was growing up here?" He said giving me a worried look.
I'm fine. Everything is fine and there's no need to be nervous or anxious because it's just August. It's just August, so why is this so difficult to do?
"It was great. People around here are friendly and Alpha Paul is great. I was very fortunate to grow up here, thank you August." I said this whole heartedly meaning it, but the look on his face tells me my thanks is unwanted.
"You really don't have to thank me. Anyone would've done the same thing."
"No. They wouldn't have actually." I muttered under my breath.
"How do you know?" He asked shifting on the couch again to face me better.
I shook my head causing my frizzy curls to bounce some and leaned back into the couch to look at the ceiling.
"You weren't the first one I found when I escaped Scout."
"Really? Where all did you go?"
I shrugged my shoulders because it's mostly all a blur of color and scenery and then quick images of seeing other people. Anala was mostly in control back then, so I don't remember too much when we ran.
"I'm not really sure exactly where all I went, but I know I had to have been running for a couple months before I actually stumbled upon other people, so Scout's place is definitely isolated."
August just nodded, but I could feel his intense gaze on me still as I forced myself to stay looking at the ceiling.
"Eventually I came across a small camp of humans or werewolves in their human form, I wasn't sure at the time, but they ended up throwing stuff at me to shoo me away from the camp and I just remembered to keep running."
I turned my head and my mismatched eyes landed on his. In my child mind I thought of August almost like he was a God or something because he was the first person to show me kindness. Sure he definitely made it known when I was on his nerves ever, but he made it a point to make me feel safe. Not just around him, but in his pack.
I suddenly felt a small heat of anger flash to my chest. I know he had to send me away, but for whatever reason right now, I wish he hadn't. I wish I had grown up there, playing in the field and chasing chickens.
"Why did you do it?"
He furrowed his brows and cocked a sly grin at me. Even that small move makes him so attractive and rugged. I wish he would always smile like that.
"Why did I do what?"
"Why did you save me? You could've easily killed me or told me to leave."
I can tell my question made him uncomfortable because he sat up and leaned his elbows on his knees to look away from me.
"Please, be honest with me." I said to him and scooted a little closer to his side of the couch.
He sighed and looked at me for a minute before doing his nervous tick and running his hair back with his hands.
"Honestly? At first I just planned on questioning you about Scout. I figured you were a spy or something of his and could give us useful information. Then when you started waking up.. I don't know how much you remember about.."
"All of it."
"Okay.. then you remember that you were impossible to talk to. Dr. Hopkins came up with the idea that someone should stay and build trust with you and since I was the one that found you and brought you in, I was the one who stayed with you."
"And then when you realized I had no useful information you sent me away?" I asked a bit shocked.
I always figured it was because of more obvious reason like he's an alpha and has no reason to be raising a random rogue, but I didn't realize how badly he just wanted to know about Scout. That was the whole reason for him to take care of me? To get me healthy enough to talk? That was the whole reason for building trust? To get me to talk.
It wasn't anything about me that was special or some crazy genuinely nice alpha helping a homeless little girl.
It was all about Scout the whole time.
What if that's why he's here now? Because I'm older and will be easier to question now? Why did I think we had a special bond or friendship all this time? It was all fake, orchestrated, a fucking dirty trick in order to get me to talk.
"No, don't say that because it wasn't like that." He said to me and I could feel my teeth grit together.
"You want information on Scout?"
My voice came out sharp and emotionless and i could tell I had his full attention.
"Here's your information, Scout is the only person I've known since the day I was born. As far as I know, I have no parents it's only ever been him. Scout is a man who knows more about werewolves then you and every other Alpha combined. Scout can do things to werewolves that you can't even begin to comprehend. He has werewolves who are loyal to him, ones who worship him, and then their are the ones like me. Rogues like me that are taken young get the honor of being his lab rats. His mutts. Whatever he wanted to do to us, he did it. Shocks, needles, medications, and if you're really special.. you get one of these." I said pointing to my one green eye.
I stood up from the couch, but August tried to grab my hand to stop me. I yanked my hand away and took another step back from him with my hands clenched into fists.
"Hope I was more useful this time." I said before turning my back to him and making my way up the stairs.
How could I be such a stupid girl? To think a man like him ever saw me as being anything more then a stray?
How pathetic of me.