The morphine knocked me out cold. I felt msef collapse and land on something warm and soft. I had no time to register what it was because my consciousness faded into the ether.
You wake up in a tub in a semi dark room. The tube was filled not with water but with something. You look around and find you were upside down in space. The stars felt so real that they started burning. The burning was intense. It was too intense. It hurt. It hurt so much. it hurts, help me. The sparks from the stars were so beautiful, so were you until they started to jump and pull and bite and take. They take and take and they start to take your face, they take away the ugly features and leave behind an ugly mound of blood and bone. They strangle you and toss you around, lifting you out of the tub and into their hot and electric embrace. The stars talk to you whispering all the things you want to her but don't necessarily need
"You should love me, I gave you everything. I gave you life and a place to stay." you try to pull out of the black hole forming in your mind that the stars converged to expand. "Why are you pulling away from mewhydon'tyouloveyourmothertheotherkidsdosowhycan'twhycan'tyouwhycan'tyou" the stars are getting louder this time repeating the deafening sound and suffocating feeling of disappointment. "I …..do..love…you" you try to say under the scorching heat. The stars don't like how you are tripping over your words; they think you are over dramatic. "When I was a nebula the sun used to pull me apart over and over again and destroy me atom by atom. CHILD what i am doing to you is 1 billionth of what i had to go through how dare you show weakness to your mother. I have done nothing wrong.if you cry i will incinerate you" the star was making so much noise it all jumbled together in a horrifying cacophony of voices and vibrations of the world judging you for not loving your mother the grandmother of all things in existence. "......" you tried to tal but the heat had seared your mouth shut and made your eyes burst, causing waterfalls of hot, oozing blood to flow into every pore and hole on your body. Soon your skull had pushed into your neck and stabbed your chest. The bones broke and splintered leaving you dying and choking in your own sewed shut mouth in the embrace of someone who should love you.
The air was cold unlike the scorching heat of the afterlife. The hospital was cold and I felt like a block of lead. The morphine should be wearing off by now but all i could do is stare at the ceiling, paralyzed, alone,scared. I heard someone walk into the room and change the ivs and check my vitals. Oh how badly I wanted to converse with the stranger but I was still paralyzed no matter what I did I couldn't face my body to move.
After a while I heard a recognizable voice… my mother. She walked in with an air of concern. She walked up to me and started crying real loud but fake all the same. "I'll leave you two alone." the nurse said, walking out and locking the door. Once the door closed my mother sneered at me. "Ugh, what have you gotten into now?" she said, looking at me expectantly for an answer. I of course could not respond but i can't tell her that so we sat in silence for a minute. "GOD DAMN TI CHILD WHY WON'T YOU ANSWER ME DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH GAS IT TOOK TO SEE YOU BECAUSE YOU DECIDE TO PULL ON KIDS HAIR AND SCREAM AND BITE!" my mother shouted at me spitting in front of the hospital bed. "......." is all i could say. "So you won't talk to me huh,?" she said, reaching over the bed."I always knew you were an ungrateful child but perhaps you have forgotten what happened when you're disgraceful." she wraps her hands around my neck just like she did when i was 9 for taking my phone from her dresser. She lifted up and I couldn't scream. All I could do was endure it like I did all those years ago. All i could do is hope she didn't throw me over a glass table and cut me with glass.