She held me here shaking me over and over again as if that would get me unparalyzed. Soon she threw me down on the bed and left. I was unconscious before she could scream at me more. I woke up after what seemed like days and looked around. There was a tablet on the edge of the bed that had the time on it. It had been two days since the ordeal with my mother. All I could do was stare and try to remember. To remember my friends' names and what my name was and how I got here in the first place. But I dug too deep. Too deep, too far I reached into my memories and tugged on a loose piece of wire and before I could stop them tears started rolling down my face. I pulled myself into a fetal position and cried. I still had my little key pouch one me which held my little blade. I couldn't see right because of the tears. I dug and drew pictures of misery and death with my metal pen and skin-like paper.
The silent sobs of my pain perfuminated the air more than I'm used to and drew the attention of someone passing through the hospital. "Hey…. are you ok in there?" a familiar voice rang out into the desolate white room I was crying in. "h-hey….ka….kara." I said in a small voice. I couldn't bring myself to look at her. From the first day I met her she was my friend, he was the one that needed to be protected and the one that needed support. I was the one that gave that support. I was the one you can count on with no hesitation. I had forgotten my place in the group as the older sister.
'My only responsibility was being there for others and others only and I couldn't do that right.' I thought as Kara walked in. I hid the blade and my arms and smiled at her. She didn't smile back. "Hey…. are you ok?" She asked not to look at me and pulled a chair up beside the bed. I sat up and laughed. "Yea im fine….absolutely fine. Anyways, what are you doing up this late? It looks like it's midnight.'' I said looking her up and down for any sign of sleep deprivation or injuries I might have caused. "I heard someone crying and it sounded like it was coming from your room so I went to see you." she said, raising her head a little so i could barely see her blue eyes from behind her fuzzy mop of blonde hair.
"Don't worry about me i-." "NO YOUR NOT!" she shouted, making me jump in my bed. "You're not fine… you were comatose for 2 days straight. At one point your breathing stopped and they pronounced you dead!" she said standing up knocking her chair over "You keep saying you're fine but you're not you have some problems and you're trying to hide them. Newsflash you don't do it very well.`` I heard the anger in her voice. "Oh…you're mad at me right. So take it out on me, hit me, scratch me, punch me, scream at me, get out that frustration.`` I said, raising my arms. "SEE THATS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT… think about yourself… for real this time. Not those little 'self confidence' jokes you make." she said putting up air quotes. We sat in silence for a while because neither of us had anything to say to each other.
'I wanna talk to her about my feelings and what I was doing. I wanted to tell her 'yes it was me crying at 12 in the morning, that yes i do cut and i want someone that's there for me that's gonna pat my head and tell me everythings ok. Just someone who I can bare my soul to and they won't take it against me.' I thought in silence. I so desperately wanted to reach out and tell her everything. From my mom choking me again to my mental issues, but that would turn into unsolicited trauma dumping and I don't wanna add the worries of me onto her own. So we sat in silence for hours.
After 10 minutes I zoned out thinking and trying not to cry again when I felt a soft thump against the hospital bed. I look down and kara is there dead asleep leaning on the bedside railing. I finally took a moment to register my surroundings for what they really are.
I couldn't see much, but from what I could see the room was fairly large with mint green walls with white accents. The bed I was sitting on had a bunch of blankets and pillows on it. It had 3 railings on each side of the bed. The room was filled with medical equipment. The bed itself was decorated with red and white polka dots. I realized that I felt a little loopy and decided to move chara in between two chairs to make a makeshift bed from what I could reach from my island of medicine. Then I laid down and as soon as my head touched the pillow, exhaustion engulfed me like fire on a phoenix.