It's hard to love someone who loves someone else. But it's harder to love someone who loves you, but you can't be together." Unknown / Google
Being pulled back into my body was a mind-boggling experience. It almost felt like being on a roller coaster and having that adrenaline rush you get when you're finally at the top and then suddenly, whoosh, you're being propelled down. I could feel the G Force, and being pushed back into my body was equivalent to that swooping, sickening sensation you would experience on any ride at an amusement park.
"Helena?" A sweet feminine voice called out to me.
"Helena?"
"Helena? I need you to open your eyes, sweet girl. Come back to us." Her soft voice kept coaxing me back to the land of the living.
But I didn't want to open my eyes, at least not yet. My head was still swimming, and there was an ungodly pain in my heart. I just wanted to go back to where I was with him. My heart was breaking, and my mind was in turmoil.
"Helena, I know it's hard, but I need you to focus and come back."
I stifled a groan, "I am back, but your voice in my ears is extremely annoying. I want to sleep. Can you please shut up?" I scolded.
The woman laughed. "Still as stubborn as a mule, I see. How about you open your eyes, and we can get reacquainted? Her tone sounded disapproving, like a mother chastising her child.
With a deep sigh, I opened my eyes. Turning my head to the side, I noticed Rosa staring back at me with a bright smile. Her face was even more beautiful than I remembered, and I smiled as I recalled every happy moment with her.
"Where have you been this whole time?" I asked with a bit more base in my voice than I anticipated.
She flicked her hair, "Lose the attitude." Her arms folded across her chest, " I couldn't exactly roam around for centuries, you know? My former coven would have found it odd for me to exist; without you by my side, I would have been in danger. If Sarafina knew that I was alive, she would have done everything she could to ensure that I was no longer breathing. So, I put a sleeping spell on myself, and I awoke when your soul was reincarnated." She swiftly replied.
"What is the deal with you two? Why are you no longer a part of their coven?" I laid back on my pillow as I narrowed my gaze. I wanted the truth—no more secrets.
Rosa walked to the window overlooking the gardens, seemingly lost in thought. I watched as she stared at nothing. It was a few minutes before she walked back to my bedside, and I saw her resolve to tell me everything in her eyes.
"When I first met you, that was not by accident. My coven saw you weeks before while you were stalking the marketplace, looking for food and shelter. There was a unique aura about you, and after observing you, we figured out the Goddess touched you. A pure-blooded human being touched by any God is rare, and we knew if we could harvest your power, we would be able to avenge our kind. Take back what we lost." Her breath hitched, " It wasn't until years of me taking care of you and loving you that I found out how we would harvest that power. And I didn't want to kill you. The girl I watched grow into a beautiful young woman deserved a better death than the one we would give. So, I decided to help you. To save you. The only plan I could think of was finding your mate—the one destined to protect you. So, I did a spell to reveal him to me and showed him to you in your dreams as if the Goddess herself delivered the news. But I neglected to tell you that I was shown to distinct mates for you. Which I am sure you have figured out by now."
Her eyes cast down as she spoke, and her voice was but a whisper as she delivered this startling revelation.
My face turned into pure shock.
"Wait a minute, you knew about Cal. Why on earth didn't you tell me?" I yelled, causing her to flinch back. I was seething with rage and wanted nothing more than to suck her dry.
"You need to calm down. Your eyes are glowing silver. Which means your power is surfacing, and you're not in control." Her voice was gentle as her hands came to rest on top of mine, and I must admit her presence calmed me.
" I didn't want to confuse you anymore than you already were. I had to make a tough decision, and Elijah seemed like the best mate for you. That was at least what I felt from the vision. You and Cal have something special in common, but your souls didn't seem to align well."
What? What gave her the right to make that kind of decision on her own? Did she think me incapable of figuring out my own heart?
"How dare you make that kind of choice for me? If you had let me choose for myself, I could have prevented Elijah's death, probably my own. Who knows what kind of future I would have had? Cal and I would have probably been happy together. I could have had a real family and watched my children grow old with my mate." I shook my head.
My thoughts of the daughter Elijah and I shared in our previous life flooded back to me. Neither of us got the chance to see our daughter grow up. What if I could have saved him from that pain? He could have had a life, too, where he had a family for which he didn't have to die for. Her decision directly circumvented our lives. She willingly put us on a destructive path of loss, fear, and pain.
"I know you're angry and have every right to be, but I did what I thought was best at the time. Was the love you and Elijah shared not worth all you had to endure?" She gave me a knowing look.
Was it worth it? I honestly don't know now. I know love isn't easy. It's not supposed to be. But did it have to be so messy as it was? Why couldn't love be as easy as breathing? Would it have been any different than being with Cal? There was no way for me to know, and the unknown future that was lost bothered the hell out of me.
"Is that really how you're going to justify your actions? Does it matter what you thought I could endure? Because of your self-righteousness, I will never truly know my destiny or what path I was supposed to take." I could feel the hot tears in my eyes.
Her face looked shameful, and I knew my words hurt her. I was just past the point of caring as I continued to think about my dilemma. I knew it wasn't fair to blame her for all my mixed feelings, but someone other than myself had to be responsible. Because of her indirect actions, my heart was torn between two loves, and I couldn't bare the thought of hurting either.
"I think the problem is you didn't expect to love Cal the way you do, didn't you?" She quietly asked.
Was she right? Was I so bothered by her actions because I didn't think I would genuinely love Cal the way I love Elijah?
"I can see the indecision and grief in your eyes. I'm sorry for playing my part in an impossible choice for you." She put her warm hand on my shoulders, "Helena, you're not the first woman to love two men, you're not the first to break a man's heart, and I doubt you will be the last. Love isn't reasonable. It doesn't appear when you want it to. You cannot prepare for it, even if you know the ins and outs. I can't pretend to understand how you must feel, but I can empathize." She drew me in for a hug. "Life is hard, sweetheart. But rest assured, you can and will figure it out. After all, you're the human kissed by a Goddess and dared to love a wolf."
My shoulders shook as I cried in her arms. I know her words were meant to comfort me, but nothing at this point could do that. No soft hugs and soothing words could console the pain in my heart. I needed to suffer, and I would suffer with this darkness alone.
"Please just leave," I mumbled in between sobs.
She left without a word, and I was grateful for her silence. How did my life become such a cluster fuck? I understood why Rosa did what she did, but I couldn't accept it. It was my life, and I was supposed to choose who I ended up with. Cal was not perfect and possibly homicidal, but Elijah also had his faults that weren't glorious. I can't help feeling as if I was cheated out of love, and out of my life. I was robbed of my own free will. What Cal said made sense to me now. If Rosa didn't give me that vision of Elijah, would I still have loved him, or would I have fallen for Cal instead?
Then there's the brutal truth of this God-awful love triangle that has been created. We all loved someone that loved someone else, we loved them deeply, and no matter how deep and fundamental that love was, we would never be with whom we desired. No matter how I looked at it, our heartache was within reach.
I tossed and turned in bed with a headache from all the crying and thinking I was doing. I cried for the love I had, the love I would lose, and the impending doom I knew would come. Love as you have it was proving to be a formidable opponent.
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