" It is not death, but dying, which is terrible." Henry Fielding
Death is a universal process that we all will experience one day. But dying, dying is something much worse. Breaking, quite frankly, is a bitch. See, death is a permanent peaceful solution. There is nothing after it. It's the dying to get to that death that's the problem. I never thought about how I would depart this world, but let me tell you, I would rather have a quick, easy death than a slow, painful one.
And when things are done out of rage and incompetence, it's sloppy. When that bitch stabbed me with the dagger, it wasn't a precise, calculated hit that would have ended my life quickly and painless. No, this was done in the heat of a moment. The wound she created was painful beyond words, and I'm no doctor, but it felt like she cut every organ, tissue, and blood vessel in my stomach. The pain was beyond comprehension. My back glided down the wall after she plunged the knife deeper into the soft tissues of my flesh.
I closed my eyes, all the energy seeming to vanish from my body. There was a vague sense of lingering detachment inside of me, but the pain and burning sensation accompanied by the wound kept me aware. Kept me here. You know, the stories you hear of dying and seeing a white light, being at peace, drifting off into a heavenly place? That's some bullshit. I didn't see a fucking thing; the consensus was nowhere in the vicinity, nor did I feel like going to some heavenly fucking place.
Darkness was all that I saw. Fear was all that I felt. And the only place that mattered was the place I was dying in. Lying on the floor in a puddle of my own blood with tears running down my face, a disturbing thought surfaced in my pain-stricken brain. For the first time since meeting Elijah, I truly regretted it. I wished I had never gone to that stupid party. Saw his stupid sexy face. Kissed his annoyingly tasty lips. Fallen in love with his ridiculously adorable ass.
I could have been studying, taking my midterms, and preparing for college. I could have been with my mother sitting around a hot fire drinking cocoa playing a board game. Maybe, even just lounging around in my pajamas watching one of my favorite shows or reading a book. Instead, I'm dying on a spotless porcelain floor at the hands of a murderous wench. I will tell myself to open my eyes and crawl for help, but I see her pacing back and forth in a psychotic manner.
"Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. Calm down, you need to get rid of her body and get the fuck out here." She mumbles erratically.
I struggle to talk, but the blood blocks my airways.
"Miranda, you have to get me help. Just get me to a hospital, and I will never come back here." I try reasoning with her through mangled breaths.
"No, it's too late. I fucked up bad. The only solution is to delay Elijah with the search of your body which will give me time to slip away." She narrowed her eyes.
She walks towards me, kicking me in the stomach before spitting on me. Grabbing my legs, she drags me towards the door. All I can feel is is pain, regret, and a deep sense of loss. Though, I wished I had never met him just a few minutes ago. Getting dragged on the cold floor, I realized at that moment all I wanted was to see his face one more time. Just one more time.
Elijah?
I think I'm dying now. The pain is almost gone.
I will find you again.
Closing my eyes, I prayed he somehow heard me. I hope he knew how sorry I was to leave him this way. How sad I was that I couldn't find a way to be with him forever. I heard the sound of a bag unfolding, and I felt my body getting lifted and folded and placed into something. Oddly, it felt relaxing. Like, I was a piece in a puzzle being fitted into its proper place.
Noooo!
I heard a loud howl pierce through the silence, my eyes fluttering at the sound. My heartbeat picked up a pace if I didn't know any better. Once still and tense, my muscles started to wiggle just a bit. The sound of doors breaking and loud footsteps made my hands grab hold of whatever I was in.
"Bitch, what the fuck have you done?" I heard someone say with so much venom in their voice it made my skin crawl.
"It was an accident. I got mad, and my wolf lost control." Her pleading voice sounds low and obedient.
"Put her the fuck down, now!"
My body drops on something hard, and an anguish murmur escapes me.
Not a second later, I feel something, hands I think, tear whatever this is off of me, engulfing me in a hug. A tight hug. It hurts so much but felt so good.
"Helena, Helena. Baby, open your eyes for me." Despair laced every one of his words.
I try to open my eyes, but I just can't. It hurts.
"You're not going to die, love. I need you. Please, Please open your eyes. Don't you fucking leave me this way." He continued to plead with me.
I hate to leave like this, but I just don't want to feel this pain anymore. I want fucking peace.
Don't you dare fucking die on me, Helena? I swear I will come to the afterlife and pull your ass out of there.
His voice booms in my mind. Electricity bolts through me.
Fight it, dammit. Come back to me. Yes, the pain is much, but my love for you is more. Feel my heartbeat. Let it flow from me to you, my dear. Stay with me.
His words are like a hypnotic seance lulling me into submission. I feel a comfortable warmth spread through my timber limbs, and I focus on the steady beat of his heart. The sound of blood pumping through his veins is like music to my ears. My breathing starts to come in more transparent and more manageable.
Fluttering my eyes, I attempt to open them. After a few struggles, I start to see a blurry face, and I groan. Fuck, this shit hurts like hell. I try to bring my hands to my face to rub my eyes, but my body is still weak. Sensing what I must have wanted, he caresses my eyes with the back of his hands. I blink a few times when he pulls back.
His heartbroken confused face comes into view, the relief showing proudly through the tears. I feel light-headed, but I force myself to think clearly. Blood is dripping from his nose onto his shirt, but he doesn't even try to wipe it away. Instead, he just stares at me with desperate eyes.
I give him a slight bloody smile.
"This shit fucking hurts."
He lets out a strained laugh.
"I know. I promise we will make it feel better. I will get you the best narcotics this side of town, I assure you." He gives me a half-smirk. "I am never letting you out of my sight again." He says, pulling me tight into his chest. "Put that bitch in a cell. I will deal with her after I get Helena healed."
As he picks me up, my body suddenly becomes weightless, carrying me somewhere unknown. The rocking movement of his body brings the pain back to the forefront of my mind, and I can't help the tears that fall from my eyes.
"Ssh, sweetheart. I'm here."
Cold air gushes past me as he opens a door leading to what looks like an infirmary. Daisy runs towards us in haste.
"Put her on the table. I need to inspect the wound."
I wince as her hands smooth across my stomach, cleaning the area. A strong smell of alcohol invades my nostrils, making my eyes water a little bit. I can hear her run off a list of medications. The only one sounding familiar is morphine.
"It looks like that stupid bitch didn't puncture her liver, intestines, or pancreas. I should just clean the site and put in some sutures. Looks like her body is already beginning to heal. She is actually healing fairly quickly for just being stabbed." Daisy pondered.
"I used my aura to transfer some of my life force to her." Elijah declared.
That was enough to break through my foggy mind.
"Elijah, why would you do that? Are you going to die?" I mumbled.
"No, sweetheart. I still have plenty of years left on me, and so do you. I just gave you a little bit of my healing abilities. Just rest for right now, my heart." He cooed.
I needed to say something before I slept. Something Elijah needed to hear.
"I didn't mean it. I was scared. Meeting you was...is the best thing that ever happened to me. I am so sorry for even thinking about it." My tears are flowing even more freely now.
He brushes the dried blood from my face moving the matted hair from my chin.
"There is nothing to be sorry about. Your only job now is to heal. Nothing in this world or the next could ever break what we have. Go to sleep, little mate. I will be here when you open your eyes again." His voice soothed me into a much-needed slumber.
" How is she doing." I heard an agitated voice say.
"She lost a lot of blood, her entire abdomen is bruised, and she is exhausted. I almost lost her, Conner." Anger and contempt dripped from his tone.
"I know. Thank the Goddess, you felt her pain and was able to get to her quickly." Conner stated as he patted Elijah's back.
"I just didn't feel it. I heard Helena's screams in my mind. I could see the tiny threads that connect me to her start to disintegrate. Then I heard her small voice in my mind telling me she was dying, how sorry she was, and how Helena wished she could just see me before it all ends." He abruptly stood, running his hands through his hair.
"Listen, Elijah. She is going to be all right. I have shadowed Luna for months now, and she has a fire inside of her that could rival the Gods. She is one stubborn human female. She will make it through. I have faith in the Goddess."
He smiled.
"Yes, I know she is a very determined little firecracker when she wants to be. I just wish she didn't have to endure all of this so soon. I thought I had time to work everything out. To make it safe for her. I can't lose her again, Conner. I watched the light drain from her eyes once before, and I don't wish to see it again." He sounded defeated.
"This time, you're stronger and with a lot more connections; besides, you tried to protect her by yourself the last time, now you have a whole pack to defend her. Don't you think it's time you tell her who she is? What she is. And her place in all this." He sounded concerned.
He growls.
"It's too soon to tell her anything. Her truly knowing our fate would not be helping anyone or anything. I just want her to heal for now. In the meantime, I want you to speak with the Elders and find out more about her family. Make sure her mother stays out of town. Have Charles watch over her while we figure out things here." He orders.
How strange this conversation is. Maybe, I'm still disoriented from the drugs. I fall back asleep.
I feel warm hands brushing against my face, and I instinctively push my cheek closer into the warm palm pressed against me. I sigh in contentment and open my eyes.
Elijah
"Hey." My raspy voice croaks.
He grabs me some water pushing the straw in between my lips. I drank greedily from the glass, finishing it before I could take another breath. I tried to move, but pain shot through my side, causing me to curse out.
"Don't move. You will upset the sutures." He explained.
"What the fuck happened." I groggily asked.
"What do you remember, my love?"
I try to think back, but my head starts pounding from the frustration of not knowing. Then it all comes back to me. Miranda comes to the door. Me, letting her in. The argument and then her stabbing me in the stomach. I glanced down, lifting my shirt and noticing the bright red spot seeping through the bandages covering the wound.
"Wow, that fucking bitch really stabbed me over you. What a fucking, cunt." I growl.
I know he is deathly severe with the evil glint in his eyelets. "Don't worry, Miranda is in the dungeons awaiting her punishment. That bitch will regret the day she decided to try and take you from me."
I take a deep breath in closing my eyes then re-opening them to see his perfect face with worry lines stretched out over his forehead. I bring my hand up to rest on his cheek.
"I'm okay. It hardly hurts right now. Thank you for finding me. For saving me. That's the second time you saved me, you know?" I smile.
"You wouldn't need saving if I just left you alone, Helena."
Leave me alone. What the fuck is Elijah talking about?
"I am going to send you somewhere safe. I want you to forget about me. Forget about us. I want you to go on with your life as if I never corrupted it." His tone was oddly calm, but I could see the tension in his shoulders.
Was this because I said I regretted meeting him. I was in pain, and I wasn't thinking straight. He can't fucking do this to me. I need him.
"Elijah, don't do this to me. I said I was sorry about what I was thinking. I don't regret meeting you. Your everything to me. We were meant to be together. I can feel it. When I was dying, it was your voice that brought me back. I promise I will never ever fucking think it again. Please stay!" I'm on the verge of hyperventilating as I speak.
"Sweetheart, this is not about that. This is about me making sure I keep you hidden and safe. I will not risk your safety for the third time." He brings his face just inches away from mine. "I thought I understood everything, knew everything. But the loss, the loss, is something that I never truly understood until I saw your face pale with no life. It was like the sun had died, taking away all its warmth and brightness, leaving my world to be shadowed with darkness. My heart broke into a million shattered fragile pieces, and nothing was going to be able to fit them back together. I must save you this time, Helena. I refuse for your life to end due to my negligence. Don't worry, love. I will make you forget about me, so it will be easier on you." He brushed the back of my hair as I continued to cry.
What is he talking about? Save me this time? I have never been in mortal danger with him and what happened in the forest was my fault for following that stupid wolf.
"I won't forget you, you dummy. I love you. How can you just walk away from me so easily? This is crazy. I practically scream. I'm not ever going to forget about you, Elijah. I would rather die than to be without you."
" Walking away from you is not easy, princess. But, I can easily endure this pain knowing that your life will no longer be in danger because of me. I can't tell you if dying because I'm not with you would ease your pain, but you living, living for me, would ease my own. I know it's selfish to ask you to do that when I break your heart. But, I need you to promise me that you will keep living." His eyes bore into mine.
I nodded my head, whispering, " I promise."
"Good, girl. I will find a way to come back to you, my light." His lips brushed against my lips, kissing me gently. He pulled back, and I was momentarily shocked by the hurt and defeat on his face. He straightened his shoulders, releasing some of the tension in his back before I felt a daunting feeling surrounding me. The last thing I heard was a dominant voice booming through my head.
Forget me, Helena.