Keep your face towards the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you - Walt Whitman
Am I in Heaven?
I felt the sun's rays on my face before my eyes opened. The warmth emanating from them as they caressed my skin was glorious. I could hear birds chirp along with the stream's flow to the east of me. The light tickle I felt from the wind as it brushed past my cheeks caused me to give a weak smile. My eyes peeled open, and I was met with the lightest blue skies as I laid in a meadow full of multi-colored flowers.
I knew this place. I had been here before.
With Elijah.
Once unfocused and unreliable, my memories came flooding back to me in waves the missing threads of my memory started to mend themselves. And the more they re-entered my mind, the more upset I seemed to get. I remember how Miranda stabbed me in the stomach, how she did it to appease some ridiculous fantasy she built in her head about being with Elijah. She tried to kill me, and I was dying. But Elijah saved me. He brought me back from death.
He tried to make me forget him.
Motherfucker.
How could he? Why would he do that to me? To us? My shoulders slumped as insecurity filled me to the brim. What if he decided that having a human mate wasn't worth the trouble? Did he think he would be better off without me? I know he said it was for my protection, but what if he tried to spare my feelings? Shouldn't we have fought harder to be together?
I don't know how long I laid in the meadow, but judging from the tightness in my legs, it was a while. However, it didn't escape my notice that the sky never changed. There was no sign that any time had passed other than the stiffness of my muscles. Elijah told me that I created this pocket of space with the mate bond we shared. If I concentrated hard enough, I could probably bring him here again. Should I? I did want to see him. I just wasn't sure what I would say to him.
"Why did the Moon Goddess even pair me with him"?
"I could answer that sweet, Helena."
Whoa, who the hell was that? I frantically lifted off the ground, my head doing a three-sixty to figure out who was here and where they were hiding.
"Don't worry; I would never hurt you as you're a part of me as you've always been."
"Who are you?" I asked as I looked around not sure where this voice was coming from. I was starting to think that Elijah messed up something in my brain when he made me forget.
"I'm a your past, present, and future."
"Well, that fucking helps. Seriously, who are you? I need a name." I pouted.
"My name is quite literally your name. Like, I said, I am part of you. More specifically, I am you. Or, I could say you're the essence of me."
Hold up, what?
"So, your name is Helena? What do you mean you are me?"
"My name is Helena, but we were also known as Phoebe at another time. That is who we were in our first life."
" Wait a minute, so I'm reincarnated? Am I dead now? What do you mean our first life?" My voice rising with each question.
I started pacing back and forth through the meadow as my mind raced with all these different questions. The panic was winning over all other emotions.
"Stop."
I obeyed the command and stopped straight in my tracks. Whoever this was they had a strong hold on me.
"I want you to relax. I am going to show you who we are. How we came to be."
A light breeze engulfed me as a feeling of relaxation flowed in and out of my body. I could feel my consciousness slowly drift away to the back of my mind. It felt like being half-awake. You're here, but you're not here. You're aware, but you're not mindful. The scene began to change in front of me, and soon I was in front of a small cabin with yellow roses planted all around it. I could smell a stew cooking from the inside and hear a woman's voice humming.
I slowly walked to the door, opened it, and stepped inside. I placed the satchel that was over my shoulder on a wooden chair in the corner. A light smile played on my lips as I made my way to the source of the smell. I notice a tall, petite figure standing over a cauldron in a small kitchen heated by the fire pit. Her hair is raven black, and it flowed down past her bottom.
"Phoebe, your back." Her shrill voice says as she turns around with a smile on her porcelain face.
"Thank the Goddess for that. I would hate to miss your rabbit stew. "I take a seat at the small table. " I saw him today as I was returning from the blacksmith." I sigh.
"Oh, you saw your wolf. How do you know it was him?"
"His eyes were the same as it was in my dreams. I also felt the pull to him. He was the one, Rosa." I propped my elbows on the table, bringing my hands to the side of my head. "It is happening as you said. 'A human dares to fall in love with a wolf.' What shall I do? I already know that this will end in my death. Or his?" My lips quiver as I finish my sentence.
She walks towards me, sitting directly in front of me, grabbing my hand into hers.
"Phoebe, do not be afraid of death, be afraid of living half a life. You are special. We have always known that your life was connected to the Goddess. She blessed us with the gift of knowledge, not so we can fret over the future but prepare for it. We all will be met with death's cold grip at some point in our lives, but many will never know what it feels like to walk this earth and be truly complete. We must prepare."
"But, prepare for what? Rosa, all I know is that there is something in my blood that his wolf wants or needs. How do I even know that I will fall in love with him? Or will he love me? Why did Selene even give me the knowledge of knowing that because of our love, death will follow?"
"I can't answer that, sweet child. You must decide what to do with the knowledge you have been given." Her face takes on a thoughtful look.
"I need some time to change our destinies. By the Gods, I will protect him from the pain of losing me or losing him. But, I need a contingency plan if I don't succeed by fate. I want you to remove a portion of my soul connected to the Goddess and cast it out into the heavens. You will need to bind it to my bond with him, so when the time comes, and our remaining souls are severed from our physical body, we shall be able to return to this world and try to change our fates again."
"Phoebe, that is a powerful spell. It could almost certainly kill you in the process. Is that a chance you are willing to take?"
An image of the man in the market suddenly comes to my mind. His smile at me when our eyes met brought joy to my heart.
"To outshine the darkness of this world and be with him, I shall risk every life the Goddess would give me over and over." I declared.
"Very well. Hold still; this is going to hurt for just a moment."
She started mumbling something in Latin, and her eyes were glowing a violet shade of purple. Reaching out, she places her hand over my heart, and heat builds upon the spot where her hands rest. At first, it was a dulling pain, but now it felt like something was scorching my skin. As I peered down, I saw her hand dissolve into my chest, and a scream ripped from my throat.
"You must take the pain, child. I am almost done."
Oh, Goddess, please see me through this. I will find a way to change things. Just see me through this pain, Goddess.
A few moments later, her hands emerged from inside me, holding a bright blue ball of what looked like mist. She holds it up in the air, mumbling more Latin words as the ball begins to glow brighter and brighter.
"This is your essence, Phoebe. I have already bound it to the mate bond."
She blew on the blue ball of light, and it disintegrated.
"Where did it go?" I asked, out of breath.
"I cast it to the Heavens, and it will return to this realm when your spiritual body is reborn. But, understand that could be eons away. There is no rhyme or reason for when or how we come back. Some souls get tarnished so badly that they are too shattered to leave the well of darkness."
"As long as my mate's love is inside my heart as I wait at the threshold of death, my soul shall never be broken."
"Well, so it begins."
My vision suddenly goes blurry, and I blink my eyes rapidly for a few minutes as I am suddenly back in the meadow.
"Now, you see how we came to be. Do you now understand who you are? Who you have always been?"
I did understand. I knew from the moment I looked into Elijah's eyes that I had always known him. I couldn't explain how or why. When I dreamed of Elias and Phoebe, I also felt a connection. Like, I was her. And when Elias was staring at me, I couldn't shake the feeling that those eyes belonged to Elijah.
"Does Elijah know who I am? Who is he?"
"Yes, of course, he does. He is a wolf, so he would have felt his attachment to the bond immediately and had visions of you and his past life."
Motherfucker, knew. Jeez, this bastard in all of his secrets.
But could I blame him for not telling me? This would have all sounded insane had I not witnessed this myself. I probably would have had him committed to some mental asylum if he had suggested that we were reincarnated lovers.
"So, what do we do now? Or rather, what do I do now?"
"You've finally connected to me the missing part of your soul. Soon, we will be one. You will start to remember our life before this. Maybe, we will find a way to live a full life with our mate."
"How will I find you again?"
"You don't need to find me. I am a part of you. Don't you feel it?"
I did feel something strange now that the other part of my soul had been awakened. I felt fuller. I felt different yet still the same. I finally begin to take in my appearance. My hair was darker, Longer. Almost to my waist. It was curlier. My posture also seemed to improve. I no longer had a slump in my shoulders. It was like I now walked with an air of confidence—poise and grace of a queen.
"I can feel it." I gasped.
But, there was no response.
So, I am a reincarnated human princess. I am a direct human descendant of the Goddess. If a wolf would dare to drink my blood and eat my heart under the blood moon, they could genuinely become immortal and have the strength of the Goddess herself. This is why some wolves would want me dead. This is why Elijah said he needed to protect me. It wasn't just about me being human; although that is undoubtedly an issue, this was about me being a scarce kind of human. I need to see him.
Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes, willing the bond to bring him to me. I needed to see him. It's been a century since I indeed saw Elias. I missed him even more now that I knew who he certainly was. Who I indeed was.
A few seconds ticked, and a shadowy figure started manifesting a few feet away from me. My breath hitched in my chest as Elijah's eyes stared back into mine.
Goddess, I have missed him.
We stared at each other for an immeasurable amount of time. I stood there drinking in all Elijah's features as he did mine. Before I could stop myself, I began walking toward him most slowly. Every step that brought me closer showed the passion and desire twinkling in his beautiful green eyes. He was elated to see me. He missed me.
When I was finally in front of him with my breast touching his chest, I brought my arms to wrap around his neck while still keeping my head leaning back so I was still looking at him. I smile brightly and jump up and wrap my legs around his torso. He instantly locks me into place, seemingly surprised by my reaction but enjoying it nonetheless. I felt his cock jump against my pussy because of our position.
Bending my head down, my lips reach him, and I softly begin to kiss him. I slip my tongue into his mouth, hugging every part of his tongue with my own. I suck his bottom lip, and he lets out a growl that rumbles from his chest into mine. I lick his lips simultaneously, pulling his hair that is now rooted through my fingers closer to my face. I break the kiss, and I can see him struggle to compose his-self. Kissing him is like having the gates of Heaven open up for you.
Leaning back in his arms, "I missed you, Elijah....or shall I say, Elias?" I raised my eyebrows.
A look of surprise, confusion, and glee comes over me, and I know they're his feelings. He brushes a piece of hair from my face, and he stared at me with a smirk on his lips.
He brings his lips to my ear and whispers, "Goddess, I am going to fuck you, Phoebe. I've waited so long to hear you call out my proper name.