I've been sitting here for hours now, blankly staring at the many artworks that I've created. My wife refers to them as "scribbles" but she doesn't see what I see. I see the guilt I have for abandoning my one prized possession. Her face haunts me; I can't escape her. Nobody believes me when I say she's alive and still manipulating me. She's still telling me what to do and it's payment for what I have done.
I've had it with her insults and screams. I've learned my lesson now. I'll finally go to her. She's still alive, I know it in my very, tortured soul.
My lip curled as I seethed with a building determination that made me angry, "You can't control me," I snarled quietly to my sketches. They remained still, but the deep-set graphite lines warped and twisted before my eyes and the face they created screamed at me tauntingly. The face ordered me to do something... as if daring me to get up and return to my beloved little pet.
"Challenge accepted, you whore," I hissed as my hands took the dirty sketches and tore them to bits. I didn't want to see those faces again; the faces that mocked me and laughed at me, the demons that knew no one would ever believe me.
The sketches were torn and a mixture of graphite dust and charcoal dirtied my hands. I paid no mind; the laughing and screaming stopped so I was momentarily at peace. I took a deep breath as I revelled in the quiet. So silent... so peaceful. However, no sooner did it stop, did it abruptly start up again. The evil, vile voice cursed me for trying to silence it.
I growled and spat on the sketches before hurriedly grabbing my most valued things and leaving the house. Screw this place! Screw these people!
The moment the door shut behind me, I knew there was no going back. I already started my journey... I shan't end it now like the coward I am! She's alive and I'm determined to end my regret and save Her. So, after taking another sharp breath, I pushed forward into the busier part of town to catch a taxi to the harbour.
...
The docks were calm and the only sounds that accompanied me were the calling of the seagulls and the lapping of waves against the wood. A buoy rang out in the distance and the early-rising fishermen began their long days on the water by boarding their boats. It was a serene moment in time; everyone lived their own lives with no idea of the other man's life. To them, I was but another stranger sitting on a bench outside of a barbershop
A man came by near sun-up inquiring about money. I refused him and promptly asked if he had a drink, to which he obliged. We sat for a while, I listened while he rambled on about the latest news. I said very little; I was in no mood to socialise but I would if it meant receiving free gin.
We watched the ship pull into the harbour silently, its bell tolling while sailors on the deck supervised the ship's progress. It was a smaller ship than most that carried passengers and cargo, but it was my only hope in getting to America and they were the only boat at the time in this harbour that was destined for America.
I purchased my ticket soon after the morning commute was taking place- by this time, the man I was with went on his merry way- I purchased a second class cabin and nothing more. I needed nothing more after all; I'm not on this ship to pamper myself. And my cabin reflected that, for as soon as I found it below the decks, I was greeted to the sight of a dreary, plain room; complete with minimal luxuries. I was nothing more than satisfied as I settled down on the bed to anxiously await my journey ahead.
I drew on slips of paper from my wallet. What these papers were for, I'm not sure, but I don't care anymore; bills, notices, deeds, or receipts... I don't care. They're nothing more than scraps for my lovely doodles. I drew everything my mind could think of, and now that I wasn't being monitored like some prisoner, I was happy to draw what I wanted and not worry about seeming "unfit for the public". Hogwash. Everyone who ever thought it was a good idea to put me in that vile place will fully regret their decision once they realise I was right all along!
...
Time seemed to slow to a crawl in that small cabin. The never-ending rocking of the waves and the pungent smell of sea life never ceased and attacked me with such ferocity that I often found myself curled around a bucket filled with my own sick. The hours seemed like days and the days seemed like weeks. The only time I could collect myself to know what day it was, was when I left my cabin for a small meal or refreshments. One bonus was certainly being rewarded for leaving my cave to indulge in the delightful fruit liqueurs they served.
Alas, after nearly a week, I heard the excitement of the passengers as they chatted amongst themselves that land was near. Upon finally walking around above deck for the first time since I boarded, I saw the glorious, promising sight of Lady Liberty in the distance. I felt my heart pound anxiously in my chest; I was already so close.
We docked in New York harbour not too long later and the buzz of the city overwhelmed me. Every which way I turned there were people, automobiles, carriages, and buildings that stood higher than I could even imagine an edifice being built! I hadn't been to New York in many years and the drastic changes scared me yet awed me.
Through all the hustle and bustle, I managed to at last, flag a taxi down to take me to the Penn Station. I had previously looked at a map borrowed from a local cafe for nearly thirty minutes to find this place and I was praying that it could take me where I needed to.
Alas, I made it and, to my great relief, there was a train destined for Hartford, Connecticut in a few hours. I paid for a ticket and quietly sat on a bench, waiting oh-so-patiently for my train while I drew on scraps to keep my mind off of my destination. I dared not think about Her, for fear that I might turn my back on Her despite how far I've come already.
Thankfully, I did not run and my train soon came. All I seemed to focus on in those long hours that I was confined to a small seat on a train was how close I was to the horrors that I left behind... the start of my career... the years that followed... everything.
There is no word or phrase I could use to describe the emotions I felt once the train was stationed in Hartford. I was nervous, but I felt confident; yet at the same time, I was scared and wanted to shoot myself right then and there to save myself from facing my mistakes. I knew I mustn't; I'd be damned if I stopped now for whatever reason.
So, after gathering my strength, I travelled around the bustling town to locate either a taxi or someone willing to drive for at least thirty minutes to the small town of Terramuggus. I asked anybody I saw who had an automobile and offered them my last remaining American dollars. I had no luck until I decided to linger around a pub and an older farmer gentleman stepped out to have a smoke. I greeted him as kindly as I could despite my irritability of having no luck in hitching a ride. I explained my situation to him, telling him my "need to return home to Terramuggus because my mother was deathly ill and required my urgent assistance." The man thankfully understood and sympathised with me, before at last, agreeing to give me a ride.
I got the man a drink as a way of saying "thanks" and soon after, we drove off towards the small town. I was a nervous wreck throughout the car ride and I'm afraid I may have concerned my driver. I couldn't stop myself from fidgeting and muttering to myself. Of course, my incoherent mutterings were words of reassurance, but my driver clearly didn't understand.
Thankfully, he said nothing and continued to drive into the night. Soon, my exhaustion caught up with me after days of sleepless nights and exciting thinking. I fell into a restless slumber against the passenger side window.
...
I had no understanding of time when I was abruptly woken up by a harsh break and a swerve from the vehicle. It took too long for me to register what was happening and I could only stare wide-eyed and silent as my driver screamed profanities and swerved his automobile. Unsure of what to do in the situation and blinded by the chaos, I instinctively clutched my seat and pushed against the dashboard with my feet in hopes that would secure my safety.
I was very wrong.
An ear-splitting crash filled our ears, followed by deafening squealing and metal grinding against metal. Still, dumbfounded by the event at hand, I could only cry out in surprise as the vehicle scrapes against the asphalt, pushed by some unseen force, into a ditch alongside the road. The moments that ensued were nothing but a blur as I was dazed from a hit to my head and through my blurred vision, I only saw another black mass crash into us from ahead.
I must've blacked out, for by the time I could seemingly register my surroundings again, the scene had calmed down. I had no clue if I had been injured and I turned to my driver in hopes that he could help me. To my horror, he was dead; flopped over the wheel and disfigured by the folds of metal that had crumpled and pierced through his flesh. I felt sick to my stomach the longer I stared and I forced myself to turn away to keep from making matters worse than they already were.
Finally, I felt I had recovered enough to try and pull myself out of the wrecked car. However, upon pushing myself away from the dashboard- as I had been pinned between the seat and the front of the car- a horrible wave of pain shot up both of my legs. The pain was so intense that I cried out and sank back into the seat while a wave of dizziness came over me.
My dizziness eventually wore off, and I tried my luck again. The same unbearable agony hit me again; this time, resonating from multiple other places in my ribs and chest. I screamed, my eyes watering and my muscles tensing up uncontrollably. I had to give up again and assess my situation... why? Why now!?
When my pain wore off to a bearable level, I realised I couldn't feel my left leg below the knee. My right leg seemed fine but was badly cut and bleeding. I attempted to wiggle my left leg but panicked momentarily when I felt nothing. It was, indeed, stuck within the folds of wrecked metal, but I had no idea whether it was broken, impaled, cut, or completely missing. Frankly, I was afraid to know the answer.
I decided I would try my luck again and, after bracing myself for the pain, I pulled myself out using as much strength as I could muster. The pain came to me in throbbing waves and I howled from the terrible sensation. From what I could feel through the blinding pain: skin tearing and bursting open in my left leg. Practically sobbing now from my efforts, I gave one last final pull and alas! My leg came free from the metal and I was able to drag myself out of the car and onto the dirt below.
I lay there for a moment, collecting my bearings and breathing heavily from my efforts. My vision had been blurred by dizziness and tears and my heart pounded in my ears. I would only get up once these horrible feelings wore off.
Death was hanging over my shoulder as I lay there, fighting through exhaustion. I would not let it claim me... not yet. Not when I'm so close. I only need to see Her one last time and then I can fall into the arms of Death.
Taking one deep breath, I gathered my will once again and slowly rolled onto my stomach to drag myself up the side of the ditch. My chest throbbed painfully as my heart pounded against my shattered ribs. I continued, determined now to survive till I see my pet... I must... I shall.
I could only use my arms and my right leg to climb and it was a difficult feat, but I succeeded and finally crawled out onto the road in hopes that I could flag down a car for help. I laid on the edge of the road to rest while I kept my eyes peeled for other cars.
I laid there for hours, it seemed, watching tiredly for the help that seemed to never arrive. However, just when I thought no one would come, I saw two glowing orbs headed my way at a rapid speed. My heart leapt in my chest and a wave of relief washed over me as I hurriedly tried to climb to my one good leg in hopes that I could flag the driver.
To my dismay, the car sped on without slowing down and I was left to weakly hobble into the middle of the street, staring after the car as my hopes slowly died. Yet, as much as I wanted help in that instant, nothing prepared me for the sudden growing light from behind me. Alarmed, I turned to look behind me and another speeding car was squealing to a stop behind me.
It was far too close for me to move out of the way and far too close for the car to stop as well. Everything happened so quickly, I couldn't comprehend what was becoming of my already damaged body. The pain was far more intense than my previous ordeal; it never ended, and my frayed coat had snagged on the underside of the automobile...
The world went black finally and I felt comfort in my lack of agony in those moments...