"I thought if I accepted those sweets, then you would not bother me again. Why come back?" The man started the moment he saw him entering the barn.
Rubin felt quite pestered this day, so eventually, he said something out of his personality. "Why are you truly being egocentric? What's so wrong with me befriending you?"
Even he was shocked to hear that from himself, but the man was expressionless. He let go of the shovel and run over to him. "You know why? Because rumours say that you are not good with your family and how you were in the past. I know who you are very well!" He exclaimed.
After hearing that, Rubin stepped back. His heart ached but he just plastered the man with a fake smile. "I see, so it's about my past. Alright, I'll get going then." He handed him a box before going off and leaving the barn.
The man stared at the box and he just realized what he said to Rubin. He felt guilty and sorry but he thought, 'It's probably for the best.' But in fact, he never believed any rumours. Not a single rumour he placed his trust on when it comes to Rubin, after all, he already knew him even way back when they were youngsters. He could never forget about that and it makes him sad how Rubin seemed to have completely forgotten about it.
He went inside their house and he was startled to see his father welcoming him at the entrance, glaring his eyes at him.
'What have I done? I've done nothing? So, why is my heart beating so fast?' He thought.
"Who's that?" His father asked.
"A friend?"
"A friend that gives you sweets?" He looked at the box.
The man grunted and sighed. "Are friends not allowed to give each other things now? He was just being kind. Am I not allowed to have friends? Moreover, he's a man, father." He asked in disbelief.
"Hah! Don't give me that, do you think I have forgotten of you being a faggot? You can have women as your friends but never men. I don't want my child to turn into someone who's a complete disappointment. You better throw those sweets or else." He threw him a death glare. "You're starting to turn like your mother, so free, thinking you can do everything within your grasp. You can't! And I will never approve this disgusting behaviour."
His father left him as he walked out of the house, slammed the door shut. He flinched. Running towards his room, he closed the door and locked it. He placed the sweets on the table and slumped his body on the bed. There his tears slide down to his face.
"Pathetic! Crying like a child. Why does he even care so much? That's why I tried to avoid you Rubin because I know this is how it's going to turn out. You should have never come to the barn that day, I should have just avoided you even more." He whined. "But, I just can't when you still embark my memory since then."
It was a rainy day in the town, his mother left them and proceed to the eternal life way too early. He was still young and lively, but after that day they mourned. It was the start of his father's wrath. He started destroying things inside their house and was turning it into a fraudulent site.
At that time, he was only seven. Crying as he saw how his father wreak havoc upon their home. He was shivering and trembling, scared of what his father might do to him.
"You left me? Leave me too early and then what? Left this child with me? A disappointment with a faggot behaviour?! Frail hands and a sensitive brat?" He said and cursed as much.
He flinched when his father angrily looked at him and went towards his position, he held his arms and led him outside.
"F-father, it h-hurts." He cried.
"I don't care! Now get out of my house! Disappear from my sight! I don't want to see you nor any of your soul, you hear me?" He slammed the door close.
That day he remembered that he was crying as he head somewhere quiet. He head over to the mountains just near their town, he was still trembling crying and he did not know what to do.
But as he laid down on the grass, in the sky, a lad covered his view of the sky. "Why are you sad, little lad?"
That's when he first saw Rubin, in that day, this tall young lad accompanied him throughout the day. He said his insights and how his father abandoned him and threw him out of their house. At the end of the day, Rubin brought him to their home and said.
"Uncle, you shouldn't abandon your child. No matter how mad you are, if he ever dies, would you be happy about that?"
It was odd and yet his father took him in again. That was when he first thought, he must have fallen for a young lad. And since then, he was curious if his feelings were real, so he tried looking for Rubin and observed him. It was confirmed by himself that he truly can love a man.
He sighed on his bed. "Just when I tried to escape my deep fast, here it is again. Ah, what should I do?"
"Why did I even believe that he listens to rumours? He doesn't even look like he listens to people's murmurs? Was it just his way to hover me away? Wow, it works. Because here I am, depressed in this iron armour ah!" Rubin shouted inside the cottage.
"What are you shouting on about?" Luca asked him, looking at him with suspicion.
"Luca, give me some love advice here. What do you do when someone you love does not even like to see your face? As if they never wanted you there in the first place."
"What? You're in love?"
He groaned. "Just answer it!"
"Hmm, let' see. In this situation, the best way is to give them space, I suppose. You don't want them to feel as if they are forced to accept you. You just want them to accept you with their own volition." Luca said as he wore his iron armour.
And Rubin got the hint of what he wanted to say. So for three consecutive days, he never went to the barn. After three days, he avoided him for four days more. Making it one week.
"Argh, I miss him." He cried out to Theon.
"You miss who exactly, Rubin?" Theon looked at him. They were currently eating. "Don't put your hands on your face while you're eating."
"I'm done eating. I miss this adorable man's presence, who I don't even know his name." He said without a care.
Everybody looked at him with eyes that taunts oddness. Rubin sighed and just went outside. He decided that today, it's enough space now. He needs to see him because he's whipped inside. He walked up the town and went to the barn. Even just from afar, he already saw the man sitting, staring into the unknown. He took a deep breath before going near him. He took that chance and stood in front of him.
"Hello there." That was what he said, he witnessed how the man gasped.
The man stood up and arched his brows. "W-why?"
"Why? Uh, I miss you?"
"After all that I said to you? Don't you know how to be mad at least?" This man was telling him these things, while he was smiling like an id*it. "I have never seen you for days, I thought you hated me already."
Rubin walked near him, stood just inches away and stared at him. "I reckoned you were not the kind of man to listen to rumours when you even hate the fact that people are talking to you. And I did not come here for several days because someone advised me that you might need space. I just had enough and came back." He exclaimed without any care.
The man stared at him for a while before it left and went inside. He went back out and was already grabbing a horse. He rode the horse and headed towards Rubin.
"Hop on. Let's head somewhere far."
Rubin just followed with silence. Together they rode the horse with him having such a wide grin while the man was in front of him. He blushed hard seeing how its body shape was. It was too much for him to handle. He almost bleeds on his nose. He noticed they were going far from the barn. Galloping through the mountains and feeling the fresh air.
They stopped below a tree, tied the horse and sat down. Observing the sunsets. It took them a while to start a conversation but when they did it, it was him that started it.
"I'll be calling you Eillicy from now on. It's odd for us to always meet each other and I have no clue as to what's your name."
"Eillicy?" The man asked.
"Yeah."
The man, now was Eillicy sighed. "My name's Philemon Beale. That should do it."
"Philemon? I see, what a very fitting name for such beautiful— I mean adorable man such as you." He smiled.
"My mother named me that." And here, Philemon decided that he should just tell Rubin what entirely happened in the past and why he tries to ignore him. Rubin had a shocked face all throughout his side of the story.
"Ah! So you are that lad? Woah, so much has changed. I see, you knew you were from that side all along? If I were you I would have never hid it. Ah!! This is making me blush hard, what is wrong with me?!" He panicked.
Philemon hid his face but he was just as flustered as he is. After all, he just revealed how he was the kid who liked him since then. But, he was also afraid. Afraid of the future, afraid that his father will disown him.
"Your father, is he hurting you or anything?" Rubin asked.
"If you mean physically, then he does not lay a finger on me." He answered.
Rubin was worried, which means his father was hurting him inside. Being called a disappointment and was judged at such a young age because his preferences were different. That must have sucked, however, he totally understands those feelings. Being alone and being called a disappointment.
Rubin scooted closer to him and just immediately gave him a tight hug. He thought he might be pushed away, but he wasn't. Philemon did not hug him back, however, he let himself be embraced by him. It was his way of comforting him.
That same day, they head over,s, the town and pay for a stay in the house. Philemon refused to go home. He wanted to avoid seeing his father for a while, he did not care whether it worries him or not. He wanted to stay with Rubin.
When they went in, Rubin slammed the door close and held Philemon's face. "Will you let me kiss you, at least?" He asked.
Slowly, Philemon nodded. Rubin went on his way and stick his lips on Phil's. They kissed each other, loved each other, and made the deed. Not a single regret was traced before Phil's face, just for a night, he wanted to forsake his father. He wanted to give this man a chance to prove to him that there was nothing to be afraid of. So, what he did was let himself flee from the burdens of his father.
The next day.
"Where are we heading?" Phil was curious, seeing the way they are walking on. He knew it.
"To your father. We are going back to the barn." Rubin said with a pressing tone and was truly serious.
Phil widened his eyes. "What? Didn't I tell you? He loathed that side of me. He would hate it if he saw us together just right after I run out. Let me handle this, I'll be fine. You can go to where you are supposed to go." Philemon tried t convince him.
Rubin held both of his hands stared straight into his eyes. "Eillicy, if I am going to love you then might as well love you for the rest of our lives. I don't want to be uncertain about this and if part of loving you is also losing the grip on your father. Then, I'll stay with you. We will do this together. You don't have to be afraid."
He was afraid, his heart was beating fast, and the anxiousness in his body never faded. Especially when Rubin knocked on the door.
His father's mad face flashed over their eyes. "Philemon, who's this? After you run away yesterday you come home with a man?" He asked furiously frustrated.
"Father, he's-"
Rubin interrupted. "Plesant morning, sir. I am Philemon's lover."
"What? What is he talking about, Philemon?" His father can not believe what he was hearing.
Philemon gaze at Rubin and turned it back to his father, gulping harshly. "It's true, he is my lover."
The anger immediately rose upon his father's veins. "You! What do you think you're doing? If you're trying to piss me off! Then you have done it. You disgusting piece of rattle! I knew I should have just completely abandoned you that day!"
He glared at him after hearing such awful sentences. "I don't care. I have always followed on your whims and I won't ever let you do that again. If you want me out of this house, fine, I will leave this after I grab my horses. After all, you won't even take care of them!" He began to fight back.
"Hah! You think you'll live without me because you're a faggot? You've piled up your guts right after you escape." He said and gazed at Rubin, pointing at his face."What have you fed my son?"
Rubin was expressionless, he cleared his throat. "I just wanted to ask sir. You can never change who you are when it is given to you by fate. So what do you want, sir?"
"You ugly piece of tw*t!" He exclaimed and punched Rubin so hard that he almost dropped off to the ground.
Philemon gasped. He could not believe his father has actually done it. He could not hurt him probably because he looked a lot like his mother. He went to accompany Rubin.
"What have you done?! You're a beast! A monster! If mother was ever alive he would have left you already because of how pathetic of a father you are to me! Does this make you feel good? When I am hurt? And disheartened?" Philemon was fuming mad now, he never wanted anyone to disappear as much as this.
But instead, Rubin faced it in such an odd way. "Is that what you want, sir? Anything else?" He asked as he wiped the blood on his lips. "Hm? If that's all then it's your turn to ask what your son wants this time."
His father furrowed his brows and looked at him.
Philemon pressed his mouth and took a deep breath. "I want to flee from you. I want to breathe! I want to be just myself without ever getting judged by my own father. Because I have my own preference and it was born inside. This is not a curse nor a disease. The only reason I came here is because Rubin insist that I would settle things with you and share with you what I truly feel. But you know what? I have never expected this to work out. Because you will and will never change your mind and still would think I am a disappointment!"
They all went silent after that. But not for a while, his father said. "You! How much do you love my son?"
"So much that I could receive as many punches you throw at me, sir. Just for his sake."
"Alright," He went back inside the house. When he back outside he was already carrying a bag. "I will be living down the mountains. If fleeing from me is all that you want, alright. You can keep this house and the barn for yourself. You would be needing it more than me."
"Uh." Rubin was confused.
Phil sighed. "Don't worry, he always says he wants to live them more than here at the barn. There's a small house there where he and his mother first live in. I think he always wanted that to happen. How about you? Do your face hurt?"
"No, I'm fine. Can you fetch me some ice?" They went inside the house and he settled down on the chair.
Phil brought some ice and handed it to him. "Do you think he accepted me?"
"Even if he didn't, he probably thought that you were truly his son. It made him realize things that will never happen and what was supposed to happen. But I think he did accept it." Rubin responded.
"Where are you heading now?"
Rubin took a moment to think before he answered. "I'll be going home and fixing some things with my family too. I think I have been a bother for so long. I won't be afraid now that I have seen you act so strong there."
The place was engulfed with their silence. Rubin sighed in relief, guess he finally did it to himself.
"Uhm, you can live with me here if you want." Philemon suddenly suggested.
Rubin gasped, he can not grasp on what suddenly happened there. "Hold on, are you serious about that? Or am I dreaming?"
Philemon chuckled. "No, you're not dreaming."
Just after that, Rubin decided to go home first and mend things with his sister. As he opened the door, his sister was sleeping and she instantly woke up after hearing his footsteps. Rubin sighed and head over to embrace her.
"I'm sorry, sister." He whispered.
That's when his sisters started crying as she also embraced him, as tight as he did. It was a sign that everything else would be alright till then. His siblings eventually woke up and joined them.
"Hey, does anybody know where Rubin is? He's suddenly been disappearing during training." A soldier asked.
Luca stopped and thought. "Hmm, I think he's been around and about lately."
Theon unconsciously said, "He's been out of the town. I think he said to me that likes this one man named Philemon."
"Philemon? That sounds like a man's name. Luca, do we know someone named Philemon?"
"Huh? I think it was the man at the barn, that's the only Philemon I know." He said and then."Wait! That's a man! Has he always been interested in men?"
Theon shrugged. "Who knows. Only he does."
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ABYSSCESS