"Theon, do you want to go to the river?"
He never knew why the sudden request came out of the man's mouth first. He always knew how Ambroz was a numb man. Always clinging to nothingness while burdening himself into thinking that he is no longer human. But now, Theon felt that something was changing. However, he is not certain of what change has occurred before his eyes.
He recalled that it was morning, the sun has only risen from the edge of the horizon. The sun rays came inside the cave caressing his face trying to wake him up from his slumber.
"Uhh..." He groaned as his eyes split open.
His back was throbbing and he knew why it was like that. He even awkwardly chuckled remembering what he did last night to the poor man in heat. He ended up embarrassing himself and reddened his entire face.
"What am I thinking this early in the morning?" He freaked out.
He settled down but only went back to lying down. His bottom was dying as it throb. He felt his swollen flesh down there and the excruciating sensuality coming out. It was a mess. Glad he was feeling clean. Someone wiped him clean. Someone?
"Speaking of which, where has he gone?" He wandered his eyes around and none was there. "Well, this is nostalgic." He frowned thinking about last time. It's ridiculous to think that he was getting used to the man disappearing every morning.
But not long after, Ambroz appeared in front of him. He wasn't inside the cave but was standing still outside with a bunch of things Theon does not recognize, the bow and the rusty arrow was an exception.
"You're awake." Ambroz reckoned while still facing his back towards the man lying down on his bottom.
Theon grunted. "I am."
"How's your back?"
"Don't ask."
Ambroz was silenced but then Theon heard him heave a sigh. "I knew you would say something like that. But, I won't nag you if you just answer me properly. I'm worried." The longer he speaks, the more silent he gets.
Theon chuckled; fisting his hand and covering his mouth with it. He shook his head thinking about how Ambroz thought of him. "Hold on, I was trained for this so you don't have to worry, this is nothing."
Immediately, Ambroz looked at him with confusion that exaggerated throughout his face. His brows were arched upwards and met. Awe plastered in his mouth.
Meanwhile, Theon raised a brow asking why he was so shocked. But then, he just realized what he said and blushed afterwards. "No! No! That's not what I meant! Don't assume!
"Y...you were trained for t...that? Huh?" Ambroz stuttered and was too stunned to speak another sentence.
Theon shook his hands and head in front of him. "No! I meant physical pain! I am used to physical pain! Not that it was as excruciating as that! Nevertheless, I did not mean such a thing."
Ambroz continuously nodded "Alright, I understand." He exclaimed while still processing Theon's words.
Theon heaved a sigh and covered his face in disbelief. How could he say such a misleading sentence? What an embarrassment to the category of his self-esteem. Now he has to be wary of what he has to say or people would make him the laughing stock for the whole year.
They were both engulfed in the silence. Theon kept rubbing his back, massaging it downwards to practically ease the throb.
'Ah, it's not working. The more I rub the more focus the pain gets. Should I just leave it be? Yeah, I should.' Everything said, he did ignore it and leaned his back to settle.
Not for a while, that's when Ambroz asked him to go to the river. He looked fulfilling and hopeful. He wanted to say inside and rest but something was pushing him to go through with him.
"Can you walk?"
He grunted. "I can don't worry. Just give me a hand for a moment."
Ambroz walked inside and lend him a hand. He took and was about to pull himself up when Ambroz bent down and hugged him. After that, he was gently being pulled up. Ambroz did that all with a straight face while he was all flustered.
"Are you alright? Your face is red, are you sick?" Ambroz's question rendered in his ears.
"Uh, y-yes. Everything's fine, ha ha." He replied and nervously laughed, as he finds for support. 'This man would be the reason for my humble death!' He thought inside his subconscious.
"Are you sure?" Once again, Ambroz asked. This time, he placed his hand on his shoulder.
Theon stood straight with his chest facing the world and gazing back at Ambroz. "Indeed, I am. Now, should we go? Lead the way, Ambroz."
Ambroz looked at him as if he was seeing an odd fellow. Regardless, he still went ahead of Theon. He's not the persistent type after all. Theon remained at that position pulling back and taking a deep breath. After that, he went off and followed Ambroz who was waiting for him eagerly on a bystander tree.
"So, shall we go?" Theon gave him a smile.
"Would you mind not smiling like that, as if everything is okay?" He then proceeds to walk ahead of him.
Theon's smile then faded away. "He's right, everything is not okay. But, what is the matter of smiling? There's no harm to it when it's genuine."
Ambroz faced front. With how he looks right now, Theon might see through his plans. He needs to get himself together or else he won't succeed.
Last night, as he saw the face of the man who accepted him, sleeping calmly by his side. He brushed his fingers on his face. And at that moment, he just knew what he had to do.
And that is to keep Theon safe.
Away from trouble and unfortunate fate. Somewhere he truly belongs and it's not here. He knows, this place is now too cruel for a man like Theon. Maybe because he was the one reason to wreak such havoc on it. But he can not be selfish and wish to pledge to his own desires. He is done being selfish. If someone has to face this war. It's no one but him.
The regret he felt that day when Elena, Lyzelle, and even Bergen was vivid and still not being lifted off of his chest. He constantly keeps dragging people around him inside the capability of such a disastrous fate. And if only he was in his sane that day and even on the day where he first met Ravyn, he could have avoided that curse. If he only knew it would turn out like this.
While he was walking, he can not help but make a fist of his two hands. Trying so hard to contain himself with all the manic.
But as soon as the horrid came rushing through his reveries. Filling his heart with opaque madness and destruction. The anxiety spread through his system. The shouts of his people, the flames he created that killed his people, and the loss of his folks. His mother's face and his father's. The crew. Then, Elena and Bergen who welcomed him treated him as family and tried to cure him.
Thinking back at it, many people risked their lives all for his sake. And he was a coward to not even face them properly.
'I'm a menace.'
'A disgusting and worthless being.'
'An animal.'
'A monster.'
"Ambroz, what's wrong? You're trembling so much."
He opened his eyes and Theon was already beside him. Holding his hands softly and carefully. Looked at him, worried. He then instantly pulled his hand away and gulped.
He almost had his hopes up, thinking that they could be together.
"Yeah, uh- no. The coldness seems to be rising in this direction. It is most likely for me to shiver. You have a much leaner body than I do. Spare me the worries and focus on what you could add to cover yourself." He exclaimed and scratched the back of his head. "Anyhow, I'm getting thirsty."
The tinge of confusion on Theon's face never fades away even after reaching the river.
"He was acting weird. If he keeps on doing that, his heat won't subside. Is it the witch's work again?" He asked himself. "That's not impossible."
Theon was sitting on a tree, while he eats the fruits both of them picked not long ago. Deeply thinking and worrying about Ambroz.
"I know she's watching us even now. But, what is with waiting? Not charging after us, not forging for our early deaths. Are they afraid of the Goddess? Or like I said the last time," he took a mouthful of fruit.
"Planning for something?" He said while eating. 'planning for something?'
"Choose between eating and talking, you can't do both," Ambroz exclaimed and dropped more fruits in front of him.
"I thought you don't eat fruits? Should I be shocked? Or is this the purpose of making up for last night?" He asked while looking at the fruits Ambroz took. "Where would I even place this? In my pockets? I don't have any pockets."
"Here." Ambroz dropped a brown bag on his feet.
Theon looked at it and gaze at Ambroz. Back and forth. "W-where did you get this? How did you even come up with such a thing? Aren't you an old class man?"
Ambroz glared at him. "What do you mean old class man? Zynthia gave me this one time. I lost the chance to use it, alright? And, you're right. I don't eat fruits anymore. That's all for you. It's what you should be eating. Not a form of comfort or of any sort." He admittedly said.
Theon got even more confused. The sight of Ambroz truly giving him fruits when the first time he met him, he received such a cold shoulder. He did not even do anything but that.
Why is Ambroz acting this way, is what he ask inside.
The whole morning was filled with silence and them eating the goods. Theon ate nothing but fruits while Ambroz was eating the usual fish that he takes in the river. They were residing in that place for hours. That was enough for Theon to take a rest. His bottom was less swollen and the fresh but slightly warm water of the river, healed his throbbing back, somehow.
He was about to stand up when Ambroz, who was on top of a tree, went down and stood in front of him. Theon waited for him to speak but Ambroz never did open his mouth.
"What? Quit staring at me." Theon took the urge to speak up.
"Get up, let's head somewhere safe." He lend him a hand and Theon took it.
"Safe? The cave?"
"No, not the cave. It's... Uhm... Just follow me and stop asking questions." He responded and turned his back around.
Theon scrunched his face, seeing Ambroz like this brings back a lot of memories. Seems he hasn't changed completely. Just thought that his mood was light at that time, probably was it.
Now that they are walking, the forest changed and the area was unfamiliar to his sight. Theon gripped his bag and roamed his eyes around the woods. It was silent yet wild, the greeneries flashed by the midday's rays, and the tiles of the ground's dried leaves surrounded and hovered their feet. Theon remembered about the time he tried to escape on his own and this was the direction.
But he can not assume things because everything about this forest is tricky.
The forest itself was again covered by fogs and blackbirds were flying around. Mysteriously chirping, making Theon flinch from time to time. Too often that he had to ask Ambroz this time.
"W-where are we heading? This place, it's deep and foggy. Safe you say? Not even an inch can call this place safe." Theon complained.
"We haven't arrived yet, you're a warrior these places should be kin to your senses by now. Stop the fuss and just follow me." Ambroz continued walking.
He grunted and took a deep, so deep that even dust came through his nostrils making him sneeze loudly.
"Ugh, my p...poor nose."
"I admit, you're adorable that night. But you're one knucklehead, aren't you?" Ambroz giggled and taunted him with a remark.
Theon turned red, blushing and was flustered at what he said. "W-what do you mean 'adorable that night', huh? Knucklehead? Spare me the insult, you're no different. Coward at that!" He was too flustered and went ahead of Ambroz.
Ambroz watched him nervously walking, more or less, wobbling ahead of him because of embarrassment and he went on his way to laugh at him.
"Quit laughing! Stop it!" Theon shouted at him in a deeper voice this time.
Ambroz traced that he was awfully angry this time so he reconsidered and stop his fuss and gulped it in. Theonnjust piqued his interest whenever he teases him. Somewhere inside his chest calms down seeing the frustrated reaction of the man he adores.
'Hah! What a phase.' He rubbed his head.
They never stopped walking and competing, like youngsters in a chamber, they forge in each other like animals of the opposite kind. Theon followed Ambroz and never rested one bit. He was persistent in keeping his shape despite the long journey they took towards "Safe."
But little did he know that it was their last moments together. It was the last time that he would ever get in touch with him. Because, after they arrive at a certain border, what Ambroz said stunned him to his core.
This was a day when he was frightened the most.
"If you walk pass through that water. You might or might not find your people. But, that's the other side, after stepping on it you are no longer in—"
"Hold on! So, you knew about the escape route all this time? Why didn't you tell me?" Theon looked at him with his brows met.
"I was selfish, alright? I've learned from it and reflected. Now, that you're here, go find your people." Ambroz turned his back to him but Theon was quick to react, he run towards him and held his shoulders to face him again.
"What do you mean go back? After all that? Your curse and everything you said to me, do you think I will leave you just like this? I am involved in this war too. You can't just go alone. Ambroz, I don't understand." He exclaimed as his hands trembled.
Ambroz gripped his hand and placed it down. "This is my war, Theon. It always has been. Your kind was only being pulled because of Elena's persistence. But, no one can defeat those people. Not even I do." Ambroz bowed his head with a frown on his face.
"So, you're going to give in yourself and die?" Theon asked.
Ambroz never responded and so he assumed that it was what he intended to do. Theon jolted and gasped.
"But, how about us? We can find a way to fix this. There should be away. Why are you deciding things all by yourself? Ambroz, answer me!" This time Theon was raising his voice.
He was just as flummoxed as a child who was firstborn. He never thought Ambroz would ever abandon it all. Giving up. It was too late for him to notice but when Ambroz cried that night, he suppose the cause all along was because he would do this to him the other day.
Indeed, Theon knew he had nothing to do with the matter at hand. But, he was hopeful that it can still be solved. He even thought of asking a god. After hearing Ambroz saying it's his fight, becoming a dragon and those enemies undertaking him is a must happen. He can never control his heat and transformation if not for someone's warmth.
Theon was sceptical of his decisions, but what decision is it?
"You have to forget me and live your life. Pretend that everything that happened inside this forest was just a mere fraudulent happening." Ambroz answered him.
Theon was on the verge of his tears but he still took a deep breath and tried to relax. "There is got to be another way. The goddess, we can talk to her. I can talk to her. We can not let that witch win this nonsensical feud. Ambroz, we just can't!"
"I have shed blood, sweat, and tears with that god. Never once did it ever help me but gave me this punishment. I can't escape this forest, Theon. There is no better plan but this. Now go."
"No, I can't—"
"Go!" Ambroz shouted at him, full of anger and hatred to it.
Theon was startled by it and stepped back as he saw Ambroz's impatient face come onto his. They were engulfed by the silence, not solemn yet tense.
"You're making this harder for me. I told you about the past but it never was because I wished you to stay. The whole intention was to make you angry and escape for good. The forest isn't tricking you, you are tricking yourself. You don't understand, Theon. This is my fate!" He opened his arms to convey where his fate is, it was the forest. "I wanted to die ever since I lost my parents. This wouldn't have happened if I have just gone to die. I hate this world, this land, and this life and that includes us."
Theon saw how Ambroz ignored his eyes as he said that he hated him.
"Now, go! Leave and never come back!"
Theon was standing there when flinch again.
"Go!"
He does not know himself for he questioned the fact that he listened to that selfish man and left him inside the forest. Theon ran as the pain in his heart slowly arise. The remorseful scent of grief crumpled inside the man.
"If he hates me then why did he embrace me that tight that night? Did he want to die so badly and even disregard the world already?"
Theon never realizes it. At this moment, his head was only full of hate for the man who abandoned his feelings.
While Ambroz sighed and thought to himself. "You will always remain inside my heart, Theon. I have already marked you here. So even after my death, I will desire for the love you gave me."
———————
ABYSSCESS