Tears were in my eyes. I did not quite understand why I was crying. I was hurt that he stripped me of the pride that came with having a father around but I was used to it already.
I probably cried because he put mum through a lot even before he left. I sucked my teeth at the memory of me wanting to look for him. He did not deserve any of us, including Nate. I could not wait for him to disappear from our lives once more.
After some time, Alicia walked into my room. She was holding a glass of juice and she handed it to me.
'What's the occasion?' I said as I cleaned my eyes.
'I heard what you said to him. It must have taken so much courage but it is the truth.' She said and threw herself on my bed.
'I remember the day he left. I had just gotten my result and I wanted to do anything but see him. I got home and he was not here, I thought I had some sort of power because before that day, he was always home whenever I got back from school.'
'I did not see him that night or the next day, or the day after that and at some point, I stopped bothering about where he was. Mum told me he traveled and I bought it. Who wouldn't?' She was staring at the ceiling and I could tell she was picturing everything that had happened.
'I have no idea what went on.' I said.
'I just wish our lives were less complicated, you know?'
'I wish I could watch a movie for hours on end without having memories of what Nate did to me rushing back.'
'I wish mum did not have to work so much. I wish Nate never got jailed. I wish a lot of things were different. Our reality is too difficult.' She sat up and looked straight at me.
I had no idea what to tell her but I felt the same way she did. It was almost as if nothing could be normal in our lives. I could not have a meal without hearing something unusual.
'How are you holding up with Lily and everything?' She sat up on the bed without breaking eye contact.
I realized I had not thought about Lily for a while. I was already accepting that there was nothing I could do to rewrite the past but when I heard her name, I felt a different kind of pain.
It was like a sudden realization that she was really gone and there was nothing I or anyone could do to change it.
'I go to Emily's all the time. She needs company. Lily was all she had.' I could not tell Alicia how I was holding up because I did not know for sure.
A lot of things were in my head all the time and they just sort of pushed Lily away but whenever I remembered her, I felt really sad.
'Yeah. And if you don't want to go to Barney's birthday, you can skip it. I told mum you weren't ready to be with a lot of people after Lily and all. I know you don't want to feel all the awkwardness there but I'll tell you about it.' She laughed. I laughed too.
'Thanks.' I said and nodded.
'And Menorah won't be there.' She laid back down on the bed.
I was not surprised at all. It would have been shocking if Menorah decided she wanted to be at the very weird family get together.
'I'll go to see her then.' I missed Menorah so much. I barely talked to her because she was always busy but whenever we spoke, it was refreshing.
'I think that guy left. Do you want to go out to check?' She asked.
'I don't know. He seemed like he was here to stay. He'll probably want to act like the man of the house now.' I sat on my chair and looked at my reflection in the mirror.
My eyes were puffy and there were tears on my face. I looked so different from how I did on my prom day. A lot had happened since then and I had been through so much and I could not complain.
'If anyone is accepting him back, it's definitely mum. We don't need him or his money. I have a job and I will help out as much as I can.'
'He left us when we really needed him, he can't come back now that we're fine without him.' Alicia was angry. This was the same way she was after we saw Kathy.
'I was eight, you were thirteen and Nate was fourteen. If he was here, maybe Nate wouldn't have turned out this way. Maybe all this is his fault.'
'I can understand why mum would forgive him but we can't. I'm sure Nate would be the most pissed. He definitely hates Frank more than any of us ever will.' I cleaned my eyes.
'It was hardest on Nate. He and dad used to go ice fishing during the winter but that year, Nate went alone. That was when everything changed.'
'That was when he became a totally different person. You're right, we should blame dad for everything.' She was calling him dad.
That was something I could not picture myself doing. I did not know this man so I was not going to refer to him as my father. To me, Mr Frank was just an ordinary man who sat in my living room.
There was a knock on my door and then mum came in. She looked somewhat happy. There were no tears in her eyes and she had a small smile on her face.
'Girls, no matter what, he's still your dad. Look he's sorry…'
Alicia did not let her finish. She stood up and looked at mum, worry written all over her face.
'Mum, I would expect this from Kassy, not you. You suffered a lot because of that man when he forgot his duty as a dad. You can't be standing up for him now. We have other things to bother about.' She walked out.