Colin
I wake up as the sun starts to rise and he is asleep in my arms. Last night shouldn't have happened, but it did, and I don't even have any regrets. I turn slightly so that I can get a better view of his face. I can see that his breathing is deep and even, and his arms are wrapped around me as if they are here to stay. I wish this was the case. I wish this was how it was. I wish I could be proud of him the way he wants me to be, but I can't be proud of something that isn't meant to be. His hair falls over the pillow in a beautiful sight, and his complexion shines so brightly. The tattoo on his neck, the way his muscles flex as he breathes, Everything that makes Lowell who he is, suddenly becomes perfect in my eyes.
Get up right now and leave. I gave you what you wanted. You can let go of him now.
My wolf speaks up for the first time since I came into Lowell's room. I stand up from the bed and walk into the bathroom because I don't even know what is going on with me.
I look into the mirror and there are dark circles around my eyes. My hair is dishevelled, but I know it is from the night I had with Lo.
A smile creeps up on my face, remembering him.
Leave this room before I make you. We have found our mate. Let go of this man.
My reflection in the mirror changes as I see the outlines of my wolf. Anger emanates from within. I feel threatened and it doesn't make any sense to me.
"You can't tell me what to do. I am in control. "
I am talking to my wolf now, even though this is something that I have never had to do out loud. We have always been one. We have always been on the same page, but right now, it seems like there is a wall between us and I don't think we are on the same side anymore.
I have always been in control. You would be nothing without me, and right now you are trying to ruin our lives by fucking her brother.
There is a growl at the end of his anger and I feel it inside me.
"This is my life, my decision, do not act as if you have suddenly become the one calling all the shots. Back the fuck down or I will end this,'' I shout so loud in anger that it wakes Lo up. He walks into the bathroom and I look away from the mirror because the animal inside me sickens me.
"You okay?''
"Yeah, I need to go back to my room,'' I walk out of the bathroom with Lo still following me, he asks if everything is okay again and I tell him it is. I am lying not just to him but to myself. I don't even know how to explain to him what is going on with me.
"Don't go,'' he tells me once I have put on all my clothes.
"I have to."
He nods, running his hands through his hair, "We didn't end our conversation. What are you going to do?"
"We said our goodbyes last night. There is nothing more to do."
"You said your goodbyes. I don't want this to be goodbye."
He is pushing me and it is all too much for me.
I am not going to choose Ash. I would rather be alone and settle on her as my mate, but that also means I have to let go of Lo. She is his sister, and that just makes this wrong.
"This is goodbye, Lo. It has to be."
He grabs my hands in his and it just seems like we keep going back and forth. "Please, you make me feel alive. I don't want to let go of the one thing that brings me to life."
His desperation is something I never thought I would ever see from him.
His eyes are glossy and his lips quiver at the sight of me.
"I have to go, Lo, please let me go."
This is the hardest thing I have ever done, and there is no way I will ever forget the look on his face as I leave him in his room alone when all I want to do is be with him. There are tears in my eyes as I walk back to our own building. I am full-on sobbing when my papa sees me in front of the front entrance. He notices me immediately and is quick to pull me into his arms. I fall to the ground and he lifts me up.
"Hey," he calls out as he embraces me.
"Papa,'' I call out his name as the sobs continue. I could feel him squeezing me tightly as he murmurs words of encouragement and comfort. This is something I shouldn't even be doing, but I am so scared. I feel trapped and I have never felt this trapped in my life.
It is as if something or someone is sucking the very life from me and I can't breathe. He lifts me off the ground and I close my eyes because I don't want to be present in my weakness. I hear him talking to my dad and they sound very scared.
Do the right thing and no one will worry about you.
My wolf warns me.
The right thing to do is be with Ash.
He is saying it is the right thing, but there is so much that feels wrong about it and I don't know who to talk to about this.
I feel my papa as he drops me on the bed, and I open my eyes slightly and they are both looking at me.
"Do you want to talk?"
I shake my head.
He nods "Whatever you think is wrong, we will fix it. Take a breather, and I will come back to you in a couple of hours."
They both leave the room and I let out more tears.
What am I going to do?