A colleague told me at a team building event the outlines of something she'd done much earlier in her marriage. I hope I've captured the essence of her story in this here diary entry...
I was 38, a mother - always faithful to my wonderful husband of eight years. I had managed to keep my figure together, but still, I can't believe I did this.
Tom was the organizer of the conference I attended at the Joule Hotel in Dallas and, by chance, I sat at his table with eight other people for lunch. I don't think we exchanged more than a couple sentences then, but later, before dinner, in the underground bar, he sat down with me.
He invited me to dinner and I accepted on the condition that we split the check. He was gracious enough to allow it. We have many things in common. Married, children and a shared interest in outdoor sports like skiing and indoor activities like theater and the symphony. But you don't want to hear about that.
I did let him buy a bottle of some pretty expensive wine and I guess that was my mistake. Anyway, we were really hitting it off when he asked, "You know, we're having fun together. Wouldn't you like to join me in my room tonight?"
I was surprised. I didn't realize I had led him on so, but looking back I guess I had. I could feel myself reacting down below but still, I said, "No, No, I can't. I've never been unfaithful. You're an exciting man but I can't." It seemed like he accepted my account and we chatted for a while longer. Then out of the blue, he said, "As a business proposition, you know the going rate here in Dallas is $400." He let that hang in the air while I tried not to spit out my wine from the shock.
"You've paid?" I asked. Suddenly, I had an entirely different opinion of this otherwise charming man.
"A few times." I wondered what a few was. "But it is never as nice as with someone special like you." Was supposed to make me feel good?
Anyway we had some more very awkward conversation until suddenly, he said, "I would pay you a $1000!" My jaw dropped, but I could feel that arousal again.
"A, a, thousand.. really?"
"Really." Somehow that made me feel special. A better word would have been "vain."
"I can't. I can't. I can't." I was quivering and it was obvious to him.
He didn't say anything.
"Oh my god. Oh my god."
A long silence.
"What ... What should I do?" I realized it wasn't the money that attracted me.
"Do you need to call home?"
"Oh my god. Oh. Uh. No. I mean, yes I do."
"Come to room 506 at 9:00. I'll be waiting. If you don't come, I'll understand, too."
I wandered up to my room, shaking. I had to call my babies and my husband. I still hadn't really made up my mind. I talked to them and tried to hide my state of mind, which I guess I managed to do.
After we hung up I tried to decide what to wear. I don't dress like a, oh my god, you know, a hooker. But I found a shorter blue skirt and a nice soft white blouse. I took a quick shower being careful not to get my hair wet. As I stood in front of the mirror naked, brushing my hair, I was hoping I would please him. I looked at my body which was still unsullied and asked myself what the hell I was thinking.
Then I slipped into some black pantyhose and a black push-up bra, pulled up my skirt and slipped into my blouse, leaving some nice cleavage showing, and stepped into some heels. For the fourth time I brushed my hair and I put on a little perfume, the same one I had at dinner. A couple minutes before 9, I grabbed my evening purse and headed for the elevator. I felt so conspicuous. I was glad nobody saw me. They would not have known anyway, would they?
The door to room 506 was ajar - held open by the safety latch - and I pushed it open tentatively. "Tom?"
"Hello, Lucy, you look so wonderful…"