Warning: Mild mention of dark past here, read with discretion... still go away if you are under 19+
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( Xion's POV )
Winter is a long season, it makes me remember you even more. Feel a sense of torment that is very much because of this longing.
Everything became very heavy for me to feel. Because this long journey is very tiring.
You know all that. You must know everything. You are a stranger, an acquaintance, a friend, the best friend I ever had, a lover, a soulmate, a part of me that I hate the most but also hopelessly devoted to you.
It must be a very tough choice. But you chose it. You chose to be silent and didn't say anything and gone, didn't give me a room to exhale or inhale.
You know a very bright morning is coming. Without the darkness and coldness in the air that enveloped him. You know winter won't last forever. You know everything, until our destiny.
"Just a few more nights. I will meet you with open arms and joy. Accompanied by spring with colorful flowers that will make you happy." cried Xion on one of his sleepless nights.
You make me believe, beautiful spring really does exist.
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"We have to go now. Do you really want to do this to me?" Seonho had tears in his eyes.
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(Lee So Hee POV - One Year After Sokcho Matters… )
"When So-hee told people she had been raped, She was faced with reactions of utter discomfort. Some people were scared to discuss it, some didn't make eye contact while others said the necessary things in order to move on and change the conversation."
She goes on to explain that these people didn't realize how they made her feel, but that their reactions gave rise to strong feelings of shame and embarrassment.
When She tried to talk about it, friends and family made comments that implied she could share some blame for the rape. "The questions they asked her suggested she was the one at fault. What time of day was it? What was she wearing? Was she alone? Was she drunk?"
It had cost her the newfound independence she was savoring after a life in Sokcho. It had cost her sense of worth. Each ring of the phone seemed to announce another friendship, lost.
That's why her only saving grace was Lee Ji-eun, the one that understands her...
Somewhere in Shanghai...
They know me as a cheerful and sociable person who likes to help.
Even though behind that I was often pensive and gloomy. I spent a lot of time stirring my coffee cup with a spoon for a long time until it almost bent.
Or I'll daydream all night in front of the laptop doing nothing. I'll weave memories that don't matter but steer clear of truly critical matters.
Sometimes I feel that in my body some demons mess with every form of sanity I have, I don't know how many.
My eyes often light up for no reason. Two or three times I went to a psychiatrist.
He said I only had symptoms of depression, lack of sleep, and too little to eat. I also often stagger even though I'm not out of a nightclub or affected by beer, I'm fine but somehow I feel like I'm losing myself.
Several times I tried to end my own life. Though I know that way will break the chain of pleasures of the world.
I will never meet papa and his mustache. I will not be able to taste Mama's delicious cooking every Sunday, every time I call her, she always looks strong.
It's even worse when I really die, I can't kiss the neck of Xion, my handsome boyfriend, or am I still one? I might have forgotten…
Suicide is useless, it's a waste of time. Just like Lee Ji-eun tried several times before I saved her on one of her attempts.
But in front of my loyal and noisy friends, I don't want to show that my soul needs help. I used to decorate my lips with a smile and a crisp laugh.
It would be strange if suddenly I whispered to the sexy Muk Ae-ra with the words "aera-nie, what if I just die?" Of course, Ae-ra would have stopped me because I was the only friend who often treated her to a martini.
Or if I express my intentions to Nam Ha-neul who once taught me to smoke tobacco the right way "Hanna, I'll just die okay?"
She would have gripped my arm tightly, urging me not to do that, or she could do so as long as I gave her my car to accompany her for a walk.
Thinking about other ways such as drinking poison, inhaling gas, taking various kinds of drugs in large doses, or crashing in front of the train's body also doesn't have any elegance at all. To cliché, monotonous, predictable, that's the only way.
I'm horrified at myself, it seems that method doesn't suit me.
I've been thinking about it for months. My body is thin.
I sipped a bottle of champagne, burped myself, and laughed. Who's going to give you pocket money if I die, huh? I talked to Ji-eun
"Look at it," said Ji-eun while stroking her smartphone and showing me some hot photos. I nodded my head, took another sip of my champagne glass, burped, and laughed at the situation.
That night, I slept with Lee Ji-eun, my suicidal partner… the one that shares my story.. knows everything about me.. the one that cried with me on so many sleepless nights as I did the same to her…
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Don't blame me if I envy the world. On the waves that roll in the vast blue ocean, on the stars that actively emit their rays, and even on the gentle breeze that roams the earth with thousands of other airborne particles.
Because of what? Because I feel God is really unfair.
Now, I'm in a trap of great sadness. My days are shrouded in darkness, my heart is shattered into pieces.
There is no happiness in my dictionary anymore. There is no longer a smile on my face. And you know, it's all because of that motherf**ker son of a b****.
A man named So Seong, who had the heart to hurt my body and soul. When I was in a toxic relationship with him for 2 years, I even gave him everything and he still intently forcefully do that to me even recording every of his action everytime… such masochist.... fuck!!
He was in a relationship with someone else behind my back. Finally, just yesterday our relationship ran aground. I hope he died there nice and slow…painfully like he did to me
My name is Ji-eun, in full Lee Ji-eun. And now, I really hate the world.
For the past two weeks in Shanghai after coming from Seoul, Lee Ji-eun has gone crazy.
Ji-eun is currently in his second semester of college. She was blessed with a beautiful and lovely face;
Her skin is white like a precious pearl, her nose is sharp like the peak of Mount Everest, her lips are red like a pomegranate, and her brown eyes always convey an aura of extraordinary beauty.
Ji-eun is known as someone who is cheerful, humble, loyal, compassionate and sociable. Who doesn't know Ji-eun? Everyone must be familiar with this one figure.
But unfortunately, the Lee Ji-eun now is not the Lee Ji-eun before. Now, Ji-eun is frustrated. She has been crazy ever since she and her boyfriend broke their relationship.
Since the two of them broke up and Ji-eun found out his boyfriend was cheating on her, Ji-eun felt unbelievably grieving. From then on, she didn't know what to do.
To the point, she was messing with everything in his room, burning his dolls without control. In fact, she almost killed himself from the balcony of her house several times.
Fortunately, her friend So hee managed to save Ji-eun from every ridiculous action. Ji-eun was locked in the room until now. They meet first time from some inter-city competition for writing and become besties over time..
And in her room, all she did was sit and throw tantrums and cry.
His mind was wandering, his thoughts were erratic. Thousands of anger burned in his chest. It's really messed up.
On that basis, Ji-eun was forced to be absent from college. She also missed some marks. In fact, Ji-eun used to really not want to be absent from college even though it was an emergency matter.
Too many bitter truths that she had to accept. Because falling in love with someone who is a complete assh*le but blinded by romance also loved by someone else, it's really hard. But love requires struggle and sacrifice, right?
Actually, what kind of struggle and sacrifice does love want? That is totally bullcr*pping things to looks so sweet... sugar coating? no! it is the truth... Love is the best excuses to torment innocence added with naevity into submissive with some lies coated with the smell of passion and dreams... yep.. you got that word right. Submissive... just like a se*toys but it is a living being...
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"Park Bo Young!! Park Bo Young!!" Exclaimed thousands of Bo young fans who packed the place.
Bo Young waved her hand while showing her sweetest smile towards her loyal fans.
The beautiful girl who had the ideal stature walked gracefully towards the backstage.
"Bo young!!" called. A man who was tall and had a sweet smile waved his hand. Bo Young waved along as she rushed into the man's arms.
"Hey.. What's wrong? Why are you suddenly hugging me like this?"
"I miss you So Seong"
So Seong smiled faintly. He gently stroked Bo Young's brown hair.
When he wanted to let go of their embrace, his movement was stopped because Bo Young tightened his grip.
"Emm… Can we continue this hug later? People are looking at us" So Seong whispered.
"Sorry.." Bo Young blushed as she let go of her hug.
"Do you have time tomorrow? I want to take you out?"
Bo Young thought for a moment. After a moment he nodded quickly.
"I'll pick you up tomorrow, OK?"
"Okay"
"You want me to take you home?" So Seong offered.
"Actually I want to, but I have to be here until the event is over"
So Seong ruffled Bo Young's hair slowly.
"I'll wait for you if you want"
"No, no. You just go home, the show will finish late at night and I have to go to the MNX Entertainment Building"
So Seong nodded in understanding.
"Okay, see you tomorrow"
(to be continued)