In my anger, I had forgotten Taguchi, who was still sleeping in his cell. I'd have to come back for him when I could. Him and all the other Yamatai Villagers, and anyone else who had been imprisoned for crimes solely against Ilias' dignity. At least I'd remembered Fumi. Fumi was gawking at the castle I had materialized us inside. Much like the MS Fish, I didn't need to know where the castle was to teleport directly into it. There were many ways in which my teleportation abilities were inferior, but I guessed I was probably the only person who could teleport safely from a completely different universe to inside a tiny castle.
"Is this where you live?" Fumi asked. "It's humungous!"
"I guess I live here," I answered. "But I don't own it. This castle belongs to Alipheese the Sixteenth, the Monster Lord. Or co-Monster Lord. Or Princess Monster Lord. Monster Lord in Waiting? Monster Lord Candidate? Anyway, I'm afraid that while this world is going to be a much happier place for you, it will also be a much more confusing place. There's a lot of weird things going on that will be hard to understand."
"As long as I get fed and angels aren't hunting me, I'll be happy."
"Well, you'll definitely get fed," I chuckled. "I cook a big dinner every night that I'm here, and all other meals are handled by magic staff. I know, you don't know what that is, but the food is delicious by your standards. Let's see if we can't fill you out. Your ribs show even through that fur. Oh, and there are angels here, so don't be afraid. They're our allies."
"Are there kitsunes here?" she asked.
"Quite a few, yes. You know, normally I'd see people in the foyer. Is it late at night? Is everyone in bed?"
I looked back at the huge front gates and noticed sunlight visible through the cracks. Well, it was a big castle, at least once you got inside it. I decided to head towards the royal wing, where I could find Alice and Ilias. They'd want to know that I had returned… safely? I'd need some healing. I was bruised all over, I had a very deep stab wound in my side that may have damaged a kidney, and a wound in my left hand that looked as if someone had tried to crucify me.
Fumi and I walked to the royal wing, but there was no one there. The castle seemed deserted, although we hadn't explored even a tenth of it. Should I try the meeting room? I wondered. The dining hall?
"Is anybody home?" Fumi asked.
"There's always someone here," I replied. "Sometimes the group likes to walk together when we're traveling, but there are always people who stay in the castle. Heck, there are some who like it here so much they never leave it. I suppose we could go to the men's wing. I'm sure there will be people there. And aren't you due for a meal?"
"You have men we can just eat here?!" Fumi exclaimed.
"Suck a little, not really eat," I clarified.
"That's what I meant! I'm a nice monster, I only suck out what I need and I always ask first."
"Then you'll do well here. Hey, are you hungry for real food?"
"Semen is real food."
"I mean the kind of food you chew."
"Oh, sure, I can go for that!" Fumi said enthusiastically.
Although we served three meals a day in the dining hall, there was always someone in there looking for a snack. Maybe someone would be there and I could ask where everyone went. Sure enough, there was someone there, and it was an important someone. Tamamo! Good, cute little sealed Tamamo, of course.
"How many tails does that fox have?" Fumi said in wonder.
"Who's your friend, Luka?" Tamamo asked, sipping some soup.
"This is Fumi," I said. "Fumi, this is Tamamo. She is the most powerful fox alive. She has nine tails and can do just about anything."
"But she's so young!" Fumi exclaimed. "Younger than me!"
"Looks can be deceiving, child," Tamamo said, getting up and standing in front of Fumi. Despite Fumi's older appearance, Tamamo and Fumi were the same height. Not even five feet tall.
"I'm not a child!" Fumi shot back. "I'm a grown woman! I'm just… a little deprived!"
"She came from Angel World," I explained. "She was starving when I found her. That world is no place for monsters, so I brought her here."
"Do you like clam chowder?" Tamamo asked Fumi.
"I don't know," Fumi admitted. "I've never heard of it. I think I ate a clam once. It was kinda weird."
"Why don't you go to the kitchen over there and ask them for whatever you want, okay? I recommend the clam chowder, but If it's a little weird they can make you just about anything in there. Run along, now. Eat as much as you want, but don't make yourself sick!"
"You're not my mommy!" Fumi yelled behind her as she ran to the kitchen to get fed.
"That one will have to learn a little respect," Tamamo observed, grimacing.
"Cut her some slack, Tamamo," I chuckled. "Where she comes from, she has no clue about her history. She's obviously never heard of you. As a matter of fact, she doesn't even know about the three times rule."
"Oh no, Luka! Did she-?"
"Yeah, is that a problem?" I asked, suddenly worried.
"You two are married now!" Tamamo exclaimed putting her hands to her mouth in shock.
"What?! No! We can't be! I only let her eat that much because she was starving! She would never have kept going if she had kn-"
Tamamo was rolling on the floor laughing and pointing at me. Sigh. The thing about being sealed in a child's body is that it also comes with a child's brain. Which meant that for all her years and wisdom, Tamamo would sometimes still act in an age appropriate manner for her body.
"You should see your face!" Tamamo chortled.
"So I'm not married to her? You were messing with me?"
"Of course I was! A marriage requires the fox girl's consent. She has to make the man come three times, and then they're married. But she has to know the rule before she's bound by it. Sometimes marriages have been annulled because the girl was too drunk to realize what she was doing."
"It requires her consent, but not his?" I asked.
"That's how it works! Oh, but I guess that's not good, is it? I never really gave much thought to what the men thought. Most men are so happy once they get used to having a foxy wife that we never considered it to be a bad thing."
"Yeah, we'll definitely have to talk about that once things get back to normal around here. Speaking of normal, where is everyone?"
"Oh!" Tamamo exclaimed in sudden realization. "I was supposed to tell you as soon as you got back but I forgot! Cindy and Meia found those poachers! They needed serious reinforcements so virtually any monster comfortable with fighting at sea went to the MS Fish! None of us foxes went. We don't like water."
"How did they get there without me?" I asked.
"Alice handled it! She's back at her full power now! She found the MS Fish and then started ferrying allies there in twos and threes."
"How long ago was this?"
"Yesterday," Tamamo answered. "Luka, they were so worried about you! By the looks of you, they had plenty of reason! Here, let me at least take your pain away."
Tamamo lifted my shirt, licked her finger, and rubbed the saliva on my most serious wound, the place Sariela had shanked me. I sighed as the pain turned into mild pleasure. I became a little disturbed when Tamamo withdrew her finger, covered in my blood, and licked it.
"Tamamo!" I scolded.
"Sorry, I'm still a carnivore!" she said defensively. "Blood tastes good to me! I don't go around biting people or anything! Ooh, yours is good. We don't eat human blood. We generally eat rats and stuff like that."
Tamamo licked her finger clean and then dipped her finger in my wound to taste more blood. Ah yes, I fondly remembered Tamamo grabbing rats and shoving them in her mouth. Actually, I didn't remember that fondly at all. At least she killed them swiftly before biting into them. She was so efficient that they never even squealed. Those hadn't been the only small animals she ate. Tamamo had been especially fond of cockroaches and beetles.
"Well thank you for letting me know where our companions went," I said. "I guess I'll go join them on the MS Fish. It's not like I have a choice, that's where my healiers are."
"I can just keep on…."
"Bad Tamamo!" I scolded. "Do not acquire a taste for human blood!"
"Oookay…." Tamamo agreed, sulking.
"Show Fumi around, okay?"
"You don't have to remind me to take care of my children," Tamamo retorted. "Hey, be safe, okay? I don't know what our friends went up against, but it sounded dangerous. The only reason I didn't come was because I have other things going on. Like monitoring that other me."
"No one ever doubts what you contribute to this team, Tamamo," I said. Impulsively kissing her on the cheek. She lightly caressed my face with a tail.
I teleported to the MS Fish. As expected, a lot of my friends were present on the deck. Cindy and Meia, who I hadn't seen in seemingly ages, were looking out at the vast sea. Ashel was also on the deck, giving orders to crew members to fix…. Bullet holes? Looking around, I saw that the MS Fish had taken a beating. There were holes and pock marks and blast damage in various places, although none of it catastrophic. Still, the MS Fish had obviously been in a battle.
"Cindy, what's going on here?" I asked. "Did those poachers do this?"
"Yeah," Cindy said, surprisingly listlessly. Cindy was usually one of the bubbliest girls I knew.
"Cindy, did someone die? Your tone suggests that we lost people."
"There was a lot of death," Meia interjected. "But none on our side. All on theirs."
"So the battle is over?" I asked. "I got here too late to help?"
"Turns out we didn't need you," Cindy said, a hint of bitterness in her voice, although it didn't seem directed at me. "Sonya took care of those poachers' ship, and the poachers themselves…."
"The poachers themselves were all eaten by the sea monsters," Meia finished. "You should go talk to Sonya. She's taking it hard. Your wife will want to see you as well."
Yes, that seemed wise. I went below to go find my other companions. I found Alice, Ilias, and Sonya In the Captain's office. Bonnie for once was actually in her chair. Sonya was sitting across from Bonnie, her face in her hands.
"Hey, what happened?" I asked. "I'm sorry I came back late, it's a bit of a story."
"It must be!" Ilias exclaimed. "Look at these wounds! Can't you go anywhere without getting beat up, cut up, and half chewed?"
"Alice only told me not to die in a place like that. Getting stabbed, chewed, and beaten a little is allowed."
"I'm going to have to change those rules, then," Alice said, hugging me tightly while Ilias applied her healing magic to my wounds.
"Oh, hi Luka," Sonya said, not getting up from her chair. It looked as if she'd been doing a lot of crying.
"What happened, Sonya?" I asked, feeling very concerned for her.
"Alice can tell you," Sonya replied. "I just…. I just can't."
"Come on," Alice said. "Let's go to the food storage room. It's quiet there."
Since the food storage room was located conveniently near Bonnie's office, it only took a second for us to get in there. Thankfully, it was deserted.
"I heard there was a battle, and we won, but…." I started.
"Sonya turned into that… thing," Alice said. "We were taking heavy fire and the Fish just didn't have anything to match that crazy poacher ship. We caught them in the middle of trying to take a Narwhal girl. Luka, they harpooned her four times! Our appearance at least caused them to cut her loose. She'll be all right, Ilias was a dear about healing her after the battle ended."
"Okay, you're all over the place, Alice. So Sonya turned into that apoptosis form? Did she blow the ship out of the water or something?"
"Pretty much," Alice confirmed. "She saved all of our lives. We were hopelessly outgunned and with you not here we didn't have the power to take the ship without heavy casualties. We were thinking of just charging it and trying to board it. Sonya couldn't bear to see so many of us die so she changed and opened up on that ship from the air. Her control was perfect. She could have blown that ship sky high, but instead she merely blasted holes in it so that it would sink. It gave most of the sailors a chance to abandon the sinking ship. But Sonya didn't account for how the sea monsters would feel about survivors."
"Oh no, Alice, what happened?"
"Some of the sailors got into lifeboats, but the lifeboats were destroyed within minutes by mantas," Alice replied. "Others just jumped into the water, only to be set upon by shark girls. Luka, the shark girls didn't use pleasure attacks. They ripped those men apart. They took out weeks of outrage and frustration on those men. I don't feel sorry for them. They killed a lot of monsters, and for money! But it wasn't easy to watch, and Sonya especially shouldn't have seen it. She blames herself."
"In her position I would blame myself too," I said. "So there were no survivors?"
"There was one," Alice said. "Sonya, once she got over her shock, dove into the water. Cindy and Meia dove in after her, not to help her rescue anyone but to keep her safe from the shark girls. Once shark girls get into a feeding frenzy, they don't distinguish friend from foe. Sonya managed to pull one man back to the ship. He's being interrogated now by Alma Elma."
"Well, at least he'll be giving us information. Nobody can resist her."
"Luka, what happened to you?" Alice asked.
"I got into a little scuffle with an archangel, that's all."
"So now that you've seen both sides, are you going to make a choice?"
"My choice is neither," I answered. "They need to make a choice. They can join me or they can get out of the way."
"And do you have a plan?"
"Um…. Not really?"
"You know Luka," Alice said. "We're not too far from the last Tartarus rift. It's the biggest one, and it's in the middle of the sea. Before I was restored to my real body it would have been pretty difficult for us to get in there, but now we can. We don't need rope ladders or anything like that. I can fly you in. Ilias could fly in Sonya."
"Okay, I guess since I still have no plan it couldn't hurt to explore that last rift. Maybe a solution will present itself."
"Or we'll just enter a hellscape and die there," Alice said pessimistically.
Since we were sailing towards the last Tartarus rift, we slept on the MS Fish that night. I stayed with Sonya, holding her and comforting her throughout the night. She had wanted power so badly, but nothing good had come of that power as far as she was concerned. Reminding her that she'd saved the lives of her friends wasn't enough. I imagined it wouldn't be, seeing the ocean turn red, and hearing the screams of dying men.
Morning brought us to the last rift. Sonya and I stepped out onto the deck. Ilias, Alice, and Promestein, who would be sure to want to see the rift, were waiting for us. Bonnie, Ashel, and Alma Elma were also present.
"Alma Elma, tell them what you told us," Alice ordered.
"The sailor Sonya rescued," Alma Elma said. "He got pretty talkative once I started working him over. Turns out those poachers were supplied by the Navy."
"The Navy?!" I exclaimed. "The Navy is all monsters! Why would the Navy help poachers?"
"Dave was pretty low ranking, so obviously he didn't know," Alma Elma replied. "But I have a pretty good idea about the why."
"Me too," Alice said. "Leviathan has to be working for Black Alice."
"I don't understand," I said. "How does killing monsters benefit Black Alice?"
"The sea monsters have always been more skeptical of coexistence than most," Alice replied. "Sending poachers to kill them and even more offensively, sell their body parts, promotes hatred of humans. Which makes them easy recruits for Black Alice. I'm sure Leviathan was promised a position as queen."
"We have to bring her to justice!" Bonnie declared.
"We will, I promise you that," Alice said. "Since the Navy are old enemies of yours, I'll let you sail for Navy Headquarters while we're in the Tartarus. Granberia, Alma Elma, and Erubetie will join your assault. With three Heavenly Knights and your hardy crew, the Navy should be defeated pretty easily."
I knew that was likely. The first time I'd fought in a war, Granberia had personally dealt with certain queen level monsters who were siding with Black Alice. Leviathan had no chance.
The Tartarus was an awe inspiring sight. It stretched from horizon to horizon, swallowing up the ocean, while at the same time, pushing water up from the world it was connected to. That made for some pretty vicious and unpredictable currents, but the crew of the MS Fish were experts. They brought us to within a mile of the edge.
"Ilias, I don't see any wards of any sort like the kind we saw blocking access to Angel and Monster Worlds," Alice said. "Do you see anything?"
"I see no magic," Ilias agreed. "This one is like the earlier ones we explored in that respect. If we can access it, we can explore it."
"I wonder what's there?" Sonya asked. I wondered as well.
I experienced a first with Alice: she wrapped me in her tail and took off into the air. She had never flown me anywhere before, at least not while I was awake to experience it. Ilias grabbed Sonya and did the same, while Promestein, never one to miss a Tartarus if she could help it, spread her own wings and followed behind.
Slowly and carefully the five of us were lowered into the gigantic hole. In one respect, the rift was very different from the others. There was no facility at the bottom, infested with apoptosis. Instead, gravity seemed to shift as suddenly we went from lowering ourselves to ascending. We emerged from the Tartarus to see the same thing we left behind: lots and lots of water.
"Isn't this where we came from?" Sonya asked. "Did we get turned around?"
"I doubt it," Ilias answered, her wings flapping, enabling Ilias to hover in place while holding onto Sonya. "I don't see the MS Fish. And this place feels different. There's less magic in the air."
"Ilias, how's your teleportation now?" Alice asked.
"If I can see it, I can warp to it," Ilias replied.
"Promestein?"
"It's the same for me," the young angel scientist reported. "I see a city over there to the northwest."
"All right, ladies, let's do this the quick way," Alice said. "I hate flying long distances."
"It's only like, fifteen kilometers," Ilias retorted.
"So I'm lazy!" Alice responded, and then I was in a city.
Ilias, Sonya, and Promestein appeared near us a few seconds later. They were all staring. I could understand why.
Although they'd seen the city and its skyscrapers from a distance, nothing could prepare them for the sights and sounds of a modern metropolis. Alice was the only one besides me who wasn't gawking.
"I… I need samples!" Promestein exclaimed. "Of everything! I must know how everything works! This thing…. I must know it's purpose!"
Promestein was running her hand up and down a metal pole, almost stroking it lovingly.
"That would be a parking meter, Promestein," I said. "All it does is take coins so that people can pay to park their vehicles."
"So many vehicles," Ilias breathed, fascinated by the slow moving traffic.
"Are those using internal combustion engines running on oil?" Promestein asked excitedly. "I once designed something like that, but it was only on paper! Eden told me to concentrate on more practical ideas."
"The buildings are so tall," Sonya said in awe. "How is it even possible for people to construct those?"
"Luka, do you think we're on your world?" Alice asked.
"No, this can't be Earth," I answered. "For one, our magic works here."
I held up my hand and made it glow.
"Hmmm, you're right," Alice said. "the huge number of monsters around is another tipoff."
Actually, that wasn't really the proof Alice thought it was. Once the existence of Alice's world became common knowledge on Earth, which had happened late in Alice's life, monsters had been able to visit Earth fairly easily. Late in my life, monsters had begun to emigrate to Earth, although most came back, since those trips were mainly to find strong mates. Still, a big city like this would draw a lot of monster tourists.
"Excuse me, what city is this?" I asked an elven pedestrian.
"This is Luland," the elf answered.
"Luland," I said, trying to remember if I had ever heard of a Luland. Nope, I had not.
"Okay, so we're on an unfamiliar modern version of our world," Alice mused. "I wonder what changed in this place's history to make it this way?"
"That's probably what we need to find out," Ilias said. "But first we need transportation. I'm not going to carry someone all over this city. Besides, they might not be used to fliers here. I don't see anyone in the air."
Indeed, I saw no flying monsters whatsoev…. Wait, that wasn't completely true, a bee girl in a very fashionable outfit, complete with a hate and sunglasses, strolled by. Maybe Luland just had ordinances against flying. I had visions of unfortunate harpies slamming into clear plate glass windows on those skyscrapers.
"Ah, here we are!" Ilias said triumphantly. "Vehicles that no one is using! I think I want…. This one!"
Ilias was trying to open the door on a very sleek, expensive looking sports car. The brand name near the bumper declared that this vehicle was a Gizmoroli. I hadn't heard of that model. It was a very strange cross between a Lamborghini and a Chevy Camaro.
"Why won't this stupid thing open?" Ilias asked. Before I could explain to her that the cars parked along the street weren't for public use, but actually belonged to someone, the now fully grown goddess grunted and yanked the driver's side door right off.
"Ilias, that car belongs to someone! You just…. Damaged it!" I yelled.
"Oh, does it belong to that Gizmoroli person?" Ilias asked innocently.
"I don't know who it belongs too, I only know it doesn't belong to you!"
"Ilias, if you wanted to get into a car, we could have hailed a cab," Alice said. "Or called an Uber. Oh wait, don't we need a cell phone for that?"
"Nothing you're saying makes sense," Ilias said impatiently. "Now get in. I'm piloting this thing."
"It's called driving," I corrected her. "And that's stealing!"
"No it's not!" Ilias protested, getting in on the driver's side. "It's not like we're taking it back to our world with us! We'll return it to the owner, good as new!"
"You already ripped the door off!"
"It's not my fault the owner locked it!"
For a goddess who was big on moral rules for her followers, Ilias' own morals seemed quite flexible.
"Luka," Alice sighed. "Just leave some good in the car to pay for the damage, plus a rental fee. Ilias has clearly fallen in love with this car."
"It is pretty awesome looking!" Sonya said, running her hands admiringly along its red chassis.
"Then quit wasting time and get in, my favorite disciple!" Ilias urged.
Alice directed Ilias to unlock the passenger side and got in. I surrendered and got in next to Sonya, Promestein squeezing in next to me.
"Ilias, do you even know how to drive this thing?" Alice asked. "Isn't this the first time you've ever been in a car? Maybe I should-"
"I've got it…" Ilias said, hugging the steering wheel possessively. "How hard can it be?"
"She should be able to handle it," Promestein pointed out. "The concept is simple enough. The engine provides thrust and that wheel provides direction. Even a small child could do it."
"It's not that a small child couldn't operate a car," I said. "It's that there's more to it than just making it go zoom. There are rules of the road, safety practices."
"Rules, shmules!" Ilias said. "Now let's see what this thing can do! How do I make it go?"
"You need a key," Alice said.
"Well where's the key?!"
"Presumably, wherever the owner is."
"How inconsiderate!" Ilias exclaimed. "Luka, how much gold you got?"
"A lot," I replied. "But…."
"Good," Ilias said, and sent a small jolt of electrity into the ignition. The Gizmoroli roared to life. "Fuck yeah!!!!"
Ilias slammed her foot down on the pedal. Nothing happened except for the engine revving.
"What the fuck? Is it broken?!" Ilias complained.
"The car is still in park," Alice explained. "Here, let me…"
Alice shifted the car into drive.
"You still have to release the break," I said.
"Oh, is it this thing?" Ilias asked.
Ilias stepped on the pedal again after releasing the break. The Gizmoroli surged forward and rear ended the parked car in front of us.
"Ilias, let me drive!" Alice yelled.
"You know how to drive?" I asked.
"Well, not really. But I've been in enough Ubers with you to have a pretty good idea."
"I'm the goddess here!" Ilias declared. "I can do anything! Can this thing go backwards?"
Ilias grabbed the shift stick without and put it in reverse, slamming the Gizmoroli into the parked care behind us.
"No worries, no worries!" Ilias said, which was very easy for her to say since it wasn't her car or her gold. "I think I've got the hang of it now."
This time Ilias turned the wheel and hit the gas a little more gently, enabling her to pull out into the street, where a car honked loudly and abruptly stopped, since of course Ilias hadn't bothered to make sure she could actually merge with traffic. Once she was in the street, she gave the car a little more gas. Actually, a lot more gas.
"Oh yeah, this is fuckin' awesome!" Ilias yelled as she confidently swerved from lane to lane, somehow managing to avoid other moving cars. And as soon as I thought that, she sideswiped someone. This was getting expensive, as well as dangerous.
"We are traveling at an unsafe velocity," Promestein said calmly in the back. "If you come to an abrupt stop, our human passengers may not survive."
Sonya was praying next to me, which made no sense to me, given that Ilias was already taking the wheel and was the reason we were in danger to begin with. I checked the speedometer: 80 mph. At least Ilias wasn't truly gunning it. A sports car like this was probably capable of at least twice that speed. Still, Ilias was well over the speed limit and there was entirely too much traffic.
"Ilias, get on that ramp ahead to the right!" I instructed. "That's the freeway! You can go fast there!"
I became entirely too familiar with Promestein as Ilias turned sharply to make the on ramp to the freeway. The speed limit for the on ramp was 30. Ilias had only dropped to 60. She was a quick learner, though, and the Gizmoroli handled like a dream. Ilias even managed to merge into traffic without forcing any other drivers take evasive action.
"See, I told you I could pilot this Gizmoroli thingie!" Ilias crowed. Then she gunned it, taking us to 120mph in three seconds.
"We can't see the city at this speed!" Alice yelled. "Give me the wheel! Let me drive! I can at least make sure we don't get killed!"
Alice tried to put her hands on the wheel but Ilias elbowed her in the breast. Alice's expression foretold iimminent violence. And those two had been doing so good.
"Alice, let her drive!" I pleaded. "As reckless as she is, it'll be worse if you two are fighting over the wheel!"
"Ooh, it says there's food this way!" Ilias cooed, before turning hard onto an off ramp, which caused Sonya to get entirely too familiar with me.
"Ilias, you need to slow down when driving in the city!" I urged.
"All right, all right!" Ilias grudgingly agreed, slowing down to a more reasonable 40mph. Unfortunately, her slowing down was too late to avoid being noticed by a police car driven by a dog girl. The police car peeled out of the grass and drove behind us, lights flashing and siren wailing.
"What the fuck is that?" Ilias asked.
"It's the police!" Alice answered. "You have to pull over!"
"The fuck I will! We're aliens here! Who knows what they'll do to us!"
"They'll give you a ticket," I said.
"Unless this car has already been reported stolen," Alice pointed out. "Then we go to jail. Not that any jail can hold us."
"Jail, huh?" Ilias asked. "Only if they can catch us!"
"Ilias….." I cautioned.
Too late. Ilias stepped on the accelerator again. The police car gave chase, soon joined by another that we passed at 70mph. We were rapidly heading towards a busy intersection. The light was red.
"Ilias, red means we have to stop!" I yelled.
"We're fine, there's only that larger vehicle there," Ilias said.
"It's called a semi!"
"A semi-what?"
"A semi-truck! Ilias, we're going to collide with that truck!"
"No we aren't, we have plenty of room to go under it! This vehicle is short!"
"Goddess, I think you're estimate is mistaken," Promestein said calmly. "If you try to go under it, we'll….."
Ilias drove under the semi's trailer doing sixty. The roof was ripped off of the Gizmoroli.
"Okay, maybe we didn't make it, but that wasn't an important part anyway!" Ilias said, gunning it back up to eighty. "See, the engine still runs fine! What was that roof for anyway? This is much cooler!"
Sirens seemed to be everywhere as Ilias careened through Luland, doing impressive property damage along the way. I'd given up counting the felonies several miles back. I also wasn't even sure why we were even doing this. What was wrong with exploring the city on foot? This was feeling more like a joyride for Ilias than something relevant to our mission.
"Um…. Ilias?" Alice said, dread in her voice. "You need to stop now."
"I'm not stopping!" Ilias said, gunning the car to 120.
"Ilias…."
There was a roadblock up ahead. We'd been leading the cops on a merry chase long enough that they'd managed to block the road ahead with police cars. A collision at this speed might not bother Ilias and Alice too much, but Sonya and I would be pulverized.
"Ilias!" I yelled. "You have to stop!"
"I am a motherfucking goddess!" Ilias yelled, apropos of nothing.
"IlLLIAASSS!!!!!"
I shielded my eyes uselessly as the collsion became imminent. The police scattered as the Gizmoroli driven by the insane goddess with road rage barreled towards it. I should have teleported us all out, back to my world. In my panic, it didn't occur to me. Those kinds of mistakes can get people killed.
Fortunately, no one died that day. When the collision didn't come, I opened my eyes to find that the car was no longer on the road. We were flying!
"So long, motherfuckers!" Ilias yelled down at the gaping cops.
"Ilias, are you making this car fly?" I asked.
"Of course I'm making it fly!" Ilias answered. "What, did you think I was going to ram those other cars!? Do I look fucking crazy to you?!"
"Well, originally you stole this car because you thought it might not be legal to fly in the city," Alice noted. "So tallying up the number of crimes you've committed, we have grand theft auto, reckless endangerment, speeding, failure to use a turn signal, leaving the scene of multiple accidents, and oh yeah… Now you're flying, too! Why didn't we just skip ahead to the flying part? That's gotta be only a misdemeanor!"
"If we'd skipped to the flying part," Ilias explained patiently. ."Then we wouldn't have gotten to ride in this awesome Gizmoroli! Wow, I'm already getting tired! I think I'm reaching my limits. Where's a good place to set this baby down?"
"Over there!" I said, pointing at a large parking lot.
Ilias nodded and steered the car towards where I had pointed. We were already beginning to descend as Ilias strained to keep the heavy car in the air. We reached the parking lot with room to spare, but the landing was a little rough. But as they say, any landing you can walk away from….
We hurriedly exited the car, mainly to escape our psychotic driver. The Gizmoroli looked even worse than I had expected. The chassis of the car was ruined. The roof had been ripped off. The landing had caused the front and back bumpers to fall off.
"Luka," Alice said. "I think you'd better just leave the bag of gold in the back seat."
"Yeah, I think you're right," I said, although I removed several gold coins in case we had expenses while we were still here. If this was like any modern society, they probably used fiat currency, which meant that the gold would probably be worth at least twice the replacement value of the Gizmoroli. Thinking that, I took another few coins out and placed them in my pocket.
"So where are we?" Sonya asked.
That was a good question. I looked around the parking lot and saw several buildings, all connected together, none of them more than two stories high. I recognized the structure immediately.
"Sonya," I said, smiling. "It's time to introduce you to…. The mall!"