"Luka?" Alice asked.
"Yes, Alice?"
"I'm not sure what you expect to find in the mall that will have anything to do with our mission," Alice said. "This seems as pointless as Ilias driving a car."
"We're trying to find things out about this world," I pointed out. "A mall is as good a place as any. We want to know what happened here to make this place what it is."
"It seems pretty nice to me," Sonya observed as we crossed the parking lot to the mall entrance. "Monsters and humans seem to get along here. There doesn't seem to be any sense of impending disaster. So what's a mall, Luka?"
"A mall is a place where people shop, indoors, in comfortable air conditioning. You've experienced air conditioning, right Sonya?"
"We don't have much of that in Iliasville, but yeah, I've been to places in Iliasburg that had it. I guess this might be fun. I haven't gone shopping in awhile. If only most of our gold wasn't in what's left of that car."
"We've still got plenty," I assured her. "I put eight gold pieces in my pocket. In a modern place like this that'll go a long way. It might be hard getting change, though. We might want to exchange the gold for currency if they have a currency exchange place. A lot of big city malls do."
"Joy," Alice said sarcastically.
"You don't like malls, Alice?" Sonya asked.
"I like food courts," Alice replied. "The rest of the mall is just lots of stuff I can't eat."
"We will definitely get you lots of food," I chuckled.
That excited Alice. She turned quickly to Ilias, grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her.
"Have you ever eaten food from a world like this?!" Alice exulted. "They put all of these amazing high tech ingredients in the food here! Preservatives! Additives! Artificial flavorings! Monosodium Glutamate! Carboxymethylcellulose!"
"None of that sounds very delicious," Ilias responded suspiciously.
"Once you put it in your mouth, you'll be a believer!" Alice said excitedly. "C'mon, guys, hurry up! Let's get there before they close!"
Everyone sped up the pace to keep up with Alice and me, because Alice was dragging me as she often did. The funny thing is, I'd never been to a mall in a world where monsters and humans coexixted. I'd only ever been to malls on Earth, which sold strictly human products. Late in my life, the first malls had been built in some major cities on Alice's world, but Tamamo by then was keeping me locked down in Yamatai Village.
Alice was disappointed that the entrance we found wasn't the one for the food court. But there was a currency exchange there, so I plunked down my eight gold coins. The human currency expert inspected the coins, weighed them, entered some figures into her computer, and then handed me a card.
"The card has five thousand Lukas on it," she said. "It's valid only here. When you're done shopping, if you want, I can give you cash for what's left, if we have it. I'll have to open the safe."
"Lukas?" Sonya asked.
"I think they started naming currency after me back on my world, after it was assumed I was dead," I explained as we walked through the mall. "I guess the Luka that once lived here became famous like me."
"There's no money named after Alices?" Alice asked.
"Or Ilias?" Ilias asked.
"Nothing for you, Ilias, sorry," I said. "I don't know how it is on this world, but on my world you never shook your villain image. As for you Alice, they put your face on a quarter Luka piece."
"I'm worth only a quarter what you're worth?!" Alice exclaimed.
"Given that currency is a human invention," Promestein said. "It makes sense that humans would honor their own before honoring monsters. If monsters had invented currency it would probably be called the Alice."
"Well when this is all over, we're inventing currency," Alice said. "Luka will be on the penny."
"If it helps, Alice, I remember that your daughter's face ended up on the one hundred Luka bill," I said.
"And I got a quarter Luka. Was my reign that insignificant?"
"Not at all! It's just that… maybe the humans gave me more credit for all that happened?"
Alice sighed. "You know, I remember that while I was still Monster Lord I encouraged that. I guess If I was willing to die for coexistence, I shoudn't be insulted that the humans remember you more fondly than me."
"Hey, guys, would you mind leaving Alice and I alone for a moment?" I asked. "Here, take the card, and don't spend any more than a thousand, okay?"
Sonya snatched the card from my hand and ran off with Ilias, the two of them giggling like madwomen. Promestein left Alice and me alone, but went wandering off on her own, uninterested in the shopping, but every interested in seeing what wonders the mall had to offer.
"Alice, you never told me how you've been the past week or so," I said. "Was Erubetie able to help?"
"A little," Alice replied. "I guess since you've got the other Luka in your head, you have some idea what it's like, but it's just on another level with me. Your Luka isn't even fully merged with you. I'm at least a thousand Alices. I have trouble remembering what I did with you and what I did with other Lukas. You know, I told you that the Alice you were married to is the most dominant personality when you're around, but it's not that simple. I'm also still the Alice you started this crazy adventure with. Those are my most recent memories, so I feel more like I'm that Alice than any other most of the time. Those memories of our old life, they seem so distant. I guess they are. What was it, two thousand years ago?"
"Something like that," I said. "I died about seven hundred years after you did. Then Ilias prevented my soul from departing that world. She couldn't let me go. So she imprisoned it in a statue in Ilias Village. Luka Village, as they called it."
"The Luka Village part I do remember," Alice laughed. "The name change happened right after the war. So do the memories seem as distant for you?"
"I…. sometimes it feels like yesterday, sometimes several lifetimes ago. Alice, do you remember anything of the afterlife? I mean, you were dead for thousands of years."
"I don't remember anything. One minute I was breathing my last, the next I was the Monster Lord again. But I had a whole set of new memories. I thought I was going crazy. I guess I was. I didn't know what was happening to me. Everyone was concerned. When my mother came back, she deposed me because of my insanity. I wish I could say I'm well, but I'm not. I feel I've got a better handle on things because I know what's happening to me, but I still can't keep all of my thoughts organized. Luka, what would you say was the most traumatic moment of our marriage?"
"When you tried to eat me," I said without hesitation. "To be honest, there were a few moments more traumatic before we got married. I thought I'd lost you when they first sealed you. That was actually the worst. At least if you'd eaten me I'd always be a part of you."
"Don't even joke," Alice replied. "But you're sweet for saying that. I knew you'd mention the… incident, because it turns out I'm not the only Alice that did that. Some of them…. Some of them completed the act."
"Because I wouldn't seek revenge against the goddesses?!"
"No, no, that one was uniquely us!" Alice said quickly. "But there were other situations. Some Lukas, when they found out I was the Monster Lord, they challenged me like idiots. Very early in the journey, when you were throwing salt at slugs and you were so pathetic. Luka, I ate you. So many times. And I was gleeful about it! I made fun of you while I did it! It wasn't enough that I killed you, I also had to make you feel utterly worthless! What kind of person am I?"
"Didn't some versions of me kill you?" I asked.
"Yes, later, in the castle, when you were powerful enough to do it, sometimes you did. That was my fault too, of course. I emotionally blackmailed you into doing it. But that's not the worst part. Remember how I said that some parts of me hate you? Some Lukas left me laying in that crater. Some ran away from Granberia, or wouldn't face her in Iliasburg. Others chose Tamamo over me in the Treasure cave. Our story didn't always have a happy ending, Luka."
"I'm sorry, Alice. But this is me. You know me."
"I know you. As in, your wife knows you, the Alice from the Paradox world knows you, Ariana knows you. But I'm always scared when we're alone that I might just gobble you up out of nowhere."
"Is it really that hard to control?"
"No, it's not," she admitted. "It's an urge, but I have self control and it passes quickly. Not all of our stories had a happy ending, but most did. If majority rules in my head, you're all right. But it drives me crazy. I have horrible nightmares where you kill me, or I kill you, or you don't even love me and run off with Tamamo or Granberia… Or they took you for their own. Alma Elma did that a few times. There's also the grief. I remember waiting for you in my throne room, expecting you to defeat the Heavenly Knights. But…. You never came. Erubetie came in and reported that the hero had been killed. She'd dissolved you, Luka. I never saw it happen, but that might have been worse. I have visions of you being horribly burned alive in her acid, screaming your lungs out in agony…"
"Oh, Alice, I'm so sorry!" I cried, embracing her fiercely. "I can't even imagine what you must be going through! For others it's just been dreams, impressions, that sort of thing. You've actually had to experience every one of those lifetimes."
"I'm strong," she assured me, tousling my hair. "I'll get through it. When this is all over, I'm going to need a shitload of therapy, though. But no matter how bad my mental health situation gets, I can promise you two things: First, you can count on me when it matters most. I might go to pieces back in the castle, but if there's one thing every single one of my personalities agrees on, it's fulfilling my responsibilities as Monster Lord and saving the world. Second, I love you. No matter what thoughts are warring within me, it's that love that keeps me focused. You're my rock, Luka. As long as you're with me, I can get through anything. So don't worry, okay, darling?"
Sonya and Ilias returned, Sonya carrying two large bags of clothing, Ilias with nothing but a cup of Dippin' Dots.
"Luka, these solid ice cream pellets are amazing!" Ilias exclaimed, licking the spoon and then shoveling more into her mouth. I was beginning to get a sense of déjà vu. Hadn't she eaten Dippin' Dots in the mall with me once?
"Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!" Ilias groaned, closing her eyes and making a hilarious face.
"It's called brain freeze, Barbie," Alice snarked. "You can't eat ice cream that fast when you're mortal."
"Who the fuck is Barbie?" Ilias asked. "That sounded like an insult."
"Not at all," I said quickly. For some reason Ilias and Alice were starting to get on each other's nerves again. I'd grown used to them being friendly. "Barbie is a very beautiful woman who you happen to resemble a little."
"Oh, well thank you then!" Ilias said. "Promestein, finish my Dippin' Dots."
Promestein had rejoined us as well and happily took the rest of Ilias' ice cream and began shoveling it into her mouth as well. Since Promestein was still one hundred percent angel, she didn't get brain freeze. Of course, she also couldn't taste it.
"Promestein, why do you look so happy?" I asked. "You can't taste it, can you?"
"No, but I like the cold and the texture," Promestein said with her mouth full. "I've always loved cold foods."
Ah yes, I remembered how Promestein used to regularly go to earth to fetch popsicles. Since even after all of her alterations to herself she could never get fat, it hadn't been unusual for her to spend entire days in her lab sucking on popsicles. Of course, that Promestein could taste food, so that wasn't surprising. But apparently her love of ice treats predated her semi-mortality.
"Speaking of Dippin' Dots," Alice said. "Let's find the food court! Enough of this shopping nonsense!"
The five of us followed the direction signs to the food court. I sidled up to Sonya and asked what she had bought.
"Oh, just some outfits," Sonya said nonchalantly. "the styles are a little unusual. I wasn't familiar with them so I just grabbed stuff at random that caught my eye. I figure I won't be wearing any of it here. I'll just have fun playing dress up with Hild back at the castle."
"And how have you been doing?" I asked.
"It's been tough," Sonya admitted. "Luka, the screams, the way the blood turned the sea red…. And now I don't know what to think about us. I know you, I know my Luka, but what happens after this? We'd always assumed you'd go away and my Luka would come back, but now it looks like you're staying and you'll be both Lukas? It's so confusing. But since you're married to Alice, I guess that means I have no future with either of you."
"Sonya…" I started, but didn't know what to say.
"You don't have to comfort me, Luka," Sonya said with a weak smile. "This whole thing…. It's so much bigger than us. To be a part of it is such an honor. Just…. Don't forget about me when you're living all the way over in Hellgondo?"
"Sonya, I would never forget you. You'll get tired of seeing me in Iliasville. Or wherever you choose to live."
"I can't even think about my future right now. I wanted to be a priest, and a hero, and a wife, and a mother. Now I just don't know. That Sonya seems like a completely different person right now. A dumb kid. I don't feel like a kid anymore, Luka. I guess if I survive this I have to figure out who Sonya is."
"Well, does Sonya still like grilled cheese?" I asked.
"Sonya will always love grilled cheese!" she laughed.
"Well, we're here, and I see a grilled cheese place."
"Good, I could go for that as well," Alice said. "Order me a dozen. Ooh, with tomatoes! And as many different kinds of cheeses and breads as you can think of! Then we'll check out the other places!"
I bought Alice and Sonya grilled cheese, then took Ilias for pizza, since the goddess wouldn't have had that before. I ordered three cheese slices for myself and a whole pizza for Ilias with all the toppings. If she still had room, which I'm sure she would, I'd buy her some other Italian options, like linguini. Promestein only wanted more ice cream, so I got her some plain vanilla, since the flavor was irrelevant to her.
The mall was pretty crowded, so finding a place to sit was a challenge. I looked around, trying to find a spot, or at least a group that was about to finish. Alice and Ilias weren't waiting, scarfing down their food standing up. Then I saw her.
She was sitting at a large round table, alone, eating pizza and staring into a tablet as she ate. The clothing and hair were different. Instead of the lab coat, she worse a T-shirt and jeans, which did wonders for her body. That lab coat had really hidden her true beauty. Her hair, unruly during the time I'd known her, was perfectly groomed. Yet I still recognized her immediately, from the body language alone. Promestein had an awkward manner about her, as if she was never comfortable in her own skin. Given how much she'd mutilated herself, that was understandable. Although she was a well mannered eater, unlike the Monster Lord and Goddess spitting food at my back as they conversed, there was never anything graceful about the way she ate.She always brought her face all the way down to the food rather than bringing her fork up to her mouth. She always took the tiniest bites. It had been most noticeable with her beloved popsicles. Granberia and Alma Elma would basically deep throat the popsicles, while Promestein would only nibble on the tip. As Promestein delicately nibbled on the edge of a new slice of pizza, I had no doubt. The only question was, which Promestein was I looking at? Mine, or an alternate version I hadn't met yet? There was only one way to find out.
"May we sit here?" I asked, as Promestein was sipping her drink.
With annoyance, she looked up, the straw still in her mouth. Her annoyance turned into shock as she dropped the drink onto the table, spilling water and ice everywhere.
"L-Luka?!" she exclaimed. "Th-This isn't possible! I must be hallucinating!"
"No hallucination, Promestein, it's me," I said. But I still didn't know for sure that she was THAT Promestein. I had to think of something only she would know. "Remember how we used to eat at food courts together, sharing pizza, back on Earth?"
"O-of course! That was my favorite thing! H-how….?!"
"It's not just me, Promestein," I said. "Ladies, we have a table!"
Promestein just stared dumbly as Alice, myself, Sonya, Ilias,and Promestein sat around the table. Surprisingly, Promestein stopped staring at me. Instead, her gaze locked onto Sonya, who sat down next to Promestein, happily munching on a grilled cheese sandwich.
"Okay, I'm dreaming!" Promestein said. "Okay, okay, logically, this has to be a dream! If it was just Luka, I could believe that maybe he was back from the dead. If anyone could do that, it would be Luka. But Sonya?! No way. She died on Earth. There's no magic that could bring her back."
"What the fuck are you talking about, Promestein?" Ilias asked.
"Sonya was my research assistant…. Oh my god."
Promestein finally noticed her young counterpart. For her part, young Promestein was simply staring, nonchalantly eating her vanilla ice cream, waiting for her older counterpart to notice her.
"Okay, dream it is!" Promestein said. "This is a dream about eating pizza, and meeting dead people. I see we brought the Monster Lord as well. How you been, Alice? How's death treating you?"
"Actually, this is not a dream," young Promestein said. "We simply come from another universe. We arrived through the Tartarus rift in the Southern Sea. I'm sure you've studied it."
"Studied it?" older Promestein responded. "It's all I've done for the past few years! Wait, so this is real? Okay, now I get it. You're not my Luka! You're an alternate Luka! And you're an alternate Alice, and an alternate Sonya, and and alternate me, and you, Ilias. Are you…?"
"Alternate," Ilias confirmed. "Luka, gimme the card, I'm going to try that place where they serve Panda."
"It's called Panda express," Alice said. "They serve Chinese, not actual pandas. I'll go with you."
I handed Ilias the card and Ilias and Alice headed towards the Chinese place, while Alice explained to Ilias what Chinese and China was.
"Promestein, I'm not an alternate Luka," I said. "It's me. You brought me here from Earth, with Ilias, in a very inappropriate way I might add. Last I saw you, you were on some kind of quest with some immortals and a couple of kids."
"I…. I just don't believe it!" Promestein said. "How did you cheat death yet again? You're not even old! You look exactly as you did the last time I saw you alive!"
"You're not familiar with how people are dying and not really dying, but finding alternate versions of themselves to merge with?" young Promestein asked.
"No," Promestein replied. "The only thing that's ever come out of that rift are apoptosis. I had no idea it led to worlds similar to ours."
"I know something you don't know," young Promestein sang.
"Young lady, I've won sixteen Nobels! You may have picked up a few things traveling with this guy, but believe me, you know next to nothing compared to me!"
"How do you know me?" Sonya asked. "I've never met a variant of me, and I've been to a few worlds."
"You were my research assistant! A colleague! One of the few intellects I ever respected! Luka, you remember, don't you? I introduced you to her!"
I realized with a start that Promestein had. It had been at a symposium, in the early days of Earth's awareness of the strange magical world. The introduction had been so quick that I hadn't remembered. The meeting had been so brief that I hadn't even had a hint of recognition when I met Sonya in the inn in Iliasville.
"You must have me mistake for somebody else," Sonya replied. "I'm no intellect."
"No, you're a genius!" Promestein insisted. "Look, I don't know much about alternate worlds, but what little I've learned from interviewing Luka about his experiences with them, a person is the same person no matter what world you meet them on. All differences can be accounted for by experiences and environment. Now maybe you grew up in a simple environment, like Ilias Village…"
"That's exactly where I grew up."
"See, I knew it!" Promestein said triumphantly. "Sonya, you have no idea how smart you are. Like, Nobel level smart!"
"I don't know what that is."
"It means you're so smart that you even taught me a few things. I've only ever truly respected two people in my whole life. You, and Luka. This is… it's unreal! Luka, is Alice…?"
"Alice is… complicated," I said. "But if you want to know if she remembers you, she does."
"And you…" Promestein said to her counterpart. "So young, so… not fucked up yet. There's just so much I want to say to you. I always imagined telling my younger self how to avoid all the mistakes I made, and… here you are!"
"If I seemed disrespectful, I didn't mean to," young Promestein said. "Once I knew there were other versions of me out there, older, more experienced versions, I really wanted to meet them. I'm actually very excited. We should definitely talk."
"Yes, we should, but not here," Promestein said abrubtly. "We need to get back to my lab. Luka, this is… this is just crazy! Not even because I've dreamed of seeing you again someday, but because we need you so badly right now, and… here you are! It's like destiny!"
"I'm needed?" I asked. "What's going on?"
"Oh, only the end of the world you love," Promestein said. "Come on, everyone, pile into my SUV. I have so much I need to tell you!"
Alice and Ilias returned with trays of food, which I quickly packed into go bags for them to eat at Promestein's place. Promestein led us back out into the parking lot, where we piled into her SUV for the trip to her lab. I took shotgun this time.
"I'm surprised you own one of these things," I said. "Aren't these usually for people with families? Promestein, did you…?"
"Did I…?" Promestein asked, confused for a moment. "Oh, no, no, heavens no! I haven't changed THAT much! No, I just find this convenient for moving equipment. Hey, I'm going to make a couple of calls, okay? There are some people who will be thrilled to know you're back."
As Promestein pulled out a cell phone and dialed before starting the engine, I turned back to Alice. "Alice, your reaction to being home seemed pretty…. Bored."
"Oh, believe me, one part of me is thrilled," Alice said with no emotion whatsoever. "But it's only one part of over a thousand. And even that part…. Well, this looks nothing like home. It's just been too long. This is a case where the Alice from the Paradox world's personality is more dominant. That place feels more like home to me than anywhere else."
"Fair enough," I said. It was confusing to know that my Alice was back, but also…. Not really. For all intents and purposes, the Alice in the back seat was a completely different person, with two personalities that I knew intimately and hundreds that I did not. I needed to start dealing with that reality.
"Ilias!" Promestein said into the phone.
"Yes?" Ilias in the back seat asked.
"Not you, I'm talking to another Ilias on the phone."
"What's a phone?"
Promestein ignored her. "Ilias, are you near your Iliastron? Yeah, I don't care that you're watching a great couples' argument. You can watch Jerry Springer reruns for that…. Ilias, shut up for a second! Focus the Iliastron on me.No, wider, take in the entire interior of the car….. Oh, now you're interested, aren't you? Ilias, language…. Ilias, you know other words, not every word has to start with an 'F'! Ilias. Ilias! Just teleport over to my lab! We'll be there in a few."
Promestein hung up. "Well, that's one person that will be happy to see you," she said. "Now I need to let Emma know."
Promestein dialed again. "Emma, yeah, about that problem we were having…. I have the solution right here in the passenger seat with me. His name is Luka… No, I'm not shitting you, when have I ever joked like that? Okay, there was that time I sent you for a magic staff that didn't exist, but we're in crunch time here! Yes, for real! He's right here. We'll be over in a few."
I distinctly heard squealing on the other end of the phone.
"that's two that will be happy to see you," Promestein said with a smirk. "Now the last one I need to ask for your judgment. She'll be happy too, but it might be tough on her."
"Tamamo," I said sadly.
"Yeah. You'll be happy to know that we'e been friends in recent years. I have her number in my contacts. But before you make a decision, know two things. She said her goodbyes. Twice. You know, Tamamo, she doesn't grieve long, but that doesn't mean losing people she loves isn't hard for her. She has your bones buried in her backyard."
"Wait, Tamamo's still alive?!" Alice exclaimed. "I want to see her!"
"I agree, she can't be the only one not to know," I said. "She'd never forgive me when she found out."
"All right," Promestein said. "One more call, and then we're off to the lab."
"Hey Ilias, notice how Promestein prioritizes safety by not talking on the phone while she drives?" I teased.
"I wasn't talking on the phone when I drove," Ilias muttered. "How about I drive while she talks?"
"NO!!" the rest of us yelled.
We arrived at the lab a few minutes later after a remarkably safe, comfortable drive. Or maybe it was just a sweet contrast to the maniac that was our goddess.
"I go to the mall to get pizza for a break almost every day," Promestein said as she put the SUV in park. "Most of the time I just keep working on my tablet while I eat, but sometimes…. Sometimes I think about how great it was to eat pizza with you."
"You used to have your face in the screen even back then," I said.
"Luka….. I'm so sorry I was never the friend to you that you tried to be to me," she said. "I want you to know that while you didn't live to see real change in me, you did change me. So much, Luka! I have so many regrets, but one of the biggest is that I basically disappeared from your life after all we'd been through together."
"We can start being real friends now," I said, taking her hand. "So how about we save the world one last time, and if we make it, let's make a point of having pizza together every week."
"C'mon, let's go," Promestein said. "There are going to be some people in there who will probably mob you as soon as you get one foot through that door."
I actually did get both feet in before I was wrapped in nine tails and pressed body to body with the most lovely kitsune in the world.
"Ahem," Alice said.
"Alice!? Alice!?" Tamamo cried, nearly dumping me on the ground and wrapping up Alice, who wrapped her own body around Tamamo in return. "Promestein said nothing about you! Is it really you?!"
"I couldn't spoil ALL the surprises," Promestein said with a smirk.
"It's really me, Tamamo, and…. More," Alice said. "It's too complicated to explain and I don't even fully understand it myself. But here's what I do want to tell you. Thank you for takng such good care of Luka after I was gone. A human isn't supposed to outlive his monster wife. It was a really unprecedented situation."
"So is this," Tamamo pointed out. "I guess we have bigger problems to solve, but if we survive this, we have to figure this whole thing out."
"Welll, that's something to look forward to," Alice said sarcastically.
"Luka, so good to see you again!" Eden exclaimed, moving in to hug me. "I always knew I'd see you again."
"Hello, Luka," Ilias said when Eden let me go.
"Ilias, you know you want to," I said, opening my arms. The goddess smiled and hugged me fiercely. Then she noticed the other goddess in the room.
"Oh shit," my original Ilias breathed. "Another me! And diminished like I am! Luka, do you just run around different universes, taking my power away?"
"This time it wasn't him," Paradox Ilias replied. "In my world, I died, just like you did, but instead of being brought back, a part of me was pulled into a different universe. That small part of me didn't have much power. If anything, Luka has been trying to help me get stronger."
"Is he, now?" original Ilias asked, giving me the side eye. "Come on, let's talk!"
"Wait, Ilias, before you go…?" I asked.
"Yes, Luka?"
"Ilias, I'm not sure how to ask this, but…. Did I actually win all those battles and survive, all the way up to defeating you?"
"You're here, aren't you?" she answered evasively.
"Ilias, I need to know, so I'm going to ask directly. Did I die at any point in my original adventure? Did you rewind time to give me another chance?"
"I see that other versions of me have loose lips," Ilias said, giving the other Ilias a dark look.
"It wasn't her," I said. "It turns out that what you did probably contributed to choazisation."
"Actually, it probably only happened to the one Ilias," young Promestein said. "If that precise confluence of events had happened enough times throughout the multiverse, we'd probably already have all ceased to exist."
"Okay, that's fine, but I need to know, Ilias," I said. "Did I really earn my victories?"
"You earned… most of them," Ilias said uncomfortably, not meeting my gaze.
"Ilias! How many times?"
"About…. A dozen. All right, fifteen times!"
"That's actually not bad," Paradox Ilias said. "My Luka needed a lot more rewinds than that."
"Who did I lose to?!"
"Well…." Ilias answered uncomfortably. "First there was the slime girl."
"I lost the very first fight?! Besides, that was Lime! Lime wouldn't kill me!"
"She didn't," Ilias said. "Here, I'll show you."
Suddenly I was gone. I was lying on the ground, wrapped up in Lime, who was thoroughly and slowly draining me dry. As I came for the fourth time inside her exquisite slimy body, we both heard a loud boom in the distance.
"What was that?!" Lime asked, looking scared.
"Blehgur," I replied.
"Oh well, I'm sure it's no big deal. Probably just a tree falling. Now, where were we?"
And, then I was back.
"Because you lost to Lime, you never met Alice," Ilias said. "Lime made you come a few more times and then left you lying in the woods. You were asleep when Alice pulled herself out of that crater. Since my whole plan hinged on you two meeting, I obviously had to give you a do over."
"Okay, so I guess I didn't figure out to flail wildly at her body the first time," I said. "So what was the second time?"
"That would be the slug girl," Ilias replied.
"The slug girl?! The one I threw salt at?! That was the second fight! I went 0 for two?!"
"That's what the evaluations were for. You kept on trying to stab Melk, and since that wasn't working, she had her way with you. What's more, Melk took you as her husband. So I brought you up to heaven, told you how to beat her given the skills and tools you had available, and sent you back."
"So the salt thing wasn't even my idea," I said dejectedly.
"You… got off to a rough start," Ilias admitted.
"Okay, so the third time?"
"Do we really need to go over all fifteen?" Ilias asked plaintively.
"Just a couple more, please?"
"Fine. The third was the Mandragora."
"I never encountered a Mandragora on my first journey."
"Yes you did," Alice said. "It was so long ago you don't remember, but you passed by her leaves and didn't touch them."
"Well, actually he did," Ilias said. "She paralyzed him with a scream, blew him, and then pulled him underground to be hers forever. When he came to me for evaluation, I simply told him not to touch the leaf."
"Zero wins, three losses," I said. "Why did you stick with me?"
"I was thinking of finding a new hero," Ilias admitted. "But then came Granberia. Her you beat for real. I was shocked, to say the least."
"Tell me about it," Alice said. "I'm still don't know how that happened. I only remember one other Luka pulling that off."
"Really?" I asked. "Another Luka beat Granberia the first time?"
"He was reliving his adventure a second time and had all the abilities he'd acquired from the original adventure. So Granberia was really no match for him at that point."
That must have been some powerhouse Luka, I thought.
"Okay, so I managed to lose to slimes and slug girls, but beat a Heavenly Knight," I said. "That's rather improbable, but I'll take it. Please tell me I went on a winning streak after that?"
"Well… no, not exactly," Ilias admitted. "You won a few, but then you ran into Nanabi. Four of your losses came at her hands, or more accurately, tails."
"Go Nanabi!" Tamamo laughed.
"Every time you'd lose, I'd give you an evaluation, but you never executed my advice correctly. I was getting to the point where I was slapping you around up there, trying to slap some sense into you! In the end, as you know, Alice bailed you out. You fought so well at one point that Alice just decided to tip the scales a bit in your favor."
"Okay, so that's… seven losses? Jus t give me the quick summary of the rest. Did I lose any of the castle battles against the Knights?"
"No, by the time you got that far it had been awhile since you'd failed," Ilias replied. "By then you were…. Amazing! Exceeded my expectations. You suffered your final loss in Yamata No Orochi's cave."
"Well, that's a relief," I said. "Rough start, but I got the hang of adventuring later on. I guess I should thank you, Ilias. I wouldn't be here today if not for you."
"If not for me, you wouldn't have been in danger in the first place," Ilias said sadly. "Look, you also lost a few to Alma Elma. The less said about that, the better."
"Was it bad?" I asked.
"Very bad," Ilias answered. "The first time, on the ship to Port Natalia, she ate you. Then there were the colosseum losses. Those were even worse. Please don't ask me to tell you about those."
"I…. I think I'd rather not know," I said. "I really came to love Alma Elma later on. But I did lose more battles. Why didn't you intervene in those?"
"I only had to rewind time when the losses ended your quest. I'm sorry, Luka, I should have told you. I just didn't want to damage your self esteem. Even when I hated you the most, I still wanted you to believe you were strong. And you are! But in the real world, no one survives THAT many battles. People always make mistakes, and you are after all, only human. For all your power, you're always one orgasm away from total defeat."
"Well now that you guys have had that long overdue talk," Promestein said. "It's time to discuss the immediate crisis."
Promestein led us into the lab proper, where a young dragonkin and human male waited. They looked very familiar to me. The two Iliases went off to another room to chat, or conspire, depending on your view of their motives.
"Oh. My. God!" the dragonkin exclaimed. "It's really you!"
"How in the hell did you manage to cheat death?" the male asked.
"Luka, the monster here is Emma," Promestein said. "It turns out that she was the one who was most compatible with your ring."
"Wait, so she wields my power?!" I asked.
"She does, and she saved the world," the male replied. "We always assumed it was me, but we were wrong."
"This is Ben, my fiancée," Emma said. "And I can't take all the credit. Without Ben, without Promestein, none of it would have been possible."
"I briefly remembered meeting you when my soul was taken out of that statue," I said. "I was a little worried because I never got to find out how things went, or even what the threat was."
"It was a world ender, but we beat her," Promestein said. "But this…. This is worse. Emma, could you open that file on my desktop? No, not that cat playing piano, the one next to it."
On the large screen in the lab appeared a screen full of stars. It looked like the night sky.
"So when your soul departed, that huge rift appeared only weeks later," Promestein said. "Since the last time you departed our world correlated with a problem like that, I thought there might be a connection. But I quickly realized we were dealing with a very different phenomenon. I sent probes into the rift, but no useful readings ever came back. I didn't get the probes back either."
"Only Luka can travel between universes," Alice said. "Well, not JUST him, but he's one of the few."
"The first time this kind of thing happened, there were random rifts opening everywhere, letting in beings from worlds completely different from ours. With powerful enough magic, we were able to close those rifts whenever they opened, although eventually they woud have consumed our world if you hadn't intervened. But the big one in the ocean, nothing we do closes it. And only one thing comes out of it."
"Apoptosis," Ben finished. "Emma and I have been on apoptosis fighting duty for the last few years. They aren't that tough for us, but each time more come. And sometimes we don't get there before they do major damage."
"The apoptosis reduce to chaos anything they touch," Promestein explained. "We've been able to protect Luland so far, but Port Natalia had to be abandoned, as did Edenport. Thank goodness our economy isn't so reliant on trade between those two ports anymore."
"So what have you learned about this chaosization process?" I asked.
"I was getting to that. You see, I may not have known what was on the other side of that rift, but I was familiar already with the process of chaosization. And while I couldn't send probes through the Tartarus, I still knew how to send them through the multiverse in other ways. This diagram on the screen is the multiverse as it was when I first started studying it."
Promestein gestured to the screen with thousand of stars.
"This is the multiverse as it was the last time I sent a series of probes through it," she said, directing Emma to press the arrow button to scroll to the next picture. The diagram that followed it was similar, but had a lot fewer stars on it.
"Each of those stars represents a universe similar to ours," Promestein continued. "Where the universes are closest to each other in space time, they've destroyed each other. Whole universes have been ceasing to exist at alarming rates. Some natural chaozisation is normal. Universes, like stars and planets, die all the time. New ones are born. But what's happening now is not natural. Something artificial is causing it."
"Black Alice," I said.
"What?! Her again?!" Promestein exclaimed. "Lovely."
"Are we that world right there?" I asked, pointing at a bright star slightly to the left of the center of the screen.
"No, we're the one to the left of it," Promestein said. "I was able to determine that the world that rift leads to is the one you pointed to, though. So that must be where you came from."
"Yeah, I think so. And those two other bright stars, those must be Monster and Angel worlds."
There were other, dimmer stars around that one, but the Paradox world was the brightest, with the Monster and Angel worlds only slightly dimmer. The other ones must have been the worlds accessible through the other Tartaruses.
"That area is the center of the chaosization process," Promestein said. "And as close as those worlds are to each other… and that includes us, by the way…. We're in big trouble."
"How long?" I asked.
"For the other worlds in that area, I can't say. For us…. Two weeks. A month if we're lucky."
"That's… horrible!" Sonya exclaimed. "Isn't there anything we can do?!"
"Actually, that's the miracle of this whole day," Promestein said. "Our situation was never completely hopeless. We're fortunate in that we have your birth universe right next to ours."
"So you're thinking evacuation?" I asked. "How much time would that buy you? Won't Earth just die like all the others?"
"That's the beauty of it," Promestein said. "Earth is immune to chaosization. At least this kind. As I said, this chaosization is magical, artificial in nature. As you know, magic doesn't work very well on Earth. By the way, I won my fourteenth Nobel Prize researching why Earth was the way it was."
"The humans found a way to destroy the magic, and thus angels and monsters alike," I said.
"How did you find that?"
"A little rabbit told me. Okay, so while that double genocide is pretty horrible, that gives us a safe haven. If chaos can't touch Earth, we just need to move as many people as we can there. Do you have a plan?"
"We had one, but it wasn't very good," Emma said. "The President and Monster Lord only just decided on the necessity of evacuation. The public hasn't been told yet. We calculated how long it would take to evacuate everyone through the existing portals."
"Three years," Promestein said. "So that was a non-starter."
"Micaela can do mass teleports, and my….your power can get them across universes, but I can't generate enough power to teleport enough people at a time. How long did you calculate it would take doing it that way?"
"Two months," Promestein said. "And that's only if you teleported people for eighteen hours a day, without rest. Realistically it woud take twice that long."
"But with you here, Luka," Emma continued. "We could move everyone in an instant? We can, can't we?"
"In theory, yes," Promestein said. "Luka, you are the only true wielder of your power. You ARE your power. Emma can only use what little we could store in that ring. It can do a lot, but it has its limits."
"I have limits too," I said. "Can I really do this? Evacuate a whole planet to another planet?"
"Luka," Promestein said, putting her hands on my shoulders. "I've been studying your power for as long as I can remember. I wish I could tell you that sticking all those needles into you without asking had been worth it, but guess what? It was all bullshit! Your power… it's not bound by the laws of reality! The only limit to your power is you! Maybe that's by design, maybe that's why you were chosen. Someone like me, or Ilias, or even Alice would destroy us all with that power. But you, you don't trust power. You constrain yourself. But right now, you have to get past that! You have to sweep away your limits and embrace who you are! Not only to save the people of this world you love so much, but also to defeat the being that's causing all this! The kind of power she must have, limited Luka who swings his silly sword, and summons his silly little spirits, that won't save us. We need you to be who you are capable of being!"
"But Gabriela told me that there were consequences to using my power to bend reality," I protested. "I wanted to bring Alma Elma back to life, and she said that breaking the law of death would be catastrophic."
"True, magic can only bend reality, it can't break it," Promestein said. "Summoning the dead for a short time, the fabric of reality can tolerate that, but if you'd brought her back permanently, that would have had serious consequences. But guess what, Luka? Everything is already ending! So quit worrying, and just…. Kick some ass, okay? Cut loose! Believe me, if she's like the Black Alice I knew, you'll need to."
"I'll try, Promestein," I promised. "I guess I'll be getting practice very soon. So when are we going to do this?"
"I'll contact Micaela and we'll schedule it for tomorrow," Ben said.
"We'll have to do it from subspace," Emma added. "That way we can see what we're doing. Subspace gives us a view of both worlds. Between you, me, and Micaela, we can do this. Someone else will have to handle the consequences of all those people being sent to a strange world with no warning."
"So Earth authorites don't know about this?" I asked.
"The President's been talking to the American President," Promestein said. "We don't actually have a lot of people. Twenty million on the whole planet. That'll be a lot for the United State to absorb overnight, but we'll make it work. They've got some pretty serious tech these days. They can build houses and infrastructure using nanotechnology in minutes. We'll probably just build a super city out in the Nevada desert for now."
"Okay, so tomorrow we get to work."