"Hey, sleepyhead. Do you want breakfast?" Jyeon's gentle voice filters through my sleep-addled brain as warmth envelopes my downward-facing body. Content and heavy in my haven of bliss and not willing to budge just yet, even with his coaxing. I am star-shaped on the double bed and sinking into my comfy softness. His breath on my cheek and fingers lightly skim through my hair, tingling my scalp before he leans in and kisses me with soft grazing on the temple. Cosily snuggled against me, I flicker my eyes open and come around properly.
"Hmmm, what time is it?" I stifle a gentle yawn, too relaxed to lift my head or open my eyes. I could get used to this vacation existence with him. For three days, all we did was play in the sand and sea, have sex, eat, and sleep. I'm exhausted still, as though I haven't slept, so it has to be ridiculously early. We sailed back to the harbor yesterday evening and had ourselves an early night in prep for today.
"It's after eleven. We need to head to the town hall in an hour." He croons.
My eyes snap open as my brain engages with his words, and I spin to him, craning my neck so I face him with gaping eyes and forced consciousness. So close I almost nose butt him.
"What the hell? Why didn't you wake me before now?" I accuse, panic gripping me that we haven't gone over the final proposal again yet, and I wanted to make sure I had everything in order before the meeting. Doublecheck details, diagrams, and figures and check the PowerPoint on the laptop projected on a screen.
"Babe, you seemed tired the last few days and a little off-color. I have everything under control and only need you there as backup. They will love your trustworthy and friendly face, but I got this." He leans in and kisses me on the lips to hush me, way too relaxed about this while brushing back my hair from my skin and pauses with his fingers on my temple. "You feel unusually warm. Are you okay?" He narrows his eyes and scrutinizes my face before I wriggle to get free.
"I just woke up. It's probably that…. I need to be part of this; I'm not letting you take control of my first project for OLO like I'm incapable." I slide his hand away and tap his chest to signal he should let me up, head still foggy from the violent way I ripped myself from sleep, but I don't feel particularly unwell. I maybe had too much sun on our short honeymoon while sunbathing. Or it's cozy in here with no windows open, and I have a human-sized heater on top of me.
Jyeon shifts back, and now I see he's fully dressed already, showered, shaved, and looking immaculate in a shirt and pants. He has his all-business attire on, and I can only assume a tie and jacket are sitting waiting to be added. He should have gotten me up and not left me like a lazy lump wallowing away my morning. Now I will have to rush around getting ready while ramming food in my face, reading the papers, and doing my hair.
I dart up, shoot out of bed to stand beside it as he turns and lounges back on his elbows to support a semi-sit and watch me. He's had this goofy, ecstatic, happy expression since we took our vows, and he's gazing at me adoringly like I'm the best thing since sliced bread. Softening my frazzled mood and irritation at letting me sleep when he's this handsome and besotted and making me feel like a queen in a nightgown.
I don't know if it's the fact I practically teleported with the speed I left the bed, bouncing upright before acclimatizing, but a sudden wave of dizziness shoots through me hard as soon as I am vertical. I sway, grabbing at my temples as my eyes spot with dark shadows, and my face chills then warms as it creeps up my body. Like being doused in sudden ice water and then followed by hot
"I feel a little…." I mumble. The words don't get a chance as a stomach tightening and lurching violent wretch has me grasp a hand to my mouth. Nausea and the sudden instant shock that my stomach contents are heading up at sonic speed, and I clamp it tightly, and spin for the direction of the bathroom, stumbling and crashing into the wall by the door frame. My vision is a mess, and I'm battling overwhelming wooziness.
"Babe!" Jyeon comes after me, alarm in his voice, and I can't hold it in. I thrash one arm around, grab the wooden frame, and haul my ass into the small bathroom. Tripping as I go because I have extreme head spinning, and I barely make it to the toilet and ram my face down it before the vomit starts spewing out of me. Having been someone who is rarely sick my whole life, this feels like a brutal assault on my body. It's so severe, and I'm spluttering and suffocating as my stomach tries to reject whatever I ate last night and finds nothing much but bile. I'm bent over, hands on each side of the rim, gripping like crazy to hold my head in place and rigid with what's happening to me.
It burns my throat, aches my ribs and abdomen with the retching, and my legs give out on me, so I crumble. Jyeon is right behind me and catches my entire body weight, sliding me down to a crouching position and sitting on his upper thighs somehow while almost nose touching the lavatory water. I keep on gagging even though it's primarily liquid and acid burn, and he brushes my hair back, pulling it into a ponytail in his hand to keep it back for me.
"You okay? Are you done?" His soft voice hovers around my ear, and I finally manage to control the upchuck response and tilt my head back to lean against his shoulder while closing my eyes. Trembling all over as though I have just gone through something traumatic. There's dampness on my cheeks from my eyes watering during that painful episode, and I exhale heavily, using the back of my hand to dab my mouth. Breathless, fragile, and now I feel horrendous on top of that.
"That was awful." I croak, sounding like a feeble child.
"I think I have seen you sick maybe less than a dozen times in my entire life. I should find the doc and put you to bed. You're scaring me, Sol." Jyeon slides his arms around me; now it's clear I am done emptying my insides, yet I can't do anything except lay in his arms like a deadweight. My head is muddled and starting to pound, and the nausea is so severe it feels like it's strangling me as my guts grumble.
"It can't be anything we ate yesterday, or you would be sick too. I don't know what's wrong with me." I point out, only half aware of my surroundings. Starting to shiver and agree that bed is where I need to go. Jyeon leans his cheek against my head and cuddles me in tight. His body tenses.
"Sol.... You know, we've been sleeping together for a while now. I mean, sex…..the first time was almost two months now." He sounds apprehensive, and I open one eye, not sure where this line of conversation is going. Too preoccupied with sickness to overthink his weird statement.
"Uhuh?"
"You haven't had a period in all that time." He finishes with slight tightness to his tone, and my eyes snap open wide once more.
"Not once." He adds hesitantly.
I mentally try and work through my calendar backward, sure he's wrong, praying he's wrong. I do the math and figure out how many weeks it's been and why I wouldn't have noticed that it hadn't come or I had missed one… maybe fucking two. I mean, it's not like I ever kept tabs as I didn't have sex for almost six years and didn't even think about it.
"We only had unprotected sex that one time… it's too soon for me to be throwing my guts up, Jyeon." Panic starts swimming in my head and causing sparkles in my vision. "It has to be a bug. I'm not….I know what you're getting at, but it's only been barely two weeks since that night. It's way too soon for morning sickness."
"Actually…." He clears his throat, and I stiffen all over, sit upright and turn to him with a severe frown on my face.
"It was one time!" I point out, and he impulsively chews on his lip, drawing his eyes away from mine and scrunching his face up a little.
"Twice…. because of the drunken fucking we did, and the maybe ten minutes of ... you were wild, baby. Barely letting me get my clothes off, and we started before... I mean, I did put one on, but I mean. Ten minutes of bareback, and we were going pretty hard." He smiles weakly, nervous that I am about to explode written all over his face, and I balk at him. Blinking at what I am hearting and fury growing in my belly. I barely remember that night, let alone how crazy I was with it, so he should have fucking told me that I hopped on him without a condom and had ten minutes of unprotected sex before he thought about one.
"Why did you not tell me that then?" I blurt it out at him accusingly, hyperventilating that I might have been pregnant since then, and he raises both brows at me in a show of innocence and submission, raising his palms at shoulder height.
"Because I figured you remembered and were giving no shits about it because it was only ten minutes, and neither of us finished.….. look, I know people can get pregnant without me cumming in you. I just didn't see it as a major thing to worry about, given we tried for Tia for months." He frowns and gives me a one-shoulder shrug while I openly gawp at him like he has lost his god damned mind.
"Jyeon? What the actual fuck? We're barely back together, and it's the last thing we need. Babies are not high on the list of shit we need to be having right now." I am at a loss with all of this and don't know how to feel except insanely anxious. Battling an oncoming headache, and now this is like a slap in the face.
"You're making it sound like I orchestrated this and duped you into it. Babe, you were the one who slammed me onto the couch, ripped my belt off, and ground on me like a pornstar and almost made me shoot my load in like three minutes. I was the one who realized we were screwing without one and pulled out to put it on."
"Don't be so crass." I slap his shoulder, embarrassed with any reminders of me that night and overcome with sudden panic. Tears, swirling dizziness, and stomach cramps that might be more nausea but also an impending anxiety attack. "This can't be happening." I slump back down, turning away again as tears well up in my eyes and a lump lodges in my throat, but Jyeon slides me back on his lap and pulls me sideways, propping a finger under my chin and pulling my eyes back to him.
"It's not the worst thing in the world. Besides, this might be a passing bug. We tried nightly for Tia, and you took a few months to fall. We should get a test and be sure. If anything, then we'll know what this is." He's trying to be the stable and calm one while tears roll down my cheeks and my hands start to shake. "If you are… it's a good thing, and we won't let the past repeat itself. I'll take care of you, keep you both safe."
An overwhelming feeling of dread and foreboding fill me up as I think about the possibility. I don't know if I can do it if I am. All I can think about is how much it devastated me, us, to lose Tia, and I can't be sure it wouldn't happen again. Even though he says it wasn't my fault back then, and Greta too, a part of me blames myself still and wonders if I am cursed never to carry a child full term. Maybe there's something wrong with my body.
"We're married, in love, have financial security, and all the support we need to have a kid. I will bed bind you to be sure nothing goes wrong if that's what it takes and serve you hand and foot. OLO can wait. You two are my priority, and I won't put you in that position again. All we need is to lay down roots with a home, and we're set. We have at least seven months or so to do that. We got this, and there's nothing to worry about."
"You just said I might not be, yet you're acting like I am. It sounds like your mind's made up." I blanche at him, getting emotional and snappy, and swallow down another bought of extreme nausea. As long as I sit very still and don't try to get up, I am sure I can keep it under control until it passes. I gulp air and swallow hard to keep it down and clutch at my belly, telling it to give me a break. "I could have a virus."
"Yeah, baby, but… those half a dozen times I saw you sick… were all Tia related." He points out as though it's evidence alone, with a raised brow, and I slump forward and drop my face into my two palms with an exaggerated wail noise.
"This can't be happening. This can't be real…..oh my god." I mumble through my fingers, and he squeezes me tighter.
"We have had sex more than once. A lot, actually. It's hardly out of the question." He sounds more smug than upset, and I shoot back up and glare at him. Angered that he's gloating over his sexual prowess and possible ability to knock me up than being worried about it.
"This is not helping. I'm freaking out, and you are not. Right now, I'm not sure I even like you... I'm just sick. It's some delayed bug or …I don't know. Too much sun and sand, maybe heatstroke. We have practically lived on the beach for three days, and shellfish can be dodgy." I am in refusal mode and push myself off him to attempt to get up, legs shaking, body weak, and experiencing waves of hot and cold flashing up from my legs and ending at my cheeks. I sway as I try to straighten myself fully, and he follows me and tugs around the waist back to him. Pulling me in and cuddling me, his expression returns to apologetic, and his tone moves to pander.
"Okay, okay…. you're sick. Come on. I'll put you to bed. Taking a test later will put our minds at ease. I can handle today alone."
"Nooooooo," I whine like a petulant kid, the council meeting swamping my focus with that reminder, and I palm tap at his chest in a childish manner. "I have to be part of it. This is my project and my people. They trust me. I started this, and I need to see it through." I forget all else when the master plan being taken away from me is the topic.
"Nope. As your husband, I say it's bed and rest. I'm not letting you off this boat until I see for myself that you're better. And we know for sure whether I should be cotton wrapping you and keeping you away from shellfish and work stress for nine months." His tone turns bossy commander and chief and significantly protective. Jyeon is a stubborn ass at times, and I cling to his arms in desperation, pulling my puppy eyes on him.
"They might refuse on the grounds of it not being me. The villagers can be so temperamental about outsiders." I point out, frowning at him, my lip pouting out in a bid to persuade him.
"I know this may come as a shock, given you rarely venture beyond the shack and the boat very often, but I have spent the last weeks here making friends with your islanders. They like me. Most of them call me son, and Tom, the big guy whose face I wanted to split, offered to take me fishing…. He is now my bro as long as he keeps his eyes off my woman." He points out with a smug grin and eyebrow wiggle of self-pride, and I stare at him in open-mouthed silence.
"Since when?" I don't believe him.
"Baby, you have been working in the shack all day, every day, leaving me to my own devices frequently. The bakery woman even tried to get me to set Amber up with one of my friends a few days ago. I'm one of the accepted here… and they all know I'm your husband."
I have no words. I have lived in a bubble of self-involved weirdness since we came back here and am oblivious that Jyeon has been a social butterfly. I stare at him in utter disbelief. Schmoozing with the locals like he's a native. I always knew he had charm and ability, but how could he win them over in a month when it took me at least six to get friendliness.
The second upsurge of vomit hits me before I can elaborate further on his newfound initiation into my island. I slap my hand to my mouth again, spinning like a maniac back towards the white porcelain, and shove my face down towards it. Much like the first episode, it's another painful gagging and boking bile explosion that hurts every muscle in my torso, and I can't breathe for the convulsing. Tears blur my vision, and I'm aware of his arms back around me and my hair being pulled out of the way.
"I think the most important thing right now is taking a test so we can at least rule it out...or get used to the idea we might be three instead of two."