Jyeon stills, narrowing his gaze on me, and it turns into a deep frown as he struggles to formulate a reply. I can see the flicker of a million racing thoughts in his eyes as he stares through me, and I know he's having the same conflict of emotions I am. He is trying to understand that what he's hearing is true and having an immediate painful reaction. His body tensing up and his jaw tightening as deep inner anger begin to show on the surface.
"You're sure? He said that? He admitted it?" His voice comes out in a husky and raw tone, inhaling with a shuddering breath, yet I can feel the pressure building up around him like a steaming pot that needs to vent. Much like it was to me, it's a blow to him.
"He admitted it…. He didn't mean to hurt anyone, he just wanted to piss you off, and he was drunk and stupid. He thought you would discover your wrecked car and blow off at him. I know in my heart that he wouldn't have wanted to hurt either of us like that." I sound feeble because I know that despite my shock and hurt over this, Jyeon might be a spring-loaded gun if I don't soothe him a little. That has to be a double blow. His own brother was responsible for this dreadful blow and hid it all this time from him.
I reach for his biceps to pull him to me, aware of how tightly he's tensing, but Jyeon steps back to give me space. His focus leaves me and the door, and he seems to zone into his thoughts before he moves me aside in a speedy manner and shoves Yoonah's door open with more aggression than I expected. It swings open, just off behind me, and I swallow hard, knowing he will not comfort him over this.
The air is seemingly getting stuffy, so breathing is becoming difficult for me. I'm still in a state of shock, my responses and reactions slow, yet Jyeon, barges into the room like a missile on target and heads right for his brother in a stalking manner that wreaks of building fury. Nothing delayed or hesitant about his power march in there.
I hesitate and then follow on his heel, afraid of the pulsing rage coming from him in droves with every step he takes and close the door behind us if anyone comes over here. I know he's about to explode at his little brother, and this isn't going to be pretty, but I couldn't hide it from him. I don't want any more secrets or lies between us now that he knows everything. And this was a major.
Yoonah is standing near his window, rubbing his face, drying tears, and looking pitiful as though battling remorse and the stress of being found out. He glances up, surprised at the intrusion already as his brother's forbidding figure makes a beeline for him and steps towards him, ready with a groveling apology. It's clear Yoonah thinks it's time to fess up and lay it all on the table.
"I didn't mean it, Jyeon…I didn't know it would start. I never thought Sohla would take it or that it would be driveable. I'm sor…." He doesn't get to finish his apology as Jyeon closes the gap, towering over him as a solid enraged mass of muscle, and punches him square in the face with the precision and grace of a trained boxer. I cringe and yelp out in shocked reaction that Jyeon, of all people, would ever hit Yoonah. He's never been a violent person, ever. He's always been overly protective of his sibling.
He does it with so much force it sends Yoonah reeling back with flailing arms, and he smashes against the glass behind him and spreads star-shaped before crumpling. The expanse of window rattles dramatically, and it reverberates in both directions. Yoonah's eyes widen in horror at the unexpected assault, and blood immediately trickles out of one nostril like a tap turned on and covers his mouth and chin sickeningly fast. He grasps at his face, folding down into a heap, and stares in disbelief at Jyeon. Silenced by what he just did.
"Jyeon, don't!" I cry out, leaping into a forward thrust after him as he bends down, grabs Yoonie by his jacket's collar, and hauls him to his feet. Not done with venting his rage at him just yet and showing no remorse for the sight of blood.
He clenches bunched-up clothes in both fists as he drags him upright, hauling him to his feet and pounds him back again into the glass with brute strength. Pulling his jacket and shirt up, so Yoonha becomes disheveled and creased. Jyeon has him immobilized and flattened so he can get in his face, and he steps in tight, making it, so there's barely air between them as their noses almost touch. He's terrifying like this as I have never seen Jyeon be physically aggressive.
"What the fuck did you do, Yoonie? You almost killed her….. She could have died that night. You fucking idiot. You complete stupid moron. Sohla was gone for two whole years because of what you did! I lost her and didn't know where she was or if she was alive or dead. What in the fuck did you do?" he growls it, half yelling, half intimidating with a broken huskiness as raw emotion pours out of him. Yoonah paling and trembling and clasping Jyeon's hands to try and curb his hostility. He doesn't know how to respond to this version of him.
"I know…I'm sorry…I'm sorry. It wasn't the intention, I swear." Tears roll down Yoonie's face, his lip trembling and blood-smeared. He looks like a scared kid facing down a monster. He cannot fight back and is entirely submissive to his larger, stronger brother. Jyeon bangs his back against the glass again and sends another tremor across the panes, making my heart jump into my throat. So scared he might smash him through it at this height, even though it's reinforced. I'm frozen here because I don't know how to calm down a crazed Jyeon.
"You hid it from me for two fucking years. You knew what happened…. you let us all think she tried to kill herself because of me. Because of mom…. How could you do that? How could you hide what you did and go on fucking living?"
"Living? Is that what I did… didn't you see me? Didn't you send me to rehab and hospitals, so afraid I would end it? How can you not see what this did to me?" Yoonah bawls right back at him, his voice elevated, and higher pitched.
"What about what it did to Sohla? You aren't a victim in this…. You're the cause. Your hatred and jealousy caused this. Being a fucking child when things didn't go your way and acting out without thinking. You were always the same!"
"Is that what you think I did it for? Hatred of you? Jealousy? You're fucking deluded…. And we're the same… acting out and impulsively fucking up our lives without thinking things through first. Like father like sons… both of us."
Jyeon tightens his grip, pushing his arm up across Yoonah's shoulders and choking him against the glass to the point he starts making strange guttural noises. I spark into action. Taking the last few steps that keep us apart and pulling Jyeon back by the hem of his leather jacket. Unable to keep watching him pinning Yoonah this way. He's on auto pilot and caught in his fury.
"Let him go. Stop hurting him. This isn't the way, Jyeon…. Let him go, please." Tears roll down my flushed face, saturating my clothes with the sheer volume, and it's only now I realize how much I am pulsating with adrenalin and fear. This whole scene is traumatizing to my stupid wounded heart, and I am so out of my depth at beginning to let any of it sink in. I love them both in different ways, and I can't bear to see them like this.
"You took her from me…. You watched me suffer… all the while knowing that you did this. You said nothing. You watched me break and believe I pushed her to do that…and yet, it was never her choice." Jyeon's lost in his misery and thoughts, and Yoonha starts clawing at his arms to fight back. He cannot breathe while he has his forearm pressing against his throat and windpipe. His eyes bulging and face reddening several shades darker as he gasps out. Jyeon is mad enough to keep pushing if I don't intervene.
"Stop it…. stop it. You're suffocating him. Jyeon, stop!!" I manage to slide to their side and start prying them apart with newfound strength and effort. Getting an arm between them so I can place a palm on Jyeon's chest and start shoving with all my might. I haul at his elbow with my free hand and mentally beg him to respond to me. It releases his hold a little as Yoonah inhales erratically and hits back with anger.
"You never fucking wanted her. You treated her like a burden, and you broke her heart…. you didn't lose her, you asshole. You threw her away." I use all my strength to force a gap big enough to slide my body in and face Jyeon to use my arms and chest to push him backward. Yoonah spits it at his brother, venom flowing freely, turning towards more hostility between them.
"Move, Jyeon. Let go. He did exactly what I intended to do your car…..trash it…nothing more. We had the same thought process, just with different outcomes. You know he wouldn't have tried to hurt us. Be rational in this." I apply as much pressure as I can as I squat slightly with my head under his arms and wedge myself in. I shove with all my might, so his arms loosen enough to get my head up, and between them, my face is there instead of Yoonha. Locking my gaze on his and pleading with my eyes.
Jyeon looks feral. His brow is furrowed, scowling with devilish anger that sends a ripple of fear through me. I don't think he will relent at all while thinking about murdering his sibling. I almost despair, thinking this isn't going to work when he seems to notice me and blinks out of his red mist and instead relaxes his grip and slides his hands off his brother. Unclenching his fists and releasing him. I heave with a massive sigh of relief and push him further to walk him back a few steps to give Yoonah breathing space. Not trusting him not to kick off again if he can reach him easily.
I hear the thud of Yoonah's body weight crumpling down to the floor, yet I'm more concerned about the poised and coiled Jyeon, who has a glint of sadism in his eye as he continues to glare over my head. Locked onto his target. He isn't out of the need to kill mode, and I don't trust that he won't fly back there just yet.
"I would have figured it out… leaving her, divorcing.. whatever came after. It would have become as obvious as I lost her that I couldn't live without her. We would have found a way to salvage something. You ruined her life and made her hide somewhere else, thinking I wanted her dead instead. All while I was trying to help you and mom heal... caring for you both….. You always knew what you did, but you hid it. You lied to me…. You kept this a secret. Why didn't you tell me, Yoonah?"
"It's the past… it's happened, and this won't change any of that. Jyeon, calm down….. he didn't mean it. It was a fucked up accident, and I did as much wrong in this. I did this to myself." The only way to diffuse this is to separate them and let us all simmer and think things through.
"Don't defend him, Sol… don't fucking defend what he did."
"I'm not defending it… no one was hurt more than me by what happened. I lost everything and everyone, even my identity, and had to live in fear of ever being found. I thought the ones I loved the most wanted me gone. If anyone has a right to punch Yoonie in the face, it's me, but none of this will fix anything. He didn't do anything more than us in this situation. We all caused it."
Jyeon relents my words getting through that thick skull, pulling away from my hold on him, and he paces around the space by the door to try and reel in his calm. Knowing I'm right, even if he can't yet let go of the intensity of his anger and betrayal. I flick a glance back at Yoonah, who is mopping the blood from his nose to minimize the spread while leaning back against the glass. Still in a messy heap on the floor. All his fight has gone. His bitter venom burned out, and he seems tired.
"Now we know…. there was no motive to kill either of us. No underhanded methods, no one planning to retain OLO without me. It was just a stupid, dumb mistake that had the worst consequences. It's the end of the need to keep looking and second-guessing everyone around me. It's over, Jyeon."
And even though it kills me that it was him, all the doubts, suspicion, and fear of the last two years evaporate into thin air as though a huge weight is lifted from my body. Healing the wound that ran the deepest gave me a sense of lightness and relief. No sinister plan hanging over my head… no one wanted to hurt me. As much as I tried to deny how huge this was to me all this time, this release of agony and heartbreak is evidence.
"Now I know my brother is a worthless piece of shit who kept his mouth shut and single handily destroyed all of our lives." Jyeon spits his way, stopping to stand with his hands on his hips and draw daggers Yoonah's way.
"You did that first…. You and that slut. The bitch still lingers in these halls and makes me despise her every time I see her. And you wonder why I don't want a relationship with you, no matter how hard you try." Yoonah's words are delivered with childish sulkiness that he's probably been keeping pent up inside all this time, and I sigh at both of them. I'm exhausted with all of this so early in my day when I'm fuelled by way too little sleep.
Even after I was gone, I was still the thorn between the two, and I hate that what was once a loving and honest sibling relationship became something so toxic. I don't see it being fixed anytime soon after this confession. I think they may need time apart to process and accept the truth.
"Claire is going.…. I'm not even getting into that with you. She's ancient history. Sohla is my present and future and my only interest from now on. It doesn't take away from what you caused."
"None of this is helping… just stop, okay." I move to Jyeon, catching his hand, and turn towards the door, yanking him with me, and despite his stiff posture and bubbling anger at his brother, he obeys me and moves with me. His brewing emotions have him rigid, but his heart won't deny me.
"Yoonah, get up, clean your face and calm down. We all need to take a breather and deal with this later. Right now…. we're leaving, and you have work to be getting back to. Don't follow us, don't call… do whatever you need to do while we separate, fix yourself up until we figure this out. We all need breathing space and a little time." I tug Jyeon to walk faster to the door and relax a little when he tightens his fingers around my hand and stops resisting quite so much. Capturing me in his hold with warm skin on mine brings back that sense of calm he sometimes is very good at instilling in me. Caged animal on the edge of losing it he may be, but obedient boyfriend following my command he's being.
"You and him? Are you really going backward after everything? Allowing him to be what he once was and hurting you all over again." Yoonah calls after me, his voice torn and wavering as heartbreak seeps out, and I flinch. Guilt at knowing why this will bother him so much. It feels like I'm punishing him somehow, but I can't pander to his feelings.
"It's got fuck all to do with you." Jyeon snaps, turning to frown over his shoulder, hostile back in a shot, and I place my hand on his chest to calm him again. Sighing at how volatile he is.
"Not backward, no….. starting something new that we never had. We all need to let go of the past and figure out a new dynamic in this family. That includes you, Yoonie. We have a lot of work to do, but it will never be like it was before. None of us were happy back then." I try to offer him a softer expression even though it's hard when I still have my pain and shock swirling inside me. Knowing what happened two years ago has made this seem surreal and dreamlike and as though this is no longer reality. "Put some ice on your face. Go have the first aiders check nothing is broken." I add in afterthought, yanking open our escape route and don't wait for a reply. I push Jyeon out the door in front of me with a bit of force and cross my fingers and toes Yoonah stays quiet while I shepherd him out.
"I'll never forgive him," Jyeon growls under his breath, yet I say nothing. I step back in time to a regular walking pace beside him and move towards his office, shadowed by his looming height as his eyes eat into the side of my face.
I slide my hand out of his and in through his arm instead to rest my cheek against his bicep and exhale. Suddenly heavy with the weight of the world and no energy to face it.
"Let's go to your place. I think I may pass out if I don't lie down."