I pad out of Jyeon's bathroom and into his bedroom, where he's stretched out on the massive bed with one arm over his face after showering. I, too, have showered and dried my hair. I'm dressed in the spare clothes I brought with me, feeling a little less emotionally overwrought after taking some time to concentrate on a nothing task. My recovery capabilities these past two years have become almost superhuman.
It's not even noon yet, but the shades in his penthouse apartment are closed to block the world out, and we agreed we both needed some downtime to process the craziness of the past couple of days. To stay here for the day, sleep, eat, talk. Greta agreed we should do this after I told her everything on the phone when I got out of the shower and cried a lot. It was surreal and painful to finally put a pin in the one thing that has plagued me all this time.
She is as blown away as I am that my accident indeed was an accident, and Yoonah never meant for anyone to get hurt.
It's a lovely apartment, if not a little show home with its masculine and clean décor. It doesn't have a lot of his personality in the details, as though he hired a designer to do it, but he did say he spends his entire life at OLO and never once made this into a home. It feels like a shell where he lays his head at night and nothing else.
It's quiet, in a high-end area with good security, and being a top floor open plan, he also has a wrap-around outdoor space that is rare in this city. I like it, and I wonder why we never thought of leaving home together way back when we married. Maybe having our own space and time alone might have made an enormous difference if we did. We would have talked more, perhaps even pushed forward with romance when not always watched by an overinvolved mother and a jealous brother. Pressured to play the roles in our picture-perfect family. We might have found some middle ground again when it was just the two of us alone in a place like this.
"You awake?" I utter gently as I pad to the bed where he's stretched out and not moving an inch. He's eerily still. If it weren't for the even lift of his chest as he breathes, I would be worried he was dead.
"Hmmm." He murmurs his response in a low tone, no mood evident, and I climb onto the bed and knee walk to his side before sitting down to watch over him. He's on top of the sheets, radiating his normal warm body heat and seductively alluring. Again he's in casual clothes, looking tall and athletic in black sweatpants and a designer-branded tee. He smells like mint shower gel and shampoo, and his hair is still damp. It's 'at home Jyeon' that I never saw much of in the four years of marriage.
"You know…. he only did what I meant to, and he didn't mean for any of this to happen. He isn't to blame, and now I'm calm; I realize he only did it for me. Don't be angry at him for what he didn't intend." I watch him, seeing the hints of stress in his tensed body and parts of his face that aren't covered up. Knowing he's been mulling this over while I was in the bathroom.
"I know…. I know that I caused it. This is on me. All of it…. What he did was for you. And I deserved it. It's just ….. he lied to me and let me believe that you drove off that cliff of your own accord all these years. It fucked my head up for two years to believe I pushed you to that. I hurt you, and it's my fault you took the car. Because of my actions, he trashed the damn car, but he's my brother… he should have told me the truth. I helped him when he was falling apart and took care of him, and not once did he try and ease my pain and guilt. He punished me instead. He watched me tear myself to pieces with regret and pain and never tried to soften it the way I was for him."
It pains me to know Jyeon suffered so much all this time without me, and I don't think I can ever stop feeling remorse for that.
"I'm sure it wasn't what he was doing in his head. Maybe he was scared to tell you because of the exact reaction you gave him because of guilt and being afraid of facing what he did. Maybe he partly felt you deserved it… who knows when it comes to Yoonah? All I know is he loves you under all of that, and you two need to figure this out. That we both need to show him that we don't blame him…. I don't." I sigh, too, truly meaning every word now I have digested it all. He only tried to vent his fury just like I did, and it wasn't his fault it had drastic consequences. It's funny that we both knew what to do and what to trash to hurt Jyeon and did it in our own way. So juvenile.
"I'm mad at myself more than him. For then, for causing it all, for hitting my brother today." Jyeon exhales heavily, clenching his fist and bicep and then relaxing it back. "I react and do and say stupid shit, and then when I calm down, I realize I'm the impulsive idiot and the one who deserved a punch in the face... I'm a jackass."
"You were always that way, though. Quick to act, slow to think on it… It's not too late to fix things with him, to start over like we are….. This all feels so messy right now, but it can improve. We have to figure out how to put all this to bed with minimal fallout, how we all leave this behind and fix this between us. I want us all to get past it." I reach out and run my fingertips through his thick black hair, twirling a strand in between my thumb and forefinger even though it's still wet, and Jyeon lowers his arm to gaze at me. Inhaling heavily as though he's been caught in his thoughts and not relaxing at all. I know him well enough that he won't want to talk about Yoonah or how he feels about it. Not yet, not anytime soon. Jyeon processes things internally and pushes them aside until he can face them. It's partly why our problems lasted for years without conversation.
"Maybe we should run away together…. I hear you know of an island, and it seemed to work for you. If we all had breathing space before we try and mend anything." He smirks a slight breathy chuckle at his joke, bringing a smile to my face.
"I do… not sure you would hack living like a commoner, though. I'm also not sure that running away worked, seeing as I'm here now."
"Hey… I own a yacht. I can harbor it and live in luxury while eating seafood at this cute little diner three times a day with the sexiest waitress on earth. Sounds perfect to me…. And it's because you ran away, I realized how much I love you. That's not a bad thing at all."
Jyeon reaches up and slides his arm around the back of my neck before tugging me down to kiss me swiftly, making me topple on top of him, so I have to brace my palms on his chest not to pancake him. A lip on lip brief peck then moves to haul my entire body down on top of him with zero resistance, so I crumple like a blanket to fit his body.
I'm tired, and my body is relaxed from a hot water blast and emotional outpouring to Greta, so I slump down into his arm and nestle against his body. I lie on his shoulder and curl up in his embrace, feeling instantly calmer and safe. Jyeon cuddles me in, pulling my length against his entirely, and I drop my arm across his abdomen, so we nestle in the perfect cuddle pose with maximum comfort. It feels like home.
"It's not a bad idea, you know? Take a time out and go to your island until Claire is gone. Bryant will deal with her, and it'll enforce the message I don't want to see her. Taking some breathing space, I am less likely to beat Yoonah to death while trying to talk to him. You know how he can be, and he'll sulk and hate me for a while yet…. Let everything find its own level while we opt out for a bit." Jyeon kisses me on the temple and smooths my hair down with a palm molded to my head.
"Are you serious right now? I thought I was the one who talked about running away, and you told me to give you more time. Even Greta says running is dumb."
"Yeah, but I'd be coming with you, so that's allowed. See what life you built there and have my first real vacation in years. I think given you did it for a couple of years, I should be allowed a month or two."
"What about OLO? Your work… Mother? Apologising to Yoonah?" I press him, not sure if he is being serious but starting to think through the possibility of going home and seeing everyone while not losing him in the process. A month or two with Jyeon on the island.. like this. Exploring, showing him my life, while no Mother, no Yoonha, no overhanging OLO, or make-believe amnesia anymore. It sounds like bliss.
"I'll deal with them, I swear, but I'm the president… I have staff and an assistant who are capable. How do you think I could take time off to search the sea all this time? I can still stay linked using the internet and my phone. It's not that far away if I need to rush back, and I own a boat…. it's a home that can be moved. It's not that much of a commute, given the island harbor is fifteen miles from the west city pier where my boat lives. Yoonah might appreciate my absence after I apologize."
I fall quiet and think it through, seeing something I never even considered before, and it forms a slight lifting of hope in my chest. Jyeon's right, and from OLO to the west pier is about a twenty-minute drive maximum, then fifteen miles by boat is like thirty minutes, and you're on my island. It's less than an hour and not even close to some people's commutes to work. The city's far north has employees who take the subways for longer than that to their day job, and Jyeon would be in comfort. He could get up early, go to work and still come home for dinner. We could make this relationship work even if I go home and he stays in OLO.
"When did you buy a yacht?" I know for a fact we never owned one before.
"When my wife fell into the sea, I wanted to check every coastline surrounding the Drythe river when search parties had nowhere else to look. Figured doing it myself was the best way to know I was searching every inch." He says it so matter of factly, and I cannot detect any lie or humor. He's being serious.
"You never made it to where I was for two years, though? You suck at searching. Don't get a job in any rescue operations."
Jyeon frowns at me and bops me on the forehead with a softly closed fist.
"Unfair. I honestly didn't think you would have been able to drift that far and survive. I kept checking closer islands and shores, working through a list…. Do you have any idea how many there are around these waters? I still hadn't visited them all. I would never have found you if it weren't for Avery's stag weekend and a storm pushing us to harbor instead of keeping going to where we were headed. I want to think it was fate."
"I can't believe you did keep looking… that you bought a yacht. Was it the one you came to the island with? And Avery is getting married!!! Like, what? To whom?" I giggle through the last sentences, yet I'm warmed knowing Jyeon didn't give up on me, and my old friend found love in my absence. Jyeon invested a considerable amount of money in something he wouldn't use for leisure, and yet it was the reason he saw me. He was never a boat guy. I guess fate did want Avery to drag him my way and find me.
"Yes, yes, and yes. I had to learn how to operate a damn yacht so that I wouldn't need crew. It's why I went for one that's not huge. It can sleep six... but it's pretty nice and more of a home than this place, given how many times I went out alone to cruise small new islands. …. Avery is marrying the Mathew's second-youngest daughter. He has had a thing with her for about two years. They are a good match and seem to love each other genuinely."
"Maybe we should do this… for a little while. Greta will get to go home too, and we can reopen the Tarry shack and assure the locals we're okay. Give Greta her life back. Have some normal for us. You can have time out, and we can see how things go. I don't have anything to do here with it all up in the air like this, and I'm bored of living leisurely. I miss the people, the job, the shack… It might be good for us to escape."
I curl myself into his body, thinking it through and how it might cut Claire loose or at least keep her out of the equation. Without Jyeon around, she might finally let go and leave. Yoonah can settle for a bit and deal with his guilt without leaning on me, and we can let it all sink in, away from this environment until we can all be in one room without flipping out. This city has many things that drag the old me out again, and I don't want that. I know that no matter what happens with Jyeon, I have zero interest in returning to OLO to work, even if I keep my shares. It's too risky and would turn everything back to how it was before.
Mother keeps leaving me messages to come for lunch, dinner… overnight stays so that it would be a valid excuse for breathing space. Her neediness is understandable but overwhelming.
We have talked on the phone a few times since I saw her, and it's always intense. It's not that I don't want to see her, but she's a little suffocating and needy, and Jyeon already suggested sending her on vacation until she calmed down towards me. She, too, needs to get used to my return without becoming crazily latched to me, without smothering me in the process... Maybe now she will start to get well again once she realizes I'm real and I'm not going to disappear a second time.
"I want nothing more than to have some real one-on-one time with you, away from this bullshit. Give you time to figure out what you want to do about OLO…. About your seat on the board as a major shareholder. About our marriage. I have two years of Sohla time to recoup." He trails off, leaning his head to look down at my face, and I keep my eyes on his abdomen. Settled in his embrace and sleepy with how good it feels to absorb his warmth while held safe. I like this. Being here with him and nothing is awkward or strained. I finally get to be myself without worrying about what I am supposed to remember. His body and mine are so well known to one another from being in his life since childhood that his touch seems second nature. Even though we didn't for a long time, I have adjusted so fast.
"It's weird knowing that Greta and I are no longer poor or will have to worry about money ever again. We can pour some funds into the island and make it somewhere amazing for everyone. It has so much potential as a tourist trap" Even without OLO, without Jyeon and taking nothing from our marriage, my accounts have been reinstated, and I'm once again a billionaire in my own right. Thanks to my parents. When I got the confirmation, I first transferred a sizable chunk to Greta, who hasn't even noticed yet. She has no idea she is no longer one of the countries non-wealthy.
"Sohla…. should you decide that it's where you want to stay… we can make it work. I'll build a house there. I can commute. I can do whatever it is you want to live happily together. We can live on the boat if you want. It's not like people don't."
"Isn't it too soon to be talking about forever, and houses, living together …. and changing how you do your job? We need first to figure out if we can do this together. If the past can be forgotten, if we can live in a way we never did." I turn to face him, lifting my chin to focus on his handsome face and finding him already focused on me. Watching my every move and he looks soft and content this way. All the stress and anger of earlier has smoothed out of the furrowed brow he had plastered on, and instead lies a young and relaxed guy, staring at the woman he loves. His adoration is evident.
"I know it's going to be forever….. You just have to learn to rely on me and trust me slowly, and you'll see it too." He dips down and kisses me on the nose, pulling a happy smile out of me, and I squirm further up the bed to kiss him on the lips. Being the one to initiate one for the first time. Melting at this intimate touch between us and yearning for more.
Jyeon takes that as a signal to move to meet me face to face, so our noses are level, and he leans in, taking away all the air and space between us as he comes so close my body naturally tingles with anticipation over the entire surface of my skin. At first, he kisses me softly, easing his mouth across mine and finding a natural fit, so my bottom lip is slightly sucked between his. He parts his lips, separating mine with his, and kisses me with more intent, leaning in and moving us into making out properly. He tilts his head to push more passion into it before gently sucking my bottom lip harder and releasing it like I just burned him and leaning back. His breathing is heavier than before, and his pupils have dilated to obvious lust fille proportions.
"I'm trying to be a gentleman, but do you know how much I want you every time I see you? How hard it is to keep my hands to myself?" His voice drops to a sexy husky low, sending shivers up my spine as though he just zapped me. My stomach flutters, and I press my knees together as a sliver of warm longing spears across my pelvic floor. I shake my head, aware of his hands sliding around my waist as he leans in to kiss me again.
"I don't want to keep fighting this…." He whispers, so his breath tickles my lips, igniting butterflies in my stomach, and my stomach somersaults with nervousness. He trails off and loses himself in my warm and soft lips once more, and I am all about letting him take me with him. I don't want to keep fighting it anymore, either.