Just then, I felt suddenly self-conscious about what I'd done.
Fu Shao held out his hand.
"Come here, baby. I don't want to shower alone."
I scrambled off the bed, put my hand in his and followed him into the bathroom.
As the hot water poured down on us, Fu Shao began lathering my body with soap and I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of his hands on me. He pressed up to my back, one arm coming around my stomach.
"So was it okay for you?" he asked quietly.
He was probably worried I wouldn't go down on him again, if it wasn't.
"Not bad."
He kissed my throat and I know he did that a lot. It felt so gentle, loving and intimate, but I knew it wasn't meant like that.
"I'm glad, because I really enjoy being in your mouth."
I flushed with embarrassment and a strange sense of accomplishment.
Ridiculous.
"Are you angry that I didn't, you know, swallow? I bet the women you've been with so far always did."
"No, I'm not angry. I won't lie, I'd love to come in your mouth but if you don't want that, it's okay."
We stepped out of the shower and dried off before we crawled back into bed. I rested my head on his chest. He turned off the lights, bathing us in darkness.
"When your father told you to marry me, what was your reaction?" I murmured.
And I'd been wondering about it for a while. His fingers on my hips paused.
"I'd expected that. So I knew I'd have to marry for tactical reasons. As future head master, you can't let emotions or desires rule any part of your life."
I was glad for the darkness so he couldn't see my face. He sounded so detached and emotionless. His touches and kisses made me want to believe that maybe he was starting to care for me, but now I wasn't so sure anymore.
"And what about you?" he asked.
"I was terrified."
"You were only 15 year old. Of course, you were terrified."
"To be exact, I was still terrified on the day of our marriage. I'm still not entirely sure you don't terrify me."
Fu Shao was silent.
"Did I told you, you have no reason to fear me. I'll protect and take care of you. I'll give you anything you want and need."
Except for one thing, love. He can't give it to me.
"But the Fu always comes first to you ," I said lightly.
"If you had to kill me to protect the clans, I know you would."
He became rigid, but he didn't deny it. My father always said there's only room for one true love in the life of a made man and that's the clan.