"I was really worried tonight."
"Worried that I'd let someone have what's yours."
"No," he said firmly.
"I knew, I know you are loyal. Things with the Mongo are escalating. If they got their hands on you…then..." He shook his head.
"They didn't."
"They won't."
I shifted away from his hand that had moved on from my hair to my throat. I didn't want his touch.
He sighed.
"You're going to make this really difficult, aren't you?"
I stared.
"I'm sorry for what you saw today."
"But not sorry for what you did."
He looked exasperated.
"I rarely say I'm sorry. When I say it, I mean it."
"Maybe you should say it more often."
He took a deep breath.
"There's no way out of this marriage for you, neither for me. Do you really want to be miserable?"
He was right.
There was no way out. And even if there was, what for?
My father would marry me off to the next man.
Maybe a man like Zuli husband. And no matter how much I wanted to deny it, I could imagine developing feelings for him when I saw in the restaurant.
It wouldn't have hurt so much seeing him with that woman, if I didn't.
When he'd touched my hair or kissed me or wrapped his arms around me during the night, I'd felt myself wanting to fall in love with him.
So I wished I could hate him with all my heart.
If Qina had been in my stead, she would rather have gone through life hating her husband and being miserable than ever giving him and our father the satisfaction of coming to care for him.
"No," I said.
"But I can't pretend that I never saw you with her."
"I don't expect you to, but let's just pretend our marriage begins real today. A clean start."
"It's not that easy. What about her? Tonight seems wasn't the first time you were with her. Do you love her?" My voice trembled as I said it.
He noticed of course. He looked at me as if I was a puzzle he couldn't figure out.
"Love? No. I don't have feelings for Fenli."
"Then why do you keep seeing her? The truth."
"Because she knows how to suck mine down there and because she's a good play. Truthful enough?"
I flushed.
He brushed a finger over my cheek.
"I love it when you blush whenever I say something dirty. I can't wait to see your blush when I do something dirty to you."