MIRA'S POV:
From Friday evening through Sunday night, either I stayed at his house or he stayed at mine. We cook together and watch films. Go shopping, where he teaches me to get habituated to healthy foods. Also, recently he developed a love for Victoria's Secret lingerie. As promised, he bought me what he had ruined, and a few new pairs in the colour peach, red, and olive. He wanted to rip those off too, one day. And I know sure, he will. Not to forget, we make out too. Like the crazy ones. We could barely keep our hands off each other.
Although I have to admit, shower sex is the most fun. When the cool water rush through our body, which was heated from the rush of our blood. It's a whole other sort of frenzy.
"I knew my T-shirt would look cute on you." He complimented me while checking me out from behind. He just came out of the shower, only a towel wrapped around his torso. Giving me the most beautiful of his visuals.
"Your T-shirt looks like a nightgown to me," I complained while looking into the mirror that covered my midriff. He was taller than me. Bulky with an ample amount of muscles around him. And here I stand, looking like a kid or maybe his favourite, doll, wearing his T- shirt. Personal one though. The one he loves to fuck. Hard.
Okay, get it together now, Mira. I mentally slapped myself.
After the heated season of hours after our dinner, we finally took a long bubble bath and he found a pair of white tees for me from his closet. Honestly, his shirt smelled like him. Mint and relish, which I loved the most. They kind of possess some magic to calm my nerves down at any point in time. But at the same time the shirt was too big for me, and apparently almost looked like my nightgown.
"But I think I am gonna keep it since I look cute." I smiled looking at myself in the mirror. I was indeed looking good on it.
He chuckled, coming towards me, planting a firm kissed my forehead and said, "You can keep everything whatever is mine baby."
And once again, from God knows where the butterflies invaded my peaceful stomach like their own personal zoo and all I could do is just stand there, blushing at him. He was too good at everything. Academics, cooking, health- dam those abs, fucking and also now, flirting. I wonder what is that one thing, that he prolly can't do? There must be something right? No one is perfect.
But he looks like one, to me.
"Don't be a cheesy cheese"
"But I am hungry." He complained with a pout.
"Yeah, me too". I checked the clock and it was 12:45 am at night. "There are still a few shops open I guess, so we can still buy food?" I suggested. Dinner went in vain after that heated make-out sex session, we had a few minutes ago. He was indeed a beast. I have seen guys; they don't last that long. But he does.
And he knows that. Cocky.
Therefore, we end up being hungry again. Thankfully we both agreed to go out for food because I didn't wanna eat anything healthy right now. I need carbs. He gave me his sweatpants and a hoodie. It was still cold outside. Surprisingly he wore something matching and here we go doing couple-y things now. Fuck. Although I kinda like myself in his clothes. They are way too comfortable and now I get why those cringy girlfriends steal their boyfriend's clothes. I guess it is worth being called a thief, bargaining the comfort I am having right now. I smiled as I looked at myself in the mirror. I look cute.
As we are walking towards the lift I said, "Can we just walk slowly?" with a pout as I was still hurting from the earlier heated make-out session. I mean he wrecked me well. I am all sore now.
As I looked up, he had that sly grin on his face, too proud of his work. And now he isn't only happy with hickies. He made sure I can't walk properly at least for hours. "What? Don't look at me like I am at fault here" I snarled, a little pissed off. He looked at me with a smile while carrying me in his arms suddenly.
I gasped at his action but made sure to hold him in order to not fall down.
"I can carry you." He said having those smirky dimples. They don't come often, but whenever they do, he looks too cute, not to get swayed.
"I know that," I whispered shyly.
Probably the first guy to make me blush like this. I never knew I could do that.
******
"Mmmmm, this burger is dope," I said while taking another bite of it. We drove to McDonald's, and I swear the food around here is dope. I used to eat food from here when I came to New York, for the first time. I had a habit of eating outside food, which is apparently termed unhealthy to Alex's dictionary. I mean who made that stupid dictionary anyway? He's surely missing all the fun. To be honest I enjoy the food here much more than fine dining.
They are cheaper and tastier.
He hummed as he took his bites and the sauce smuggled around his delicious lips as he licked them. Damn, that should be me. All over his lips.
Had I not been swollen from earlier we could have had a little make-out shesh right here. I know he would love to bang me on this table. Hands-on my back, bending on the table, giving me access to see...
Jesus, calm down Mira. You are already sore.
I have seen him eating burgers for the first time. And as expected, he could resist. The food was awesome and the hunger made it super awesome right now. According to him, everything tastes delightful right now. We ordered a pizza, two burgers, a coke and an Oreo McFlurry. By the time we almost finished our meal, it was already 1:25 am. Pizza was one of the newest items they launched apart from Florida. But they are dope.
"Tomorrow we are having uhm, a success party from the office. I don't think I can stay with you this weekend." I said slowly while finishing my shake. "It was so sudden, I forgot to tell you."
His face stiffens for a second before he asks, "Who will be there?"
Taking another bite of my remaining burger, I replied, "Uh... it's a business party. I think Mr. Han will be there as a special guest along with the authorities of NYU." I gulped. I don't know why the lumps formed in my throat in the first place. It's not that I was cheating on him or so. We are not in that position even. "Nina and I will be hosting hopefully, as the project were ours," I said after a long pause.
He didn't say anything at first. I hope he doesn't do anything stupid here. "How long will the party last?" he asked after missing a beat as he took a bite of his burger.
"I don't know maybe late."
"I will come to pick you up then...."
I looked at him frozen at my place. He just said what?
"You can't Alex... it's too risky. There will be dozens of people at the party and it is strictly for the official colleagues. No students are allowed." I said almost panicking.
"Don't worry, I am not going there as a student. I will go maybe... as your boyfriend. I hope they are allowing plus 1?" he asked looking at me and honestly, I don't know what to say right now.
"What?"
"Don't worry no one can catch us. I will be wearing a mask"
I rolled my eyes as I replied, "as if this was a mask party. People will doubt us more. Plus, everyone knows I don't date. So, it will grab too much-unwanted attention. Also, I may have to stay up late as I have to make sure the party ends well as Mr. Han will be there. The responsibility is on me."
His eyes hardened for a moment when he heard Mr. Han's name again. I know he was utterly jealous of him for some reason, which I am still not aware of. I mean I know Mr. Han was handsome, but I would choose Alex, over anyone. Not because he fucks me good, but also because...
Shut up, not say that.
Maybe because I have also made sure I will not breach the contract at any cost. That is the reason. Sure, it is. Right?
"You don't have to worry, okay? You know that I will not breach our contract." I said finishing my meal.
He frowned, while he replied with a strange frustration, "It is not all about the contract Mira. I feel more than that. It's just..." he didn't complete his sentence although I could guess what he wanted to say I chose to stay mum.
"You know what, let's go. It's too late" he said, getting off his chair.
We paid the bill and started walking down the road a little, side by side, just feeling the cold night and each other's presence. The road was not as crowded as it was in the morning, but there were still a few people roaming around. Luckily summer had arrived and the cold was not so severe now.
My mind was still replaying what happened earlier.
"It is not all about the contract Mira. I feel more than that. It's just..."
Thankfully he didn't complete his sentence, I don't know how I would react if he did.
My head was hurting from all those thoughts and that I when I saw an ice cream parlour. Ice cream makes everything better. We had a large chocolate truffle and we smashed that on each other rather than eating it. It's like for some time, that dark cloud passed over us and we are once again back to our normal selves. Our giggles filled the empty road and we started giggling like those cute couples who were totally lost in love.
Fuck. And I know I was liking it.
As the night passed by the cold returned little by little. He made sure I was wearing warm clothes. He gave off his jacket like the gentleman he is.
"Babe, you, okay?" he asked in a concerned voice.
"I am alright Alex. Don't worry." I smiled while still shivering a little from the cold. It was 2:15 am in the morning.
"Okay," His hands wrapped around my waist as we began to walk.
"You know I have always wanted this... Someone to walk with, in the middle of the night, holding hands. I would cherish all her company and our beautiful memories." He smiled. And I know everything that is coming out from him right now is utterly genuine.
That was cute. But it was too much for me. I don't know if I would be able to give him what he wants. This was indeed something like a dream for me too. I loved every part of him, but there is something I cannot break through. My guarded walls. And I know that he is trying with all of his shit to break that down. And I hate to admit that a part of me is waiting for that.
It was crazy. It can never be. This was all just for a limited time. I am sure, we both will move on after, and everything will go back to its normal place.
The contract was designed to keep everything under control. So, I wouldn't end up with something I couldn't handle. And he doesn't end up asking for something he can never have. But all of this is heading in a different direction. A direction, we both were uncertain of. And I, definitely don't want that.
I don't know what I should do now. I was absolutely loving this and I want every bit of it to last forever but at the same time, I cannot have this much longer. I know I have to let it go.
It has been almost 3 months now, and I am pretty sure I will be over him soon. Just not now, not yet. And then one day he had to let me go. No matter how good this was, it will eventually come to an end. Like everything else. That's what the rules are. All good things need to meet the endline, to keep them as good memories. If it goes further, it won't be a happy memory anymore. All of it will last with pain, hate and sadness. And I don't want that.
I want to have his good memories with me. Forever.
I hummed at his words, not knowing what to answer. It is the first time; he was discussing his personal life. I made it clear in the contract that we won't ever buzz each other with past history questions. But I cannot just ignore him when he is in his most genuine form.
A part of me wished to see him like this for me.
The next part said; Run away.
"My first girlfriend ditched me because I was too hopeful about us." His voice was filled with grief. "She said I am a bit nosy and bossy about our relationship. Whereas all I wanted was for us to be secure. Then the last one I had, she cheated on me saying that I was too controlling of her and that she wanted space. So, I gave her one" He chuckled softly with sadness in his heart. "When I moved here, I was heartbroken and my friends suggested exploring the world out there. Expecting to meet someone that could make me forget her." He stopped and flashed me a smile before saying "That is when I met you. At the club."
This was too much.
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He was slowly opening up to me. Despite how heartbreaking his words were, I could not comfort him. I didn't know how to do it. Now, I was also afraid of the same thing. But he was truly a man of every girl's dream. He has a life ahead that cannot be ignored after we have become history.
"I am sure you will find someone worthy of you, someday." I complimented. I know she will eventually be lucky. Alex is sweet sexy and so much more. How can someone reject him? I know I couldn't. Only if I was capable of falling in love again.
I began to walk slowly looking down without noticing that he stopped on the track, shocked or rather... hurt?
"Can I ask you one question?"
I turned back and found him standing a few steps behind me as his eyes were searching for answers. I nodded looking back at him in confusion. I don't trust my voice now. I know it would end up breaking down.
" What are we, Mira?" he asked looking at me fiercely. But I noticed a glimpse of sparkle in his eyes. Is he crying? "What am I to you?" he asked again, and this time, his voice was dark.
I looked up at him as he caught me off guard all of a sudden. I could only stare at him like a confused bastard. I wanted to tell him what he meant to me, I could write a whole paragraph about how he felt, but nothing seemed to voice my thoughts. There was a lot to tell, how exactly I felt about him. How tempted I was. And how he gradually turned from my obsession to a necessity.
Everything has stopped making any sense right now. I felt he was the only sanity in my world. And despite knowing that this is wrong, I wanted it. How fucking messed up I am!
But at the same time, I was scared. Scared of unintentionally hurting him. There was so much to tell him about how much he makes me happy every time he is beside me. However, all of these things didn't come out of me. Because he doesn't know me yet. About my dark past. And I am sure, no one would like to stay after hearing that. Not even him.
He finally sighed and mumbled under his breath with a sad chuckle, "understood"
That was not it. You got me all wrong. But only if I could say that out loud.
But before I could say anything or make up for the mess I just made, he said, "Well, I just want to say to you something that I forgot."
I knitted my brows and he said, "I will not be home till next weekend. I am visiting my mother for a few days. She called me a few weeks back and the plan was so sudden I couldn't tell you right away. Thank you for this lovely weekend, Mira. I hope you enjoy the party tomorrow. Goodbye."
As he said goodbye, I couldn't say anything at all. Standing there, I choked on the inside.
He didn't just say that.
No, no, no.
******
I stupidly just kept quiet all the way while he drove us to my apartment. He stopped before my apartment and I now know this could be our goodbye. And I didn't want that now. "Are you mad?" I asked slowly, not sure what my voice would end up saying to him.
His sadly chuckled response was "I think I just need some time."
I could only bite my lips in anticipation. I hope you come back.
"Oh, and yeah this is for you". He handed me a small box that was wrapped nicely in blue gift wrap. I wonder why he's giving me this now. I don't want a goodbye gift right now.
"I wanted to give you this somewhere else, but I guess this is it"
"Alex" I managed to ask with courage, "Are we okay?". I was scared for the first time as I watched him ready to leave. I was getting scared of losing him.
"Yeah," He shrugged trying to stay calm and in control. "I will be back probably by next weekend Mira. Till then take care, okay?"
I nodded, walked out of his car, and watched him drive on the road where I couldn't see him anymore. I stood there still recalling everything, trying to understand what went wrong.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Okay, so this is where all the questions start with them. I wonder what Alex is feeling right now and what Mira would do.
As much as I think about Alex, he is the perfect guy anyone could ask for. However, Mira was broken. Despite knowing what she felt about him, she wasn't brave enough to tell him. I wonder where this will lead them now.