I was awakened by the driver tapping me impatiently. I quickly apologised and got off the bus. I blinked in surprise as I looked around. It was still dark.
Somehow Busan had seemed so far away, being on the other side of Korea. But it had taken less than five hours to drive here by bus.
Taejun had been only a five hour drive away this entire time. It had been years since he left home, and to me he had always felt worlds away, completely unreachable.
I shrugged off the uncomfortable thought. A five hour drive was still considerable, even if Taejun had his own car. I had bigger issues to think about now. I had no idea where the University of Foreign Studies was, or how to get there. That was my first order of business. A nervous little voice in my head reminded me that I only had one thousand won left.
I walked up to the counter. Luckily because of the late (technically early) hour, there was no one in line. My fellow passengers had long scattered their various ways. "Excuse me, miss… could I trouble you to ask some directions?"
She jolted as though she had just been awakened. She rubbed her eyes quickly and looked at me with a service person smile. "Sorry, could you ask again?"
So she had somehow been sleeping while sitting straight up. I repeated the question.
"Ah, you can find maps and transit routes over by the customer service station. Where did you want to go?"
"I'd like to get to Busan University for Foreign Studies, please," I asked politely.
"Ooh, you're in luck. The 438 bus stops there. You won't need to transfer buses."
Only needing to pay one bus fare was a relief. But I had no idea how much bus fare in Busan was. "How much is the fare?"
"One thousand won," she smiled. Her smile suddenly dropped. "Wait, what's the time? Ah! The 438 isn't running until 7 am. I'm afraid you'll have to wait a few hours. But you can also take the late night routes, you'll just need to transfer several times…"
"I'm happy to wait," I said, smiling back. As I walked away I fingered the thousand won bill in my pocket. Things just kept working out. Somehow on my person I had just the right amount of money to get to my brother. I was more convinced than ever that the universe was conspiring to usher me forward.
I found a place to sit. It was probably a good idea to sleep until the buses started running, but I was excited and nervous at the idea of seeing my brother again. I counted back the years. Five years and some months. That's how long since I'd seen my brother. I was now the same age as when he had left home. I laughed sheepishly, because despite all my criticism of my brother for doing so, I'd ended up doing the exact same thing he did.
I wonder if I had caught up to him in height yet. I'd grown a lot in the last few years. Mr. Do often jokingly complained that I grew a few centimetres every time he looked away. I'd look a lot different from the scrawny kid he knew. Having lunch and work at the shop every day had helped me put on some muscle.
Idle thoughts like that filled the time, and when the first buses started arriving I watched them like a hawk so I wouldn't miss my bus when it came. It took some time but eventually the 438 bus showed up and I waved it down.
Before I paid, I asked to make sure. I couldn't afford any mistakes. "Does this bus go to Busan University of Foreign Studies?"
The bus driver nodded yes, and I dropped in the last of my money into the fare box. No turning back now.
It was early, and the bus was still fairly empty, so I managed to secure a seat. The bus filled up quicker than I thought it would. I ended up surrendering my seat to an elderly lady and settled for clinging onto one of the poles. My bruised leg and arm were mostly stiff now instead of painful, but when the bus hit the occasional big bump, the jolt made a sharp pain jump out of my ribs. When the driver finally announced the university, I was relieved to get off.
I was awed by the openness of the campus. Back home, the houses were crowded together, and even the parks were tiny compared to the great courtyards before me. The deeper I went onto the campus, the more out of place I felt. I moved away nervously anytime someone passed. Everyone around me seemed to be stylishly well dressed, clean and presentable. Compared to them I felt like a beggar in my old grease smeared clothes full of rips that had been sewn back together.
For some reason I felt as though all their eyes were on me, as if they could instantly detect that a stranger, a non university student, had wandered in accidentally. Every person here inspired the familiar feeling of inadequacy I often felt being near my intelligent and popular brother.
I steadied myself. Even if they were looking at me in contempt, they were all strangers that I wouldn't see again. I had to focus on finding my brother.
Now that I was here, I realised I hadn't made much of a plan as to how I would actually find him. Somehow I had imagined that I would just arrive and he would be here. I hadn't realised how big the campus was. I gulped. I was going to have to talk to these university students.
I quickly constructed a plan. I knew he was majoring in Law, so I'd find out where that department was. Then I'd ask if anyone knew him. Hopefully the department was small enough that I'd eventually either find him or someone who knew him. It was a surprisingly good plan for one that I had just come up with on the fly. The universe really was helping me.
Fighting my nervousness, I went up to the next person that passed me. I tipped my head respectfully and asked if he knew where the Law Department was.
The student (he was probably either the same age as me or just a little older) eyed me critically. "You don't look like a law student," he chuckled.
I flushed bright red at having been caught out. "I'm just looking for someone," I mumbled.
"Well it's that building there, past this one. Who are you looking for? I'm actually a law student myself. Maybe I know them?"
I was elated. The first person I asked was a law student! How lucky! "I'm looking for Baek Taejun," I said.
"Eh? Class President Baek Taejun? He graduated last year." The student looked perplexed. I was far more confused than him. Graduated? But he should have just finished his military service.
"No, he didn't graduate, he should be just back after his military service." Maybe this guy was confused and didn't know him well.
He shook his head and laughed. "No, he definitely graduated. He gave the closing speech at the ceremony. I need to get going, sorry." He dipped his head and walked off.
It had never even occurred to me that he might have graduated. I counted the time. If he spent 18 months in the army… four years of undergraduate… yes. He would have just graduated. I panicked slightly. He could be anywhere now.
"Wait," I called after the law student. I chased him down. Even though he said he needed to go, at the moment he was my only connection to my brother. I couldn't let him slip away. Fortunately for me, he stopped.
"Please, do you have his number? Or some way to contact him?" I must have looked crazed because he backed up a step.
"Why are you looking for him?" he asked, now a bit nervous. His eyes flickered over me and I could feel his apprehension towards me growing.
"I'm his brother," I said finally.
My contact immediately grimaced. "There's no way. Baek Taejun-sunbae never mentioned having a brother, ever."
His words hit me like a bolt to the heart. He never told anyone that he had a brother? Did he just… pretend I didn't exist?
"I'm not lying. Please. Could you call him to ask?"
The student peered at me. "Huh. Your face does look like his… just…" He made a vague hand motion. Mine did have a big welt across it that was still swollen. I put my hand over my cheek, embarrassed.
"Let me just text my project group that I'll be late," he said. He pulled out his phone and his thumbs tapped the screen quickly and rhythmically. In the end, he was a kind person, after all. But that didn't stop him from shooting me another suspicious glance before dialing a number. "You're really his brother? Not a weird cousin or something?"
"I'm his brother," I mumbled. I waited anxiously as the phone rang.
"Hello, Taejun-sunbae? It's me, Soomin. Um weird question but, do you have a brother?" The casual tone Soomin took on meant that they were close friends. That hurt even more. That even Taejun's close friends didn't know he had a brother. "Yeah well, there's a guy at the campus who says he's your brother and he's looking for you. Eh? Ok, I'll put him on."
He hesitated only slightly as he handed the phone to me. I took it, delicately and awkwardly. It felt thin and fragile. I pressed it up to my ear. "J-jaehyun? Is that really you?"
Hearing my brother's voice after so long made me feel choked up. "Y-yeah. It's me. I didn't know how to contact you and your university was all I had to go off of…" I rambled a bit. I was nervous and excited to finally speak to Taejun again.
"Oh my god." The cellphone's call quality was so good I could hear how breathlessly he had said it. "You're at Busan? How did you get there?"
"By bus. Taejun… where are you?" I desperately wanted to know.
He was quiet for a moment too long. "I'm a bit far, Jae. It'll take me some time to get there. Can you ask Soomin to take you to the library? I'll be there in a couple of hours. Just wait there, ok?"
A couple hours? He was really far. Definitely not in Busan anymore. "I'm… I'm sorry, Jae. Could you give the phone back to Soomin?"
I handed the phone back to its owner. Soomin took it and held it up to his ear (though I noticed it was a bit further than when he first started calling). "Mwo?? So he really is your brother? How come you never told me? Ok, ok. I'll stop. Yeah, I'll take him to the library."
Soomin ended the call. He stared at me as he wiped his cellphone screen down on his sleeve. "You don't look anything like what I'd expect Taejun's brother would look like," he managed finally. "Come on. Let's go to the library. That's where I was headed anyways."
He spun on his heel and marched forward stiffly. I followed him. He kept glancing at me and I knew he must be brimming with questions. It didn't take long for us to reach the library and as we entered, I thanked him and made to walk off.
"Wait, come sit for a bit." He pulled me over to a group of students huddled around several laptops. One of the girls looked up and waved.
"Soomin-sunbae!!" she called. "First round is on you tonight since you're late!" She stopped waving as she caught sight of me. "Who's that?"
"This is going to blow your mind, Jimin. This is Baek Taejun's brother…" He and I looked at each other and realised I had never given him my name.
"Baek Jaehyun," I finished for him. Everyone at the table burst into exclamations at the same time. A librarian looked over and shushed us.
"His brother? That's impossible," Jimin hissed in a low voice. "Taejun-sunbae doesn't have any siblings."
Again, the words stung. "Well he's somebody, cuz Taejun's coming all the way from Seoul to get him," Soomin whispered back. Seoul? He was in Seoul? This day seemed to just be filled with curveballs. After all my efforts to get to Busan, he'd been in Seoul the whole time?!
The group was staring at me wide eyed. I felt like an animal in a zoo. Maybe I should eat a banana and do a little dance, I thought bitterly.
"He does look like a scruffy version of him," someone commented.
"He looks exactly like him! Just smaller and more…" the voice trailed off, leaving me to fill the blank with my self depreciating imagination.
I decided I was done with this zoo treatment. "Thank you for showing me to the library," I said stiffly to Soomin. "I'll take my leave now."
As I walked away I could still hear them whispering. I sat as far away from them as I could, but even with my back to them, I could feel their eyes still staring. Well, if I had to wait a couple of hours, I might as well spend it catching up the sleep I didn't finish last night. The armchair I had chosen was incredibly plush and felt obscenely luxurious compared to what I was used to. I settled in, and before long my eyes closed.