I don't know how long I've been falling. At first, I was terrified, and then the fear faded to nervousness about hitting the ground. Now, I'm just bored and eating a jar of orange marmalade I found on one of the shelves I passed.
When life gives you marmalade, I guess.
I'm falling, but not incredibly fast. I'm falling as if gravity relaxed a bit.
But the terror fills me again when the walls start to narrow and slowly squeeze me. No no. Fuck. It's getting darker.
I scramble around for another shelf to stop the fall, but if I reach up, I'll be even more helpless and I'm already losing my ability to breathe.
I need to say my prayers. God, we haven't been on good terms since mom forced me to talk to you, but hopefully you'll give me some of that forgiveness people talk about.
Lakeisha, I'm sorry I kept stealing your chips and blaming it on Miss Paula. Miss Paula, you were a real bitch, but I'm sorry for blaming the chip stealing on you. And for being so petty all the time.
Mom, I'm sorry for not calling this week. I've been busy. God, that sounds so typical.
I hope someone notices I'm gone before Lewis starves to death tonight even though his food bowl is half full. He's such a stupid cat.
I'm pathetic. But I can be a little at peace, right?
In the lapse of a blink, my surroundings open up and my feet fall to the ground with a thud. Gasping for air, I start to press the walls around me. My feet are still enclosed, so I can't turn, but a little shelf is in front of me. A bottle sits on it with a label wrapped around the neck.
"Drink Me."
I put it down. And look around at my new surroundings. How the hell is light getting in here?
It's like I'm trapped in a hollowed-out tree trunk in candlelight. Am I going to slowly die here now? Can I go back and just take the suffocation option? Pushing at the bark, I can confirm that I am, in fact, trapped.
The only chance I have may be whatever is in this bottle. It looks ancient, and has no apparent expiration date on it.
Is that really my priority right now? God, Alice.
I don't drink random things. Mama taught me that.
But why is it placed here? It reminds me on an emergency exit sign. What can it possibly do?
Maybe it has alcohol in it.
Whatever. Bottoms up!
I'm not even surprised anymore when I start shrinking. Instead,'I'm relieved. Especially when I see a mouse hole leading out of the tree. Through it, I see the sun glittering against tall threads of emerald grass.
In front of the entrance is a table with a box of cookies--all saying "Eat Me" in multicolored frosting. I take three, assuming they may make me regular-sized again. And who knows if I'll need to shrink in the future.
I'll need a shrink in the future after this. That's for damn sure.
I step outside the tree and exhale in relief when I feel the warm sun on my face. For a second, I forget my predicament. I'm just relieved I didn't die at this point.
"Hello!"
I look around, seeing nothing except...
Did that key just fucking talk? It's leaned upward against the tree bark.
"Yes, I'm talking to you," the bronze key chirruped.
You know what? I don't care anymore. I'm not surprised. "Hello," I respond.
A twinkling sound comes from the key. "It's been so long since I talked to anyone."
Wonder why.
"I haven't talked to many keys."
Another twinkle. "Well, how do you know where all your keys go if you don't ask them?"
I've had it up to here with people talking in riddles. "Well, where do you go?"
"I'm not sure," it said. "I hit my head."
What head? I'm not going to ask.
The key continues. "When you eat the biscuit, can you please take me with you and help me find my lock? Even if you never find it, I've been here for such a long time and I'm lonely."
I can't believe I'm agreeing to this. "I can, but I can't promise nothing."
The key twinkled. "Of course. of course! After you eat the biscuit, we won't be able to talk anymore unless you become small again."
"If I take you with me," I start. "Can you answer me a question?"
"Yes, yes!"
"Have you seen a little girl named Petra? She might have come through the tree before I did."
Sad twinkle. "I'm sorry. I can't help you. You are the first human I've seen today."
Strange. She should have come through here. "And. Where am I?"
"If I knew, I'd have found my lock!"
Helpful.
"Okay, I'll take you with me." I fight the urge to add "you useless scrap of metal at the end." But call it being attached to the first...person I've spoken to since nearly dying. I'm in a generous mood today.
"Thank you! Thank you!" It says as I lift the cookie to my lips.
"Don't mention it." Literally. Do not. I'm going to need an MRI over this.
Then, just as I take a bite out of the foul-tasting cookie, I realize the key called it a "biscuit." I'm in the UK. Good to know.
After growing back to normal size, I brush myself off and pick up the key before looking around.
I suppress my scream when I see a gigantic forest-green beast baring its two large front teeth at me. I back away, and it growls, stepping forward. Its wings break the branches they pass through.
God, you're really trying me today. This is the second time I'm finna say my prayers. Mama, I'm sorry again--
"Duck!" I hear and I duck just in time for an arrow to fly over my head and hit the beast squarely in the head. The arrow doesn't pierce its skin, but it does scare the monster off stomping through the forest.
I spin to see a woman slowly putting down her bow, glaring straight ahead in the direction the monster ran off.
That was her. The woman I saw in front of the clock. Her hair is much wilder now with one tiny braid loose on the side of her head seeming to only be there for decoration. What time era am I in?
She looks down at me, and walks over, reaching her hand to pull me up. "Did it touch you?" she asks. "I don't know what that thing is called, but if they touch you..." She grimaces when she realizes her bow is broken. "Damned thing was already in a sorry state this morning and then you had to nearly get yourself killed. You should be more careful in these parts."
The woman sighs and calms.
"My apologies. It has been a long few days. I'm Robin."
"Alice."
She nods in acknowledgment. "You should be alright for now. Nottingham is just around the corner if you go to that road." She points out a dirt road to our left that I'd noticed before. "Head east."
She kneels and starts to assess the damage of her bow. The string seems to have snapped.
"Do you need something?" she asked.
Shit. I'm staring.
When I saw her, she was wearing a regular business skirt and jacket. Now she's dressed like...
shit. Nottingham. A green cloak.
"Robin HOOD?"
She met my gaze before quickly looking away. "I thought we already introduced ourselves."
I'm really going crazy.
"Didn't I see you a few moments ago? In front of the clock?"
"The...what?" she says.
I'm here in front of fucking Robin Hood confusing the shit out of her. Her?
"Aren't you supposed to be a man?"
Fuck.
Her eyes shot up and she considered me with an uncomfortable look on her face. "I'm not supposed to be anyone."
"Sorry. Sorry. I'm rude. I just heard Robin Hood was a dude and you're clearly a woman and--"
"Who in the hell says I'm a man?"
Well, Disney says you're a fox.
"It doesn't matter," I say, deciding to not make an uncomfortable situation worse for once.
With a nod, she mutters, "That's what I thought" and finishes stringing her bow before standing up and looking me over. "Are you planning on wearing that?" she says with emphasis on 'that.'
I look down. I'm still dressed for work. "Well, these pants were dirty to begin with. But are there better shoes?"
My feet are tiny compared to Robin's, I notice. But I've always been small. "Maybe Marion would have some that would fit me."
"Marion?" she says. "Who?"
"Like...Maid Marion?"
She spins to face me, slams her bow into the ground and puts her hand on her hip. "Why are you asking me all these strange questions?"
"Is...is there not a Marion?"
Something flickers in her eyes. A moment of softness before her face clouds over with suspicion. "It's possible I know someone with a similar name. But how do you about her?"
Alice, why can't you shut up just once? One time? How am I going to explain my way out of this one? But she saves me. "The same bespawlers who claimed me to be a man?"
I nod like my life depends on it. It may. If Walt Disney led me astray on Robin Hood, who knows what else is wrong? Maybe instead of stealing from the rich to give to the needy, she steals organs to sell to the organless on the medieval black market. I ain't taking any more chances.
If that's a thing. I hope it's not a thing. My history teacher was shit.
She grumbles something to herself. "So be it," she finally exclaims with a loud sigh. "Tis a fortunate day for you. Come with me."