(continuing from ep. 5)
When we awoke, we knew it was morning not through the sky lightening, but the heavy dew in the air and the yawning of baby birds in the oak tree above us.
"Are you cold?" Robin asked, pulling her cloak tighter around us.
"I'm okay," I said, kissing her softly. She snuggled her cheek to my hair and held me tightly.
"You're not coming with me," she stated. It sounded like it was meant to be a question, but we both already knew.
Going with Robin was my safest option available, but I didn't want safe. I wanted to see if I could make it on my own. Make my own name alone like she did. If I went with her before then, I'd be Marianne of her story and not my own.
I didn't respond, but I realized then that I was cold and clung to her tighter. As the sun rose, we stayed silent together knowing that it would be dangerous for Robin to stay once it became too bright.
"I'll come back for you one day," she said finally.
"Robin..."
She detached herself from me and looked into my eyes. "Now isn't the time, and that's alright, but something tells me that we are meant for more than one night. Something tells me this is our beginning. Not an end."
I felt the same, and I still do. Something started, and Robin and I would be bound for the rest of our lives. Whether through magic or fate, but it was too early to tell if it was for better or for worse.
Now, I don't think it's that simple as better or worse. It can be either depending on where the observer is standing. If you asked me one day, I'd say Robin is my destiny. Another, she's my curse. And I know it is the same for her.
There were, of course, times I regretted not going with Robin that morning. Maybe I've regretted it more than I'd prefer to admit. I wonder what things would have been like sometimes. But I know, after everything, that I made the right decision. No matter how many times I screamed in anger at myself after, I knew it was right. That's what made me angrier.
Choosing Robin meant security, and I wanted to explore the free fall of the unknown that always called me to a further purpose.
When we finally stood and embraced for the last time, Robin whispered. "Wait here for a moment" before running down the hill.
I stood there, confused, for a moment. But then she appeared again with something glinting in her hand.
My dagger.
She placed the handle in my hand and wrapped my fingers around it. "To protect yourself."
Quickly, I stored the dagger back in my cloak and kissed Robin one last time. Neither of us wanting to leave, but neither of us bold enough to ask the other to stay. Not again at least.
When I wandered back to Pearl, I didn't dare look back at the tree. Like I didn't want the old bark to know my tears were feeding its roots.
But with Robin leaving, I felt my life beginning. I didn't realize how true that was until the child came into my life. But not the way you're thinking, reader.
The next two days were slow, and I spent most of them in bed, avoiding everyone. And everyone knew better than to disturb me, but I knew well that the constable would come for me sooner or later. I was surprised he hadn't come by then, to be honest.
I had two choices. Stay, and be nothing, or leave on my own accord and be everything.
The choice was an easy one to make.
---
I left Pearl the next night and walked to the docks with nothing but a few nights of food packed and some clothes.
I didn't plan to return to Pearl like I did ten months later. I planned to leave and completely forget the little town of executions. Still, even though I didn't look back at Robin, I looked back at the town. The wooden structures--more old than new. The sheep in the yard.
What made me finally turn and never turn back was seeing the worn grass. The worn, deep brown grass stepped all over and doomed to rot under wheels and hooves. Never to be thought of as living.
There was only one man on the dock that night untying his little sailboat. Just as well. The man wore sailor's clothes and I'd never seen him before. Brown hair and a dusty face speckled with sunburn scars. He looked up and saw me before I could approach him.
"Wot's a nice girl like you doing out here?"
I smiled feeling the weight of the dagger in my skirt. "Are you a good sailor?"
He raised an eyebrow. "Aye."
I pointed at the boat. "Teach me."
He stared at me with wide eyes as if I was jesting, and then he held his stomach and chortled. "A girl like you? A sailor? It's bad luck for a girl to do such things. Go home."
I didn't move from the spot. "Neville Aethestan," I said. "He was my father."
Neville was the talk of the town still, and if someone knew Neville, they knew me. His daughter of the sea.
But the sailor simply rolled his eyes and whistled. "Names mean nothing on the sea, lass."
"Well, then. Why should sex?"
He stood and considered me. I knew that he was interested now. No normal girl would argue, and now he saw me as unusual. Perhaps worth keeping at least for entertainment. But I knew from looking at him that he'd never be a threat even if aroused by me. The dagger wouldn't be necessary with him.
He was a runner. Not a fighter. And I wouldn't be able to rely on him for protection. Just as well because I didn't need a man as a shield.
"Wot's your name?"
"I thought names meant nothing on the sea," I retorted, approaching him.
"I'd like to call you something when explaining what yer gettin' yerself into. Life on the water is lonely and harsh, miss."
"Oh, it's miss now?" I said, leaning on the boat and looking at the wood. Immediately, I knew I wasn't backing down from a sailor's life quite yet. "I'm Anne. And if it's lonely, best to have someone around, is it not?"
Saying "Anne" felt unusual, but I didn't quite feel like "Marianne" anymore. I met someone who knew nothing about me. No rumors. No association with the executed man. I could be anyone I wanted. And I wanted a shorter name first.
He watched me for a long time. The kind of look that transforms a mere stranger's face into a familiar one in one's head.
"Alrighty then, Anne. I guess I'll teach you."
"Like that?" I asked, surprised.
He shook his head like he couldn't believe his own decision. "Something about you, lass."
"What's your name then?"
"Jus' me," he said, putting his hand on his chest to clarify.
"Smee?" I jested. "I'll call you that."
He opened his mouth as if to retort, but then shrugged. "Don't like my God-given name anyway."
Victorious, I stepped into the boat, and it wobbled under the weight of me. "I think this is the start of a long friendship, Smee."