(Still Dowoon)
I sometimes miss those days when Hyun and I were cheering each other on when it came to dating Jugyeong. Jugyeong picked Hyun and they're practically inseparable at this point when they are together. I also miss when I was ignorant and didn't know that Xochitl didn't like me, but some other guy similar to me. I wish I could just stop thinking about love. Suho and I were planning on being single brothers sharing an a place until either I found someone or he became a top class model. Three days later, he goes on a date with this girl on a whim and now he's dating Sangah, casually still, but dating, if it blossoms, that single brothers plan goes out the window, maybe roommates for a little while?
With all of this affection around me, I feel... lonely, even though they're there for me, I still feel... lonely. When I'm training for game tournaments and then play in them I feel accomplished, then the endorphins wear off and I'm lonely again.
I wish I could not think about this. I wish I could just focus on graduating and games. Even those that watch my streams see it in my demeanor and my face, that I feel lonely.
I live with my great grandpa. He's 95 years old. I feed him, I change his diaper, help him take a bath, then let him sleep in his chair or watch tv or play his Yakuzatendo Woo. He has someone that keeps an eye on him and heats up the lunch I prepare for him, but he doesn't do too much. He told me that I'm next in line for the house.
All of these things make me feel lonely.
My parents died with my grandparents when I was 14, some idiot hit a lorry and that opened the door to the back. It was filled with tires. They crashed. My dad survived the crash, but he didn't make it during surgery. I don't talk about this much mostly because it brings back hellish memories.
My great grandpa owns his home and he willed it to me, including his Billion won retirement fortune when he dies. We also received guaranteed compensation from the government and the idiot driver who also died, but I don't get that money til I'm 20 in Korean years. One year to go for me.
I'll be able to live good soon. So I might as well chase my dream right?
It just hurts that I barely have anyone to share my time with. I'm watching Condo M.D. with my great grandpa sometimes, or playing on his Woo with him. But that's really it. He hardly talks. He just kinda exists.
.
.
.
Needing to take a break from gaming, my great gramps is fine right now, I go for a walk (locking the door of course). I need time to think, blast some music, and breathe somewhat fresh air.
I put on my riddim playlist and just walk to sit at a fountain at the park.
There, I see a girl that's familiar, she's Jugyeong's friend.
"Hi, you're Jugyeong's friend right? Getting some fresh air too?" I ask her.
"Yeah... Name's Kiara. You're Jugyeong's friend too right?" she replies.
"Dowoon."
"Clearing your head too?"
"Yeah..."
"What's going on with you?"
"Taking care of my great gramps. I just need to clear my head mentally. It's lonely when it's just you and a nearly mute 95 year old that can barely move."
"No parents or siblings?"
"Nope. How about you, what are you clearing your head from?"
"Some trauma. A guy that used to be my best friend 4 years ago recently tried to break in my house drunk. Jugyeong funnily enough beat him up."
"That's hella scary. I don't blame you."
We just sit there and enjoy the silence. I turn my music playlist back on.
She hears what I'm listening to.
"What are ya listening to?"
"Not sure you'd like it, riddim."
"Riddim isn't bad. Not nearly as bad as Jugyeong blasting noise music."
"Pffft. Yeah."
"Wanna hear? My headphones can double as speakers when I put in on speaker mode."
"Why not, we can just enjoy the music and have it wipe our brains. To forget."
"To forget indeed, at least for a little bit."
We sit there. An old man is selling 6 packs of Diet Joke and Diet Spritz and Diet Vanta. "Wanna split on a six pack?" I ask her.
"Might as well, we're gonna be here a while."
We buy a six pack of Diet Vanta, a drink that's supposed to taste like fruit flavored cola, it has black food dye in it for the "Vantablack" feel. We get the orange flavor.
"Ah hell! My parents want me to pick my brother up from soccer practice in half an hour!" she says.
"Need to go now?" I ask her.
"Nah, I can chill for about 20 more minutes, it's like 5 minutes away by motorcycle."
"That's cool."
We just enjoy the music and sit there downing the drink. Looking at her, she's kinda cute, I knew there was a family that's been here for a few generations from the US. Koreans, Filipinos, and American Asians are the only ones that are willing to date black people, so that doesn't surprise me that there's at least one blasian family nearby. This girl's kinda cute.
No. No. No. Don't think of that now! I just met her! I'm a horrible person.
"Do you come here often?" she asked me.
"Like once a week, maybe twice, normally around this time."
She left on her motorcycle. An old Harvey.
I walk home with 2 cans of Diet Vanta left and music in my ears.
My great gramps was there, just chilling. He was playing Hyper Smack Cousins Brawl on his Woo. The story mode.
"Can I play gramps?"
He nods...