"Okay class page 3 in your warm up books" Mr smith said hands held up in the middle of the room standing on the podium. sounds of distaste were let out from my classmates as they opened their books.
"Come on again! We played everything in here last year, we're in advanced band for crying out loud and here we are playing from the same god damn book!" Lucia said as she threw the book on her stand and opened up to page 3.
The rest of the kids followed they whined and complained. The class was not like this yesterday. I looked over to Elliot who acted like none of this was new. "Is it like this everyday when she's here?" I whispered to him .
" Pretty much, and why are you whispering?" Elliot answered back.
"Sorry it's a habit since back at my old school when I played in band you were not all-lowed to make any... loud sounds. We could only speak before class but when class st-started we had to go silent."
-"Well don't expect any of that here." someone said from behind.
I looked back and saw a tall girl with a head of curly black hair her skin was dark and she looked like she would rather be anywhere but here.
"Jae this is Grace One of the many people forced to be here like Lucia and me." Elliot said, reed in his mouth. "So who's decision was it your's or you're parents?"
"To play clarinet?"
yes Elliot nodded.
"My parents made me start-started clarinet when I was f-five and I have played since." I said the words feeling strange as they rolled off my tongue
"You had it right the first time" grace said . "Trust yourself more."
"Yeah your English is not bad and don't be afraid to speak a little louder you do not need to whisper here." Elliott added.
okay I nodded. The class started to slowly quiet down as Mr. smith held his hands up indicating second position.
He made slow short movements as he counted off the first four beats indicating the beat of the song. "1+2+3+4+ 1+2+3+4 1 2 3 4+ 1 2 3 4. stop " he closed his hands and looked down at the sheet music on his stand. "Trumpets look at your key signature, percussion we're playing eight notes not sixteenth notes, and flutes if you wouldn't mind playing a vibrato for the whole note at the end. See This is why we're playing from the book again so you guys can familiarize yourselves with the notes and the rhythms because I bet you $100 that none of you guys picked up your instrument once during the break. " He looked to the side and looked at Lucia.
"You say that every year And we use the book all damn year and practice it all goddamn class, and it's not like that anyone is playing anything different, and then you will give us sheet music that we never play in class so when the concert come half the kids have panic attacks which is the reason half of the kids in beginning band drop out and the ones who do stay here is because they have no other choice but to because our parents are total selfish jerks who only want us to play to show people what great kids they have even when there kids get frustrated every day by having to attend these damn classes, but no one listens because we are the kids and they are the adults and all they tell us it is a phase and that we will grow to love band. Well guess what it has been four years already and I still fucking hate it!"
Everyone now had eyes on them.
"Lucia! Get out, Get out if all you're going to do is taking away from our learning time!"
Lucia let out a sigh of frustration as she stormed to the back of the room and entered the hallway. i was Frozen still trying to process everything that had just happened.
A tap on my shoulder made me flinch " I'm sorry for this." Elliot apologized. "It's just that even though we are also forced to continue band it's different for Lucia unlike us who can quit after this year since it is the last year of middle school, she has to continue all throughout high school. Out of all of us she hates this class the most but her parents are strict and expect a lot out of her but never listen to her so she's just frustrated of having to do all of this all over again." It was quiet for a while between us.
" It's all good I think I Understand. " I slurred the words a bit.
Elliot turned back to what he was doing. I think I truly understand what Elliot means. Things just get decided for you without your consent. The whole not wanting to disappoint your parents comes into play even when you know your only doing yourself harm. All you do is lie to yourself as you tell yourself to hold on a bit longer hoping it will get better. Knowing that things are only going to change once you do something, forcing yourself to make a choice that will either lead to you losing all respect from your parents or losing all respect for yourself. Trying to reach expectations while being restrained, afraid, and passionate is the perfect recipe to lead you down a dark void.