Jessica crawled up on the bed behind Sed and hugged him around the waist, kissing the side of his neck just behind his ear.
"I know this is hard, baby," she whispered. Trey had finally fallen asleep after a horrendous morning of suffering through withdrawal symptoms. "But you're the only one strong enough to be there for him."
He covered her hands with his. "I'm only strong when you're beside me."
She hugged him harder. "I don't believe that. You're always strong. That's why everyone depends on you so much."
"You've never been around me when I'm not with you."
Her brow knotted with concentration. "I suppose that's true, but…"
He shifted to the side and tugged her onto his lap. "Without you, I'm nothing. Don't you understand that?"
He kissed her before she could protest. When he drew away, he touched her cheek. "Let's go to bed before Trey wakes up again."
She liked this time together. The last few days had been so tough. Wearying. They scarcely had a moment alone together. Technically, they weren't alone now. She glanced at the other hotel bed. Trey was out cold. The tremors of this morning had stilled. Dr. Mills had been correct about the treatment. It just didn't seem fair that Sed had to be the one to administer it. She could only imagine how bad Trey suffered, and he'd probably blame Sed for that pain for the rest of his life.
She looked up at Sed and smiled, tracing weary lines around his eyes with her fingertips. "Kiss me again first."
She could tell he was exhausted, but he gave in to her wishes and kissed her. A deep kiss that made her toes curl. When he drew away, he set her on the edge of the bed and stood. He stripped down to his birthday suit, giving her a glorious eyeful of broad shoulders, narrow hips, and bulging muscles, and slid between the sheets. "Come keep me warm."
She climbed into bed with him and pulled the covers up to her neck.
"What's with all the clothes?" he asked, rubbing his hands over her soft cotton nightshirt.
"Um…"
He stripped her nightgown over her head and stuffed it under the pillow.
"I thought we were going to bed."
"We are in bed." He rubbed his lips over her jaw. "I need this, sweetheart. Don't you want to?"
She did and she couldn't argue with his logic. Well, she could, actually. She turned her head and watched Trey sleep for several moments. "Trey might wake up."
"We'll be quiet. He'll sleep right through it. And if not, well… I'm not shy. Are you?"
"Maybe."
He stripped her panties down her legs and stuffed them under the pillow as well. "Slow and quiet."
They'd never done anything slow and quiet in all their time together. Might be an interesting change of pace. If it was even possible.
"Slow and quiet." She ran a gentle hand over his hard pecs, pausing to stroke the tiny bead of one nipple.
"This will be a challenge," he whispered. "Do you realize I haven't had you for 68 hours?"
She chuckled. He knew how long it had been to the hour? "How many minutes is that?"
"Too damned many."
He rolled on top of her. She tensed. "Wait, I'm not ready yet."
"Shhhh. No more words."
He buried his hands in her hair and tilted her head back, exposing her neck to his questing lips. She sighed and closed her eyes, relaxing beneath him. She should've known he wouldn't just shove it inside without any consideration for her pleasure. This was Sed. Not a selfish bone in his body. Well, on most occasions.
She opened her eyes, staring at the ceiling, her chest filling with emotion. She'd been so very wrong about him for so long. How would she ever make amends to him? He caressed her skin gently and shifted upward to look her in the eye.
"Bored?"
It probably did look that way. Her staring off into space while he worked at exciting her body. "Never." She pulled her hand from under the covers to touch his face. "Sed?"
"Look, if you're not into this—"
She silenced him by pressing a finger to his lips. "I don't want this to just be about sex anymore. I want…" What did she want? "I want you to make love to me."
"Isn't that just sex?"
She shook her head. "No, it's not. It's so much more."
"Jess, I'm exhausted, I'm not sure I can live up to your expectations."
He didn't get what she meant. And she was too afraid to clarify. Maybe she'd work up the courage to bring it up again at a later time. She just couldn't force her pride down enough to put her mistakes about him to words. I was wrong, Sed. So wrong. Why couldn't she say it? She felt it. Remorse for hurting him. Regret for time lost between them.
"That's okay," she said. "I'm sure whatever you have in mind will be wonderful."
His fingers moved between her thighs, stroking her to excitement quickly.
"I just want to be inside you," he whispered. "Where I belong."
She reached for his cock, gently stroking its length up and down. Touching him fueled her excitement. His fingers dipped inside her, testing her readiness. She opened her legs for him and urged him to settle his hips between her thighs. Resting on his elbows, he looked down at her in the lamplight. "Help me find you, Jess."
Why did she feel like those words held more than one meaning?
She guided him into her body and he slid into her slowly, never taking his eyes from hers. He captured her wrists and pinned them to the bed on either side of her head. Why did he do that? She didn't like him to overpower her.
"Don't hold me down."
"I'm not holding you down, I'm holding myself up." He released her wrists and kissed her temple. "How do you want me to hold you?"
"I don't know. Equal." Equal? Even she wasn't sure what she meant by that.
He stretched her arms above her head and linked his fingers with her. "Is that okay?"
He withdrew slightly from her body and pressed deeper. Her back arched. "That's wonderful."
They stared into each other's eyes as Sed found an agonizingly slow rhythm. She couldn't decide if it was the connection between their bodies or the one between their souls that gave her greater pleasure. She couldn't look away from his gaze. And she didn't want sexual release. She just wanted to be with him. Forever, like this. Together.
"I always want to be a part of you," he whispered.
Her eyes filled with tears. She couldn't help it. "You always are a part of me, Sed. Even when we're apart."
"Yeah. I feel like that, too."
She struggled to free her hands from his, and reached up to grab the back of his neck. She lifted her head and kissed him passionately. When she drew away, he grinned at her crookedly. "Are you trying to get me excited now?"
"You weren't excited before?"
He looked like someone caught in a lie. "Well…"
She chuckled. "I'm sorry, I'll stop trying to get you excited."
"I'm excited in a whole different place," he said. "Well, yeah, there." He swiveled his eyes pointedly in the direction their bodies were joined. "That's always excited when you're near. But other things are excited, too."
She tightened her sheath around him and wriggled her hips, massaging him inside her.
He gasped and his eyes drifted closed. "Ah, okay, mostly just that part now."
His thrusts into her body didn't intensify however.
"If it's okay with you," he said, "I'd just like to concentrate on feeling you around me. Knowing I'm a part of you."
"That's perfectly okay with me." She liked this closeness. It greatly differed from their usual need for excitement and intense pleasure, yet satisfied her in a way she couldn't explain.
Jessica lost track of time, but it must have been at least an hour later when they finally sought release together. Her pleasure had built slowly, so when it finally unleashed, her entire body writhed beneath him in ecstasy. She somehow kept herself from screaming, but couldn't quiet her excited gasps. He let go a moment later, not his usual growling, cursing display of insanity. His mouth fell open in wonder, his head tilted back. He held his breath and stared into her eyes as he spent himself inside her.
He drew her against him and kissed her temple. "I love you," he whispered. "I can't keep it inside any longer. I know you don't feel the same—I can live with that—but it doesn't change how I feel. I love you so much I can't breathe sometimes."
She hugged him, her heart too full to repeat the words. She'd say them as soon as she could find air. She tried to relax, but her entire body remained tense in his arms for several moments. She didn't think she was ready for this. She did care about him. She did. But she still didn't feel his equal and it was something she needed to be happy. She wanted a partner, not a dictator.
An agonized moan came from the next bed. Trey sounded more wounded animal than human. Sed jumped out of bed and into his pants. He forced Trey to take a drink of water. Trey slurped from the glass, gripping Sed's wrist.
"Oh God, kill me, Sed. Even my bones hurt. Please, just kill me."
"Can't do that, buddy," Sed told him. "I need you. And we both know this is all about me."
He glanced over his shoulder at Jessica and winked.
Okay, she couldn't try to deny it any more. She loved him. So much. She needed to tell him. Wanted to tell him. But she didn't. She would. When the moment was right. And it wasn't right. They needed to get Trey better first, so they could decide what to do about these feelings.
Trey covered his mouth with the back of his wrist. "I'm gonna throw up."
Sed hauled Trey out of bed and got him as far as the bathroom threshold before he vomited all over the floor. Jessica slid into her nightgown and climbed out of bed to help.
"Sorry. Sorry," Trey groaned and got sick again. In the toilet this time.
"Nothing to be sorry about, man."
Sed pulled a towel from the rack above the toilet and Jessica took it from him. "I've got it."
He smiled his gratitude and she bent to clean up Trey's mess.
"Don't make her clean that up. I'll get it," Trey whispered. He threw up again.
"It's not a big deal, Trey," Jessica assured him. He hadn't eaten anything all day so it really wasn't a big deal. She rinsed the towel out in the sink and made another pass over the floor. "I'm just glad you missed the carpet."
"Do you want another drink of water?" Sed asked.
Trey's eyes widened and he shook his head vigorously. "That's what made me puke." Sitting on the floor, he leaned against the tub and rested his forehead on his bent knees. "Can I have another pill yet?"
"Half a dose," Sed reminded him. He glanced through the bathroom doorway at the clock radio on the nightstand. "And not for two more hours."
"I'll die by then," he whispered and then went quiet.
Jessica watched Trey with concern. He didn't move a muscle. Almost as if he really had died. "Is he asleep?"
"I think so." The two of them stared at him for several minutes. He'd gone so still, Jessica wasn't sure he was still breathing.
She worried her bottom lip with her teeth until she couldn't stand idly in the doorway any longer. She grabbed Sed's elbow. "Sed, check him."
Sed leaned over and shook Trey's shoulder. "Trey. If you're going to sleep, go back to bed."
Trey took a deep breath and lifted his head. "Yeah, okay," he murmured.
Sed helped him to his feet and Jessica stepped aside as they moved out of the bathroom toward one of the queen-sized beds. Sed dumped Trey onto the bed. Jessica wet a washcloth in the sink and wrung out the excess water before going to sit on the edge of Trey's bed. He started when she touched the folded washcloth to the back of his neck.
"This used to make me feel better when I was sick," she said. "If it bothers you, I'll leave you alone."
He relaxed slightly. "It's fine."
She left the cloth on the back of his neck and lightly rubbed her hand back and forth over the soft T-shirt along his back. He blinked his eyes wearily. "Feels nice," he murmured, his eyes drifting closed.
She glanced up at Sed, who was watching over them like a mother hen.
"Save some of that for me," he said, grinning.
She nodded, still rubbing Trey's back. "I won't be able to keep yours platonic though."
"I can probably live with that."
"When's he supposed to start feeling better?"
"His dad said as long as a week, so at least a couple more days. I should probably call the guys. I'm sure they're worried."
"Yeah. We did sort of kidnap him and disappear."
"If we hadn't, they'd have caved and given him more meds. I mean look at him. He's a mess. And he's always been very good at getting his way."
"Because he's a sweetie." Jessica brushed his long bangs out of Trey's face with her free hand. He hadn't shaved in days. Scruffy wasn't a good look for him.
"And I'm an asshole, so I get stuck with all these crappy jobs."
"I already told you. You get stuck with this kind of stuff because you're strong, Sed. Dependable."
"Nope, he's an asshole," Trey murmured. "He's trying to kill me and he gets off on it."
Jessica swatted Trey on the butt. "You behave."
Trey squirmed beside her and curled into a fetal position. "Rub back," he requested in an exhausted, yet impish voice.
She rolled her eyes at him, but rubbed his back gently. His body slowly relaxed again. She turned the washcloth to the cool side and looked up at Sed. He was watching them with his cell phone in his hand and a puzzled expression on his face.
"Something wrong?" she asked.
He shook his head as if to clear it of cobwebs. "No. I'll be back in a few."
Jessica watched Sed leave the hotel room, wondering what had him so introspective.