Chereads / Martial Geek (Satire) / Chapter 4 - Chapter Four - Fighting A Paper Tiger

Chapter 4 - Chapter Four - Fighting A Paper Tiger

One thousand mile per hour wind gales gushing from the king mist tiger forced Alan to tense every muscle in his body to not be blown down.

"Is this the stone body technique," Chun Chun asked while poking Alan's body.

"Muscle cramp," Alan spoke rigidly through clenched teeth and watery eyes.

"Your body is unable to relax," Chun Chun spoke while examining Alan through a hollow red jade monocle.

"And water is wet," Alan gritted his teeth.

"Your qi life force is under great pressure from an outside force," Chun Chun diagnosed Alan.

Alan's eyes' gestured back and forth from Chun Chun to the king mist tiger giving off atomic bomb force winds.

"I know every acupuncture point," Chun Chun spoke while holding up hollow framing nails, "These are the best acupuncture needles money can buy. Every medicine house rejected my request for the number one gauge needle, but I demanded the best. I gave up hope, until I was visiting a butcher. He did not understand the worth of this treasure, and I bought it cheaply for one hundred taels of silver."

Alan's willed his muscles to break loose with a lot of screaming, begging, praying, and cursing. Alan grabbed Chun Chun's arm, and stopped the pencil thick needle from reaching acupuncture point one, Chenqi, on his stomach line as the tip of the needle brushed against the lashes of his right eye. Chun Chun received a death stare that could freeze a thousand king mist tigers' hearts, until Alan bent over to vomit from the pain and stress.

"For half a second you looked so badass," Chun Chun spoke while patting Alan's back as he kept vomiting.

"I hate this place so much. I want to go back home," Alan sighed with a tone of defeat.

"Real martial masters never run from a battle," Chun Chun parroted the wisdom of a billion chunibyos.

"Ignorance is a fool-thirsty weapon that can kill anyone," Alan responded while wiping his mouth.

The king mist tiger's roar broke through to the heavens above, and hells below. A devil sleeping on a bed crawling with insects squeezed his pillow around his head to muffle the roar, then finally picked up pair of angrily sparking galvanic tarantula hawk wasps, and let them crawl into its ears. The devil sighed in relief from the painful roar, and went back to sleep.

Chun Chun's mouth moved unintelligibly as he waved his arms fiercely in front of Alan.

"*Ding* Congratulations on your martial system purchase of the martial skill - Panottian Hearing - Adept Mastery - Level one. Nothing can escape your ear."

Chun Chun's voice became clear to Alan as the ears of every other person folded over on itself in shame of their lesser abilities. Brownian noise became loud as thunder to Alan's ears. Alan could hear the king mist tiger's blood roiling inside its veins like white water rapids.

"*Ding* martial skill Panottian Hearing - Adept Mastery - Has leveled up to level two."

Alan ignored Chun Chun speaking to focus on using force displacement to prevent being vaporized by the thousand mile per hour winds shooting off the king mist tiger. A phasing wispy dark haze clouded Alan's visage as the wind oscillated across his body. Alan's body would shrink in size as it darkened, and become brighter as it grew larger with the king mist tiger's wind gusts peaking.

"*Ding* martial skill Force Displacement - Novice Mastery - level eleven has leveled up to level twelve," Chun Chun cheered.

Alan reduced his electromagnetic force to stabilize body temperature, and raised his strong nuclear force to prevent collapsing into a singularity from raising his body's gravitational force or decay into a cloud of quarks by increasing his body's fundamental weak force.

"*Ding* martial skill Force Displacement - Novice Mastery - Level twelve has leveled up to level thirteen."

"*Ding* martial skill Force Displacement - Novice Mastery - Level thirteen has leveled up to level fourteen."

"Fifteen."

"Sixteen."

Alan's reptilian level of intelligence became more sentient as his force displacement skill leveled up.

"Level Twenty-Two," Chun Chun was cheering while waving brightly colored paper flags.

Alan's body slowly stopped oscillating in size, and the dark wisps around him shrank.

"Level eighty!"

"Level ninety!" Chun Chun was holding a large upside-down sign with the number zero six painted on it.

The light of intelligence returned to Alan's eyes.

"*Ding* martial skill Force Displacement - Novice Mastery - level ninety-nine has improved to Adept Mastery - level one. You gain awareness of the first four basic forces of the universe. You can now control on the four forces of electromagnetic, gravitational, weak and strong nuclear force beyond your body."

Alan's fluttering clothes stopped moving as he focused a bubble of calm air to grow around him with his force displacement skill. The king mist tiger became more enraged at Alan.

"It thinks you're challenging it for dominance," Chun Chun spoke, "but it doesn't see how high the heavens are."

The sheets and scrolls of paper that had blown away from the king mist tiger started to fly and flutter towards it. The tiger sensed the change in atmosphere, and redoubled it's wind force. The collapsing five hundred foot dome of paper exploded outward into confetti, and started shrinking again. The tigers roar made the dome shudder, but it didn't stop creeping towards it. The king mist tiger tried to run away, but the paper confetti chased it like angry swarms of insects.

"The king mist tiger's killing intent has become its fear," Chun Chun commented.

The king knelt at Alan's feet with terror in it's eyes, and looked pleadingly at him for mercy. They stared at each other for an endless moment. The paper confetti swirled around them and itself in a knotted thick stream.

"I never wanted to fight you," Alan spoke as he placed his hand on top the tiger's snout.

"A true martial master shows no mercy to their enemies," Chun Chun growled.

Alan sighed against the world as the tiger was locked in a paper prison.